Forever a Father

by Lynne Marshall

  Something else felt wrong, too.

  After nearly a week of having the exact same nausea each morning, feeling queasy and yucky, Keela became concerned. Surely it couldn’t all be blamed on her reaction to seeing Daniel. So on Thursday night she looked at her calendar, and icy chills slipped down her spine. She’d missed her period by two weeks! She couldn’t very well run off to the drugstore right that instant, leaving Anna asleep in bed, but first thing tomorrow morning, on her way to work, she’d buy a home test to ease her mind.

  What else could go wrong?

  Friday morning at work—Daniel’s day to meet off-site with clients at the 4Cs—Keela almost swooned, seeing the outcome of the home pregnancy test. Right there in the clinic office, where she couldn’t exactly let out a scream, because it would alert Abby, she bit her knuckle and forced that brewing shriek back down her throat. Though she had zero control over the tears that slid down her cheeks.

  She’d been down this road before with Ron. Turned out, it was the only reason he’d married her. Overwhelmed with defeat, she took this pregnancy as a punishment, not a blessing. She’d been taking birth control pills, too! Except that very first night, the night of Anna’s birthday party, she’d been on them less than two weeks. But Daniel had used a condom.

  No way did she want a repeat performance with him, when everything had worked out so wrong with her ex. She ignored the tiny voice that said Daniel’s completely different than Ron and wallowed in her misery a few minutes longer. She shook her head, squeezing out more tears. Why did this have to happen?

  Leaning against the bathroom wall, Keela willed herself to recover. She had a group session to lead in ten minutes, and regardless of her personal state, she’d have to be professional. Her life was falling apart, growing more complicated by the day, and now she could think of only one way to deal with the latest setback. Head-on.

  Daniel didn’t arrive back at the clinic until after lunch on Friday, and the afternoon appointments had them both hopping nonstop. Keela was grateful her morning ickies had subsided long ago, but knowing what she had to do before she left work today put another kind of sickness in her gut.

  At ten minutes to five, mustering every last bit of nerve, she marched into Daniel’s office. “Can we talk?”

  He stopped what he was doing instantly. “Of course.” Did he look hopeful?

  She was grateful he hadn’t said something lame like “What’s up?” Both of them knew full well they’d just survived a week from hell, brought on by their messed-up relationship.

  “I need to resign,” she blurted, without a hint of a lead-in.

  He immediately stood, knuckles resting on his desk. “Oh, no, you don’t. You need this job.”

  “Please.”

  “Nope. Not gonna happen. Whatever you and I need to work out can be done while you’re employed.”

  After their incredibly long, hard week, she didn’t have any fight left in her to argue with him. So defeated once again, she turned and left, feeling him watch her until she closed his office door.

  What was she supposed to do now?

  * * *

  Saturday was Ron’s day with Anna. Since the school year was quickly approaching, he’d promised to take her shopping for clothes, with Ingrid’s help, of course. The phone call came at nine, exactly one hour before he was supposed to show up.

  He’d canceled on his daughter again! So predictable. And Keela was the one who had to face Anna, tell her, then watch her heartbreaking reaction.

  Except an odd thing happened this time. Anna didn’t seem the least bit upset about it.

  “Will you take me shopping, Mom?” It turned out her daughter had more sense than she did.

  How could Keela refuse? She didn’t have a massage appointment scheduled at The Drumcliffe until three o’clock, so they had plenty of time to buy a few new clothes for Anna’s big first day of kindergarten. Just because Anna wasn’t upset didn’t mean Keela wasn’t furious with Ron. She’d finally had enough. The man didn’t deserve any power over her anymore. He was a loser when it came to being her husband and Anna’s father. What did the Yanks say? Three strikes and you’re out. He’d struck out months ago, but she’d kept letting him repeat the same stunt over and over, like the comic character who begged Charlie Brown to kick the football, only to pull it away time and time again. Keela may have sunk to that where Ron was concerned, but no more. The man was history.

  “Can Dan come with us?”

  The question pulled Keela out of her thoughts quicker than a cold bucket of water. “Uh, I don’t think he’d enjoy shopping for clothes the way us girls do, honey.”

  Anna hugged herself and made a pouty face. “Okay, but I miss my Dan.”

  Keela took a deep breath. She missed her Daniel, too. Though she shuddered to think what he’d do when he found out she was pregnant. She couldn’t let herself think about it right then. Anna was very tuned in to her moods, and there was no way she’d give the child a chance to play fifty questions about the sorry state of Keela O’Mara’s messed-up love life.

  * * *

  Daniel finished his Saturday morning walk with Daisy over the dunes and headed back to the hotel. Conor hadn’t let up on him with questions about his sour mood the past week. Even Mark had noticed that he wasn’t spending any evenings at Keela’s. Man, he missed her.

  Was this what he’d settle for? It may have been Keela’s idea to break things off for a while, but she’d flabbergasted him when she’d tried to resign yesterday. Seriously? He’d never pegged her as the overly dramatic type, but her trying to quit a job he knew for a fact she needed sure took things to a different level.

  He’d worked up a sweat running with Daisy, and while he showered, he continued to think about the woman he loved. Yup. He’d finally figured that out. He loved her. Seeing her every day without being a part of her personal life had driven the point home. He’d let Kathryn go because he understood, deep down, that things weren’t right between them. He’d taken a step back with Keela because he knew they’d get back together—because on every other level, besides Ron, everything was right between them. He wanted to be with her, and to be there for Anna, too. All he needed to do was tell her.

  Since today was already booked with the 4Cs business, he’d have to wait another day before he made his plea. Theoretically, they couldn’t rush into anything permanent, for Anna’s sake, but there was no longer a question where Daniel belonged. He was ready to love again and wanted to be the man in Keela’s life.

  If he needed to stare down Ron and tell him in person to butt out, he’d do it, too. That guy didn’t have the first clue how to be a dad to Anna. The main thing Daniel had decided to focus on was the “ex” in Ron’s title. Daniel finally had plans to push the guy out of Keela’s life for good.

  If Ron wanted to see Anna, fine, he wouldn’t stop him—as long as it worked with Anna and Keela’s schedule. But bothering Keela in any way, shape or form would be off-limits. She’d suffered enough.

  The thought of the miserable week they’d had, how obviously upset Keela was each and every day, to the point of trying to resign yesterday, made Daniel queasy. Tomorrow, he’d fix things. He’d make her see how right they were for each other even if he had to get down on his knees to do it.

  Grandda’s cheeky I-told-you-so grin appeared in his mind’s eye, and though it irritated him, Daniel had to give the old guy credit where it was due. Keela was, in fact, the one for him.

  Daniel showed up at Keela’s door on Sunday morning without calling first, but with coffee, cocoa and muffins.

  Anna opened the door. “Momma’s sick.”

  Concern canceled out all the grandiose fantasies he’d had of sweeping Keela into his arms and telling her he loved her. “Where is she?”

  “In the bathroom.”

  He put the goodies on the coffee table, then knelt to Anna’s le
vel. “Are you okay, honey? Are you sick, too?”

  She shook her head. “Mommy said I can’t catch it.”

  He hugged her close, wanting to make sure Anna didn’t worry about her mom. “I’ll take care of her.”

  Solemnly contemplating her waistband, she nodded, worry for her mother more than apparent.

  Keela appeared in the hall doorway looking a little disheveled, but not really sick. Surprise brightened her sky-blue eyes, and he realized how much he’d missed looking into them the past week while they’d done their best to avoid each other.

  “Hi. What are you doing here?”

  “I brought coffee.” If she was sick, now wouldn’t be the best time to lay his news on her. When he finally told her he loved her, he wanted her full attention, and preferably he wouldn’t be holding Anna in his arms at the time. “And I decided one week was all I could manage of taking a break from you,” he added. “But I’m sorry you’re sick, and if you want me to come back some other time, I’ll leave.”

  Obviously touched by his words, she got misty-eyed. “There’s a lot going on right now.”

  “That’s the truth. Where do we start, right?” He wanted to go to her, touch her, hold her, but he sensed her barrier.

  She gave a wan smile, which pained him. Why was she so sad? Had he done that to her?

  Keela scratched her neck, “Um, while you’re here, I may as well ask.”

  “If it has anything to do with quitting your job, that’ll be a no.”

  She made a better effort at smiling this time. “No, actually, I was wondering if you’d be interested in going with us—”

  “Will you be my dad for kindergarten night?”

  Though looking surprised at her daughter’s breaking in, Keela didn’t correct her before completing her sentence. “—tomorrow night, to the introduction to kindergarten.”

  He knew there had to be more to the story than a casual invitation. She’d probably given it a lot of thought, egged on, of course, by Anna, and it had to involve Ron, who should have been their first choice. Again, now was not the time to ask. Daniel also felt hopeful her invitation was a sign Keela had gotten past their personal issues. So he pulled in his chin to better see Anna. “Are you already starting kindergarten?”

  She smiled brightly up at him. “I’m five.” There went the hand.

  “I know you are. Wow, you’re starting school. How exciting.” He lifted his gaze to Keela, who watched with a tender but torn expression on her face. “I’m honored you asked.” Please tell me this means all has been worked out.

  A dozen thoughts flew from Daniel to Keela, who seemed to be sending a batch of her own nonverbal communications. That gave him concern. But he was hugging Anna, and dropping the kid for the mother didn’t seem like the appropriate thing to do just then.

  “Good,” she said, leaning against the door frame. “If you don’t mind, Daniel, I’d like to rest today.”

  He jumped to his feet, getting her pointed message. “Oh, yeah, sure. You want me to take Anna for a while so you can nap?”

  The little girl went to her mom, holding her leg, and he got the distinct impression she wanted to stay near her when she wasn’t feeling well.

  “We thought we’d have a quiet day. Anna’s going to try on her new school clothes and model everything for me later.”

  “Sure, I get it. A girls’ day. Uh, okay.” With her history of an overbearing husband who was now a belligerent ex, Daniel decided not to push back. “So I’ll see you at work tomorrow, then?”

  Keela nodded, still leaning on the wall.

  “If you guys need anything today, just call.” He dropped his gaze to Anna. “And I’ll see you tomorrow night, squirt.” He nodded toward the table. “Don’t forget about your cocoa.”

  Tomorrow, he’d make sure Keela knew of his change of heart, because now that he’d figured things out, it was killing him to keep the secret: Daniel loves Keela.

  * * *

  Monday night, after the introduction to kindergarten by Anna’s future teacher, they let the children have some playtime. Anna had worn her favorite tutu, which clashed with the neon pink of the full leg cast, but who cared, and had let Keela put her hair in French braids—a first! Miss Juanita had gone out of her way to make the newest batch of students feel safe and welcomed, and Daniel was impressed. Yet Keela still seemed reserved. Not having the chance to be a parent himself, maybe he was missing what a big deal it was to send a kid off to school for the first time. Personally, he was excited for Anna.

  Baby Emma came to mind and along with the ongoing heartache of losing her, he embraced the thoughts but gently shut down the memory. Now was not the time or place to be sad.

  Keela started a conversation with the teacher, and Daniel stepped back to give them privacy. He glanced across the room at Anna and two little girls, a dark-haired mother looking on. He moved closer, trying really hard to eavesdrop without being obvious. Anna was such a kick and he looked forward to all the crazy things that sometimes came out of her mouth. Can birds fly upside down? I wish I could drool like your dog.

  The mother of what looked like twins—one with glasses and one with a wide-open expression that brought out his protective tendencies—seemed familiar. It quickly hit him that she was the woman who’d bought the B and B across the street from the hotel, and he’d seen her moving in the last couple weekends. So this harmless-looking lady was the person who’d had his mother in a tizzy about having to compete for business. The three girls giggled over building up some blocks and knocking them over. Apparently Laurel Prescott, the name his mother had been bandying about lately, had young daughters, and Anna liked having new friends.

  Keela joined him shortly, and though her demeanor was still a bit distant, he planned to lay everything on the line with her as soon as she put Anna to bed. There was no more time to waste.

  “Are you ready to go?” he asked when the young teacher indicated it was time to clean up and say goodbye.

  As though she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, Keela inhaled and dutifully nodded. They walked over to Anna, who was all excited about her friends. Keela introduced herself to Laurel, then made sure the girls said goodbye.

  Rather than looking happy and hopeful about Anna soon reaching a new milestone, Keela still seemed preoccupied. Daniel wondered if tonight would be a good time to tell her how he felt or not.

  They drove home to the nonstop chatter of Anna animatedly talking about her new classroom and the friends she’d made, Gracie and Claire. But the big adventure had worn her out, and shortly after they arrived, Anna was in her pajamas and ready for bed.

  Daniel kissed the top of her head—some of her wild hair had escaped the braids and tickled his chin, making him smile—then Keela led her off to bed. He practiced how he’d break the news. Should he build up to it or lay it right out there? I love you.

  A short time later, Keela came back into the living room, her brows pulled together, making a fine line above the bridge of her nose. “You should probably sit down before I tell you this.”

  Ah, crud, was she going to break up with him for good? Not if he could help it. “Maybe you should hear what I have to say first.”

  That stopped her for a moment. But it seemed her concerns would override his as she took a deep breath, so he blurted out his declaration at the exact time she said, “I’m pregnant.”

  “I love you—what?” Good thing the arm of the couch was nearby. He sat and searched for new words, something to help process what he’d thought he’d just heard. It was imperative he verify before he faced his jagged and still healing feelings on the topic of fatherhood. He’d gotten to the “love Keela” part and had settled in with the Anna part but hadn’t given a thought to making babies! All he could do was repeat, “You’re pregnant?”

  Keela gave a decisive nod, as serious as he’d ever seen her. />
  Chapter Eleven

  Daniel stared dumbfounded at Keela as he futilely tried to gather his thoughts, simultaneously wondering if she’d heard him when he’d said I love you.

  Pregnant. She was pregnant. Wrap your brain around that!

  Memories of Kathryn breaking the news returned to him, the excitement and hope he’d felt, how that had gotten torn away thread by thread as she kept putting off marrying him. The shock and fear the twenty-week ultrasound results had caused, Emma’s congenital heart condition painting a slim-to-none survival rate. How his heart had broken a dozen times over the following days. Her premature birth in Kathryn’s bathroom; how he held his minuscule but precious daughter as the paramedic led him, with Kathryn on a gurney, to the ambulance. How he’d had to say goodbye to his beautiful daughter soon after. How he’d never wanted to let her go.

  Thoughts flooded his head and old festering feelings forced their way to the surface. His eyes burned, filling with tears. He put a palm with splayed fingers over his chest, but it didn’t soothe the pain. Weakened to the marrow, he slid from the arm of the couch onto the seat, dropping his head against the pillow, then covering his eyes.

  Keela rushed to him, touching his arm. “Daniel, are you okay? It’s not the end of the world.” He sensed two more words she’d felt but hadn’t said—is it?

  Up until recently, he would have run off and hurt all by himself, like he always had, but he had Keela now. Whom he loved, and who was pregnant with his baby. Though the fear of losing another child, and not being able to survive it, gutted him. But she was here, right now, and she needed to know why he wasn’t jumping for joy. Without looking, afraid he might lose her if he didn’t set the record straight, he grabbed her hand and squeezed, then pulled her near.

  They held on to each other in silence for a few moments, Keela patiently waiting as he struggled to recover and figure out where to start. Of all times to notice the fresh scent of her hair—the woman he loved. Tell her. Now.