Michael's Father

by Dallas Schulze

to-face. What is it?"

  What little color there'd been in her face drained away, but Kel refused to feel guilty. Whatever she had to say, she could spit it out. He had no intention of sitting here pretending that they were old friends.

  **I appreciate your coming to see me," she said, after a moment. *'I know it must have seemed odd, my writing after all this time."

  **We haven't exactly maintained a regular correspondence," Kel said with dry sarcasm.

  **I must have sounded mysterious." She smoothed her skirt over her knee with fingers that trembled slightly. **I suppose I could have told you in a letter," she said, almost as if speaking to herself. **But I couldn't find the right words and—"

  "Tell me what?" he interrupted impatiently. He wasn't in the mood for whatever game she was playing.

  She didn't say anything for a moment and then she sighed. "I can't find the words now, either," she muttered. "Maybe showing you is the best way, after all."

  "Show me what?"

  Rather than answer with words, Megan turned and pulled open a drawer in the pine table beside her chair.

  Reaching in, she drew out a framed photograph. She set the photo in her lap and then shut the drawer very carefully, as if it was important to shut it just so. Then she picked up the photo and looked at it for a long moment.

  Kel stirred restlessly. He wanted out of here, out of this cozy little room, away from the soft floral scent of her perfume, away from the sight of her. Seemg her stirred up too many memories.

  "For God's sake, Megan," he snapped when she continued to sit there without moving. "Just cut the bull and tell me whatever it is you wanted to tell me." By way of answer, she held the picture out to him, her hand shaking so badly, it was a wonder she didn't drop it. Kel took it from her, throwing her an irritated glance before looking down at the photo. He didn't know what the hell kind of game she was playing, but whatever it was, he-He felt his heart stop for an instant and then start beating with slow, heavy thuds. It was a studio portrait, with the usual vaguely sky blue backgroimd. The subject was standing in the center, both hands planted on his hips as he stared at the camera with a challenging look out of all proportion to his size and age.

  Though Kel had never seen the child in the photograph before, he knew the face well. He'd seen it in old family pictures often enough. The mop of thick dark hair that held hints of red, the solid chin, the green eyes. The toddler in the photo was the spitting image of himself at the same age.

  He felt as if he'd just been thrown from a very tall horse and had all the wind knocked out of him by the

  impact. He had to swallow twice before he could find a voice, and the one he found was hoarse and unfamiliar, like listening to someone else speak.

  "Who is he?"

  There was a heartbeat's pause and then Megan's whispered response.

  **His name is Michael. He's your son."

  Megan saw the impact of her words strike Kel with the force of a physical blow. He actually jerked in his seat.

  **My son." The words were neither question nor statement.

  **He ... he was bom in March." She couldn't bear to let the silence stretch. "He's two now but people usually think he's older because he's so big for his age. The doctor thinks he's going to be tall." She knew she was babbling but she couldn't seem to stop. **I guess he gets that from his—"

  "Did you know?" Kel's hoarse voice cut through her chatter without apology. "When you left, did you know you were pregnant?"

  Megan slumped back in her chair as a wave of relief swept over her. She hadn't realized until that moment how tense she'd been, afraid that Kel might doubt Michael's paternity.

  "I... suspected," she said quietly.

  "You suspected." His fingers tightened over the picture frame until the knuckles shone white with strain. "Why didn't you say something?"

  "I wasn't sure I was pregnant and I—"

  "What about when you were sure?" He lifted his eyes from the photograph, and Megan felt a tremor of

  I

  fear at the rage she saw there. ''There must have ccMne a time when you didn't have any more doubts about it," he said, his voice silky. "Maybe when you were in labcMT? Or when the doctor handed you the baby? You couldn't possibly have had much doubt then. Didn't it occur to you that I might like to know I was a father? That I might like to know I had a son?"

  When she didn't answer but only continued to sit there staring at him with those big eyes, Kel felt his rage edge upward to the point where, for a split second, he actually wanted to strike her. He shot to his feet, aware that the sudden movement made M^an start, as if she'd sensed that he teetered on the edge of violence and was afraid of him.

  Good, he thought savagely. She should be afraid of him. She should be scared to death of him. After what she'd done, it was the least she owed him. She'd kept his child from him. His fingers tightened around the picture frame. His son was two years old. Spinning away from Megan, he strode to the window, wanting to put as much distance between them as possible, which wasn't nearly enough in such a small room.

  Staring at the picture, he tried to absorb the reality of what she'd told him. He had a child. A son. He was two years old and his name was Michael and he was big for his age. And Kel didn't know another damned thing about him.

  "Why?" The single word was all he could force through the tightness in his throat.

  "I don't know."

  "You don't know?" Megan flinched from the contempt in his eyes. "You keep my son from me and all you can say is you don't know?"

  "At first I wasn't absolutely sure and then when I was, it seemed—-" She lifted her hands in a confused gesture before letting them fall to her lap. "It just seemed too late," she finished weakly.

  "Too late."

  Megan flushed at Kel's contemptuous repetition of the phrase. Maybe it didn't make much sense now, but at the time, that was how it had felt. It had seemed as if all the bridges had been burned behind her, leaving her no choice but to continue on and try not to look back.

  "What made you change your mind? Why are you telling me about... Michael now?"

  "I began to think that maybe I hadn't been fair," she said, choosing her words carefully.

  "It took three years for that to occur to you? I've missed out on the first two years of my son's life and it just now occurs to you that it wasn't fair?"

  The pain she heard beneath the anger silenced Megan as nothing else could have done. She lowered her eyes from the stark hurt in his eyes and stared at her hands.

  "I'm sorry." It was a wholly inadequate offering and Kel let her know as much.

  "You're sorry?" he repeated incredulously. "You keep my own child from me for two years for no reason at all and all you can say is you're sorry ?^*

  She Uf ted one shoulder to indicate it was the best she could do and heard Kel's mutter of disgust. He turned

  his back on her as if he couldn't trust himself if he had to look at her. M^an was surprised when that simple gesture made her eyes bum with tears.

  She'd expected him to be angry. How could he be anything else? But she hadn't expected it to hurt so much. After almost three years, after the way he'd dismissed her from his life, she'd almost convinced herself that any feelings she had for Kel Bryan were based solely on the fact that he was the father of her child. Michael created a certain bond between them, even if Kel didn't know he existed.

  Megan had been braced for the shock of seeing Kel again. But what she hadn't been prepared for was the almost overwhelming impact he had on her senses. She'd had to cling to the door to keep herself upright when she'd seen him standing on her porch.

  As the months passed, she'd deliberately blocked his image from her mind, pushed it from her heart. It hadn't been easy at first, but when Michael was bom, he'd absorbed every fiber of her time and attention, and his father's image had finally begun to grow a little shadowy. Megan had welcomed the change.

  But one look at Kel and all the memories had come mshing back to her. I
t seemed as if every moment of those months she'd spent on his ranch were embedded so deeply in her mind that nothing could ever erase them. How could she have thought to forget how tall he was and the way his wide shoulders seemed to fill a doorway? The wavy darkness of his hair was the same as she remembered, a little shorter, maybe, as if he'd just gotten a haircut. She curled her fingers into her palm against the urge to touch his hair, to stroke

  the thick brush of a mustache that covered his upper lip, to smooth the lines beside his green eyes.

  She'd been lying to herself all these months. She hadn't stopped loving Kel. She wondered despairingly if she ever would.

  **Whereishe?"

  Megan had been so absorbed in her thoughts that it took her a moment to realize Kel had spoken. "What?"

  "Where is he?"

  "With my landlord." She didn't pretend not to know who he meant. "Reed knew you were coming today and he offered to take care of Michael for me."

  "I want to see him."

  It was no more than she'd expected, of course, but something in the flat demand sent a chill up her spine. "I don't want him upset."

  "I'm not going to pounce on him," Kel said. He turned from the window to look at her, his eyes im-patknt. "Why did you tell me about him if you didn't expect me to want to see him?"

  "Of course I expected you to want to see him. I just don't want you to upset him."

  "I won't." When she still hesitated, his mouth tightened with irritation. "Since I assume he's next door, I can go get him myself, if you'd rather."

  "No. I'll call Reed." She stood up, smoothing her hands over her skirt and drawing in a deep, calming breath before she went to the phone, which sat on a table near the sofa.

  Kel noticed that Megan's fingers were shaking so badly that she was having trouble punching the right

  buttons on the phone. He couldn't find it in him to feel sorry. Not right now, not when he'd just learned that she'd cheated him out of the first two years of his son's life. The conversation was brief. She set the receiver down and turned toward him.

  "Reed's bringing him over. It's almost time for his nap. He... might be a little cranky."

  * *Are you afraid I'll slug him if he cries?" He lifted one brow in question.

  "No. No, of course not." She linked her fingers together in front of her. "I guess I just want you to see him on his best behavior," she said, giving him a quick, nervous smile. "Most parents feel that way, I think."

  "I haven't had a chance to find that out," he said coldly. He bent to set the photo down. When he straightened, he looked at her with eyes as cold as his voice. "I'm not a recruiter for an exclusive nursery school, looking to be impressed, Megan. I'm his fattier."

  "I know."

  "Odd that it took you two years to figure that out."

  Before she could say anything—and what could she have said?—Kel heard the squeak of the screen door, and then the front door was pushed open. He barely noticed the man who entered. His attention was aU for the child balanced comfortably on his hip.

  Michael.

  His son.

  Chapter 11

  '*Mam

  a." Michael held out his arms when he saw Megan and she went to him immediately.

  "Hello, muffin." She took him in her arms, her eyes meeting Reed's as she did so. She read the concern in his and forced a shaky smile to let him know that she was all right, though she wasn't sure of the truth of that right now.

  With Michael in her arms, she turned to face Kel. And felt her heart nearly stop at the hunger in his eyes. It hit her suddenly that if she'd set out to do so, she could have found no more effective way to hurt Kel than to keep his child from him. That wasn't why she'd done it, but she doubted he'd ever beUeve that.

  As soon as Michael saw Kel, he went still, his wide green eyes uncertain. Megan had to clear her throat before she could speak.

  "Michael, this is Kel. He's your... your father."

  **Hello, Michael/* Kel said, his voice suspiciously gruff.

  Michael stared at the big stranger a moment longer. At two, the v/otd father had no particular meaning for him. But his mother's visitor was large and dark and unknown. With a quick jerk, he turned his face into Megan's shoulder, his smaU arms clinging to her as if expecting to be wrenched away at any moment.

  KeFs expression froze but not before Megan caught the quick flicker of hurt in his eyes. She rubbed her son's small back, struggling to keep the tension she felt from transferring itself to him.

  "He's a Uttle shy," she said to Kel. "It's just that he doesn't know you yet."

  "Who's fauh is that?" Kel asked coldly.

  "Depends on who's assigning the blame, I'd think," Reed said, his deep voice holding traces of a Southern drawl.

  Kel had almost forgotten the other man's presence. Now, his eyes cut from Megan to her landlord and employer. And what else? he wondered.

  "Kel, this is Reed Hall. Reed, this is Kel Bryan." Megan made perfunctory introductions.

  Neither man offered to shake hands as they took stock of each other. When Megan had said that she rented the house from the lawyer she worked for and then had told him that Reed was taking care of Mi-chad for her, Kel had vaguely imagined a balding, elderly gentleman, a grandfatherly type. But there was nothing grandfatherly about Reed Hall.

  He was probably not much over forty, and from the looks of his lean body, a very in-shape forty. With his

  white-blond hair and pale gieen eyes, Kel guessed most women would find him attractive. And from the easy way he'd walked into the house, he was obviously quite at home here. Was he Megan's lover as well as employer, landlord and occasional baby-sitter? The possibility did nothing to endear Reed to him.

  ''I don't think this discussion concerns you," Kel said bluntly, responding to Reed's conmient about who might be at fault.

  "Mean's a friend of mine." Reed took a step forward so that he stood next to Megan. Protectively near her, Kel noticed with irritation.

  "Reed."

  Megan set her hand on his arm, but Kel missed whatever it was she said. For a moment, it seemed to Kel that he was looking at a family. Mother, father, child. Just the way it should be. Only the child just happened to be his, not Reed Hall's.

  '*The discussion still doesn't concern you," Kel said.

  Reed started to say something but Megan forestalled him. "Could you put Michael down for his nap?" He hesitated, looking from her to Kel. "Please." She emphasized the word by tightening her fingers on his arm. "Please, Reed."

  "Sure. Come here, champ. It's nap time for you." Michael clung to his mother.

  "It's okay, Michael. Go with Uncle Reed," Megan told him.

  He held on a moment longer before allowing Reed to peel him away. Kel caught the uneasy glance the boy thiew in his direction and wond^ed if it was just that

  he felt shy around strangers or if Michael sensed the tensions in the room and had decided to place the blame squarely at Kel's feet.

  A not entirely unjustified opinion, Kel thought. And watching another man carry his son away did nothing to improve his mood. Reed Hall held the boy with the ease of familiarity, a familiarity Kel bitterly resented. He watched until the two of them disappeared through a doorway that led to the rear of the house and then turned his gaze to Megan.

  His eyes were ice green and just about as warm, Megan thought. She resisted the urge to shiver and set her hand on the back of the wing chair. She was still so darned weak from the pneumonia.

  "Uncle Reed?" he sneered. "Is that the term for it these days?"

  Megan flushed beneath the accusation in his eyes but she refused to look away. **Reed has been a very good friend to both of us," she said steadily.

  "FU just bet he has," Kd muttered.

  Megan didn't respond. She wasn't going to defend her relationship with Reed, not to Kel, not to anyone. She wondered if Reed had been right. Maybe it had been a mistake to write to Kel. At least she could have waited until she was feeling a little stronger.

>   Of course, it was the pneumonia and the lingering weakness that followed it that had made her decide to contact him in the first place. It had suddenly struck her that if something happened to her, Michael would be left alone. If she'd waited imtil she was stronger, she might have talked herself out of writing to Kel, and

  no matter how difficult this was for her, she knew it was what was best for her son.

  * * All right, I want him,'' Kel said abruptly.

  **Wh-what?" Megan felt as if she'd just been kicked in the chest. "What do you mean, you want him?"

  "That's why you contacted me, isn't it? Because you figured I'd want the boy? Well, I do. I assume I'm listed on his birth certificate?"

  Dazed, Megan nodded. She seemed to have lost track of the conversation somewhere. Kel thought she wanted him to take Michael?

  "Then there shouldn't be any problem with my getting custody," he said briskly. "There'll be a lot of paperwork but—''

  "There won't be any paperwork." She heard the shrillness in her voice but made no effort to lower it. "Why would you think I wanted you to take him?"

  "Because you've discovered that being a single mother isn't easy. Maybe Uncle Reed doesn't mind being an uncle but he objects to being a daddy." Kel shrugged his indifference to her reasons. "I don't really care why. I just want to be sure the transition is as easy for him as possible."

  "There's not going to be any transition." Megan's hand was trembling as she lifted it to her head. She wanted to sound forceful but she couldn't seem to catch her breath. Damn this weakness. Her voice soimded more shaken than commanding. "I'm not giving you custody of my son."

  "My son, too," he reminded her in a silky voice. "Fathers have rights these days, especially in court."

  **In court?'* Megan stared at him. She was suddenly light-headed, and it seemed as if the floor was rocking under her.

  "Megan?" Kel's voice was sharp. She looked white as a sheet, he thought. Abruptly, he remembered what she'd said about having been ill. She swayed and he took a quick step toward her. "Are you okay?"

  "Fm fine," she said weakly and promptly fainted.

  Kel caught her before she hit the floor, lifting her in his arms as easily as if she were a child. Not that she weighed much more than a child, he thought, shocked by the fragile feel of her in his arms.