For the Sake of the Secret Child

by Yvonne Lindsay

  She trailed her fingers over his shoulders, down his arms and back up again, before tracing the strength of his chest, the delineation of his ribs and lower toward the scars that evidenced the damage he’d suffered. Ben grabbed her hands and pulled them back up to his chest and kissed her, slowly half walking, half dancing her to the bed.

  Ben reached down and pushed his hands inside the waistband of her tap pants and began to ease them off her hips, his fingers brushing over her buttocks and down the back of her thighs. Then he bent to his good knee and slowly rolled down her stockings, pressing soft kisses against the sensitive skin of her inner thighs as he did so.

  Mia’s legs were trembling and her entire body ached for him. Ben stood up, rubbing his body against her. His erection bumped against her lower belly as he wrapped her in his arms and tumbled with her onto the covers, supporting her weight with his body as they sank into the mattress. Their legs instinctively entwined, their hands skimmed over one another’s bodies as their lips fused in a hot wet kiss that she wished would never end.

  She loved the feel of him, loved that he was now hers to take and to touch. She placed her knees on either side of his hips and raised her torso from his so she could better enjoy him with her hands. This was different to when she massaged him. This was personal—both exhilarating and wonderful all at the same time.

  Between her legs she could feel the hardness of his arousal, of his desire and need for her. He surged up against her and she fought the urge to give in to his silent demand. First, she wanted to explore him a little more—reacquaint herself with the little things that drove him wild.

  She placed her lips very gently around one of his nipples, her tongue spiraling round the flat brown disk from its outer edge to its hardened tip. Her own nipples mirrored his response, in fact it was as if every cell and nerve ending in her body had tautened and honed itself to what thrilled Ben and Ben alone.

  Her fingers traced a similar line on his other nipple before she coasted her hand down over his ribs. Beneath her she felt him tense as her fingers neared his scars.

  “What is it?” she whispered. “Does that hurt? I thought you were okay with me touching you there.”

  “Just don’t, okay? I don’t need the reminder. Not now.”

  “Ben, your scars are a part of you and they certainly don’t scare me or turn me off. Do you want to talk about it? The accident?”

  “What, you want to counsel me now? I think I liked it better when we were making love,” Ben said and tried to distract her by flipping her over onto her back and pinning her hands at her sides.

  His body hovered over hers, his heat all but enveloping her and when he bent to tease her nipples with his tongue, the same way she’d teased him, she nearly lost all sense of reason. But there’d been an edge to Ben’s voice that struck at her heart. She pushed back against the fog of desire that threatened to cloud her mind.

  “Ben? Why won’t you talk about it? Please, I only want to know you better, to understand you. We’re married now. As husband and wife we need to be able to talk to one another about anything.”

  He shoved himself away from her and got up off the bed.

  “I thought this was our wedding night, not a therapy session. Now, we can either resume where we left off, or we can sleep apart tonight. It’s up to you.”

  Mia could only stare at him in shock. Why did he refuse to open up to her? In the face of her silence he gave his head a brief shake and turned and stalked out of the bedroom.

  “Ben!” she called, suddenly gaining her voice back and getting up to run after him, but as she reached the door to the main bedroom she heard the telltale snick of the lock being turned on the second bedroom, the one that was to be Jasper’s, on the other side of the suite.

  Stunned, she stared at the door. Barely daring to believe that her husband had walked out on her on their wedding night and over something so trivial. Was this how it was to be between them? Her wanting to give Ben everything she had and Ben holding everything back?

  Ben threw himself onto the narrow bed and stared up at the luminous star-studded ceiling, his body taut with unrelieved tension. Why did she have to try and force the issue? They’d been married less than a few hours and already she wanted to delve inside his head. Even he didn’t want to go there. Didn’t want to face the mortality that had so terrified him while he’d been locked in the metal cage that had almost become his coffin. Didn’t want to face the failure he’d become. Didn’t want his wife to see that side of him.

  Ben knew that Mia needed him to be strong, to be able to take care of her and Jasper. Without his strength—without his power and wealth and authority to shield her from the press, to protect her family and reputation—she’d never have succumbed to his need to make her and Jasper his. She had resisted him for far too long, but he had her now—her and Jasper. They were the family he’d despaired of ever being able to create, and he wasn’t going to do anything to risk losing them. If his wife needed him to be strong, he’d be strong. And he would allow no sign of weakness. Not even at her request.

  Instead, he would focus on what he had, rather than what he’d lost. He had a wife and a son and that was all that mattered. That and ensuring Jasper and Mia had all the best of everything that life had to offer—including his unwavering protection to keep them both safe all his days.

  He had fulfilled his obligations to the rest of his family, as well. The curse, such as it was, had to be broken now. Abuelo could rest easy. Hell, they could all rest easy.

  But as he pulled the covers over his naked body he had to force himself to shut out the sense that somewhere he had still failed. As a man. As a husband. And as a father.

  After a fitful night spent tossing and turning alone in her bed, Mia woke to hear rain driving against the windows. She lay in the bed and tried again to make sense of what had happened last night. Ben had shut down completely—emotionally and physically—when she’d pressed him to talk about his accident. That it had been harrowing she had no doubt, but to refuse to talk about it altogether? It just wasn’t healthy. Why didn’t he trust her to help him?

  A sound at the bedroom door made her stiffen in the sheets. She turned to watch the door swing slowly open. Ben stood framed in the doorway, a towel wrapped around his waist.

  “Did I wake you?” he asked.

  “No, I was already awake.”

  In the gloom of early morning it was hard to make out his expression. Ben lifted a hand to rub at his eyes, the action showing her an unexpected vulnerability. He took a step into the room, hesitated, then took another until he was beside the bed.

  “I’m sorry about last night. I spoke too harshly.”

  Mia merely watched him, her eyes searching his face to see if he really meant the words or if he was merely paying lip service. Even in the semi-dark of the room she could see anguish behind Ben’s eyes. The honest emotion struck her to her core and without realizing what she was doing she reached for him, tugging him down onto the bed beside her.

  Ben’s arms enfolded her body and as her sheet slid away she felt the heat of his skin sear hers. Their coming together was not as intense as their first coupling had been, nor was it as loaded with heat and anticipation as last night’s abortive lovemaking. Instead, it was as if there was a flow of give and take. A mingling of minds and bodies.

  When her climax wrung her body, the sensation was so bittersweet that Mia felt tears spring to her eyes. As Ben reached his own pinnacle she couldn’t help feeling that even though, in this moment, they were as together as a couple could be, there still lay an unbreachable gulf between them.

  They drifted off to sleep in the aftermath, their bodies touching, Ben’s fingers entwined in her own, and yet somehow she still felt unspeakably alone.

  When she woke again, the sun was full in the sky and the rain had stopped. Outside the window, she could see the freshness of the rain-washed gardens—their brilliant greens a symbol of all that was fresh and new. She hoped that it
was equally symbolic of the beginning of her marriage to Benedict del Castillo but she couldn’t quite nudge away the sense that the path ahead of them would not be smooth.

  Ben had already woken and she could hear him in the bathroom. If they’d been any other normal married couple, she would be in there with him by now, perhaps even sharing the shower stall, lathering up one another’s bodies before indulging again in sating one another’s appetites. But they weren’t a normal couple, and they wouldn’t be a normal family either, she realized. Not as long as there was this imbalance between them. Benedict would always have the financial upper hand. He’d always have Jasper to use as leverage over her. And once they moved to Isla Sagrado—a place she’d never even seen—the advantage would be even stronger on his side. As much as she loved her son’s father, she wished their reunion could have been so very much different.

  The bathroom door opened and Ben came through, dressed in his usual workout gear. Before the wedding, they’d agreed to continue with their daily routines as normal, suggesting they’d enjoy a honeymoon together once they were on Isla Sagrado. Everyone had accepted their choice without much demur but right now it just made Mia feel even more as if she was simply the means to an end in Ben’s world.

  “What time is Elsa bringing Jasper today?” Ben asked, confirming her belief.

  “After lunch.”

  “I’ll get him earlier, after my session today. I really want us to spend as much time together as possible before we head home.”

  But this is our home. Mia bit back the words that begged to be spoken and took a deep breath.

  “Sure,” she said.

  She slid from the bed, crossed to the sliding doors of the closet and grabbed a robe. The empty hanger jangled on the rod. She sensed Ben’s gaze on her body as if it was a physical caress and she wrapped the robe around her—her choice of armor flimsy, but effective.

  “You cannot blame me for being eager to spend time with my son.”

  “No, you’re right, I can’t.” And she was pleased that he seemed so committed to spending time with Jasper. She just wished he showed more interest in spending time with her—outside of bed, that is. “Would you like me to pull him from day care next week also? After all, we’ll be leaving at the end of the week anyway.”

  Ben shook his head. “No, let’s keep him in his routine for now. But I’ll adjust my schedule with Andre so I can take him to day care and collect him myself.”

  Mia nodded her understanding.

  “I’ll still see you alone for my massage this afternoon, sí?” he asked as he bent to tie the laces on his trainers. “Your mother will still take care of Jasper in the afternoon as usual?”

  She shot him a look of surprise. “Of course she will, but do you still want to go through with those?”

  “They are a part of my rehabilitation and our original contract, are they not?”

  Ben moved swiftly to close the distance between them. His hands slipped inside her robe to cup her breasts. The instant he touched her, her nipples beaded into tight buds against the palms of his hands and a flame of desire licked through her, warming her nether regions with a heat that shamed her. She still wanted him with every breath, with every thought, with every touch. She was hopelessly trapped in a snare of her own making.

  “Yes, they are indeed,” she said through suddenly dry lips.

  “Then I look forward to it, and you, later.”

  He bent and kissed each aching tip before fastening his lips on hers in a kiss that left her in some doubt as to whether his massage this afternoon would be conducted within the realms of her professional employment—but no doubt at all that her fears had been confirmed. He wanted her physically, but that was the extent of their relationship for him.

  As she watched him leave she tried to find some satisfaction in knowing that he would probably be in greater physical discomfort than she was for most of the day. Even so, it was little consolation.

  When Elsa came to collect Jasper before Ben’s massage she asked Mia if she could speak with her for a moment in her office. After giving Jas a packet of crayons and a coloring book to scribble in, Mia gave her mother her full attention.

  “Mom, what gives? This feels like an appointment or something, rather than a mother-daughter chat,” Mia said as they settled in two chairs.

  “Well, this isn’t exactly a social visit.”

  A trickle of unease ran down Mia’s spine. “What do you mean, Mom? You’re okay, aren’t you? I thought the cardiologist was really pleased with your management and heart health the last time you saw him.”

  Elsa waved a graceful hand in the air. “Oh, no, don’t worry, darling. It’s nothing to do with me physically. More to do with me personally, actually.”

  Mia stared at her mother. She looked different today. As if she was bursting with news but was working hard to keep it suppressed.

  “I’d like to apply for the manager’s position here at Parker’s Retreat.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Now, I know that I’m probably underqualified for the role and that it’s been some time since I was in the paid workforce, but I’ve realized, with your marriage to Ben, that it’s past time I picked myself up and dusted myself off and got on with my life. I’ve relied on you far too long and it’s time you could rely on me again now.”

  Mia couldn’t believe her mother’s words and grasped at the only straws she could to try to sway her from this sudden and very unwelcome suggestion.

  “Mom, it’s a huge undertaking, and what about us? Don’t you want to come to Isla Sagrado? Ben has it all arranged. I thought you were happy about that?”

  “I’m sure Jasper will settle in quite nicely without me. Besides, the three of you need time to get used to one another as a family, especially if you want to make this marriage of yours work. And you do, don’t you?”

  Elsa gave her daughter a look that told Mia she had already gleaned the truth of her daughter’s feelings.

  “Mom—” Mia started, ready to protest.

  “Look, the last thing you need is your mother hanging around and clogging up your marriage. And please don’t try telling me I have no experience in running this place. I have probably more knowledge than you had when you started, plus I have the advantage of being able to pick your brain when I need help. Honestly, you’ve set things up so well here all it needs is a gentle hand at the tiller and it’ll be smooth sailing all the way. We have a great staff, and if the forward bookings are anything to go by, I’ll be far too busy to miss you all.”

  “You don’t have to miss us—you should be coming with us, too.”

  Elsa shook her head. “No, darling, my mind is made up. Even if you don’t let me take on the management role here at the hotel I’ve already decided to stay here—in Queenstown if I can’t stay at Parker’s Retreat. I…”

  To Mia’s surprise a faint blush stained her mother’s cheeks, but that surprise was nothing compared to the bolt that came from the blue with her mother’s next words.

  “I may as well come straight out with it. Don and I have become close in the past few months and I would really like to give our friendship a chance to develop. It may come to something, or it may not. And yes, I know he’s younger than me but there’s something about that man that makes me feel younger, too. I gave up on so much when Reuben died, I’m not going to give up on anything else ever again.”

  Mia rose from her seat and rounded her desk to give her mother a huge hug, words spilling from her lips automatically, without her being truly aware of what she was saying. She knew she’d said all the right things when the smile broke out on her mother’s face, but as Elsa left her office and closed the door behind her Mia felt completely cast adrift. How had she been so oblivious to the changes in her mother’s life? Had she been so wrapped up in her work that she’d missed all the signs that her mother was ready to risk a new relationship and reach for happiness again?

  As for what Elsa had said about taking over as man
ager at Parker’s Retreat, Mia couldn’t tell her mother “no,” could she? Not when for the first time in a long time she could see that Elsa was actually looking forward to the future and had a purpose—had someone to support and nurture her. But without Elsa in Mia’s corner when they moved to the other side of the world, who would be there for her?

  Twelve

  “Why doesn’t Mommy sleep in her own bed?”

  The clear tones of his son’s voice roused Ben from a deep slumber. A slumber he’d earned after yet another spectacular night in his wife’s arms. It didn’t matter how aloof she kept herself during each day, the nights were most definitely their own. The mornings, however, were another matter.

  Ben opened his eyes and fixed them on the dark-headed miniature of himself standing at the foot of their bed. Mia was doing a wonderful job of feigning sleep, her fists clenched in the sheets and holding them firmly against her naked body.

  “You’re awake early, mi hijo.”

  “What’s a ee-kho?” Jasper scrunched up his little face in concentration as he twisted his tongue around the unfamiliar word.

  “It’s the word for you, my son.”

  “And you’re my daddy!” Jasper said with great exuberance as he climbed up on the bed and settled in between his parents.

  “Yes, and I’m your daddy.”

  Ben gathered Jas in a big hug. He knew he’d never get over the incredible sense of pride that swelled within his chest every time he saw his little boy. The knowledge that the accident that had robbed him of the choice of fatherhood had not been the final death knell on his dreams and his promise to his family was at times overwhelming. Ben couldn’t wait until Abuelo saw Jasper in the flesh.

  They’d called the old man on Skype last night. Ben had installed the necessary hardware and software on Elsa’s computer, so she and Mia could stay in touch more closely when they left. Of course they’d had to try the system out and Abuelo had been surprised beyond belief that he could finally meet his first great-grandchild through the Internet. While Abuelo’s bluster over having to learn to master modern technology had been voluble, there was no mistaking the silver track of tears on the old man’s face when he’d laid eyes on Jasper for the first time. Alex and Rey had hardly been able to get a look-in, let alone say “hi” to their nephew after that.