A Mother's Secret

by Dilly Court

  ‘Get up and come with me.’ She did not wait to see if Cassy had followed her curt order. She strode off leaving Cassy to scramble stiffly to her feet and hobble after her.

  The kitchen was empty and it was dark outside. Cassy could only guess that the rest of the staff were in the servants’ hall enjoying their evening meal. It did not look as though she was going to be offered food and her belly ached with hunger. Her mouth was dry and she was so thirsty that her tongue felt as though it was wearing a fur coat. This must, she thought wearily, be part of her punishment.

  ‘Keep up,’ Miss Perkins snapped. ‘I’ve better things to do than act as messenger for the likes of you.’

  ‘What’s happening?’ Cassy asked nervously. ‘Where’s Freddie?’

  Miss Perkins remained in stony silence as she led the way upstairs to the drawing room. She opened the double doors and thrust Cassy inside, leaving without a word and closing them firmly behind her.

  After the dark and cold of the broom cupboard, the luxurious drawing room seemed like a different world. The warmth enveloped Cassy like a hug and the fragrant air was heavy with the scent of hothouse flowers and expensive perfume. It took a moment for her eyes to become accustomed to the gaslight but she realised that there were three other people in the room. Mrs Fulford-Browne was seated at a small table with two other women and Cassy’s heart leapt for joy when she realised that one of them was Ma. She had to restrain the impulse to rush forward and fling herself into her mother’s arms, but then she realised that Ma was sitting a little apart as her lowly status demanded, and she was staring down at the carpet as if studying deep cream pile. The other lady was young and had the face of an angel. Cassy was drawn to her like a moth to a candle flame, but Mrs Fulford-Browne was speaking and beckoning to her. ‘Come here, child.’

  Cassy approached slowly with her hands clasped tightly behind her back, as she did when she was nervous or wary.

  ‘This is your protégée, Belinda. I hope you’re proud of her.’ Flora’s tone was calm, even slightly amused, which made Cassy look up into her face in astonishment. She had expected to receive a beating at the very least, but Madam seemed to think her predicament was funny.

  ‘Where’s Freddie?’ she demanded, suddenly feeling brave. ‘They was going to tie him to the bed. He’ll die of fright or get lung fever shut up in that cold attic.’

  ‘Good heavens, Flora. The poor child is covered with cobwebs.’ The beautiful lady spoke for the first time and there was a break in her soft voice. ‘What on earth have they done to her?’

  ‘Heaven knows. It’s none of my doing I can assure you, Belle. But it’s a damned nuisance. I should be upstairs in my boudoir changing for the charity ball, not sitting here in judgement on a junior miscreant as if I were a magistrate.’

  Belinda held her hands out to Cassy and her eyes were magnified by tears. ‘What have you to say for yourself, Cassy?’

  ‘I dunno who you are,’ Cassy mumbled. The lady’s obvious concern for her was confusing and she could not understand why someone like her would care what happened to a street girl. She wished that Ma would say something, but she still refused to meet her anxious gaze. The world seemed to have gone mad, Cassy thought tiredly. Her stomach rumbled and she felt herself blushing. They must all have heard the dreadful internal growl. She swayed on her feet as a feeling of faintness overcame her.

  The lovely lady jumped up and guided Cassy to a chair. ‘You are unwell. Sit down, my dear.’

  ‘I’m just hungry, missis,’ Cassy murmured. ‘Just felt a bit dizzy, but I’m fine now, ta.’ The lady stroked her cheek with the soft touch of an angel’s wing, Cassy thought, as the lovely face hovered anxiously above her. ‘I’m sorry, missis. I didn’t think.’

  Flora rose to her feet. ‘No, you certainly did not, you bad girl. I should cast you back on the street where you belong.’

  ‘No,’ Belinda cried passionately. ‘Don’t say such things, Flora. The poor little thing was acting out of the kindness of her heart.’

  ‘I shouldn’t have listened to you,’ Flora continued calmly. ‘I allowed myself to be persuaded into taking in a child from the gutter and now there are two of them. Next week they might have doubled their numbers again. I don’t mind giving to charity and attending their boring soirées and balls, but I am not turning my beautiful home into an orphanage.’

  Belinda laid her hands on Cassy’s shoulders. ‘What will you do?’

  Cassy looked up into the lady’s troubled face and was surprised to see teardrops glistening on her eyelashes. One of them fell onto Cassy’s hand and lay there glistening like a tiny diamond. ‘Don’t cry, missis. Let me come and live with my ma and you. I’ll be a good girl, I promise.’

  ‘You heard her,’ Flora said with a wry smile. ‘What have you got to say to that, Belle?’

  ‘You know that it’s impossible.’ Belinda’s voice was small and tight as though she was trying hard not to cry. She brushed her hand across her face and lifted her chin to stare at Flora. ‘You took the child in as an act of charity. Are you going to give her up because of a small mistake?’

  Flora glanced at the clock on the mantelshelf. ‘I must go and change, Belle. This conversation will have to take place another time.’

  ‘You can’t just leave the child to the mercy of your servants.’ Belinda barred her way as Flora made for the door.

  ‘You’re making a great deal of fuss over a little bastard, Belle. Anyone would think she was yours.’

  Cassy held her breath as she saw the lovely lady pale visibly. She must, Cassy thought, be a very kind person to care so much for a complete stranger. Her distress was obvious and Mahdu had risen and moved swiftly to her side.

  ‘Are you all right, larla?’ She slipped her arm around Belinda’s shoulders. ‘Would you like me to send for the carriage?’

  ‘Not yet, Mahdu. Give me time to think.’ Belinda went to stand by the window. The curtains had not yet been drawn and she stared out into the gaslit street. Cassy watched her closely, noting the way in which the lady’s delicate white fingers plucked at the skirts of her gown. It seemed as though she was struggling with some inner conflict and for a moment Cassy forgot her own troubles as a wave of sympathy washed over her. She shot a covert glance at Mahdu and she could tell by her worried expression that Ma’s concern for her mistress was deep and heartfelt.

  After a moment, Belinda turned to face Flora and she appeared to be somewhat calmer and more resolute. ‘I will find a home for the baby boy, but I beg you to give Cassy another chance.’

  The soft glow emanating from the street lamps outlined Belinda’s slender figure, and Cassy was convinced that she could see a halo of light shimmering around the lady’s head. She was certain now that this was a heavenly being who had come to save her.

  ‘Give me one good reason why I should put myself and my household to such trouble, Belle?’ Flora said curtly. ‘I don’t like children and I never wanted any of my own, so why should I be burdened with this one who has proved to be nothing but a nuisance?’

  ‘Because you are a kind woman at heart, and you could save a young person from a life of hell on the streets, or an unloving home in an orphanage.’ Belinda held her hands out in a gesture of supplication. ‘Please let her stay with you, Flora. Please.’

  Chapter Seven

  There was a deathly hush in the room. Cassy hardly dared to breathe. She did not know what to think and there was nothing she could do other than wait in silence for Mrs Fulford-Browne to make her decision. Mahdu was standing with her hands clasped together as if in prayer and Belinda was trembling visibly.

  ‘For heaven’s sake, Belle,’ Flora said irritably. ‘Is it necessary to work yourself up over some fellow’s by-blow?’

  Belinda dashed her hand across her eyes. ‘I’m sorry, but I feel strongly about this child. I would take her in myself but you know Geoffrey’s attitude to children, which is much the same as your own.’

  Flora made a sound between a snort an
d a cackle of laughter. ‘Yes, of course. It’s a wonder that young Ollie was conceived at all. If it were left to mine and my brother’s inclinations the family tree would have ended abruptly – sawn down in its prime, you might say.’

  Cassy stared from one to the other. She wondered how trees had suddenly crept into the conversation. She shot a glance at Ma and received a shadow of a smile in return. Cassy grinned. She must keep Ma’s secret but it was hard when all she wanted to do was to give her a cuddle and tell everyone that this was her real mother, and she wanted to be with her always. The lovely lady was talking again and Cassy dragged her thoughts back to the present.

  ‘Don’t send her away, Flora. Give her one more chance. Just one, I beg of you.’

  ‘All right, but on my terms this time, Belle. I’ll support the child but I’ll not have her disrupting my life. She will go to a reputable boarding school where she will receive an education which will enable her to go out into the world and make her own living as a governess, or a flower seller. It doesn’t matter what she chooses to do, but at least she will be safe from a life of deprivation and vice. As to the infant, well, if you can find a foster mother for him, all the better. Now I’m desperately late, and although I always plan to make a grand entrance, I fear I might be so tardy that my appearance will go unnoticed.’ She swept out of the room without giving Belinda a chance to thank her.

  ‘We should go now, my lady,’ Mahdu said in a low voice. ‘You can rest assured that the child will be well cared for, and her future will be secure.’

  ‘But I want to come with you, Ma,’ Cassy cried, flinging her arms around Mahdu. ‘I don’t want to go to school. I’d rather be a lady’s maid like you.’

  Mahdu’s self control seemed to slip a little as she disentangled herself from Cassy’s frantic grasp. ‘That isn’t possible, larla. You must do as the memsahib says and all will be well. You cannot come with me. That is just the way it is.’

  ‘You will see us often,’ Belinda said gently. ‘You are a brave and beautiful little girl, Cassy. I am so proud of you.’

  Cassy angled her head, staring into the bluest eyes she had ever seen. ‘Why do you care what happens to me, missis? I ain’t your girl.’

  With an impulsive sweep of her arms, Belinda embraced Cassy, clasping her to her bosom but she released her almost immediately with a tremulous smile. ‘I would be proud to have a daughter like you, Cassy. What you did today may not have been wise, but it was wonderfully brave. I will find a good home for Freddie, and I promise that you’ll be able to visit him as often as you please. Mahdu and I will always be there if you need us.’ She kissed Cassy on both cheeks. ‘I must go now, dear. Be a brave girl.’ She stroked Cassy’s hair, allowing the silky strands to run between her fingers with a sigh of what might have been delight or regret. ‘Ring for a servant, Mahdu. I want to make certain that they understand exactly how to treat Cassy, and someone must fetch the baby. We’ll take him with us now.’

  ‘Is that wise, larla?’ Mahdu’s face crumpled with concern. ‘What will Sir Geoffrey say?’

  ‘He need never know,’ Belinda said with a tinkle of laughter that sounded to Cassy like fairy bells.

  ‘But a child that age will cry and make his presence felt.’ Mahdu had her hand poised to ring the bell for a servant, but she hesitated. ‘Perhaps it would be best to collect him tomorrow when you have made the necessary arrangements.’

  ‘No, Mahdu. My mind is quite made up. We will take little Freddie now, and he will sleep in my bedchamber tonight.’ Belinda’s eyes twinkled irrepressibly. ‘It’s the last place Geoffrey will think of looking.’

  ‘But what will happen to Freddie?’ Cassy asked urgently. ‘He’s been ill and he needs looking after. He’ll miss me something chronic.’

  Belinda sat down on one of the velvet-covered sofas that graced the drawing room. She patted the seat next to her. ‘Come and sit by me, Cassy.’

  Her shyness forgotten, Cassy went to sit next to the lovely lady. ‘What about Freddie, missis? I’ve looked after him ever since he was left at Biddy’s.’

  ‘And you mustn’t worry about him, dear. There is a good woman I know whose husband was in my father’s regiment. She was recently widowed and she lives in Whitechapel on a small army pension which she supplements by taking in sewing. Her children are all grown up now and she is a very motherly person. I’m certain that she would love to care for Freddie, and I will see to it that she is reimbursed for her trouble. I’ve no doubt he’ll be much loved and well cared for with Mrs Wilkins.’

  ‘But can I see him sometimes, missis?’

  ‘Of course you may, Cassy. Although Whitechapel is quite a long way from here, I’m sure Mrs Wilkins would make you most welcome.’

  ‘I don’t want to go to boarding school,’ Cassy whispered. ‘Can I come home with you and Ma?’

  Belinda’s lips trembled into a smile but the sad expression in her eyes brought a lump to Cassy’s throat.

  ‘That’s not possible,’ Mahdu said, tugging viciously at the bell pull. ‘We must go, my lady. It’s getting late.’

  Taking Cassy’s hand in hers Belinda leaned closer. ‘There is nothing I would like more than to take you home with me. But I’m afraid it’s out of the question.’

  ‘I’d be good,’ Cassy murmured, fighting tears. ‘I’m a hard worker and I wouldn’t have broken that china thing if I hadn’t had a bandage on me hand.’

  ‘It’s not that,’ Belinda said, stroking Cassy’s hair back from her forehead. ‘Listen to me, my dear. I’ll make you a promise that when you are older, and after you’ve had a decent education, you will come to live with Mahdu and me. Do you understand?’

  Cassy nodded her head although the logic of the lady’s words meant nothing to her. What difference did it make if she could read and write, or if she were a year or two older? She was about to ask that question but they were interrupted by the appearance of Molly, the parlour maid. ‘You rang, madam?’

  ‘Her ladyship wants you to fetch the baby boy,’ Mahdu said firmly. ‘Wrap him up well. We’re taking him with us.’

  Molly’s eyes widened. ‘Will that be all, ma’am?’

  ‘No,’ Belinda said firmly. ‘I want to see the housekeeper.’

  Molly hesitated, eyeing Cassy with ill-concealed disdain. ‘You must come with me. Mrs Middleton’s orders.’

  Cassy half rose to her feet but Belinda caught her by the sleeve and drew her back onto the sofa. ‘No. Cassy remains where she is until I have seen the housekeeper.’

  ‘You heard her ladyship,’ Mahdu said, scowling ominously. ‘Go about your business, girl.’

  Molly’s lips tightened and her eyes narrowed, but she beat a hasty retreat.

  ‘I’ll get it in the neck,’ Cassy observed nervously. ‘Maybe I should go after her, missis.’

  ‘Certainly not.’ Belinda patted Cassy’s hand. ‘I want you to hear what I have to say to Mrs Middleton.’

  ‘Be careful, larla,’ Mahdu murmured. ‘Servants gossip.’

  Belinda tossed her head. ‘It’s time someone told them how to treat a child who has already suffered greatly at the hands of others. I intend to make certain that Cassy’s life is much more bearable in future. Heaven knows, I wish I could do more.’ She slipped her arm around Cassy’s shoulders and gave her a hug. ‘Whatever happens, my dear, just remember that you are no longer alone in the world. There are people who love you dearly, and . . .’ She was interrupted by a knock on the door.

  Mrs Middleton sailed into the room with an aloof expression on her face. ‘You wanted to speak to me, my lady?’

  ‘Yes, I do. I have Mrs Fulford-Browne’s permission to tell you that Cassy is no longer to be treated like a menial. She will be attending school soon, but until that time she is to be given a room of her own and made comfortable. She can make herself useful by performing light duties such as sewing, or running errands for your mistress, but that is all. She will take her meals in the morning parlour or in the dining room should Mrs
Fulford-Browne request her company. Do I make myself clear?’

  Mrs Middleton gulped as if she was attempting to swallow a whole potato and a hot one too, Cassy observed with a degree of satisfaction, but despite her obvious chagrin she managed to nod her head. ‘Yes, my lady.’

  ‘You may go,’ Belinda said graciously. ‘Cassy will remain here to say goodbye to the baby, and then she should have a nourishing supper before going to bed in her own room. I know I can rely on you to see that the fire is lit and the bed aired.’

  ‘Yes, your ladyship.’ Pursing her lips so that they resembled a dried prune, Mrs Middleton backed towards the door.

  ‘And I would be grateful if you would send for my carriage,’ Belinda added, smiling. ‘Thank you, Mrs Middleton. I’m certain that I can rely on your complete cooperation.’

  The door had barely closed on Mrs Middleton when Molly arrived with Freddie asleep in her arms. Cassy leapt to her feet and took him from her gently. He stirred but he did not awaken, and she dropped a kiss on his tearstained cheek. ‘He must have cried hisself to sleep,’ she murmured sadly. ‘Poor little Freddie.’ She turned to Mahdu with a tremulous sigh. ‘You will make sure he’s looked after, won’t you, Ma?’

  ‘He will be well cared for, little one.’ Mahdu held her arms out. ‘Give him to me, larla. I will treat him like my own.’

  Reluctantly, Cassy allowed Mahdu to hold him. If anyone had to take him it hurt less to give him into Ma’s care, although the thought of losing him tugged painfully at Cassy’s heartstrings. She was exhausted mentally and physically and weak from lack of food. Her knees buckled and she slumped down on the nearest chair, but a gentle touch on the shoulder made her look up.

  ‘Be brave, Cassy,’ Belinda whispered. She placed a small, gilt-edged card in Cassy’s hand, closing her small fingers over it. ‘That is my visiting card, dear. If you are ever in desperate need that is the address where you will find me.’

  Cassy glanced at the black squiggles on a white background. ‘It don’t mean nothing to me, missis. I can’t read.’