by Kelly Favor
The UFF and other fighting organizations did random drug testing and I’d decided that I didn’t want to risk having anything come back on a test. Not only that, but I knew from past experience that once I started smoking and drinking heavily, I tended to get myself in trouble.
But tonight I didn’t care about any of that shit. Tonight I just wanted to have fun and try to forget about Lindsay, put her out of my head entirely, once and for all.
My eyes watered and I coughed a few times as everyone clapped at our little display.
“I’m Jennifer,” the blond girl said. Her voice was a little husky, raspy, the telltale sign of a heavy smoker.
“I’m JB,” I replied. “Nice to meet you.”
She handed me the joint now and I took another couple of hits before passing it off to Begsy, who shook his head at me and moved away to socialize with other people.
Jennifer ran her fingers through her hair and looked me over. “Do you always look this pissed off when you’re at a party with a girl who just kissed you?”
“Do you always shotgun weed with strange dudes at parties?” I replied.
“Sometimes. If he’s really sexy.”
I smiled and drank some of my beer. “You want something to drink?”
“I’d love something harder than beer.”
“Big Timmy has harder stuff,” I assured her, grabbing her hand. “Come on, let’s get you sorted out.”
***
I wasn’t even sure how much time had passed. Everything was a blur, a haze of booze and pot. My head was cloudy with it all, my mind a mishmash of nonsense, and everything was slow—as if my very thoughts themselves were drunk and high on an individual level.
It had been so long since I’d gotten high, that I’d assumed I could handle more than I could. Or maybe Big Timmy had gotten some of that good chronic in from his supplier.
All I knew was that at some point during the night, Jennifer and I started making out on the couch in Timmy’s “man cave.” And then she whispered something in my ear about how she lived nearby…
Before I knew it, I was back at Jennifer’s tiny studio apartment, lying on her futon bed while she straddled me, and there was gangsta rap playing on her iPod. We were both still fully clothed, but Jennifer was trying to change that fast.
She pulled off her tank top and tossed it over the side of the bed. She still had her bra on, and her jeans. She looked down at me and smiled. “I bet you have a fucking awesome six pack,” she said, and pulled my t-shirt up to reveal my stomach. Her eyes widened. “Holy shit, it’s even better than I thought.” She began running her hands along my midsection.
“My goal in life isn’t to have great abs,” I told her. “I just got that from training to fight.”
“I know,” she replied. “Everyone told me you’re a wicked good fighter.”
“Who told you?” I asked, pulling my t-shirt back down again.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Timmy. Some other people. You know every girl at that party wanted to fuck you. Right?”
“No, I didn’t know that.”
“Well it’s true. But only I’m going to actually do it.” And that being said, she started unbuckling my belt.
Suddenly, I had a strange moment of clarity. The fog that had been sitting in my brain seemed to disperse momentarily, and I realized where I was and who I was with.
And more to the point, who I wasn’t with.
Lindsay’s face appeared in my mind, and I saw her smiling that shy little smile. I heard her voice, the softness and innocence of it.
“What the hell am I doing here?” I said.
“What?” Jennifer stared at me. “What did you say?”
“Sorry, I… I didn’t know I was talking out loud.”
She slid off me, covering her chest with her hands and looking disturbed. “I thought you wanted to be here. I thought you liked me.”
“Listen, you’re a nice girl, but—”
“Save your bullshit for someone who actually believes it,” she replied. Her whole attitude had changed in a flash.
I sat up. “Hey, I’m sorry. I’m just really drunk and high right now. I’m not thinking straight.”
“Get out.”
I stood up, trying to think of something else I could say. But Jennifer wasn’t looking at me, she was just waiting for me to leave.
And a moment later, I did.
The cool night air hit my face and woke me up a little bit as I exited Jennifer’s apartment building. It was late, and the streets were mostly empty. I was glad to be able to walk and sober up a little with the fresh air and the brisk wind.
By the time I got home, I was tired and starting to feel sick to my stomach. The room was even spinning a little as I fell into my bed, but I didn’t much care.
All I could seem to think about was Lindsay, replaying the night we’d had together and how much I wanted to see her again. Even though I knew we weren’t right for each other, and even though I knew she could never accept my world, I didn’t want to give up on her yet.
You might be a little crazy, I thought as I spun off to sleep. But if I’m crazy, I’m also smart enough to know that Lindsay is different from any girl I’ve ever met. And maybe she’s worth fighting for, too.
LINDSAY
Justin.
He was my first thought when I woke up the next morning. I could still remember the way his hand felt in mine, the way his eyes burned when he looked at me, the sense of danger that simmered just under the surface whenever I was around him.
I didn’t want him to leave last night. Yes, I’d told him to go -- but as soon as I was heading back to my dorm, I was filled with regret. It had thrown me completely off guard, the way his friends showed up out of nowhere like that. Justin’s whole demeanor changed, and I’d felt instantly out of place. It reminded me of the way I used to feel in high school whenever anyone would talk about a party they’d gone to or a game they’d attended.
I rolled over in bed and checked the clock. Nine a.m. My first class, organic chemistry, was at ten. My first real day of college, and all I could think about was a boy.
How pathetic.
Well. I wasn’t going to let Justin Brown ruin my day.
I glanced over at the bed across the room. Rachel was still asleep, her blonde hair fanned out on her pillow.
A second later, she opened her eyes and blinked at me sleepily.
“Good morning,” she said cheerfully. She looked at the clock. “I can’t believe I slept so late.”
She stretched her whole body, yawned, then jumped out of bed. She was wearing a white t-shirt that barely covered her stomach and a pink thong. Okayyy. Apparently she didn’t have a problem with nudity.
“Wanna walk to class together?” She was already at the closet, flicking through her clothes.
“My first class is organic chemistry. It starts at ten.” I sat up in bed. I was staring to get excited. I knew it was dorky, but I was excited about the prospect of starting o-chem. The professor had done a lot of research in the area of molecular imaging, and he was supposed to be brilliant.
“Mine too!” Rachel squealed. “With Klaxton? We can walk over together!”
“You’re taking organic chemistry? With Professor Klaxton?” I tried not to sound incredulous.
She nodded.
“Um, okay. Let me just shower.”
I grabbed my shampoo and bathroom stuff, showered quickly and then dressed in a pair of jeans and a purple tank top. I’d heard that New England was supposed to be cold, but even though it was the end of August, there was no sign of fall. The temperature was supposed to be in the mid-eighties.
When we got to class, Rachel suddenly became all business.
“We should sit up front,” she instructed. “So we’ll be taken seriously.”
I had no problem with sitting up front. In fact, I liked to sit in the front row. I’d read a study once that said students who sat in the front row tended to absorb information better. I
wasn’t sure if it was true or not, but I liked to think it was. Was it possible that I’d had Rachel all wrong? Maybe she was one of those eccentric geniuses you were always hearing about.
We settled into the front row, and I pulled out my notebook and pen.
Rachel pulled out her own notebook, which was black and had a cartoon drawing of a woman wearing a flowing white gown on the front.
“It’s Athena,” Rachel explained. “Goddess of wisdom and divine intelligence.”
“Cool.”
“It’s more than cool, Lindsay. She jumped out of Zeus’s head fully formed after Zeus swallowed her mother,” Rachel said, as if this was a fact. She traced her finger over the Athena’s long hair. “She brings me good luck.”
I wanted to ask Rachel if she really believed that, but I didn’t have a chance.
Professor Klaxton walked into the lecture hall and took his place at the podium. I sat up, determined to pay attention.
Organic chemistry was notoriously difficult, and when I’d gotten scheduled for my classes, my advisor had tried to talk me out of taking it until next year. I’d taken college-level chemistry my senior year of high school, and I was looking forward to o-chem, so I talked my way into it. I loved a challenge.
“Good morning,” Dr. Klaxton said. He was younger than I’d thought, and kind of unkempt. He had a bushy brown beard, and his hair was a little greasy. He looked at the class and shook his head. “One hundred new victims, ripe for the torturing.”
I expected the class to laugh, but nobody did.
“Mark will pass out the syllabus,” Dr. Klaxton reported, nodding to his teaching assistant. Then he reached into a coffee mug that was sitting on the lectern and pulled out a jellybean. I watched in disbelief as he popped it into his mouth. “The first thing you need to know about this class is that I will expect you to keep up with the reading. If you get behind on the reading, you will get behind in the class. If you get behind in the class, it will be impossible to catch up.”
I glanced down at the piece of paper that the teaching assistant had set down in front of me. There was a lot of reading. At least fifty pages a night, which might not be a lot if you were reading a novel, but the organic chemistry textbook was dense, with tiny type.
“Good,” Rachel said. “I’m glad we only have fifty pages to read a night. I thought it would be worse.”
I resisted the urge to strangle her, and reminded myself I was up for a challenge.
This I what I wanted, what I’d dreamed about. When most of my high school classmates were wasting their free time surfing gossip websites or dreaming about Taylor Lautner, I was on the review sites of other high schools – Choate, Taft, Trinity. I’d read how much work the students at these tops schools had to do, and I’d feel wistful.
It might have been crazy of me, wanting to have more homework. But schoolwork was my thing. I was good at it. I never doubted myself when it came to working hard or getting assignments done.
I sat up straighter and paid attention. For the first time since I’d gotten to Cambridge, I was starting to feel like I belonged. Who cared about Justin Brown and his dumb fighting and his crazy friends? He was just a distraction. I was here to get one of the best educations in the world. And some boy wasn’t going to get in my way.
“Look at you, all eager and beaming,” Professor Klaxton said. His fingers slid into his mug and plucked out another jellybean. “All of you were top students at your high school. Which is why it will come as a shock when I tell you that thirty percent of you will fail this class. There will be no make-up assignments. No extra credit.” He sucked the jellybean into his mouth and then steepled his fingers together. “Now, we will go over the syllabus so that there is no confusion about my expectations for this class. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s confusion.”
The boy next to Rachel raised his hand.
“Yes?”
“What is this here on the bottom here, the part about research assistants?”
“Ah, I see you are very observant, Mister…?”
“Daniels.” The boy was practically beaming.
“Mr. Daniels, I will be choosing three research assistants this semester. They will be in charge of helping me, doing my bidding, if you will. If you would like to be considered for one of the positions, you shall write a ten-page essay about why organic chemistry is an important area of study not just for students of science, but for everyone. It will be due at the beginning of next class. No late papers will be accepted.”
I couldn’t believe it. Getting to be Dr. Klaxton’s research assistant would be an amazing opportunity.
A ten-page paper in two days?
Piece of cake.
Of course, the topic was a little tricky. Obviously no one outside the science world needed to know organic chemistry. Which led me to believe that Dr. Klaxton was using the assignment to try to see what kind thinkers we were. Like when you went on a job interview and they asked you how many buses were in America. Obviously no one would know the exact number, and they didn’t even care if you were right. – they just wanted to see how you arrived at the answer.
But that was okay.
I wasn’t afraid.
I was going to get one of those research assistant jobs if it was the last thing I did.
JUSTIN
My roommate woke me up from what felt like a coma.
“JB! Are you awake?”
I opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling. “No. Leave me alone.”
“Edwin’s parked outside, he’s honked like ten times, bro.” Wyatt stepped into my room and looked down at me. He was holding his Home Depot apron in one hand. “You must have had a really good time last night,” he laughed.
“Fuck, no. Worst night of my life.” I sat up and peered out my window, only to see Edwin’s truck double-parked on the corner of the street. “Well, that’s not true,” I said.
“The first part of the night was kind of awesome. It was the second part that sucked.”
Edwin honked another couple of times, and so I lifted the window and leaned out.
“Give me a minute!” I shouted down. I could barely make him out, but I could have sworn he was shaking his head at me.
“You’ll have to tell me all about it sometime,” Wyatt said, “but I’m running out the door myself. Catch you later, JB.”
“Yeah.” I waved at him and then groaned. My mouth tasted like I’d spent most of last night licking an ashtray. Which in a way, I supposed was true. Jennifer had been smoking like a chimney and then we’d played tonsil hockey for a couple of hours. It almost made me want to puke.
What was I thinking, hooking up with that chick? What the hell was wrong with me?
I almost felt like I’d been cheating on Lindsay, which was ridiculous, because we hadn’t even kissed yet or anything. But still, the guilty sensation was strong and I couldn’t shake it.
I finally dragged myself downstairs and outside to where Delvin was waiting, and as I slid inside the passenger side of the truck, my friend was smiling at my obvious discomfort. “You look like shit.”
“I feel worse than I look.”
“I should let you go back and get some rest,” he said. “It’s a light day of work.”
I glanced at him hopefully. “Yeah?”
“But I’m an asshole. So you’re coming with me.” He started laughing uproariously.
“You dick. All we’re going to do is drive around drinking iced coffee and listening to sports radio. And then maybe we’ll do a couple of lawns and go to O’Doyle’s for beers afterwards.”
“Yeah, but that’s why I need you, JB. I’m going to be so fucking bored if I work by myself.” Delvin put the truck in gear.
We drove off, and I looked longingly back at my apartment building, wishing I could just crawl into bed and try and forget that party last night had ever happened.
Meanwhile, Delvin was chattering away in my ear. He was basically a happy guy, simple and never had a bad word to say
about anything or anyone. Maybe that’s why we got along so well. I was the opposite of that.
But just like Delvin helped to cheer me up sometimes, I helped Delvin out of a few tight spots over the years.
Back in high school, Delvin had been picked on sometimes and I’d stood up for him. One guy in particular had bothered Delvin since he was a little kid. The guy lived in Delvin’s neighborhood, but was older than us, so I’d never met him. When Delvin showed up at school one day with a black eye and a fat lip, I decided to go find the bully.
Delvin and I drove around the neighborhood and found him after school, and I told the guy to leave Delvin alone or he was going to be dealing with me. He didn’t believe me, so I had to show him. One punch and he was out like Sleeping Beauty. That was the end of that. And once word got around school that I had his back, Delvin stopped having trouble with the roughnecks.
It made me smile to think about the old days. I’d actually been a pretty good student. I couldn’t count how many teachers had tried to convince me to go to college, spouting off about my high test scores and my natural aptitude. But my family had no money and besides, I didn’t want to be in a classroom for hours every day.
Fighting was what I loved, and it’s what I was born to do.
I wondered again if I could ever hope to explain to Lindsay that fighting for a living was a sport, not a crime. But why should she care? I asked myself. Especially now that she’d seen my idiot friends and I’d allowed her to leave and go back to Cambridge by herself.
Delvin finally stopped talking long enough to notice I was lost in my own world.
“Something wrong, JB?”
“No,” I lied.
He glanced uneasily at me. “I heard Gil got out of lockup.”
“It’s not about Gil,” I replied. Although, now that he’d mentioned it, I had that to worry about as well. Gilbert was free and on the street, and I’d given him money. I needed to check in on him soon and make sure he was doing okay.
“So what’s wrong, man? You’re not yourself.”
I sighed. “You better not bust my balls if I tell you.”
