For the Sake of the Secret Child

by Yvonne Lindsay

  From his window, Ben looked out straight across the lake. The water was an inky gray, a reflection of the dark clouds gathering in the skies above and completely at odds with his memory of it during the New Zealand summer he was here. A movement on the path caught his attention and he quickly identified Mia as she walked across from her accommodation to the hotel. He hoped her night had been as fractured as his had. Far from relaxing him, her massage had left him restless and with his blood pounding through his veins.

  Massage, hell, it had been much more than that. She’d aroused his body from a slumber from which he’d wondered if it would ever awake. He was keen to see if she could do it again, except this time there’d be no going back. He smiled. It was good to actually feel alive again—to have a new purpose. He turned from the window and headed out of his suite, determined to intercept her before she could hide in her office or elsewhere on the property.

  The single-story sprawl of the hotel suited his purposes beautifully. Mia was just about at the main entrance when he caught up with her. There were dark shadows under her eyes, and the sharp icy wind had brought spots of rosy color to her cheeks.

  “Mr. del Castillo,” she said as soon as she saw him in her path. “Good morning.”

  She didn’t betray her nerves with as much as a flicker of an eyelid. He had to hand it to her. She could be one cool customer. But he knew he had the power to change that, and it was a power he relished.

  “We agreed you would call me Ben,” he reminded her with a slow smile.

  To his delight, the color in her cheeks heightened and her slender hands, hands that had stroked all over his body yesterday, tightened into small fists.

  “What can I do for you, Ben?” she asked, planting her feet a small distance apart as if she was bracing herself for a blow.

  “Dinner, tonight.”

  “I don’t usually dine with our guests,” she hedged.

  “Don’t tell me you’re going to relegate Andre and me to solitary splendor in the hotel dining room every night of our stay.”

  “You did request exclusivity,” she reminded him coolly. “I can arrange for you to dine in a smaller room if you’d prefer.”

  “That won’t be necessary if you join us every now and then to break the monotony.”

  Her eyes brightened with a hint of humor. “Are you tired of Andre’s company already? I’m sure he’d be crushed to hear that.”

  Ben allowed himself a small smile. “Not exactly, but we’d both appreciate your company at dinner tonight. Say, eight o’clock?”

  He could see the idea turning around in the back of her mind.

  “I’m sorry, tonight’s really not a good night for me.” She paused and looked at her watch. “You’ll need to excuse me, I’m on my way to a meeting.”

  She went to pass him but he shot out a hand and caught her arm. The instant he touched her, she went rigid. She stared at his hand then cast him a look that spoke volumes. He didn’t let go.

  “You can tell me you’ve changed your mind when I come for my massage today,” he said, locking his gaze with hers.

  He released her, his fingers uncurling slowly, and took a step away.

  “About the massage…” she started.

  “Daily, as per our agreement, remember?”

  She shot him a look, a flash of fear suddenly visible in her eyes. “Yes, I remember. I’ll see you at four, then.”

  “So you will,” he replied and watched her walk away.

  Her reluctance to rekindle their earlier affair challenged him. He’d seen no evidence of any ring on her finger to say she was otherwise spoken for, so in his opinion that left the field well and truly open. Any man fool enough to let her out of his sight for longer than a day deserved to lose her to a worthier man, and that included him. He should have prolonged his last stay here in New Zealand until he and Mia could have worked one another out of their systems. If he had, maybe he wouldn’t be so hungry for her today. Ah, but then he wouldn’t have the delight of looking forward to cracking that shell of resistance she wore like some flimsy armor now.

  Ben turned back to his room to gear up for the day’s activities. After a supervised gym workout today, he and Andre were heading into Queenstown to go tandem paragliding—his trainer having vehemently vetoed the idea of bungee jumping at Skipper’s Canyon, citing Ben’s barely healed knee. Between the paragliding and his appointment with Mia this afternoon, he wasn’t sure which he looked forward to more.

  Five

  Mia applied long, steady strokes along Benedict’s back and forced her mind to divorce itself from the man and think only about him as a prone form in need of massage therapy. It worked. Up to a point. Unfortunately, while she could separate her mind from the action, her body seemed to have a mind of its own.

  She tried to simply relax into the movements and let her thoughts wander to other things. Things like the staff meeting this morning where some of the staff had expressed a certain amount of boredom in their day-to-day activity now that the hotel only catered to two guests. Mia shook her head. You’d have thought they’d have been glad for the respite. Things would certainly hot up again when Benedict and his trainer were gone.

  Twenty-seven more days. It seemed like a lifetime.

  In an attempt to ease some of the staff’s frustration, she’d worked with them to alter their rosters, giving them more time off and shorter shifts at Parker’s Retreat. Of course, all of that only reminded Mia that, even though she’d have a skeleton staff here at all times, there would be less buffers between herself and Ben for the rest of the time he was here.

  She sighed inwardly, concentrating her energy on working out a bunch of knots Ben had in his upper back and shoulders and tried to ignore the nagging pains that built up in her own.

  Managing the hotel, as small and select as it was, was a great deal more difficult than she’d ever anticipated. Some days just topped the “too hard” list and today was very definitely shaping up to be one of those. Even the discussion with her bank manager hadn’t been promising. He’d wanted to warn her that the fixed-term loan she’d originally negotiated was coming up for renewal. She had the choice of fixing it again or allowing the interest rates to float with the market. It was at times like this that Mia most missed having a partner to share the major decisions with. So much rode on her every choice.

  And then, over everything, were her responsibilities to Jasper. How on earth could she be a good mother when nearly her every waking thought was consumed by work? Today she’d been torn in two leaving him with her mother. He’d been tearful and feverish and even her mother’s call, once they’d returned from the doctor, to say it was a mild throat infection, hadn’t allowed her to settle.

  It should have been her that took Jasper to the doctor. She owed it to her little boy. She’d popped home after her discussion with the bank manager and checked on him, but he’d been asleep, her mother catching up on tidying Mia’s apartment and putting away washing that had accumulated on the sofa.

  She’d stood in Jasper’s bedroom doorway and watched as her son slept off his illness, his multicolored stuffed tuatara clutched in his small hands, the traces of tears dried on his cheeks. Her own tears had been easy to hide but the pain in her chest had stayed with her all afternoon.

  She shifted her attention to Benedict’s legs before asking him to roll over onto his back.

  “Is everything okay?” he asked.

  She started a little. “Of course it is. Why do you ask?”

  “You keep sighing all the time,” he answered.

  “I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind.”

  “Want to share some of it? I hear it helps.”

  Mia shook her head. There was no way she was spilling the beans about her problems to Ben. She didn’t trust him not to use the knowledge against her somehow, although even as she had the thought she wondered just where it had come from. He’d never struck her as manipulative before so why should she feel that way about him now?

&
nbsp; Perhaps it was his dogged determination to get her to agree to his request to join him for dinner tonight.

  She forced herself to smile. “No, I’ll be fine. Now, let’s get back to work here, hmmm?”

  To her relief Ben closed his eyes again and she felt his body relax into the table as she recommenced his massage. She was on the verge of finishing up when the sound of a child’s miserable wail penetrated the walls of the treatment room.

  Instantly she stiffened. Oh, no. Please no. Don’t let it be Jasper at the spa, she thought frantically. She couldn’t deal with that on top of everything else. She should have told her mother to keep Jasper well away from the hotel, but she hadn’t thought that necessary. In his usual day-today care, when he was well and happy, the problem never arose. But with him sick? He was hardly ever ill, so it was no surprise that he’d become difficult and clingy.

  “I want my mommy!”

  The distressed cry shot straight to her heart and splintered it in two. She flattened her hands on the soles of Ben’s feet, as she had yesterday, to signal the end of the session.

  “I’ll go and get your water,” she said, “and I’ll be back in a minute.”

  She slipped from the room before he could answer. Before he could ask about the commotion outside in the spa foyer.

  “I’m so sorry, Mia,” Elsa said, looking far more flustered than her usual aplomb would allow, “but he was just so upset. Nothing would calm him until I said I’d bring him to you.”

  Elsa had tears in her eyes and Mia could see by the lines of strain on her face that Jasper had no doubt been a demanding handful. She held her arms out to her little boy and enveloped him in her hold.

  “It’s okay, Mom,” she whispered over the top of Jasper’s dark head. “I know you wouldn’t have come here unless absolutely necessary.”

  Jasper’s hand crept up her neck and started to play with the ponytail she’d pulled her hair into today. Whenever he was fractious it seemed to soothe him to play with her hair. Before long, his hiccoughing sobs had settled into regular breathing, but the instant she tried to give him back to his grandmother, he wailed again.

  Mia shot a nervous look to the door to her treatment room. “Mom, I have Mr. del Castillo in there. I’ve finished his massage, but I still need to give him a glass of water and we really need to get Jasper away from here.”

  “Surely the man would understand. You are a mother, after all,” Elsa countered. “Here, I’ll get the water for him.”

  “It’s not that,” Mia started, suddenly wishing she’d shared the truth of Jasper’s parentage with her mother earlier. “Please, Mom, take him. I know he’ll be upset, but I’ll try to make it up to him later. I’ll be home again in about twenty minutes. Just give me some time to see Ben off and then tidy up.”

  “Ben, is it?” Her mother arched a brow at Mia and reached again for Jasper, who shook his head and burrowed more deeply against Mia’s shoulder.

  “It’s not like that—he insisted on the informality. Now, please, take Jasper.”

  But Jasper wasn’t in the mood to cooperate and set up an almighty howl as Elsa tried to pluck him from Mia’s arms. Mia was almost in tears herself when a sound from behind her sent a chill of dread down her spine.

  “Is everything all right?” Ben asked.

  Oh no, it was her worst nightmare come true. She wheeled around, holding Jasper close to her, her hand on the back of his head and keeping it turned away from his father’s curious gaze. Ben stood framed in the doorway. He’d dressed during the time she’d been out of the room and she felt at a complete disadvantage as he fixed her with a dark-eyed look.

  “I’m sorry. My son, he isn’t well.”

  “And he wants his mother. Understandable.”

  At the sound of Ben’s voice, Jasper lifted his head and fought free of his mother’s gentle hold. And in that moment all of Mia’s worst fears over the past two days coalesced into a solid lump of lead in the middle of her chest. She tried to reposition the little boy, but he was determined to see who the newcomer was.

  “Who’s dat?” Jasper asked, letting go of Mia’s hair to point at Ben.

  “It’s rude to point, Jasper,” Mia said, grabbing his little hand and pulling it back down against his side.

  Ben took a step toward them and smiled at Jasper. “I’m Ben,” he said gently.

  Jasper’s curiosity morphed into instant shyness when the object of his attention answered him and he turned his head back into Mia’s shoulder. Mia fought back her surprise at the tone in Ben’s voice, but all his gentleness was apparently only for the wee person in her arms, because the look Ben gave her in the next minute was anything but.

  Sensing something was very definitely amiss, Elsa stepped forward.

  “Mr. del Castillo, I hope you’re enjoying your stay at Parker’s Retreat. I’m so sorry we had to disturb you today.”

  “It is nothing,” he said smoothly, but Mia noted he didn’t shift his gaze from Jasper for a moment.

  Every nerve in Mia’s body stretched until they were so taut she thought she’d snap in two. Her tension must have transferred to Jasper, because he started to wriggle in her arms, reaching for Elsa.

  “Want Grandma now,” he demanded.

  With a sigh of relief Mia handed him over to her mother.

  “It was nice to see you again, Mr. del Castillo,” Elsa said. “Perhaps you can share a meal or two with us while you’re here. I’m sure you don’t want to be on your own all the time.”

  Mia groaned inwardly and cursed herself anew for not apprising her mother of the situation between her and Ben earlier.

  “I’d like that, but please, call me Ben.”

  “Only if you’ll call me Elsa,” her mother replied coquettishly.

  Oh, my God, was her mother flirting with him? Mia couldn’t believe her eyes, and all the while her stomach was churning. She hadn’t missed the sharp perusal Ben had given Jasper, nor the very pointed question in the look he’d given her earlier. She’d never been a good liar, but somehow she was going to have to put on a performance worthy of Meryl Streep to field what was most definitely coming her way.

  “Mom, I think Jasper needs to head back home now.”

  “Oh, of course.” Elsa smiled. “We’ll see you later on, then. Say bye to Mommy.”

  “Bye, Mommy.”

  Jasper leaned away from his grandmother long enough to plant a wet kiss smack on Mia’s cheek and she gave him a kiss and smile in return.

  “See you at bath time, munchkin.”

  After Elsa and Jasper had gone, Mia bustled over to a cabinet set against the wall and extracted a glass before filling it from the water cooler she had in the corner by the reception desk.

  “Here, you’ll need this.”

  Ben’s fingers grazed hers as she handed him the glass.

  “Actually, I think I might need something stronger.”

  “I wouldn’t, if I were you. You need to concentrate on flushing toxins from your body right now,” she said, deliberately misconstruing his meaning.

  Ben followed her back into the treatment room, where she fluttered about—stripping the table and remaking it, tipping out the balance of the oil and washing the container. His mind whirled with the details of what he’d just witnessed and there was a deep ache in his chest he couldn’t quite define.

  A son. Mia Parker had a son. One who was probably somewhere near three years old, if he could hazard a guess, given the child’s size and vocabulary—not that he was any expert on children. But if he was right, and he firmly believed he was, it would make young Jasper’s date of conception around the time he and Mia had enjoyed their all-too-brief affair.

  Shock that she could have had his child and not made any attempt to find him, or even tell him the truth when he arrived here at Parker’s Retreat, hit him with the subtlety of a wrecking ball, along with the big question—why would she deliberately try to hide his son from him? But then a new realization slowly dawned that, despite his
injuries, he might actually be able to meet the terms of the agreement he and his brothers had come to.

  But first he had to know for sure if Jasper was his. He could almost have been persuaded on appearances alone. Jasper was nothing like his mother in build or coloring.

  The boy’s body was sturdy, his hair dark, his eyes a rich deep brown—just like Ben’s own. He fought the urge to grab Mia by the arms and shake the truth from her, to force her to state the words that would both turn his world upside down and at the same time make everything right. But appearances aside, he knew on a gut level that went far, far deeper than a simple need to be Jasper’s father that the boy was of his making.

  He would get to the truth, one way or another.

  He drained the last of the water from his glass and set it down on the bench top with a loud “crack” of sound. Mia flinched, very clearly on edge.

  “You never mentioned you had a son,” he said evenly.

  “It has no bearing on my ability to do my job or on your booking here. Why should I have mentioned it?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” He stepped to one side, blocking her attempt to walk out of the room. “Maybe because I could be his father?”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  She tried to walk around him, but it took little effort to shift his weight and prevent her from getting past.

  “Ridiculous? I would have thought it far more ridiculous to try and hide the truth.”

  Despite his desire to remain fully in control, he couldn’t help the edge of anger that permeated his words.

  “He’s my son. I carried him, I bore him and I’m raising him to the best of my ability. That’s the truth.”

  “The truth? Then who is Jasper’s father, if not me?”

  Ben caught her chin between his strong fingers and forced her to meet his gaze.

  “Mia, tell me Jasper is my son.”