For the Love of Raindrops

by Beth Michele

  “I’m scared though. Scared to want him as much as I do… to need him. Because I’m terrified of losing him. But I guess I’ve finally realized that he’s worth the risk.”

  My fingers whisk back and forth over the smooth blades of grass. “Anyway, I know I’m rambling. I miss you. I miss our talks and hearing you play the piano. The other day I came around the corner to the kitchen and I swore I heard you and Dad laughing, trying to sneak kisses again. I wish you both were here. I mean, I know you’re with me, I feel you. But… I wish I could hug you again.”

  I press a kiss to my palm and touch each of their headstones. “I love you. I’ll see you next week.” I stand up, dusting grass from the back of my skirt. “Oh, and try not to keep everyone awake here with your… shenanigans.”

  I walk back down the path with a smile on my face, and a lightness in my heart.

  I’M SITTING ON Evie’s porch, my forearms on my knees, head in my hands. Waiting. All I do is wait. Wait for my life to start. Wait for my world to come crashing down around me. Right now, though, I’m waiting for my salvation. For the only person I can shed my skin with. The person who has seen all the ugliness in my life… and she’s still here.

  My one constant.

  Evie’s car door slams and I think I breathe for the first time in the last hour I’ve been sitting here.

  “Dylan?”

  I lift my head and without another word, barrel in her direction. My arms surround her and I squeeze, probably too tight, while I bury my face in her hair.

  “Whoa, hey, I guess you’re happy to see me,” she teases. But when she draws back, I’m not laughing. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “Everything.”

  She studies my face for several seconds before taking my hand in hers. “Let’s go inside.”

  She flicks the switch on the lamp then drops her purse on the chair. “Do you want some water or something, Coke?”

  I shake my head and collapse onto the couch. My whole body is limp, like I’m coming down from a really bad high. I wish I didn’t know what that felt like.

  Evie takes a seat beside me, crossing her legs and facing me to give me her full attention. Her hand settles on my arm and my muscles breathe a sigh of relief. “Tell me what happened.”

  The breath that I blow out does nothing to release the utter devastation that has somehow latched on to me, refusing to let go. I turn my head sideways, meeting her blue eyes, laced with concern. “Luke Bain is dead.”

  Her mouth forms an O, her gaze widens then narrows. “Oh, God, Dylan. I’m so sorry.” She immediately moves closer, laying her head on my shoulder, her hand finding mine.

  The fact that she doesn’t ask the how of what happened has so much significance to me. The only thing that’s important to her is me, and where I’m at with all of this. That’s what makes me want to pour my heart out to her, every damn time.

  “When I first met Luke at the center, he… he acted like he was this tough guy. But I could see right through him, maybe because I felt the same way. Underneath it all, he was broken. In many ways, so much worse than me.” I stare blankly at the pictures on the wall. “I thought he had gotten better. We hung out every now and then, and he seemed like he was doing pretty well.”

  I bring my free hand to my head, squeezing my temples to relieve the pressure. “I guess it was all an act. I ran into Mr. Thomson at the diner. Luke… he committed suicide last year. He must have been in so much pain. It’s like my mother all over again.”

  Evie crawls into my lap and wraps her arms around my neck, holding me. Several long minutes go by, my mind running on a loop, the memories assaulting me.

  My voice is tight when I finally speak, woven with pain and regret. “I was so angry. All I did was snap all the time. I look back and wonder who the hell that was… the drinking, the fighting, even the attempt at drugs. I didn’t understand it then,” I admit, “but I think I do now. Especially the fighting, it’s like I craved that control. I didn’t care about how much it hurt, because it drowned out all the other pain I had no control over. Jesus, Evie, I don’t know how you put up with me back then.”

  Lifting her head, she pulls back, brushing away the hair falling over my eyes. “That’s because I didn’t put up with you, I put you in your place, remember?”

  And I do.

  “I knew I’d find you here,” Evie said, approaching me in the park as if I were a wild animal. I certainly was acting like one, but I couldn’t help it.

  “What are you doing here, Evie?” I didn’t look at her when I spoke. I couldn’t bear to see the disappointment I kept finding in everyone else’s eyes. Instead, I kicked around rocks on the pavement, wanting to be angry. It was easier that way.

  “Listen, I know it sucks going to that after-school program, but—”

  “No, you don’t know, Evie. Because you’re good and kind, and perfect, and you never do anything wrong. Unlike me.” I picked up a rock and chucked it at the nearest tree. “Let’s face it, I’m a loser, just like my father always said I was.” Then I laughed, but it was seedy. “Now I have a rotation around the house, to do shit I don’t want to do, even cleaning the fucking toilets. I told Jordy I’m not doing it and he can go to hell.”

  “Dylan.” Something about her voice made me turn to her then, and I was surprised that there were no traces of disappointment on her face, only compassion, determination. She put her hands on her hips and glared at me with those pretty eyes. “You are not a loser. But Grandma Molly and Jordy are only trying to help you, and you’re being… well… you’re acting—”

  “Spit it out, Evie.”

  She blew out air from her mouth that I swear landed on my face. “They love you and you’re acting like a colossal jerk!” she screamed. “Get over yourself!”

  “A colossal jerk?”

  “Yes, the colossalest,” she said, standing up straighter, trying to make herself taller than me.

  “That’s not even a word, Hopper. And you know you wanted to say asshole. It’s okay, you can swear.”

  “No.”

  I stared back down at the ground for a minute, some of my anger slipping away. Then I glanced back up at Evie. “The colossalest, huh?” I couldn’t help it, I burst into laughter.

  “Yup.” Then she laughed, too. “Now come on, let’s go to 7-Eleven and get a blue slushee.”

  “I knew you were going through hell, Dylan.” The sound of her voice reels me back in. “You were just a kid, and that’s not anything any child should ever have to go through. There’s only so much one person can take. Besides, that’s what friends do for each other. Don’t forget, that even after everything you went through, when my parents died, you were by my side every minute. There’s no way I would have gotten through that without you.” She caresses the scar running the length of my jaw and I place my hand over hers.

  “Now this scar is even more of a reminder of all the bad… and how I just can’t get away from it.”

  “You can choose to see it that way, if you want,” she offers, “but maybe it’s something else. Maybe it’s a reminder of life. To make each day count. Who knows, maybe that’s Luke’s way of tapping you on the shoulder, telling you to make something of your life.”

  I push a ribbon of hair over her shoulder, repeatedly astounded by her ability to always see the good in every situation. “You always see the positive, don’t you?”

  “I make a choice to,” she shrugs, her lips tilting up slightly, “maybe because I don’t like the alternative.”

  “I don’t know. It was just so overwhelming when Mr. Thomson told me. It made me realize that I might have ended up the same way if it hadn’t been for Jordy. So, it’s yet another reminder of how I owe him, big time.”

  Evie lets her hand fall, exhaling a breath. I can sense her frustration. It’s an emotion I’ve felt my whole life. And when her eyes come back to mine, they are darker, angry even.

  “That’s bullshit, Dylan. And I’m getting tired of hearing you say th
at. It’s just not true.”

  “Did you just swear, Hopper?” I try to lighten the moment, but she’s not having any of it.

  “Don’t make jokes right now, Dylan. I’m not kidding. You don’t owe Jordan anything. He saved you because he loves you, and that’s what you do for the people you love. He’s your brother, and you would’ve done the same for him. He certainly didn’t pull you away from all that so you could stay at the diner for the rest of your life. The only thing you owe him is going out and living your life, being happy.”

  But she doesn’t stop there, her eyes beginning to brighten a little. “I mean, look at you. You’re right about one thing. You could be in a totally different place, but you’re not. That’s not all because of Jordy. That’s because of you. Because of your strength, your commitment, your compassion. There’s so much good in you, Dylan. I wish you could see it.”

  “You know what I see?” I bring her face to mine, my hand curving around her cheek. Her gaze softens as she leans into my touch. “I see the one person I know who I am with, where there aren’t any pretenses, any walls, it’s just me. And that’s who I want to be able to show the world. The me I am when I’m with you.”

  “You know,” she says, her eyes aglow with mischief, “remember all those times we’d look at the stars together, and you’d go inside while I stayed out a bit longer? You always wondered what I was doing.” She presses her lips together as if she has a secret. “Well, it was because I found the brightest star and made a wish that things could be different for you, that you weren’t so sad, so angry. But as I got older, I came to understand that as much as I wished things could have been different, that would have meant you would have been different too, and I wouldn’t want you any other way than you are now.

  “You’ve always told me how strong I am considering my circumstances. But don’t you see?” she says, her fingers whispering down my cheek. “Look at where you’ve come from and what you’ve become. It’s beautiful, really.” Blue eyes to brown, she adds, “Maybe the beauty came from the darkness. So maybe the darkness led you to the light. So be that, Dylan,” she urges, “don’t be afraid to show that light to the world.”

  And then, as if she knows where my mind is headed, she fills it with words that I longed to hear for so many years from the two people who never bothered to utter them. “You’re good enough, Dylan. More than good enough. Please believe that.”

  I let my hands glide down the smooth column of her neck and draw her to me, desperate for the connection that only we share. “What did I ever do to deserve you?” I whisper against her lips, and her returning smile is warm against my skin.

  “Probably the same crazy things I did to deserve you. Which makes us… perfect for each other, don’t you think?”

  “Absolutely perfect.” I gather her hair up, bringing my lips to the soft flesh of her neck, dragging them slowly down her skin, tasting her, inhaling her. My heart taps out a furious beat. I don’t know what the hell is happening in my life anymore, but I do know that the girl I’ve loved and longed for is right in front of me. And I’m not wasting another minute.

  I kiss her softly on the mouth then lean back, tracing her features with my eyes. “I want to make love to you, Evie….” I leave the words dangling in the air and wait, holding my breath.

  She scoots forward on my lap, taking my face in her hands, her mouth moving toward mine. In a breathy whisper, she gives me her answer. “Yes.”

  I grin, then hoist myself off the sofa, gripping her ass as she hikes her legs around my waist. Her lips refuse to leave mine as I carry her up the stairs. She’s driving me crazy, fingers tugging on my hair, tongue seeking and devouring. My hands are all over her, sliding under her shirt, skimming her hips, her ribs, her breasts.

  By the time we stumble through her bedroom door, we’re a flurry of tongues and hands, and lips.

  Desperate for one another, she grabs the edges of my shirt to tear it off while I fumble with the buttons on her blouse. Reaching between us, she rips open the clasp on my jeans, shoving them down, and I yank her skirt and panties off. Clothes are flying all over the room as our kisses grow more frenzied.

  Finally, when there isn’t a shred of fabric left touching our skin, I manage to get us over to the bed, flinging our bodies with a clumsy ease. Evie detaches her mouth from mine, hysterical laughter streaming from her perfect lips.

  “What?” I chuckle, removing a piece of hair that’s stuck to her cheek.

  Her eyes are glimmering a bright blue, and I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. With her chest rising and falling rapidly, she says, “You’d think we’d never touched another person before in our lives.”

  My laughter fades, as does hers when our gazes collide. “I’m not sure I have ever touched anyone, then. Because touching someone has never made me feel this way before.” I press a kiss to the inside of her palm, my lips lingering, breathing ragged. “I want to drown in you, Evie, and I don’t ever want to come up for air.”

  She gasps and bows her head, intensity burning in her eyes. She kicks the covers and scoots back against the pillows so I can nestle between her legs. Her heart is beating as fast as mine, pulse dancing feverishly in her neck. Curves of smooth, creamy skin meld with my own and I’m not sure I’ve ever been this hard. I’m throbbing, desperate to be inside her.

  “You are so fucking beautiful.”

  I dip my head then, taking her taut nipple into my mouth, flicking it back and forth with my tongue. She hums a noise of approval in her throat as she tilts her hips up against my cock, driving me insane with want.

  “Dylan,” she moans, her palms drifting over my back, urging me closer. I can tell she feels it too—the desperation, the need.

  “I have to make sure you’re ready, Evie.” I kiss down her stomach, trailing a path with my tongue. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t.” The confidence in her tone makes me raise my chin, and her cheeks pink.

  “Are you wet for me?”

  “Yes,” and she moans again as my fingers wander lower, brushing her sex. When I discover she’s drenched, I close my eyes and suck in a jagged breath.

  “Jesus.”

  “It’s your fault,” she teases, her eyes fluttering with amusement. But as I climb back up her body, all playfulness disappears from her gaze, sending a shiver rushing over my skin. She’s looking at me as if I’m the only one who matters. My whole world falls away. Nothing else exists except us. “Make love to me, Dylan.”

  My jeans are on the floor and I scramble to remove the condom from my wallet before returning to her. She never takes her eyes from mine as I rip open the package and roll it over my erection. I settle between her thighs, my body trembling with want as I position myself at her entrance. Easing in gradually, I stare at her mouth as it opens but no sound comes out. Dots of sweat line her forehead and she’s trembling, too.

  “You okay? You’re sure?” She nods with no hesitation, and ever so slowly, I slide inside, rocking my hips, gently thrusting in, then pulling out. Too much emotion floods me at once. All the things I’ve never been able to say being expressed in the way my body fills her.

  A needy whimper slips from her mouth and I groan. “God, Evie, I’ve thought about what it would be like to be inside you for so long… you feel so good,” I murmur, our gazes unwavering as I sink deeper inside of her.

  She pulls my lips down to hers, sweeping her tongue over mine, and whimpers into my mouth. I speed up, circling my hips and she joins me, arching into my rhythm. We rotate between tender and rough as our kisses become more urgent, our breathing hurried and ragged.

  A shudder flows through me as we connect in ways I’ve only dreamed of. The single thought floating through my mind—I want this to last forever.

  “Dylan,” she cries out, and her head falls back, eyelids beginning to close.

  “Look at me, Evie,” I command gently and she does. Her skin flushes and she clutches on to my shoulders, shivers of pleasure tr
ickling through her body as she lets go. After rocking into her a few more times, she leads me into my own state of bliss.

  “Evie,” I growl, as I lose control, dropping my forehead against her shoulder and letting out a long groan into her neck. She threads her fingers through my hair and I bring my cheek to hers. Both of us panting, but continuing to touch each other, not wanting to let go. I feather kisses across her brow, her eyes, her cheek, her chin. “My Evie,” I whisper, as her hands cup my neck, and goose bumps travel the length of my skin.

  “Dylan, I—”

  “Evie,” I sigh her name, still trying to calm my breathing, “you don’t have to say anything.”

  “I love you.”

  She loves me.

  My eyes fly up to hers, my heart slamming against my chest. “Except that. You can definitely say that.”

  She flashes me a beaming smile as the realization of what she just said sinks in.

  “Wait, what?”

  “You heard me.” Her arched brows rise on a grin. “You just want me to say it again.”

  “Hell yes, I do. Say it again, woman.”

  “No.”

  “What am I going to do with you, Evie?” She sears me with her gaze, and I know exactly what I’m going to do. I crush my lips to hers, my tongue gaining entry into her warm mouth as we grind our bodies against one another. Sweat slips down our skin and even though I haven’t pulled out of her yet, I find myself wanting her again.

  Our lips separate, and I roll off of her so I can remove the condom. After tying it up, I toss it in the trash, then fall back onto the pillow. Evie rests her head against her bent arm and I lie on my side, facing her. My fingers do a lazy stroll up and down her wrist and she sighs. It sounds weightless and happy, and I smile.