by B. A. Wolfe
He had a way of making a person feel like shit. I’d accused him just like he did me, but only one of us had the balls to actually fall for her. “You’re right. I’m sorry for assuming.”
He dropped his gaze and added, “And just so we’re clear, I’d do anything for her. Including kickin’ your ass if you hurt her.”
“I wouldn’t hurt her, Moose. I couldn’t. If I did, it’d kill me more than anyone else.”
“Don’t mess with her heart, D. If this is about getting back at Shay or some messed up shit like that, leave her out of it. She’s dealt with enough.”
“Don’t, Moose. Don’t you dare fucking go there. This has nothing to do with that. I’ve kept an eye on her for Jase, but I’m in her life for me. You wouldn’t understand. Hell, I can’t even understand it. I need her in my life. It’s messed up as hell, but I can’t stay away.”
“I think I get it. I do. Just—” Moose lifted a shoulder. “I don’t wanna have to kick your ass.” A sly grin appeared on his face.
“Trust me. If this wasn’t real, I’d put the flames out and walk away like a gentleman.”
“You’re one hell of a good guy, D.” His head bobbed up and down. I hoped so. I really hoped he was right. “All right, I’m outta here. I’m off to Cass’s.”
I hiked a brow. “Don’t bring this up to her. Let her tell you.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“I mean it, Moose. You let her tell you herself.”
“Okay, okay.” His hands came out of his pockets as he jerked out his keys. “Bye, Carter.”
Carter peeked around the corner. “Later, dude.”
I shut the door behind Moose and went back into the kitchen. “Man, you’re gonna have an army with pitchforks waiting outside your door soon,” Carter said, laughing.
Cracking my neck side to side, I knew he was right. But all the pitchforks and harassment were worth it. For her, anything was worth it. “Bring it on, fuckers.”
“And Aidan’s back,” he cheered as he opened another bottle. I waved him off when he offered it to me.
“Nah, I’m good.” It was the truth. Murmurs of Cassandra consumed my mind. I didn’t want a drink. Suddenly, all I wanted was her. My lips on hers, to be exact. I wanted to watch her eyes light up and turn an almost gold-like color when I touched her.
I needed her.
Cassandra
THIS WEEK WAS PROVING tough and it was only about to get worse. Even though I was glad to be back in Denver, shame festered within me for the way I’d handled things in Keaton. But I had to let it go because I had a hurdle to get through today.
Grabbing my phone from the coffee table, I tucked my legs under me and dialed my old roommate. With a deep breath, I hit the call button. A surprised voice answered after the first ring.
“Cassandra?”
“Hey, Laney,” I replied sheepishly.
“Is it really you?” she asked as if she might be talking to a recording.
“Yes. It’s really me.”
“Well, I’ll be goddamn.”
“Laney, I’m so sorry for—”
“Falling off the face of the earth and never contacting me again after you and Melanie moved your stuff out of our place? What the hell, roomie?”
I stared ahead at the blank television. “Lane, I’m sorry. A lot’s happened since then and I have no excuse other than I needed to just leave everything behind. It was childish, irrational, and not in my nature. I was just . . . scared.”
“I missed you, girl. The apartment wasn’t the same without you.”
My hand gripped the hem of my shirt and I tugged on it lightly. “I know, and I can’t say sorry enough.”
“So, how’ve you been? What’s new?”
I dropped my shirt and shook my head. “Oh boy. Where do I begin?” I recapped the past year for her, leaving out nothing. Her gasps and words of comfort came in between the rough parts.
“Damn, girl. I’d have run, too. God, I wish you had told me. I feel so bad, Cassandra.”
“I didn’t know what else to do. I wasn’t taught how to do deal with something like that. I was as lost as my damn GPS. My parents—they want perfection, nothing less. When I saw that pink plus sign, I morphed into something that wasn’t me. Panic took over.”
“I gotta ask, and I’m sorry if I offend you, but does Parker know?”
I straightened my legs and shifted my weight on the couch. This was the gut-wrenching part to admit. “No, and that’s why I’m calling. Well, not just for that. I wanted to catch up, but I made a promise I’d tell him. I need to tell him for Jase’s sake, too. Do you talk to him at all? I need his number.”
“He definitely deserves to know. Peter still talks to him, regularly in fact. I’ll get his number from him when he gets off work.” I knew if anyone stayed in touch with Parker, it was Laney’s boyfriend Peter.
“Thanks. I’m not looking forward to the call. I don’t even know what he’ll say.’”
“Aw, Cassandra. Don’t be afraid. Parker’s grown up. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”
Something stirred in my gut, telling me to still be careful.
“I feel so bad, like it’s my fault. I should’ve never introduced you two.”
“No, don’t. In some horribly messed up way, it all turned out as it was supposed to, Laney. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with it and to be able to say, but I have to believe it’s true. You didn’t force us together. Believe me. It was all our doing. I’m just the fool that ran from it.”
“Okay, but a girl can still feel bad. I’ve missed you. How are you doing otherwise? What are you up to these days? Talk to me.”
We talked for about an hour. I gave her details about my life and Laney filled me in on hers. “I’m glad I called. Let’s have coffee. Text me some free dates and we’ll get together.”
“Sounds great, Cassandra. Don’t be a stranger anymore, ’kay?”
“Promise,” I told her. I sighed, thinking of how one year could change so much.
I ended the call, set my phone beside me, and stretched my legs out on the coffee table. My stomach twisted and turned worse than a roller coaster as I thought of the call I’d have to make to Parker. It was times like these I wished for a strong hand to hold. One that belonged to Mr. Rub a Dub Dub, to be exact.
My chest ached as I recalled our last moment together. I’d upset him, and I upset myself, but he hadn’t tried to call, and I didn’t try to call him. The line wasn’t completely crossed, but it was blurred. Maybe with time it would un-blur and things would be clear again.
Melanie’s entrance into the living room interrupted my thoughts and suddenly it struck hard. Telling her wasn’t an option. She’d already made it clear that Parker would be down two balls if she ever met him. She didn’t grasp that not telling him about Jase was all my own doing. We couldn’t say how he’d react to the news; I never gave him the chance to. But in her mind, he hurt her friend and that was the only reason she needed for validation. I couldn’t feed Parker to the wolves, not just yet anyway. I’d be doing this one on my own.
I pasted on a smile. “Hey, Mel.”
“What’re you doing?”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “Nothing, just working on the marketing budget for Shelly. Then I have some homework.”
Her eyes went from my workbag on the floor to my empty lap. “Without your laptop, huh? That’s impressive.”
I reached for my bag and smiled. “Just getting ready to start. I hadn’t quite got that far yet.”
Horrible recovery, Cassandra.
“Uh-huh. You’re daydreaming about him, aren’t you?” She eyed me as if she had me all figured out.
I laughed. To her it would appear I was caught lusting after Aidan. But to me it was because for once, for the first time in our lives, she was wrong.
“You’re doing it again, Cass. You’re such a horrible liar.”
“You caught me,” I said, smiling like the naughty girl she t
hought I was. “Hey, speaking of liar. Where’d you and Moose end up when we were at the bar? You were dancing, and when I looked around—poof, you were gone.”
She shook her head and shuffled her weight from one foot to the other. “Nowhere.”
I rolled my eyes at her. “You obviously ended up somewhere. I looked for you guys. You weren’t to be found anywhere. Then, you ended up at the Bradley’s before me.”
“Oh. Um.” Her finger was pressed to her chin and her eyes glued to the ceiling as if the answer were scribbled there. “We must have been outside maybe? We were talking. You want us to get along better. I did it for you. Then I felt sick and he took me home.”
I couldn’t stop my head from shaking. “Horrible liar, my ass. You can just point that accusing finger back at yourself, Mel.”
“Say what? Oh, hell no,” she said with her hand propped on her hip and her stance more than a little sassy. “I did it for you. You don’t like us fighting—I tried. Well, the liquor tried for me. Don’t get too excited; he annoyed me more than ever. TJ’s just so . . . TJ. Sorry to burst your hopeful bubble, but—” she used her finger to pop the air in front of her—“I tried. Not happening again, ’kay?”
The best part about being a liar is you could see through the facade others put on. The show they probably scripted out, word for word ahead of time to hide their truths.
She tried to stare into my eyes, but her free hand wouldn’t stop fidgeting with the hem of her tank top, and her foot tapped as if it were jamming to a peppy song. All were clear indicators of her lie.
I wasn’t upset. In fact, I was more than happy with this. They were trying. Rather, she was. I secretly wanted more for them. I could feel it: they needed one another.
“Okay,” I told her, dropping the subject—and the nonexistent budget spreadsheet—to spend tummy time with Jase even. She dropped her hand from her hip and left the room.
Mel was tucked away in her room, working, sleeping, or who knew what as the doorbell rang. I stepped away from my laptop at the table. I already knew it was Moose. He always made it over to see us in the middle of the week.
I threw my arms around his large frame after I opened the door. “You made it.” My voice was muffled against his chest.
He held me back. “Always do, Cass.”
For a brief moment, a part of me wished it were Aidan standing in my doorway. I released my death grip, and shuddered. How crazy was that idea?
“Jase is doing tummy time if you want to join him.” Moose never told Jase no.
“Tummy time? Hell, yes. He loves it when Uncle Moose joins him.” Moose made himself comfortable on the floor next to Jase, who was holding his head up more than ever.
I lowered myself to the couch as I watched them play and we chatted about nonsense. Ten minutes later, Moose made himself comfortable on the cushion next to me as he held Jase. “You getting along with Dan okay?”
The mere mention of his name made my cheeks hot. I faked an itch on my face trying to distract the redness on them. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“He’s a great guy.” Moose grinned . . . like he knew. Oh, shit!
“Yeah, he seems great.” My heart thudded, sending signals to my mind, yelling at me to tell him the truth. Sorry, heart. Not today. “I really haven’t had the chance to get to know him too well yet.”
“Mmm hmm.”
“You and Mel getting along okay?” I asked, flipping the tables on him.
His eyes flashed with amusement. “She’s a pit bull.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what I love most about her.”
He nodded and then his attention drifted to his phone before he shoved it back in his pocket.
“What’s the deal with Trish and Bart? Why are they so obviously distant with Aidan?” If he wanted to talk about Aidan, I’d let him. Just not where he was originally going with the topic.
He stood, laid Jase back on his blanket, and then returned to his spot. He sighed before his eyes met mine. “Guilt. They don’t wanna love Dan, because they feel like they’re taking it away from Jason.”
I palmed my chest. “I don’t understand. He’s their son. How can they not love him?”
“You don’t understand because you weren’t around. Big D was the town’s biggest football star. He had it all. He worked his ass off to get there and everyone helped. Jason, Trish, and Bart worked equally hard to make sure Dan’s school, studies, and football came first. And then Jason, the stubborn ass . . .” Moose swallowed, and the gulp slowly traveled down his throat.
My chest constricted more. “Jason told me most of this. How he hid his pain from everyone, because it was an important time for Aidan. They were trying to get him a scholarship.”
“Yeah, but Jason probably didn’t tell you what a pussy he was.” Moose smirked. “I’m probably going to find my shit all over the floor when I get home for that comment.” Our laughs were of the nervous kind. Moose’s eyes tipped to the ceiling for a split second, then met mine. “He hated doctors. Trish would have to drag his ass to the doctor whenever he was sick. So I know he probably told you he kept the pain away because of Dan’s scholarship, but he was actually more afraid to go the doctor than deal with his pain.”
“So, what happened next? Why the falling out?”
“No family’s perfect, Cass. Everyone passes their anger and pain on to someone.”
I cocked my head. “What do you mean?”
“Look at it this way. Let’s say you had another child—which would obviously be another boy, and you’d name him Moose.”
I grinned. “Naturally.”
“Say Moose got sick, but he never told you because you gave all your attention to Jase. He was about to win a baby award for cutest damn baby in the world. Then, when you found out Moose was hiding his illness you automatically felt guilty for not having noticed the signs, because all your focus went to Jase. Then you felt even guiltier because you’re a damn nurse, and the signs probably should’ve been easy to see. You feel like a bad mom. A bad person. A bad nurse.”
I hugged my body. “Okay. I see the guilt. But I still don’t understand after all these years, after they lost a son, how they can continue to push him away.”
“They’re angry. So they pass the anger on. They blame him.”
Ready to burst into tears, I shook my head. “But it’s not Aidan’s fault, Moose.”
“I know, I know.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “They need to find a way to let go of their own guilt. They just haven’t yet.”
The moment before you cry, when your throat grows tight and you clench your teeth to hold it all back. I was there.
“Then, they were even more pissed when he left.”
“Why’d he leave? That’s what I can’t grasp. I can see Trish and Bart being upset for that, not the other stuff.”
“You’ll have to ask him. That’s one part of the story that he needs to tell you.”
“You’re giving me a cliffhanger ending and I don’t like it.”
He chuckled. “I could tell you, but it’s really his story to tell, Cass. You know that.”
“I do.” And I did. I knew that Moose couldn’t tell me. The only problem was, would Aidan? I wanted to understand, to know; I only hoped he trusted me enough to fill me in.
“So, what’s the plan for tonight? Dinner and a movie?”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Where’s Mel?”
“Tucked away in her room. Go get her. I’ll order dinner, you two pick out the movie.”
“Okay.” He lifted himself from the couch. “I’ll go get the pit bull.”
Moose was asleep on the couch when I took Jase to his crib. My mind couldn’t stop going over his earlier questions about Aidan. I headed to Mel’s room to see if she knew anything.
She popped her head out of her closet as I entered her room. “Tonight was fun, yeah?” She’d played on her phone most of the night. I’m not sure how she thought it was fun. She was t
here, but she wasn’t there.
“Yeah, great time.” My words were concise and my voice meant business.
She strutted out wearing boy shorts and a vintage tee. “Whoa, sassy pants. What’s the deal?”
I rested my hand on my hip and tapped my fingers. “Did you tell him, Mel?”
“Tell who, what?” She climbed onto her king-size bed and patted the spot next to her.
I made my way to her bed and situated myself beside her. “Tell Moose that Aidan was the hottie from the bar?”
Her eyebrows knit together. “No. Why would I tell him?” Her voice sounded disappointed.
“You were alone with him a lot. It didn’t come up?”
“Like I said. No.”
“He knows. I know he does. You should have heard his questions, Mel. He was sniffing for dirt.”
“What does it matter if he does know?” She rolled on her side and snuggled deep in her bed.
“He’d probably sign me up for Maury. He’d judge me for loving his best friend then suddenly having feelings for his best friend’s brother.”
She smirked. “No. Maury is for baby daddy shit. Well . . .”
“Shut up. I don’t need Maury for that.” Laney had texted me Parker’s number less than an hour ago. I just had to bring myself to actually make the call.
“Give Moose a little credit. He’s looking out for you. God knows he loves cockblocking.” She sneered.
“I’m already judging me. I don’t need him doing it too.”
“Babe,” she said, her voice soft. “Stop worrying so much. I’m sure Moose has some secrets of his own. We all do. It’s human nature to self-loathe. But you have to stop.” She was spot on with that statement. Secrets were getting locked away faster than I could think these days.
“Did you call Aidan yet?” Her eyes danced as she asked.
“No. He hasn’t called me, either.”
“Well, you did run away from him,” she said, her shoulders rising.
