Cover Girls

by T. D. Jakes

  What is Tonya’s malfunction anyway? Is she stalking me? Michelle slammed the drawer shut. She was sick of all of them—Trench, Todd, and Tonya.

  Actually, Michelle knew what the malfunction was. She didn’t need advice from Ann Landers, and she didn’t need to ask Abby or even Erma Bombeck. It was the same thing that had been going on, probably since time began. It was the story of someone who viewed himself as more powerful trying to lord it over the little guy. It was Goliath against David. It was corporations against small business. It was bosses against employees. It was men against women. It was superpowers against third world countries.

  It was Tonya against her.

  Let’s get ready to rumble!

  It was all the same thing—someone more powerful, someone with more authority, forcing his or her will on someone weaker. The issue might change but it was all the same thing. It was the basis for time clocks at work. It was all about power. Power made her mother’s boyfriend feel that he could abuse her. Power made her mother force Michelle to be silent about it. Power made Todd think after he married her that he could control her. Power made Tonya think she could keep Michelle off the phone and that she could make her find religion.

  She grabbed the used tissues off her desk. Not today, not anymore—she was not the one. It was time to get rid of the clutter in her life. She was going to get stuff out of her life that was confusing her and causing her pain—and she was going to start right here and right now.

  This was where the throw-down was going to go down. Michelle threw the tissue into the trash, then popped and stretched her neck. She got up from behind her desk. She’d started with the tissue and right now she was going to move on to Miss Tonya. Her can was going to be next for the can.

  Michelle began to laugh to herself as she walked toward Tonya’s desk, shaking tension out of her muscles so she would be ready to pounce on Tonya like a cat on a mouse. This was it. Whatever happened, it was going to be worth it. Sometimes a sister just had to take a stand. As Michelle walked, she looked back at the floral arrangement on her desk. They were going to be planting those flowers on girlfriend’s grave. Job or no job—Tonya was not going to make her lose her mind up in here. As she walked toward Tonya’s desk, Michelle felt as though she was walking in slow motion, wading through water in cement boots.

  Time was winding up for the busybody, the Jesus lover, Miss Holier-than-thou!

  Chapter Eight

  Michelle sat at a table in the cafeteria-style restaurant on the lower floor of the building. Shadrach sat across from her, shaking his head.

  “I swear, a man will never be able to understand the mind of a woman. I don’t understand how two women going through the same thing—two women who have so much in common—refuse to help each other and end up fighting instead. I don’t understand it.” Shad used his fork to pick at the boneless spareribs on his plate. “I just don’t get it.”

  Michelle almost gagged on a French fry. “Shad, what are you talking about? Me and Tonya are as different as night and day. Look at her.” Michelle picked up another fry and gestured in the air. “You know I’m not like her, with her dried up, boring, dull self. And she so caught up in this job—and Mrs. Judson, like Mrs. Judson is the be-all, end-all. Me and Tonya alike? I don’t know where you get that from, Shad. I really don’t.”

  Shadrach scooted his chair back from the table and crossed his legs, as though he was preparing to sit for a while. “You go right ahead, baby girl. I don’t want to interrupt you while you’re on a roll.” He lay down his fork and pushed his plate forward. “You got it. You got it all figured out. Go for it. Let it flow.”

  “Look, Shad, I am just tired of taking stuff off of her. What for? For a job? Other people can take that stuff if they want to, but I’m not the one.”

  Shadrach whistled. He leaned forward and stared Michelle in the eye. “Girl, you gonna lose your job. And I don’t know whether you know it or not, but the rent man don’t take pride for payment, and you can’t deposit I know I’m right in the bank.”

  “Shad. Come on, give me a break.” Michelle would not let the tears that popped into her eyes—tears that surprised her—fall. “Shad, this is not the time to be difficult. I could get fired here.”

  Shadrach scooted his chair forward and lowered his voice. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to get across to you. That’s what I’m talking about. What did you think was going to happen?”

  “I didn’t think. I just saw red. I’m sick of her, Shad, with all the stupid books, cards . . . and the Bible. This is a job, and she’s my team leader, not my momma or my supervisor. I’m sick of her telling me what to do and when to do it. I’m sick of her signifying, looking down her nose at me and trying to throw off on me with all her religious stuff.”

  Shadrach’s expression softened. “Do you think that’s really what Tonya’s trying to do?”

  “What else? She doesn’t know me. Why would she do something for me—just out of the goodness of her heart? Tonya makes me sick. She thinks she’s so holy.”

  “Maybe Tonya is trying to do what she thinks will help.”

  Michelle tapped the perfectly manicured, acrylic-tipped nail of one index finger on the table. “I don’t need her help, or anybody else’s for that matter.”

  “That may be. You may be the one person alive who doesn’t need anybody. May be, but I doubt it. But, seriously, Tonya might be trying to be a friend to you in the only way she knows how.”

  “Why? What for? Look, this is just a job. I didn’t come here looking for friends, or for a new momma—I already had one and that was enough.”

  “That may be, too, but life is funny like that. We’re always finding things where we least expect them. Maybe she’s just trying to be good—”

  “I don’t need anybody to be good to me! When people are good to you, it always has a price. I’ve already given; I’m not paying anymore!”

  Shadrach closed one eye and cocked his head. “Whew! Where did that come from?” He looked straight at Michelle. “What I was about to say is that I think she is trying to be good people. You know what I mean?”

  Michelle frowned.

  Shad continued talking. “You know how it is. Most people go through life and they don’t give a good kitty for other people. You on your own—it’s every man for himself. They may not try to hurt you, but they sure as living are not going to go out of their way to help you. I think Tonya tries to be good people. Maybe she’s trying too hard, but I think her heart is in the right place.”

  Michelle narrowed her eyes. “What do you know about Tonya’s heart?”

  Shadrach placed one of his ankles on the opposite knee. “I keep my eyes open.” He shrugged. “I’ve just seen and heard of her doing things for people. You know, I’m old school. I watch a long time, taking notes and names. I’m pretty sure that Tonya is not doing stuff for show—I’ve heard of her giving people a little change or car rides, showing up at people’s family member’s funerals. Just stuff like that. It’s not a big deal, but these are folks that can’t do nothing for her. I’ve never heard of her running back and telling what she’s done. If the other people don’t tell it, the story never gets told.” He shrugged. “That says something to me.”

  Michelle pursed her lips. “Well, if you’re so impressed, why aren’t you eating lunch with her?”

  “Because I asked you, that’s why.”

  Michelle rolled her eyes. “Mm-hmm.” She wasn’t so sure she believed him.

  “I just think she’s good people.”

  Michelle picked up another fry. “You keep saying that, but she’s dull and dried up.” She dipped the fry in a little pool of ketchup. “No spice and no flavor.”

  Shadrach uncrossed his legs. “Well, I just think Tonya’s all right. You’re right, though. She could use a little help with the wardrobe—a little something to make her look like there is still some life in her. I’ll grant you that. But it seems like to me that what’s not working on the outside don’t c
ancel out the inside. That’s something funny to me about women, anyway.” Shadrach looked puzzled. “Its hard to find a woman with both things working together. So many sisters look good on the outside, but they’re full of junk on the inside. Or else, they’re good on the inside and tore down on the outside.”

  He dusted invisible lint off of his pants. “I just haven’t been able, in my lifetime, to decide which is better.” Shadrach smiled. “Maybe that’s why I’m not married.”

  Michelle waved a French fry at him and laughed. “Shad, you’re full of it.”

  “For real. I keep thinking, if a brother could get you two together—that would be something for the mind, the body, and the soul!”

  Michelle trailed the fry back and forth through the ketchup. She wet her lips and winked. “Yeah, right, Shad. Whatever.”

  “Really, Michelle, maybe Tonya is just trying to be nice to you.”

  “I’ve been trying not to say this, but the truth is the truth. What the problem really is is that Tonya is jealous. You just admitted yourself that she is tired and dried up looking.” Michelle wiped her hands on her napkin. “I try to keep myself up.” She straightened her jacket and touched her hair. “And she sure doesn’t have a life outside of this job. You know how it is—she hears me on the phone, or some man asks me out to lunch.” Michelle winked at Shadrach again. “It makes her mad and she tries to make my life as miserable as hers. You know how people are. There is nothing I can do about how she feels, but I’m sure not going to let her ruin my life because she has issues.”

  “You think that’s what it is, huh?”

  “I know it is.”

  Shadrach cracked his knuckles. “So, exactly what did happen?”

  “Shad, you would not believe this, but it was just like a dream I had. In the dream, I was fed up with her and I went after her—chasing her and stuff. Only Tonya didn’t run in real life, like she ran in my dream. I was surprised. I tore into her. I called her everything I could think of. I told Miss Lady all about herself. I was all up in her face. Tonya wouldn’t fight back . . . but she didn’t run.”

  Shadrach cleared his throat and straightened his sleeves. “Look, Michelle, you and Tonya are gonna have to talk and work this thing out. Together. Because what I hear and know about Mrs. Judson is that she can and will fire you, Tonya, or both of you all. She doesn’t play that ‘being emotional’ stuff at work. I guess since she is the boss, she got her stuff all together—so she doesn’t want anybody else’s issues infecting her office. You are going to have to get it together, Michelle.”

  She pouted. “So I guess you’re saying that everything that happened was my fault. Tonya was all goodness and light, and I’m just too hotheaded to work in an office.”

  “What I’m saying, Michelle, is that you two—you and Tonya—need to have lunch, or something, and figure out how to get this together before both of you all end up going down.” He smiled. “I’m even willing to sacrifice myself and referee.”

  “Shad, you’re not fooling anybody. You’re just looking to see a cat fight.”

  Shad put on an innocent expression and opened his palms wide. “Baby, I’m being for real. But you can’t blame a brother, can you?” His expression changed. “Really, though, I just want to help. Maybe if you all get together . . . You could eat lunch like this and talk—you know, try to talk things over.”

  Michelle smirked. “You’ve got to be kidding. Me and Tonya at lunch . . . out in public? I’m too real for her. We can’t even get it together in an office full of people where we’re under the gun to follow the rules.”

  “I told you I would meet with the two of you.”

  “Like a referee.”

  Shad leaned back in his chair and smiled. “Yeah, like a referee, or like a coach.”

  “So who is going to invite her?”

  Shad laughed out loud. “You!” He stretched the word out for a few measures.

  “Me? It was your big idea. How am I supposed to— What is going to make her say yes?”

  Shad folded his arms across his chest. “Well, I’m willing to meet you here. You’re going to have to figure out the how all by yourself.”

  Chapter Nine

  I think I need a vacation!” Michelle needed a break from everything. She needed to go to a land where people looked out for one another, where they had the other person’s best interest at heart. When Miz Ida answered the door, Michelle held out the flowers—the ones she had gotten from Tonya—to her. There was no point in letting them go to waste.

  “Oh, baby! Come on in.”

  It was good, Michelle thought, that there was one person in her life who always did what was expected, and what was expected was always good. “I wasn’t thinking to see you so soon.” Miz Ida’s eyes looked a question that her mouth did not ask.

  “I just thought I would drop by.” Michelle held back what was on her mind for as long as she could. She drank the sweet red Kool-Aid Miz Ida gave her—so sweet that Michelle always wanted a glass of water when she finished. Michelle talked about the old neighborhood, how it had gone down, and she asked Miz Ida when she was going to move.

  “You know I ain’t moving, baby.”

  Michelle talked about nothing until she just couldn’t hold it anymore. Then she let it all out, like helium from a balloon, about work, about Tonya, and about Shadrach’s suggestion. It was good to have someone—at least one someone that she could tell all the details, all the shameful pieces she would have held back from anyone else. And then, since she was telling, she told Miz Ida about Todd and about the drama with Trench.

  “By the time I got through fooling with Tonya in the office, she had blown all the good feeling I got from Trench.”

  “Oh, baby, why you got to be with somebody like that—somebody that talks bad to you? Why is it so hard to let Todd love you?”

  Michelle just shrugged. There was no point in hiding anything. Miz Ida knew everything anyway. She knew about the molestation, the prostitution, the drugs and jail, and about her mother. Miz Ida knew everything. Michelle could stand naked in front of Miz Ida. The old woman knew who she was and loved her anyway.

  Michelle laid her head on Miz Ida’s shoulder. Thank God for her.

  Miz Ida shook her head, her chin brushing the top of Michelle’s hair. “You acted all crazy in the office, like that? So, you think this woman at work is trying to hurt you?” Michelle could feel Miz Ida’s chest rising and falling as she spoke.

  “Well, maybe not hurt me, Miz Ida. More like she’s trying to control me and trying to make me be like her. She keeps watching me and trying to tell me what to do, like she’s some kind of preacher or like she’s my momma.”

  “And we all know how you feel about that.”

  Michelle lifted her head from Miz Ida’s shoulder. “What do you mean? Why did you say it that way?”

  Miz Ida looked Michelle square in the eye. “Because that issue—the momma thing—just hangs around your neck like a rope waiting to choke you. Things in your life are always going to be off-kilter until you make some peace with who you are and where you come from and about who you belong to.”

  “Miz Ida, we keep having this conversation about my momma, about God and everything. What is it you want me to do?”

  She put her arm around Michelle’s shoulders. “What I want is for you to get yourself together on this thing. Look, Michelle, your momma wasn’t perfect. But she did what she knew to do. She fed you and she kept a roof over your head. She didn’t have to bear you into this world. Don’t forget that.”

  Michelle wanted to pull away. She would have pulled away from anyone else . . . but then, she wouldn’t have let any one else touch her in the first place. “You’re right, Miz Ida. My momma kept me clothed and fed, but where was she when I just needed someone to be there—someone to play with me, talk to me, or to hold me? Where was she when I was crying out?”

  “Someday, Michelle, I just pray that the Lord will help you understand.”

  “Oh, I
understand, Miz Ida. She put that man first. She just didn’t care—she let that man treat her any kind of way. She let him use her. Then she let him use me.”

  Miz Ida nodded. “You’re right, you know. Cassandra wasn’t strong. But, you need to know that your momma did everything she knew to do. What’s wrong in her life didn’t start with her. It probably started way before she was born.”

  “Miz Ida, you sound like all those people on television. It’s not her fault? Well, you know what, Miz Ida? When does it get to be her fault? She left me out there open and unprotected. She let a man in her life—in my life—who used me and made me feel like nothing. I would never do that to a child.”

  Miz Ida shook her gray head. “No, you doing it to yourself.”

  Michelle pulled away from Miz Ida’s embrace at that.

  “I know you don’t like what I’m saying, but a true friend tells the truth. Now, your momma’s not in your life bringing men to hurt you. You took over that job yourself.”

  The old woman reached to touch one of Michelle’s hands. “Like I been trying to tell you, Michelle, you don’t want to deal with the past, so you just keep repeating it over and over again. Like some kind of pattern. But you can stop it. You got to see it clear and then you got to pray about it. Something bad probably happened to your mother, and she did the same thing to you without knowing it. She couldn’t see it. You can see what went wrong, that means you can change it. You don’t have to let that history repeat. You don’t have to let another child be hurt, and you don’t have to let yourself be hurt. The good man in your life, you can’t hardly stand. The bad man, you just let him right on in.” She shook her head. “You have to ask yourself what that means.”

  Michelle rolled her neck to release the tension and frustration. “I don’t really know what you’re talking about, Miz Ida.”

  “No, I believe you do. You may not want to know, but I believe you do.”