For the Love of Raindrops

by Beth Michele

  It’s just a gift, I tell myself. But my brain floods with confusion. Mostly because it can’t keep up with my heart. Because my heart is sprinting a damn marathon and Evie is end-game for me. She’s my sole reason for running. The one person who knows me inside and out. All of my quirks, my hang-ups, my desires, my pain. Warmth spreads over me right when that chill of self-doubt sneaks up, shutting me down.

  “Okay. We’re done!” She claps her hands together and I blink my thoughts away, choosing instead to focus on the excitement barreling through me. I feel like a twelve-year-old who just got the most awesome gift ever, and in some ways, I am. My growth stunted by parents who, for whatever reason, weren’t able to express any kind of emotion for me. Determination lights a fire in my belly. I refuse to be like them.

  “Let’s go, Dills. The sky is waiting.” Evie’s voice forces out a much-needed breath. She helps me lift the telescope and we make our way through the glass doors out to the small wooden deck attached to the back of her house. Weathered planks jostle under our feet as we steady the telescope before placing it down toward the edge.

  “We’re not going to fall through, are we?” I joke, and she cocks her head sideways, while her cute little lips turn in.

  “No. And since we’re on the subject, maybe you can help me put down a new deck over the summer. I think it might be time.” Her eyes grow misty, a watery blue. “Dad was planning on doing it that summer… well….”

  “Hey.” My hand does a gentle slide down her arm before it falls away. “Yes, I think it’s definitely time, and I’d love to do that for you.” I nod my head toward the stars. “Come on. Let’s break this baby in.” I smile, grateful when she does too. I slowly tilt the telescope up toward the sky and step forward. When I look through it, my eyes grow wide and a giant grin takes up residence on my face. “Oh my God, Evie, this is amazing. Wow. Come here, have a look.” Pulling her over to me, I stand behind her while she bends down, gazing out into the universe. My hand settles on her hip, chin against her shoulder. Her hair tickles my cheek and the fragrant smell of vanilla passes under my nose. “What do you think?”

  She takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I think it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “Describe what you see.”

  “I see… stretches of darkness covered by a million tiny bursts of light. I see diamonds glittering in the sky.” She turns her head, the soft skin of her cheek resting against the roughness of my jaw. “I see infinite possibility.” A shiver marches down her back and I snake my arms around her belly, hugging her to me. “What do you see?” she whispers.

  The words you, only you climb up my throat, but melt on my tongue before they slip from my mouth. Instead, I channel my feelings into my thoughts about the sky. After all, Evie is my sky. She is everywhere.

  “I see infinite possibility, too. And you know what else I see?” The sky hypnotizes me and my words flow freely. “I see a dark canvas painted in streaks of brilliant white light, a twinkling sea of endless beauty, rendering the sky magnificent.”

  “Wow. That’s beautiful, so poetic.”

  Hovering near her ear, I whisper, “This is the best gift anyone has given me. Ever.”

  She rests her hands over mine and this is my heaven. I could stay like this forever, just Evie and me, and the stars. “I’ve got game like that,” she says, laughing, and I throw my head back and laugh right along with her.

  Time passes and the temperature begins to drop yet we can’t tear our gazes away from the sky. We stay outside, breathless, until my fingers graze her arm. “Evie, let’s go. You’re getting cold.”

  “I wish we could stay out here all night, but you’re right, I am cold.” She giggles, lifting one side of the telescope as I raise the other, and we carry it inside. “I’ll help you bring it across to your house.”

  “No.” We set it down just inside of the double glass doors. “I want to leave it here. We always look at the stars together, right?”

  “Right,” she agrees, her mouth curling into a happy smile. She walks me to the front door and then out onto the sidewalk. Our eyes are still drawn to the sky, illuminated by the brightest stars.

  “Evie….” I focus on a patch of grass, one hand shoved in my pocket, suddenly at a loss for words. “You know I’m not a big fan of my birthday, but… you’ve helped me change that in so many ways. You make me want to celebrate.” My eyes climb to hers and I shrug my shoulders. “You make me glad that I was born.”

  There’s an audible pause in her breathing as our eyes tangle with one another. Mine trying to desperately communicate what I can’t will my voice to say. But when she pierces me with those deep blues, she shoots an arrow straight to my soul, stripping me bare. My heart speeds up at being so exposed. I’m an open book when it comes to her. Even though she’s the only one who can’t see what’s right in front of her.

  She comes toward me and presses her lips to my cheek. “Happy Birthday, Dylan. Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight, Evie,” I whisper, as I watch her walk away, her long hair glistening in the moonlight.

  With a quick twist of my key, I unlock the door. I’m about to head upstairs when I spot Jordan sitting in the dark. “Hey, what are you doing up?” I flick on the dim lamp before sinking down beside him.

  “I was waiting for you, actually.” He’s holding a beer, rolling the bottle around as he stares at it thoughtfully.

  “You okay?” I turn sideways and lean my arm against the back of the couch.

  “Yeah. I just wanted to talk to you. How did everything go with Evie?”

  “It went great.” And as always, I’m smiling too big. “You’ll never believe it. She bought me that telescope I’ve wanted for years.”

  There’s a glimmer of surprise in his eyes when they meet mine. “The NexStar, seriously? That thing costs a fortune.”

  “I know, and with her saving up for school and all, this was pretty unexpected.” I pick at the cracked leather on the sofa. “But is that really what you wanted to talk about?”

  “No,” he says, his stare returning to the bottle as he flicks the edges of the label. “Well, I got to thinking today, being your birthday and all,” he begins, peeling the label away with his fingertips, “I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry? For what, Jordy?” My face twists, surely showing my confusion. I can’t think of anything my brother would need to apologize for. I’m the one who needs to get down on my hands and knees and beg for his forgiveness for being such an asshole.

  “Well, for the way Mom and Dad never made a big deal about your birthday, but always made a big deal about mine.”

  “Hey,” I clasp his shoulder and he glances up at me, “that wasn’t your fault. You don’t have anything to be sorry about. You always bent over backwards to make sure I had a good birthday. You and Evie were the only ones who did.” I shrug and release a hard sigh. “I don’t know why you were the golden boy and I was, well, whatever I was, but it’s definitely not your fault, bro. I don’t want you to ever blame yourself for that.”

  I take the beer from his hand and place it on the table, needing his full attention. “If anything, I’m the one who needs to apologize for treating you like absolute shit after Mom died and Dad deserted us. You didn’t deserve that, you know? I mean, you knew how much drawing meant to me and you were the first one to buy me a sketchpad. Jesus, Jordy, you saved me from myself time and time again. You’ve always been there for me, and I love you for that.” A sheepish grin passes over his face and I wrap the crook of my elbow around his neck to put him in a headlock. “Boy, what is it about birthdays making everyone suckers.”

  “Well, as long as you know this sucker loves you,” he mumbles.

  I release my hold on him, but keep him close. “Come on, I’m tired as hell. Let’s get some shut eye.”

  “Oh hey,” he says as we climb the stairs, “Grandma Molly called today. She’s coming to stay the weekend and maybe a bit long
er.”

  I stop on the top step and turn to him. “Is she okay?”

  “Yeah. She’s fine.” He starts walking toward his room, but looks back over his shoulder. “It’s her bi-annual visit, a little early. She just said she misses her boys.”

  Something inside me softens. When I was growing up, Grandma and Grandpa’s visits, while few and far between, were always my favorite. They gave me a sense of something I longed for, a family. My chest loosens and I smile. Our house is going to feel like a home again.

  MY CELL PHONE rings, startling me out of a deep slumber. Clumsily, I make a grab for it on the bedside table, knocking over the lamp in the process. “H-hello,” I answer on a yawn, my voice gravelly from sleep. I reach down and snatch the lamp off the floor, placing it back on the table.

  “Dylan.” The voice on the other end sounds shaky and frazzled, jolting me awake.

  “Zoey?” I clear the sleep from my eyes with the back of my hand. The clock reads 3:00 a.m. Something’s not right. “What’s wrong? Is Evie okay?”

  “No. She needs you, can you come over?”

  Without so much as a reply, I drop the phone and scramble to shrug on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before finding my keys, darting down the stairs, and bolting across the street. Zoey is waiting for me at the door.

  “What’s going on? You have me worried as shit.” I scrape a hand roughly through my hair, fiddling with my keys.

  “She’s upstairs. I got home from work a little over an hour ago and passed out, but I woke up to her screaming. She’s hysterical. She must’ve had a bad dream but she’s not saying anything. She keeps talking to herself and she’s scaring me.”

  Zoey never gets rattled, but the creases around her eyes and the way she’s wringing her hands has me freaked out. I gently touch her arm before taking the stairs two at a time, pushing the door open to Evie’s room.

  “Jesus.”

  Evie is rocking back and forth on the bed, silent tears coursing down her cheeks. She’s mumbling as she stares at her trembling hands, her voice so strained that I can’t make out the words. I go to her, the bed shifting under my weight as I sit down, but she shows no awareness of my being here. Her skin is pale, eyes glazed over, lip quivering. My chest constricts and my breathing shallows at the sight.

  I immediately take her hands in mine, trying to steady them. Her skin is clammy and cold and I squeeze gently, a subtle indication of my presence. When she still doesn’t respond, I let go and cup her face, speaking softly. “Evie, it’s me, Dylan. I’m here, it’s okay,” I tell her over and over again. My thumbs do a slow caress of her cheeks, wiping her tears as I try to soothe her.

  She’s shaking her head frantically, eyes darting around the room. “Th-there’s blood. Th-there’s too much blood. It’s e-everywhere..N-no… please, no….”

  Pulling her tight against me, I hold her as she shakes uncontrollably, sweat dripping from her skin. “Shhh… Evie… Shhh… you had a bad dream. I’m here, sweet girl,” I whisper, “and you’re safe.”

  After a few minutes of gentle swaying, her sobs turn to soft cries. “Dylan?”

  “Yes, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Oh, Dylan,” she nuzzles her face in my neck, continuing to cry, “the blood… and… glass… the sirens. They were so loud. I was so scared.”

  I gently stroke her hair. “I know you were, Evie, I know. It’s okay now… shhh… I’m here… and you’re safe.”

  She latches on to me tightly, her arms around my waist, head nestled under my chin. We stay like that, unmoving for several minutes until she backs away. Her eyes are filled with anguish, and so much sadness that it nearly breaks me in two.

  Something red on the sheet forces my glance downward, where fresh drops of blood penetrate the fabric. Abruptly, I release her, scanning every inch of her body and settling on her leg. “Jesus, Evie, you’re bleeding.” She looks down and her eyes swell, a pained wince sagging her features as she takes in the blood trickling down her thigh.

  “I was trying to scrape the blood off of me. My mother’s blood. It was everywhere.”

  The sight of it on her skin turns my stomach, reinforcing the thought I always struggle to push away—it could have been her that night.

  “I’ll be right back.” I race out of the room, fumbling through layers of towels in the hallway closet to find a washcloth, then rush to the bathroom to soak it in warm water. I frantically dig through the top drawer of the vanity for some ointment along with a few band-aids and hurry back to her. “You’re okay.” I keep my voice calm as I take a seat cross-legged in front of her. She flinches when I dab the cloth against the raw spots on her thigh. I can’t imagine how bad it must have been for her to gouge her flesh.

  After cleaning the cuts, I spread the cream in small circles before adhering the band-aids to her skin. “Can you tell me what happened?” My eyes hold her gaze as I continue to soothe her, my finger running down her cheek, still cold to the touch.

  “I saw them… they were… sprawled out all over the road… there was blood everywhere. Their arms and legs were mangled.” She swallows down a sob. “I was lying on my mother’s chest. I kept pounding on it, begging her to open her eyes, but she wouldn’t. There was nothing. Her heart wasn’t beating. I wanted it to beat, Dylan. I needed them to live.”

  More tears stream down her cheeks and I brush them away. “I know, Evie, I know.” Resting my forehead against hers, I lace my hands underneath her hair and massage her skin in a rhythmic motion. I clamp my eyes shut, silently willing the past to change, to bring them back for her. “I wish that, too. I wish that for you so much.” I place a gentle kiss to her forehead, leaving my lips pressed against her skin so she can know that I am here, that I’m not going anywhere.

  “Will you stay with me?” she asks, her tears wetting my skin, breath heavy against my neck.

  “Of course. I’ll stay with you as long as you want me to,” I tell her, breaking away just long enough to take off my shoes, when the realization hits that I’m barefoot, having rushed over here so quickly that I forgot to put them on. I wait until she eases herself down onto the pillows and I slide in beside her, drawing her close. Her head rests on my chest, my fingers stroking her bare arm. I kiss her hair, whispering, “Lean on me, okay. I’m here for you.”

  “Promise me you’ll never leave me, because I couldn’t bear it if you did.”

  My breath hitches at her words. In my heart I know that she’s my forever and I wish upon every star in the sky that I might be hers. I take my index finger and slip it under her chin, raising her face to meet mine. “I will never leave you, Evie. Ever.”

  She smiles, and the light leaking through the window shines a wash of relief across her face. She lays her head back down on my chest, her hair a soft sweep against my shoulder.

  Minutes later, she’s fast asleep in my arms, but I’m staring at the ceiling, my eyes refusing to close. We are cloaked in darkness, yet I feel light everywhere, weightless, as if I’m floating on a cloud. My breathing the only weight amidst the silence as I lie awake listening to Evie’s peaceful inhales. Her slow, steady heartbeat against mine.

  Leisurely, I let my hand wander down her back until I reach the sliver of skin between her tank and her shorts. My thumb draws lazy circles there, her skin so smooth that my eyes close and I have to force myself to breathe again. I haven’t been this close to her physically in years and it hits me hard how good she feels beside me. We fit together, she and I, like two pieces of an intricate puzzle. My thoughts run rampant and I try not to dwell on just how well we’re fitting together at this moment, her curves with mine.

  Instead, I gather her close, my heart finally slowing to a restful beat, grateful that she is here with me—and not a part of that horrific dream that sent her screaming into the night.

  I WAKE UP to the steady thump of rain against the window. The glare from Evie’s nightlight, the one she’s needed since the accident, casts a muted glow over the room.

/>   Guessing it must still be pretty early, I roll over and reach for her, only to discover she isn’t here. That fact alone shocks me awake and my arm flies out and smacks her digital clock on the nightstand, knocking a notepad onto the bed. The printed saying on the top of the page makes me chuckle. It’s Evie’s way or the highway. Yeah, that sounds about right. Underneath her motto there’s a short note.

  Went for an early morning run and then to the salon to get some things done before we open. Thank you, Dills, for last night. Evie

  She ran in the rain. That’s no surprise. But what does surprise me is the time. The clock says it’s only six. Why would she need to be at the salon so early? That seems a bit extreme. The thought occurs to me that maybe she feels awkward about last night, and she has absolutely no reason to. She needed me and I was there. Plain and simple. I know Evie, though, and she doesn’t want to have to rely on anyone that way.

  I slide my cell phone off the table and dial her number. She picks up on the first ring and the peppy sound of her voice helps to loosen the tightness in my chest. “Hey, Dills.”

  “Hey. I just wanted to check on you after last night. Make sure you’re okay.”

  “Oh. Yeah… I-I’m fine. I just needed to get some things done here and the best time is when it’s quiet.”

  I was wrong. She’s masking something in that cheerful tone and I want to know what it is, and more importantly, why she won’t tell me. She tells me everything.

  “All right. Well, I’m going into the diner soon and I’m working until late so… I’ll talk to you tomorrow? Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask again in hopes she’ll share whatever is bothering her. I can read her too well now, so there’s really nowhere for her to hide.

  “Yeah, I’m just tired. Really. Last night took a lot out of me.” There’s more to it than that, and my gut twists in confusion and worry.

  “Okay. Well,” I hesitate, not wanting to hang up, “I’ll check in on you later.”