by Kelly Favor
“You’d kick my teeth in if I did, and why would I want to lose me beautiful smile?”
“Good point.” I gave him a warning glare, just in case he got any ideas. But then I decided to tell him about Lindsay, how I’d met her, our date last night, the way things had ended.
When I was done, Delvin exhaled. “I’m kind of scared of you right now.”
“Don’t be scared. Just tell me what you think.”
“The truth?”
“No, lie to me, asshole. Of course the truth.”
He glanced at me with a hangdog expression. “I don’t see how it can work, JB.
This girl can’t handle our world. She’s going to hate that you fight, and she’s going to always pressure you to get a real job to impress her friends and family. You might like each other, but it can’t last. I’m sorry, man, that’s just my opinion.”
I almost felt a sickening sense of relief. But that was followed by a black wave of depression. “I guess I knew that already,” I admitted. “But maybe I just needed to hear you say it.”
He shrugged. “Let’s get an early drink, huh?”
“Absolutely,” I agreed.
LINDSAY
I spent the rest of the day in my remaining two classes – psychology and calculus.
Both of them were great classes, but I found myself getting distracted. One, by my research paper, and two, by Justin.
Every time there was a lull in my day – waiting in line for lunch, walking across campus between classes, exchanging one of my textbooks – I found myself thinking of him. It was infuriating.
The only thing that kept my mind focused was my work. And even though it was the first day of school, I already had a ton of it. After my classes, I spent most of the afternoon at my desk, doing my reading and then working on my essay for Dr. Klaxton.
At around seven, there was a knock on my door.
I opened it to find Adam standing in the hall.
“Hey,” he said. “Just wanted to make sure we were on for tonight.”
The thing at that bar, Frog – I had completely forgotten about it. “Yeah, definitely.” I was reluctant to leave my work, but my eyes were starting to blur from staring at the tiny type in my books. I needed a break.
“We’re meeting in front of the dining hall at eight,” he said. “We’re going to take the T over.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then.”
He grinned. “See you at eight.”
Even though I had just showered that morning, it was so hot and humid out that my hair had turned into a frizzy mess. I took another quick shower, then dried my hair straight and dressed in floaty pink top and jeans.
When I got outside to the dining hall, Adam was there with a couple of other people, including Michelle, the girl I’d met yesterday.
“Hi!” she said when she saw me. She was acting like we were old friends, which was a little bizarre. She kept up a string of chatter the whole way to the bar, prattling on about her classes, her off campus apartment, her new workout pants. It was oddly comforting, only having to add the occasional nod or say “cool” at semi-random points in the conversation.
The bar, Frog, was dark, and smelled of beer and fried food. But the cool air-conditioning felt nice after being out in the humid night, and our group found seats right away not too far from the stage. The band hadn’t started playing yet, so we ordered plates of potato skins and baskets of chicken wings to eat while we waited.
I chatted with one of the girls sitting next to me, another freshman named Alicia who was a sociology major. She was perfectly nice, but for some reason, I was having a hard time relaxing. My whole body felt jittery. It was probably just the anxiety of being out with new people, in a new situation, away from home.
Luckily, Alicia liked to talk, just like Michelle, and she chattered on and on before finally, Adam came over and slid onto the bench next to me.
The band was taking the stage now, and a couple of other people had joined our group. No one introduced me, but it didn’t matter. In a few minutes, it was going to get too loud in there to hear anyone, anyway.
“Having fun?” Adam asked.
“Yeah,” I lied. “Thanks for inviting me.”
He looked at me, like he could tell it was a lie. “How were your classes?”
“They were good.” I took a sip of my soda. “My organic chemistry professor is kind of intense, but I’m excited.”
“Klaxton?”
I nodded. “You know him?”
“Everyone knows him. He’d a legend at Cambridge. One of the toughest professors around.” He leaned in. “Make sure you do the reading. Oh, and make sure you ask a question or two every class. He doesn’t tell you this, but he grades on participation.”
I must have had a look of panic on my face, because Adam laughed. “It’s fine,” he said. “You’re going to do great.” He stood up and picked up my empty glass. “What we’re you drinking?”
“Diet Coke.”
He nodded and then headed toward the bar.
Alicia, the girl who had been sitting next to me, was now deeply ensconced in conversation with someone on the other side of her. I jiggled my foot nervously, and my flip-flop slid off and onto the floor. I slid it back on.
I looked around the bar and tried to find something to occupy myself.
That’s when I noticed them. A group of guys in the corner, staring at me. Empty beer bottles littered their table, and they all had the heavy-lidded look of people who’d been drinking for a while.
When one of them caught me staring, he said something to the other two without taking his eyes off me, and then they all laughed. I looked back up toward the bar, but Adam was still waiting for our drinks.
I glanced back at the guys, and told myself they were just a bunch of drunk idiots, and nothing to be worried about. But the way they were staring at me was unnerving. The one slouched in the corner looked vaguely familiar, and then I realized why.
He was one of Justin’s friends.
One of the guys who ran into us on the street last night.
My heart thudded in my chest and I looked around the bar wildly. Was Justin here?
It was impossible to tell. More and more people were pouring through the doors, and the room was turning into a crush of bodies.
The thought that he could be here sent a rush of electricity thrumming through my body.
“Here you go,” Adam said, back at the table.
“Oh. Thanks.” I took the cold drink from him and gulped it down.
He slid back in next to me on the bench. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Because you look a little flushed.”
“Really? I don’t feel flushed.” I took another sip of my drink. Justin, Justin, Justin. I hated myself for thinking about him, and I hated him for intruding on my night. I should have been enjoying my time out with my friends. Now, instead, I was completely on edge. What if he was here? Would I talk to him? Would I yell at him? I wasn’t sure if I was mad at him or not. Technically, he hadn’t done anything wrong.
I’d told him to go. But still. I’d wanted him to stay with me. Okay, so maybe I was testing him and maybe that wasn’t totally fair. But he’d failed that test. He hadn’t really tried to stay with me, he’d gone off with his friends like it was what he wanted to do.
I glanced back over at the boys in the corner. They weren’t looking at me anymore.
There were girls at their table now, and one of them was making out with Justin’s friend. I wondered if they’d just met. And then I wondered if that’s the kind of thing that Justin did, if he met up with random girls and made out with them.
Justin hadn’t even tried to kiss me last night. Why? Did he not want to? Was that why he’d left with his friends?
“Earth to Lindsay,” Adam said.
“Sorry,” I said. “I guess I’m just a little distracted.”
“It’s okay.” He grinned and moved closer to me
on the bench until his leg was touching mine. “You just need to relax.”
He took my soda and poured some of his drink into it. “What is that?” I asked.
“Vodka,” he grinned. The bar was eighteen and over, but Justin was twenty-one, and had a wristband that allowed him to purchase alcohol.
I’d never been much of a drinker. In fact, I’d never been drunk before in my life.
But for some reason, right now it seemed like a good idea. I took a sip, grimacing. But after a couple more, I started to feel a little sleepy and relaxed.
“Feel better?” Adam asked.
“Yes.” I took another gulp as the band began to play. The music was loud, but the songs had a sort of soft, alternative feel to them. It reminded me of the kind of music you’d hear in indie romance movies, when the hero and heroine were at the crossroads of deciding whether or not they could be together.
It made me sad for some reason, so I took another sip of my soda.
Adam grinned and poured a little more of his drink into mine.
“Thanks.” A beautiful warmth was flowing through me, and I grinned at him.
“That’s all, though, okay? And sip it.”
I nodded seriously. “I’ll sip it. I’m good at following directions.”
He laughed and then put his hand on my leg. My brain was starting to get a little fuzzy, and I told myself it was partly because of the alcohol, and partly because of the loud music. I always had a hard time concentrating when there was loud music on. When I studied, I had to have complete silence.
It took me a second longer than it would have to realize that Adam’s hand was on my knee, and by the time it registered, it was too late to tell him to take it off. So I just let it stay there.
And why shouldn’t I have? I didn’t have a boyfriend, I wasn’t owned by Justin.
Just because I couldn’t stop thinking about him didn’t mean that I couldn’t have fun if I wanted to. I was a freshman in college; this was what I was supposed to be doing.
I closed my eyes and let the music pound through my body. I was more relaxed than I’d been in a while.
“How are you doing?” Adam breathed in my ear.
“I’m fine. I’m good.”
His hand moved a little farther up on my leg, his body a little closer to mine.
We just sat there for a while, listening to the music.
I kind of lost track of time. It seemed a little fluid, like when you go the dentist and they give you laughing gas and you can’t tell if it’s been half an hour or five minutes.
By the time the band was ready for a set break, I had to use the bathroom.
“Be right back,” I said to Adam.
The line for the bathroom was long, and I took my place at the back. Now that the music was done playing, and I was walking, my head was starting to clear just a little bit.
The girl in front of me was completely drunk and screaming about how she’d lost her phone. She was crying, and her friend was trying to comfort her. They were so loud that at first I didn’t realize that someone was talking to me.
“You’re Justin’s date, right?” someone asked.
I turned around. It was one of the guys from the booth in the corner, one of Justin’s friends. He gave me a friendly smile.
“We weren’t on a date,” I said automatically.
He shrugged. “Looked like a date to me.”
“We were just hanging out.”
He grinned and then looked over his shoulder to where Adam was sitting. “Like how you’re hanging out with him now?”
The way he said it made it sound like something dirty, like I was doing something wrong. It made me feel weird, like he thought I was the kind of girl who was out with a different guy every night.
“Maybe you and Justin are a better match than I thought,” he chuckled and walked into the bathroom.
My face flamed, and suddenly, my buzz was gone. What did he mean? That Justin only went out with girls who were easy? My stomach turned over, and I felt sick.
I needed to get out of there.
I used the bathroom and then returned to my table.
“Hey,” Adam said, patting the seat next to him. “Welcome back.”
“I have to go,” I said. I picked up my purse from where I’d left it on the bench.
“What are you talking about?”
“I just… I have to leave.”
He stood up, alarmed. “Are you okay? I’ll go with you.”
“No.” I pushed my hair out of my face. “I mean, yes, I’m fine. And no, you don’t have to go with me.”
I pushed through the crowd and out onto the street. I could feel Adam following me, but he got stopped at the door by the bouncers, who reminded him he still needed to pay his bar tab.
I started to run.
I ran all the way to the T stop, and when the train let me off at Cambridge, I ran all the way across campus to my dorm.
***
By the time I got there, I was completely sober. Everything had come back into focus, and the blurry, sleepy feeling I’d had at the bar was gone. Apparently I hadn’t been as buzzed as I thought.
Rachel was in our room, sitting on her desk, eating a slice of pizza, a textbook open in front of her. My heart sunk. The last thing I wanted was to have to talk to someone. I just wanted to be alone.
“Hey,” she said happily. “Where were you?”
“Out.” I crossed the room to my dresser and pulled out a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt.
Then I headed to the bathroom, where I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and changed.
When I got back to my room, I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my head.
“You okay?” Rachel asked.
“I’m fine.” I really wished people would stop asking me that.
“Okay.” There was a pause. “You want some pizza?”
“No.” But then I thought about it. Surprisingly, after two days of dining hall food, a decent slice of pizza sounded kind of good. If you’d asked me ten minutes ago, I would have said that the thought of food made me sick, but now, it seemed like maybe I did want some after all. I pushed the covers back from my face. “What kind is it?”
“Pepperoni.”
I sat up in bed. “Maybe one slice.”
She pulled a slice from the box that was on her desk, then set it down on a paper plate and brought it over to me. “Thanks.”
“It just came, so it should still be hot.”
I took a bite. The salty, greasy dough immediately made me feel better.
“I got a large, so if you want some more, there’s plenty.”
“Thank you,” I said again. She was being so nice to me, and I didn’t even deserve it.
“No prob.” She smiled, then grabbed her own plate and jumped up onto her bed.
“You want to talk about it?”
Did I? I wasn’t sure. On one hand, I wasn’t the type of girl who talked about her problems. Mostly because up until now, I hadn’t had any problems. But still. Rachel was there, and she wanted to listen. And honestly, she might be crazy, but she was obviously smart – she might have something to offer.
“It’s this boy,” I started.
“Oooh.” She nodded and slid across her comforter until her back was against the wall, like she was settling in for a long conversation. “The one who left you that note?”
“Yes.” I gave her a rundown about meeting Justin at the hospital, how he showed up here that night, how I got in trouble with the RA, Dennis.
“Dennis is an asshole,” she said.
“Maybe.” I was finished with the cheesy part of the pizza, and I started in on the crust. “But he was just doing his job.”
“He could have given you a pass. It was your first day.” She handed the pizza box over to me, like she knew I needed another slice.
“Thanks,” I said gratefully as I served myself another piece.
“So does this mean you’re not a bad ass after all?�
� She grinned.
“Yeah, well, first impressions aren’t always what they seem.”
She smiled. “Don’t I know it.” She sighed. “Look, if you want my advice, I think you should forget about him. He’s obviously not good for you. I mean, you’ve only known him for a few days, and you’re already getting all worked up.”
I knew she was right. I just didn’t know if it was going to be that easy.
JUSTIN
Delvin didn’t bother trying to pick me up for work the next morning. I think he knew better than to even attempt to wake me up after we’d spent the better part of the last twelve hours in a state of complete and total intoxication.
By the time I got up, it was already almost eleven, and my roommate was long gone for work at Home Depot. I had the apartment to myself, so I spent the next half hour showering, making myself coffee, and trying to remember my own name.
I had a sour feeling in my stomach and I wasn’t in the mood to do anything, but I didn’t let that stop me. The fact was, I might be able to blow off landscaping, but there was no way I was going to blow off my MMA training.
That’s why even though I was hung over, I got to the gym before anyone else. In fact, I was there so early that the door was locked. I didn’t have a key to get inside, so I stood there with my coffee and waited for Coach Jansen to arrive.
Because it was a small gym and this was a weekday morning, there was no telling exactly when someone would come by to open it up. There was usually someone there by eleven, but sometimes the doors could remain closed until noon or even one o’clock. I decided to wait around another twenty or thirty minutes, and if nobody came around to open up, then I would go for a long run and check in later.
I was just finishing my coffee and about to leave when someone finally rounded the corner. It was Uriah, wearing a gray sweatshirt and warm-up pants. He was listening to his iPod and nodding his head, and when he saw me, he got a huge smile on his face.
Pulling the headphones down so that they hung on his neck, Uriah’s grin continued to widen. “Look who’s here,” he laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
Uriah kept grinning. “Nothing, bro. I’m just a happy guy. Is there something wrong with that?”
