by T. D. Jakes
“I had hoped that the two of you were still here. I know it’s after hours, but this is urgent. We have a little matter that we need to get settled.”
“I tell you, Miz Ida, I thought hard about leaving, about telling Mrs. Judson I couldn’t stay after hours. That I had a pressing engagement. But Mrs. Judson said the meeting would be brief. So I went along with it. I prefer not to go to dinner with an axe hanging over my head.”
As Michelle spoke, Miz Ida prayed. God was faithful.
Lord, I know You’re not going to bring this baby—my baby—this close and then leave her. I know You’re not going to abandon her, Lord. But I have to tell the truth: my heart’s just beating fast and a little sweat’s breaking out on my forehead.
Lord, she’s so close. Don’t let things fall apart now.
Miz Ida gripped the phone, nodding as though Michelle could see her. “Mm-hmm. Then what happened?”
Chapter Thirty-four
Miz Ida settled back against the cushions of the couch. God was at work in Michelle’s life. She knew it. And the young woman’s story only confirmed that fact. You are so good to us, God! She couldn’t help but praise Him, even as Michelle began to talk again.
“You know, Miz Ida, it had been such a good day; it was hard for me to believe that it wasn’t going to be capped off by something bad. Not to mention, that I was worried about being late or missing Todd. I was frazzled before I ever got into Mrs. Judson’s office. It didn’t help that she was acting agitated and strange. I thought—like Shad had said one day at lunch—the other shoe was about to fall.”
Mrs. Judson paced back and forth across the office, until finally she paused and faced her window. Her silhouette was outlined by the rose of the afternoon sky that was fading into a dusky blue-brown. She jabbed her hands into the pocket of her suit jacket, then jerked them out again as she faced Michelle and Tonya. Though her movements were jerky, her expression was cool and unruffled.
“Tonya, you’ve functioned satisfactorily during your time at the firm. I appreciate your service. Michelle, I’ve noticed, since we last spoke, some improvement in your work performance—not your performance, really, but your professional deportment. And despite the fact, ladies, that I’m still not totally convinced about our accidental lunch meeting, I think it’s only fair to give you both the benefit of the doubt.”
Mrs. Judson shifted her weight from foot to foot, though her expression remained calm and almost disinterested. “I may feel it necessary to extend the time before both your promotions for one or more months. But, otherwise, everything is fine.”
Michelle was about to stand up and voice her objection, but Tonya touched her arm. Mrs. Judson turned her back to them, facing her window. Her shoulders began to shake and then they heard her cry.
Still facing the window, she told them the story about her granddaughter’s pregnancy.
“We didn’t think it would be like this. We took Claudia in because she had no place to go. Now, it has backfired on us.” Mrs. Judson slipped her cell phone from her pocket. “It’s because of Claudia that I have this. She was constantly getting suspended or expelled from schools. The last time she was drunk and trying to force liquor on younger children.”
Her husband, she said, just couldn’t see Claudia’s faults. He couldn’t see that their granddaughter was pulling the wool over his eyes.
Mrs. Judson straightened her shoulders, adjusted her jacket, and then just as quickly seemed to surrender to defeat as her shoulders slumped. “My world . . . Everything is falling apart. All the things I counted on seem to be falling away. I don’t know if I have the strength to put it all back together again.” Her voice was choked with emotion. “I keep thinking that everything would be fine now if we’d never taken Claudia in. If we had kept to our own little world everything would be fine.”
Mrs. Judson walked to her desk, sat in her chair, and laid her face in her hands. She looked tired and worn. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. Perhaps because you two women love to pray.”
She lifted her head. “My husband, Carl, and I have had some disagreements on how to handle this. He always wants to baby Claudia as though it were our fault that she got pregnant and that she’s using drugs.” She took a deep breath and straightened in her chair, putting her hands on the desk. “Carl and I never disagreed before Claudia came into our lives. I try to tell him that we’re not responsible for the world. We can’t change everyone. Claudia has to want to change if anything is to be done.”
After some hesitation, Mrs. Judson told them about her son. “Carl Jr. has always been my pride. He was the model son. Not like his sister, who was on drugs, who probably taught Claudia all the bad habits she knows. I just can’t believe . . . Claudia says Carl Jr. is the father of her baby.”
She choked back new tears. “Of course it’s a lie. It’s all a lie. How could Carl Jr. appear to be one thing and then be something else entirely? That would make his whole life a lie, a masquerade. Where would he learn something like that?”
Her husband was taking his granddaughter’s side. He had even called the police, who had picked up Carl Jr. for questioning early that morning.
Mrs. Judson looked from Michelle to Tonya. “If there really is a God, my family needs Him, now.”
“Bless her heart. It makes me just want to hold her in my arms. When people that have been in control lose control, it’s a sad state of affairs.”
“You’re right, Miz Ida. It was sad. When she fell apart, that’s when her story began to crack. That’s when she told us the whole story.”
Miz Ida laid her hand on her heart and continued to pray. Could things get any worse?
Chapter Thirty-five
Miz Ida sighed. “She may not ever tell you, but you know it was a blessing that the two of you were there to be some comfort to her.”
“Miz Ida, my heart just broke for Mrs. Judson. I never thought that I would be saying that. I have been in her granddaughter’s place. I know how that feels. I know how it feels to live that way, in that kind of pain, day after day. I’ve been the child that got sacrificed so that people could pretend that everything was normal. I’ve been there.
“But when Mrs. Judson began to tell her story, I knew there were no easy choices for her, either. It made me so sad. And I kept thinking, how could anybody face something like that without God?”
Miz Ida shook her head. “She’s relying on her self. It can be hard to make a change, to trust something other than yourself. I bet that woman is just doing what she’s been doing all her life. It makes us feel better to think it’s as easy as do or don’t do, but there are no easy choices for a mother or a grandmother in that situation. There’s no choice she can make that won’t bring pain.”
“That’s exactly what Mrs. Judson said.” She was quiet for a moment. “The room just got quiet, Miz Ida. Nobody knew what to say. What do you say when you hear something like that? I didn’t know if I could or should talk. I didn’t know which part of my heart or mind would talk. I guess that Tonya was thinking the same thing, because she was quiet, too.”
“Michelle, bless your heart, it had to be hard for you.”
“It was, Miz Ida. But when I was listening to Mrs. Judson and watching her, I guess I just didn’t have time to think about me. She needed someone to help her—and as someone once said, you can be pitiful or powerful, but you can’t be both. When she started talking, what I felt in my heart made the choice for me.”
Mrs. Judson smiled harshly. “So there you have it ladies. Sickness comes to suburbia. Or as you said at lunch, pain’s not prejudiced. I would say my family and I are candidates for prayer if ever there were any.”
Tonya’s voice was still and small. “We’ll pray for you and your family, Mrs. Judson. But you can pray for yourself, too.” Her expression was so compassionate. “Why don’t you come to church with me on Sunday?”
Mrs. Judson shook her head. “I would feel uncomfortable. I would feel out of place.”
> “Mrs. Judson, God doesn’t care about color or class. He just wants to save you and mend your broken heart.”
The gray-haired woman looked at Tonya. “I’m still not sure that I believe in God. I’ve been taking care of myself all my life. I don’t know if I can trust anyone or anything else.”
Tonya shook her head. “It doesn’t make sense, Mrs. Judson. You want us to pray for you, but you’re not sure that you believe?”
Mrs. Judson smiled as though she were trying to make a joke. “I haven’t called on God before, so why should He hear me now? You pray for me. If there is a God, your prayers for me can’t hurt. If there isn’t a God, then . . . then at least all of us haven’t wasted our time.” She dropped her head. “My life is falling apart. I don’t want to grab hold of something out of desperation.”
Michelle slid forward on her chair and placed her hands on her knees. “Mrs. Judson, my life was falling apart too. It had been falling apart for years. I was in your granddaughter Claudia’s place, only there was no one—no grandfather or grandmother to rescue me. I spent most of my life being hurt and angry. But I’ve found Someone Who is putting my life back together. I’ve found Someone Who loves me even though I felt like I was dirty and no good. I’ve found Someone Who can love the abused as well as the abuser. I have found Someone Who turned my life around. Mrs. Judson, I know that it’s hard and maybe even frightening to believe in Him. But the Lord is only a prayer away.”
Miz Ida’s heart almost burst with pride. “Glory to God, girl, you spoke truth to that woman!”
She could hear the smile in Michelle’s voice. “We spent time talking to her, Miz Ida and praying for her. It just seemed that Mrs. Judson had a wall or a guard up that she would never let down.”
“Give her time, Michelle. She needs time to explore, and she needs time to make her own choice. The Lord gives us all that freedom. We get freedom to make a choice.”
“Well, by the time we got out of there, it was so late. I thought I had missed Todd and that it was over, Miz Ida. I kept thinking that he was never going to trust or forgive me again. But you know what?”
Miz Ida smiled now. “What?”
“When we came out of Mrs. Judson’s office, there he was. With all that me, Tonya, and Mrs. Judson had just been through, Todd still made me feel safe, he made me smile. Todd and me were supposed to meet downstairs outside the building. When I didn’t show, he said he thought I was standing him up. He thought about leaving, but instead he found someone who directed him upstairs. When we left Mrs. Judson, I found Todd sitting right there at my desk.”
“Bless his sweet heart.”
“Miz Ida, I don’t think I was ever happier to see him. He put his arms around me, and I just felt like I was home. All the worries, cares, and heartaches just seemed to float away. We had a good talk on the way home—not as long as we would have liked, but I’m still grateful that he was there.”
“God is good, child. God is good.”
They went on for a few more minutes talking about the goodness of the Lord. They talked about His mercy and His compassion and His willingness to heal. They talked about how good it was to abide in the arms of the Lord. Miz Ida and Michelle talked until their eyelids got heavy and then they said goodnight.
Just before she closed her eyes, Miz Ida whispered to her old friend. “Lord, You are a miracle worker. Look what You have done for Michelle. Not only is she able to stand on her own, but now You’ve given her a heart to reach out and help somebody else. Nobody could do that but You, Lord.”
Miz Ida switched off the lamp.
“Nobody but You.”
Epilogue: More Seasons
On Monday morning at the office, Michelle turned on her radio and grabbed the first empty box off the stack near her desk. She looked around the pit, then at the elevators and saw Shadrach and Tonya talking. Michelle began to remove items from her desk and pack them in the box.
When Tonya arrived at her own desk, she looked at Michelle, and then at the clock. She waved at Michelle and pantomimed to her, What are you doing here so early? She dropped her things on her desk and crossed the room to see her friend.
“You’re here awfully early. What’s going on, Michelle?” Tonya pointed at the boxes. Then she smiled. “I’m sorry. Good morning.”
Michelle smiled so big she thought her face might split. “It’s moving day.”
“Where are you moving? I mean, what’s going on? Mrs. Judson said that everything is okay.”
Michelle still couldn’t stop smiling. “Mrs. Judson is wrong. Everything is better than okay.” As Michelle talked, she looked toward the doorway and saw Mrs. Judson coming in wearing dark shades. She looked at the two of them, started toward her office, and then turned back. When she got to Michelle’s desk, she removed her glasses. She looked surprised.
“Michelle, what are you doing? Are you switching desks?”
“No, Mrs. Judson.”
“I can see clearly that you’re packing.”
Now, Michelle was actually grinning. “Yes, Mrs. Judson.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going home, Mrs. Judson. I’m moving back home with my husband.”
Tonya laughed out loud. “Hallelujah! Mercy, mercy, me! You go on, girl. Work it, my sister!”
“Well, you don’t need to take all these things to your home.”
“I’m done here, Mrs. Judson. Last night could have been the last for me. So I decided for myself that today would be the day.”
Mrs. Judson looked disturbed. “Are you quitting? Just like that? Don’t you want the job or the promotion? You’ve been working all these months for a promotion.”
Michelle continued smiling. “I changed my mind. This job never suited me, Mrs. Judson, and I never suited this job. I changed my mind.”
Mrs. Judson’s face looked drawn, but she regained her composure. “Well, certainly, it’s your choice. Some women aren’t meant to work.”
It was all Michelle could do not to giggle. “Mrs. Judson, you’re right. Some women aren’t meant to work. But this woman is going back to school. I’m blessed with a husband who loves me and wants to provide for me.” She dropped items into her box with a flourish. “I may have to tighten my belt a little, but I got all the stuff right now that I can use. Mrs. Judson, I’m going to take my time, enjoy my schooling and find the job I really want—if I decide I want a job. I’m a blessed woman to even have that choice.”
“You’re right, Michelle. It’s your choice.” Mrs. Judson walked away.
Michelle watched her until she entered her office. “I’m going to do the Miz Ida on Mrs. Judson. If I can pray to move a mountain, I can pray to heal her broken heart.”
Tonya nodded. “Amen. Praise the Lord!”
Michelle nodded at her friend. “So, what about you, Tonya?”
“It won’t be the same without you.”
Michelle smiled mischievously. “You won’t have any reason to watch the clock.”
“Oh, girl.”
“I’m just teasing you, Tonya.”
“Who is going to watch me, Michelle, and make sure I keep up my hair and clothes?”
Michelle laughed out loud. “Shadrach!”
“Just rub it in, Michelle. Make me squirm. No matter what you say, I’m more than happy for you, but it won’t be the same without you. But I plan to stay—if, that is, Mrs. Judson gives me the promotion that I’m due now. We can negotiate increments to get my back pay, but we will be negotiating!” Tonya’s nod was firm and confident. “I have a son to send to college.”
“Good for you. That promotion is long overdue.” Michelle looked at her friend. “But what about Shad?”
Tonya blushed and smiled. “We still have a lot to learn about each other. He might be a little uncomfortable at first about a sister getting paid, but we’re going to take our time and let the Holy Ghost work it out.” Tonya touched the flap of the box that Michelle was packing. “I really am going to miss you.”
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br /> “I don’t think so. I plan on coming to see you, you coming to see me, and Todd and I meeting that son of yours. Maybe you and Shad and me and Todd can go out sometime.” Michelle’s grin was back. “Oh, no. It’s going to be pretty hard for you to miss me.”
Tonya looked across the room to Michelle’s desk. Funny, but not long ago she could not have imagined being sorry to see Michelle go. She could not have imagined calling the woman “friend.”
She opened her desk drawer, where there was a folded piece of paper—Malik’s letter. He had been right, and so had Michelle: she had needed a life.
Tonya touched the note affectionately and then moved it to the side. She lifted out the folders she needed and laid them on the desktop as she glanced in the mirror in the drawer. She touched her hair. The bun was dead! No doubt about it, it was a new day!
Malik helped her on the journey, but as painful as the interactions had been, without Michelle, most likely she would still be a team leader instead of the supervisor she was about to become as soon as she had her meeting with Mrs. Judson.
Of course she had to give credit where credit was due. Tonya looked toward the bank of elevators. Shadrach had helped them pull it all together. He was a good man. Tonya giggled to herself. He’s my man!
She opened the top folder to begin preparing for her meeting. Thank You, God.
No doubt about it—it was a brighter day!
Mrs. Judson stared out of the window of her office. Everything in her life seemed to be crashing in around her. Carl was gone and she could feel all that she had built slipping through her fingers. She recalled the night it all begin to slip away as though she was still living it . . .
There was no way Delores was going to let this happen. She ran from the small room where she and her husband usually sat—where they could just sit in peace before all the trouble. Delores ran to the stairs. She would block Claudia. She wouldn’t let her granddaughter come down the stairs. She stood there, moving from side to side to block the stairway.
