And ril be out of one.
Not that she gave a damn about the job. If that had been her only concern, it wouldn't have been a concern at all. She'd never had trouble finding another job. But she'd found things on the Lazy B that weren't so easily replaced—the big house she'd come to think of as home, the ability to look clear to forever and see nothing but land and sky, her friendships with Gun and with Colleen. Those were things not easily replaced.
Not to mention the heart she'd be leaving behind with Kel, she thought, her mouth twisting in a painful smile. Hearts weren't easy to replace, either, which was too bad, considering how badly broken hers was likely to end up.
She sighed. If she just had some idea how Kel felt about her. When they were in bed together, it was dangerously easy to tell herself that he couldn't make love to her with such passion and tenderness unless he loved her at least a little. But what Megan lacked in experience, she made up for in common sense. Kel was a skillful and considerate lover. There was no reason to think it was anything more than that.
And she'd looked for a reason, she thought. Her mouth curved in a sad smile. She wanted nothing more than to believe that there was something more to their relationship on Kel's part than a certain friendship and the fact that they were compatible in bed. But if there was, he was certainly keeping it close to his vest.
They'd all been sitting at the dinner table last week when Colleen—a much happier Colleen than the girl she'd first met, Megan thought with satisfaction—had
read Grade's letter aloud. And when she reached the part where Grace mentioned that she'd be staying with her daughter a little while longer, Megan's eyes had slid compulsively in Kel's direction. But if it had occurred to him that Gracie's return meant her own departure, the idea didn't seem to disturb him.
He hadn't, either then or in the days since, said anything about her staying on past the originally agreed-upon time. If she had any pride, she supposed she wouldn't have continued to spend her nights in his bed. But if memories were all she was going to have of him then she wanted to store up as many as possible.
Of course, with every day that passed, it was becoming more of a possibility that she was going to be taking something more substantial with her when she left. She touched her fingers lightly against her stomach, wondering if her mild symptoms were a result of wishful thinking. And wondering if she'd completely lost her mind that she should actually be hoping she was right.
But crazy or not, she was hoping. She couldn't have Kel, but if she could have his baby... Megan didn't have any romantic illusions about how difficult it would be to raise a child on her own. Her peripatetic life-style was fine for her,.but she couldn't drag a baby all over the country with her. She'd have to try to find a stable job, which wouldn't be particularly easy to do while she was pregnant. And that was only the first and probably the least of the problems she'd have to deal with.
Before she even got to that point, there was the question of how Kel would feel about becoming a fa-
ther. It wasn't a topic that had come up between them. They hadn't really talked about birth control, he'd simply provided it from the start, but the only completely foolproof method was abstention, and they certainly hadn't done that.
Megan plucked another green bean and bit into it absently. They'd talked of a lot of different things, but Kel's feelings on parenthood hadn't been among them. But she couldn't imagine that he would walk away from his own child. He had too much sense of re-sponsibiUty for that.
But if a sense of responsibility was all he could give her child, it might be better if he was completely out of the picture. Megan knew from experience just how painful it was to know that you were a responsibility to someone and nothing more.
When her mother had dumped her on their doorstep, her grandparents had taken her in because they felt it was their responsibility to do sa Megan had sat silently in the chair she'd been given and Hstened to the discussion. If they didn't take her, she'd end up in foster care, an additional burden on an already overloaded system. There'd been no help for it—they'd have to raise her themselves.
There'd been a note of stem resignation in her grandfather's tone that had chilled Megan's childish heart. At six, she'd overheard her parents quarreling about which one of them had to take custody of her. Her mother had lost that battle and Megan had never seen her father again. Two years later, her mother had met a man who wanted to show her the world but not
with an eight-year-old in tow. And it became obvious that her grandparents didn't really want her either.
It had taken Megan years to realize that there wasn't anything wrong with her, that it had simply been her misfortune to be bom to parents too selfish to love anyone except themselves, and then to be handed over to an elderly couple whose last wish had been to start the arduous task of rearing a child all over again.
No child of hers was ever going to be made to feel like a burden, she thought, frowning at a butterfly that was drifting lazily between the rows of beans. If that was the best Kel could offer, then they'd manage without him.
The vehemence of the thought drew her up short. She didn't even know if there was a baby, for heaven's sake, let alone how Kel would react if there was. She bent and picked up the pan of beans and started to the house, her mouth twisted in a self-deprecating smile. Until she knew for sure that there was something to worry about, it was a little premature to try to guess how Kel would react, let alone get upset with him over it.
From the window of his office, Kel watched Megan walk down from the garden. She was wearing a pair of bright green shorts that exposed a tantalizing amount of leg, a red T-shirt that climg in all the ri^t places and a ridiculous red baseball cap. She'd drawn her fair hair back in a ponytail, a practical style that somehow managed to look sexy and sassy on her. Battered white sneakers and bright yellow socks completed the outfit.
Kel felt his mouth curve upward. She reminded him of a brightly wrapped Christmas present, the kind that you wanted to unwrap first on Christmas morning. Megan disappeared behind the comer of the house, and a few seconds later he heard the thud of the : kitchen screen door closing behind her.
His smile fading, he turned to his desk, but he didn't sit down again. There was a stack of paperwork sitting there, bills to be paid, records to be updated, let- | ters to be answered. Kel ignored them all.
The house was quiet around him. Colleen had gone into town with Gun to get a part he'd ordered for that junk heap of a Vette. Since the two of them had i patched up their differences. Colleen had become j Gun's shadow, the way she had been before the accident. It was good to see his little sister happy again. That was something for which he owed Megan thanks. '
M^an. With Colleen gone, there was nothing to j stop him from going out to the kitchen, persuading her ] to drop whatever she was doing and taking her up- j stairs to spend an hour or two in bed. His body stirred ^i in response to the thought, but Kel resisted the pull.
Among the papers on his desk was a letter from J Grade saying that she'd be returning to the Lazy B in i two weeks, since her daughter was almost ready to i manage without help. The letter had forced him to face an issue he'd been doing his best to dodge, namely, the fact that summer was creeping to an end and so was the time he and Megan had originally agreed upon for her to stay. When Gracie returned, Megan would go, it was that simple.
Unless he did something to stop her, she'd pack her things into her little blue car and drive out of his life. Unless he did something to stop her. The question was, did he want to stop her? And if so, why?
He spun away from the desk and stared out the window again. He knew the answer to the first question—he didn't want Megan to go, not now, not yet. As for why... What did it matter why, he thought irritably. He wanted her to stay because he liked having her in his bed. For that matter, he liked her companionship out of bed, too. She was intelligent and quickwitted. She made him laugh, and she'd helped put a smile on Colleen's face, something he hadn't been able
to do in six months of trying.
He wanted her to stay because he did. That was reason enough.
But would she want to stay? She'd spent the last half dozen years or so traveling, obviously because she didn't choose to settle in one place. She might be more than ready to move on.
Besides, how could he suggest she stay on? Once Gracie returned, Megan's job would be gone. They didn't need two housekeepers. Colleen didn't need a paid companion and while Megan's riding skills had improved considerably, he could hardly offer her a job as a hand. So what was he going to say? Stay because we're good in bed together? Stay because I want you to?
"Damn." Kel muttered the curse under his breath.
He didn't want her to go but he didn't know how to ask her to stay.
* « *
''Word is, Kurt and Melissa Anderson are splitting up," Colleen said, sounding regretful.
"That's not much of a surprise." Kel reached for a second biscuit and pried it open before slathering it with butter. "Not when you consider the way they got married."
"You mean because Melissa got pregnant?"
Megan hadn't been paying much attention to the conversation until then but Colleen's comment brought her head up.
"Not the best way to start a marriage," Kel said, shrugging.
"Peggy Matheson thought she did it deliberately, to force Kurt to marry her," Colleen said, dabbing her fork in her mashed potatoes.
"If she did, she's probably regretting it now." That was Gun, reaching for the gravy bowl and pouring a generous amount over the thick slab of roast on his plate.
"I take it this was something of a shotgun mar-j riage?" Megan asked, surprised by how steady her] voice was. She even managed to sound mildly amused,; as if the idea of a shotgun wedding this late in tl twentieth century was a joke.
"Melissa's father would have made it one if Kui hadn't asked her to marry him," Kel said.
"You're kidding." Though he hadn't sounded as ]| he was kidding.
"No." He looked at her, one brow lifted in an ei pression of mild surprise. "Melissa is Dave's oi daughter, and he's pretty protective of her. And
Dave hadn't been around, she's got four brothers who'd make sure Kurt lived up to his responsibilities."
**Oh." Megan swallowed and looked at her plate.
Live up to his responsibilities? He'd sounded as if marriage had been a foregone conclusion, under the circumstances. Good lord, did that mean that Kel would feel the same if she really was carrying his baby? Would he feel obliged to marry her? The thou^t made her stomach knot with conflicting feelings. She loved him, of course she wanted to marry him, but not like that, not because he felt obligated to do so.
"Whatever the reason they got married, I think it's too bad that they're splitting up," Colleen said. "They seemed to love each other. Or at least, she loved him."
"Love isn't always enough," Kel said. "Especially not when it's one-sided."
"It's too bad there's a kid involved," Gun said, shaking his head. "They're always the ones that end up hurt the most when a family splits up."
"How old is he or she?" Megan asked, forcing the words past the limip in her throat.
"She must be five or so," Gun said, glancing at Kel for confirmation. Kel shrugged his lack of knowledge but Colleen nodded.
About the same age I was. She didn't realize she'd spoken the thought out loud until Colleen responded.
"You were five when your parents divorced? That must have been rough."
Annoyed with herself, Megan shrugged. "It wasn't as bad as it might have been. They weren't particularly happy together and they weren't the sort to suf-
fer in silence." Her smile was ironic rather than bitt^. She'd long since let go of that particular hurt.
**I thought you said your grandparents raised you," Kel said, his eyes curious. ''I assumed your parents were dead."
"No. My mother got stuck with me after the divorce but when she decided to remarry a couple of years later, she deposited me with her parents. I haven't seen her since."
"How awful," Colleen exclaimed. Her green eyes flashed with anger on Megan's behalf. "How could she just leave you like that?"
"Apparently, it wasn't too difficult." Megan smiled to show that the scars of abandonment were long healed over. "She wasn't suited to being a mother. I can't say I felt any terrible regret at seeing the last of her."
"You were lucky you had your grandparents," Kel said slowly.
"Yes." She didn't elaborate. In a sense she had been lucky. At least she'd been fed and clodied. It was more than some children had. "From the sound of it, your friends' child won't have to worry about nobody wanting her," she said, turning the subject away from herself.
"No," Gun said. "Melissa and Kurt may not make it as a couple but they love that kid. If s probably what kept them together this long."
Megan was relieved when the conversation moved on to other topics. She didn't want to talk about her own childhood any more than she wanted to talk about the unknown Kurt and Melissa's impending
separation. She nibbled at her food, her appetite gone. Her mind was spinning with this new insight into how Kd might react to finding out he was about to become a father.
Kel ran his hand through Megan's hair, enjoying the cool feel of it sifting through his fingers. She lay pressed along his side, molded to him from shoulder to hip, one leg nestled intimately between his, one hand splayed across his chest.
He liked the feel of her lying there, liked the feel of her in his bed. If she left, he*d miss these quiet moments as much as he missed the lovemaking that preceded them. He thought again of Gracie's letter lying downstairs on his desk. She'd be home next week.
He had to talk to Megan about what was going to happen when Gracie returned, about the possibility of staying on for a while. Maybe she could do some secretarial work for him. She must have worked in an office at some point, she seemed to have worked just about everywhere else. Or she could just stay on as a friend. Colleen had come to care about her and he... Well, he couldn't put a description to how he felt, but he didn't want her to go.
Megan threaded her fingers through the mat of dark hair on Kel's chest and tried not to wonder how many more nights she'd have like this one. She felt as if she'd been living in a dreamworld for the past three months, as if this summer had been a time apart from reaUty. But summer was coming to an end and reality lay just around the comer.
Or maybe it lay beneath her heart.
Somewhere deep inside, she knew that she was carrying KeFs child. She didn't need to see a little plastic stick turn pink or get a doctor's confirmation. She could sense a change in her body, a subtle shifting to accommodate the new life growing inside.
She had to make some decisions and she had to make them soon.
Kel let his hand drift down Meg's back, tracing the curve of her spine with one fingertip, feeling her shiver of response. After all these weeks, he was still surprised by how much he wanted her. It was a hunger that couldn't be appeased. It seemed to be the same for her.
Her hand shifted downward, her fingers brushing across his stirring arousal in a light, teasing caress that stole his breath. Kel brought his hand up, winding his fingers in his hair and tilting her head. He caught the glitter of her eyes in the moonlight and then his mouth closed over hers.
Tomorrow would be soon enough to make decisions, he thought. He'd talk with her tomorrow. For tonight, it was enough that she felt so incredibly right in his bed, in his arms.
Megan gave herself up to the hunger of Kel's mouth, arching her body to press herself against him as he leaned over her.
Tomorrow, she told herself. Tomorrow would be soon enough to make decisions. Tonight, she'd think of nothing but Kel and how right this felt.
Megan stuck her head around the edge of the door and looked at Kel. ''You wanted to see me?"
**Come in." Kel stood up from behind the desk, disgusted to find himself as nervous as a kid about to go before the principal. **Shut the d
oor."
Megan's brows arched. "Sounds ominous. Did I put too much salt in the stew last night?"
**The stew was fine." He forced a smile as he came around to sit on the comer of the desk. "I just wanted to talk to you for a minute. Have a seat."
Megan sank into the big leather chair in front of the desk and looked at him. He looked at her for a moment and then looked away. Whatever he had to say, he seemed to be having trouble finding the words he wanted.
She felt her stomach tighten uneasily. Kel was hardly the stereotype of the strong, silent cowboy. She'd never seen him at a loss for words before and she couldn't imagine why it should happen now. Unless he thought she was going to be upset by what he had to say.
**I got another letter from Gracie," he said abruptly. **She's coming home next week."
The knot in her stomach tightened painfully but Megan didn't let her expression so much as flicker. It wasn't as if it was a surprise. She'd known this was coming, known it would be soon.
**That's great," she said brightly. "Her daughter must be doing much better."
**I guess so." Kel was thrown off-balance by her quick enthusiasm. Didn't she realize what this meant? "You've.. .done a terrific job," he said, thinking how stupid the words sounded, even as he spoke. Next he was going to be offering her a bonus, for God's sake.
**I told you I'd make a good housekeeper," she said, leminding him of his initial rductance to hire her.
"You WCTe right." Was it his imagination or was her smile just a little too bright aroimd the edges? As if, perhaps, she didn't want to leave? "Grade's besa gone a little longer than we expected," he said slowly.
"I know. I didn't expect the job to last as long as it has."
Kel's fingers tightened over the letter opener he'd been toying with. Did that mean that she was sorry it had lasted this long? Was she anxious to leave? Since she'd moved around so much, it was reasonable to assume that she felt the lure of new places, new people. What made him think she'd be interested in staying in one spot, especially when he wasn't offering any promises?
"I guess you're anxious to get on to the next place," he said slowly, watching her face for some sign of regret.
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