Questionable Love (A Love Beyond Labels #2)

by Danielle Rocco

  “What’s his name?”

  “Brockston. Totally my type—tall, sexy, super stylish, and ruggedly handsome. He’s older than us.”

  “How much older?”

  “He’s probably in his late twenties. And, he is really good with his tongue.”

  “Did you?”

  “Have sex with him? Practically. But, no, I have morals, Shay. I just met him.” I laugh. “We did make out like first time fun, though, and it was so freakin’ hot.”

  “Are you going to see him again?”

  “That’s the plan. It’s perfect. I can fly there and have some fun with him and come home and not be bothered. It’s the perfect boyfriend scenario.” She sighs. “So, when are we throwing our first official party?”

  Have you heard the expression I saw red immediately? Well, I never experienced it until right now.

  “Are you freakin’ serious, Jules? Who do you want to put on your guest list? Cole, Brett, some high school acquaintances, maybe some of the other kids that went to school with us that sat there at a party not that long ago watching my boyfriend get thrown into a cop car and be taken away from me? Start freakin’ calling the crew. We’re throwing a rage.”

  “Relax, Shay.”

  “Easy for you to say. How do you sleep at night? You look pretty well rested. Do you know how I sleep at night? Oh, wait. I don’t sleep, because I’m too worried about how my boyfriend is sleeping.”

  “Shay…”

  “No. I’m sorry I must have missed the memo that life went on. I better mark that on my damn calendar. Today is ‘National Moving Forward Day.’”

  “I’m just trying to give you a sense of normalcy.”

  “‘Sense of normalcy’?” I air quote. “Jace is in prison. There is nothing normal about that, Jules.”

  She pulls the only thing I allow to give me warmth off her body and sits up. “I didn’t really mean have a damn party. It’s a freakin’ expression, Starkie.”

  “I moved into the condo so Jace and I would have a place of our own. I’m thinking about my boy and him having a place to come home to when he gets out of that terrible place. I’m not thinking of throwing parties.”

  “You’re overreacting. I didn’t mean a real party. I want that for Jace, too, so relax.”

  I take a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s just it doesn’t matter how nice this place is. What matters is getting Jace a real home that he can walk out of those awful doors and walk into. He’s never had that, and it’s even worse for him now. I just want him to have what he deserves, and he deserves a loving home.”

  She looks around the space and says, “All fabulousness aside, you’re going to create a Jace and Shay space with all your photos and even that creepy blanket. He’s going to love it when he walks in here. I hope one day I find someone worthy of my exquisite taste.” She laughs. “No, really, Shay, you can already feel your love in here, and he isn’t even here yet.”

  “Thank you.” I smile, looking at our photos stacked on the table. “You haven’t seen our bedroom yet.”

  “I can only imagine the shrine you’re going to create in there. Really, this is great, but you need to get out of the house, too.”

  “We can’t all fly back and forth to San Francisco to attend fashion classes and meet up with Insta-style bloggers for late lunches.”

  “Maybe not. But you could be in and out of the recording studio and having lattes with up-and-coming artists.”

  “I’m not doing that without Jace.”

  “You told your parents you’re going to work on your music while you teach lessons.”

  “I know what I told them.” I direct her attention to my guitar leaning against the giant stone fireplace. “I play.”

  “Picking it up and strumming it for five minutes and setting it back down is not playing it,” she says, playing with her ponytail. “I’m worried about you.”

  “Don’t be. I’m totally fine.”

  She tilts her head, and her perfectly waxed brows meet in the middle. “I can see you’re doing fabulous.”

  “I’m allowed to have freak out moments.”

  “Yes, you are, as long as you balance out the rest of your emotions.”

  “It’s kind of hard to balance my emotions when I hear Jace’s voice so sad or see his normally happy eyes lose their shine.”

  “I’m sure it is,” she agrees. “I have to head out. I just stopped by to see you ‘all on your own’ before I fly to San Francisco for class. When I get back, I’ll come over and we can have a One Tree Hill marathon in your fancy new city digs.”

  “That sounds nice.”

  “Of course, it will be,” she says happily. “You and Jace will get through this nightmare, Starkie.” She pulls me in for a hug. “Are you going to see your sexy jailbird tomorrow?”

  “Yes,” I say with a genuine smile.

  “Perfect. Give him a big hug from me and tell him hello and to keep that sexy ass away from all those creepers.”

  “Oh my God, you know I hate when you say that.”

  “I’m totally kidding, and trust me, I know Jace would die before he’d let anyone near him.”

  She wraps her arms around me again. “You and Jace are going to start your life here. How fab is that?” She pulls me out of her arms, giving me a Jules-style kiss that she just recently took on—air kissing both sides of my face.

  “You do realize you live in California, not Europe, right?”

  “Shay, do ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ live in California?” she air quotes. I try to smile. “Oh, yeah, they live down the freakin’ street from here, and they air kiss everybody, so I think I’m just fine air kissing around here.”

  “They only do that because Lisa does, and she’s from England where they actually do that,” I tell her, earning a lemon-filled pout. “Okay,” I roll my eyes playfully at her. “Just air kiss me and call me when you get back in town.”

  She laughs and does the most dramatic air kiss ever. “I think we should claim a “‘National Air Kiss Day,’” she says, grabbing her handbag.

  “Sounds good. See you in a few.”

  She smiles, and before she walks out the door, she says, “Put that blanket away before I come over again. It’s just weird.”

  “Bye, Jules.”

  WITH JULES LONG GONE, I’m sprawled out on my back in the middle of the guest bedroom floor surrounded by clear plastic bins with bright pink tops. Mom wanted me organized so the brown cardboard boxes she had in the garage just wouldn’t do. “This way you can keep the empty bins in the closet and reuse them for storage,” she said with her arms full of toilet paper that could last for a year. I just let her do her nesting. She did the same thing to Beau. I remember going to his first house with Mom, and he showed me the closet full of rolls of toilet paper and dryer sheets. Put it this way—no one runs out of toilet paper in our family.

  After a few hours of pure exhaustion from her telling me the dos and don’ts of living by myself, Dad finally pried her out of my arms and into their car, leaving me on my own. With Jules’s voice echoing off the walls earlier now faded into silence, I’m all alone. I can’t believe I’m on my own.

  This isn’t the way I pictured this moment. When Jace and I stayed here that one

  special night, the night he asked me to marry him, giving me another calendar-worthy moment to look back on, I thought our dream of finally being together would come true and my boy and I would be living here and working toward our future. Instead, I’m sitting in a room lit only by moonlight seeping through the window, eerily quiet, and I’ll admit, a little bit scary. I’m here while the love of my life sits in a cold, dark prison cell, unable to share in this moment that we both couldn’t wait to share.

  Holding on to memories, I push myself up off the floor. With quiet footsteps

  that seem to echo with every step, I walk like a scared cat down the long, wide hallway. You know while you’re watching a horror movie, you’re super brave until everyone
that watched it leaves you by yourself, and just the thought of walking down the hall to your bedroom has you gripped with fear because you know that scary guy torturing every character is waiting patiently for you. That’s what I’m feeling right now. I look over my shoulder and quickly walk into the room that Jace is patiently waiting to rest his head at night. I flip the light on quickly, seeing the big, comfy bed that we spent an entire night wrapped up in each other’s arms.

  Scary movie thoughts aside, I plop down on the bed that I will share with my boy. The soft sheets soothe my bad thoughts as “marry me, baby” echoes throughout the quiet room.

  I turn to my side and place the picture of us at my graduation with my arms full of pink flowers and his arm draped over my shoulder onto the nightstand. After I get home from our visit tomorrow, I’m going to make this room special, filled with our love, so when my boy gets out of hell, he will finally feel home.

  Standing up, I flip off the light and quietly close the door to our bedroom and walk back to the guest room where I will sleep. I curl up with heart-framed love and hold him close while my fingers play with my charms. “Put my love back on your wrist, baby. I always want you to feel my love,” he whispers as I wipe a single tear sliding down my cheek. I worry about my perfect boy who sits in a cell while I lie in luxury. I hate this… I truly hate this. It’s not fair that I get to live in comfort while he has none.

  I DON’T UNDERSTAND

  MORNING SUN FILTERS THROUGH the window, shining brightly on my face. I sit up quickly, check the time, and jump out of bed to get ready to see my boy.

  “Do you just wake up with a fucking smile on your face?” greets me as bleach blonde hair and tattoos brushes past me. I step aside as she looks over her shoulder and throws me a nasty look. I want to scream I haven’t woken up with a smile on my face since Jace was sentenced to this hell, but I don’t because I know Jace doesn’t want me to have any contact with her. There is only one reason I have a smile on my face as I swing open the door, and that’s because the boy I love is behind it. With my charm bracelet safely tucked away, I sit patiently waiting for Jace to wrap his arms around me.

  Smacking my lips together one more time, making sure they are ready to comfort him, I adjust my yellow dress he loves, making sure it’s below my knees. I can’t wait to tell him about the condo and how I’m going to decorate our bedroom. I just want to give him something to look forward to, and I can’t wait to feel his arms around me.

  The guard comes out from behind the door that I’ve become accustomed to walk through, and I line up with the other visitors. We go through the usual inspection, and I’m asked to step aside. Confused, I get out of the line and wait. “Your visit will not be in that room today,” a guard says, guiding me to another door I’ve never gone through before. His stoic demeanor keeps questions at bay, and I follow him through the unfamiliar door. When I walk in, my stomach falls to my freshly painted toes. “I don’t understand,” leaves my lips.

  The guard points, saying, “Sit in one of those chairs over there. It will only be a few minutes. Someone should be here soon.”

  Right away, fear and sadness fill every bone in my body as I stare into scratched glass. My eyes scan the room as every movie I’ve ever seen flits through my mind and the horror of why we would possibly have to see each other this way. My heart starts to crumble in my chest with the realization that it won’t be able to beat against its other half. I live for this moment, every single week, and I’m not going to be able to feel his arms around me.

  My teeth chatter, and my mind starts to race with the thought that my entire happiness will sit across from me between this thick glass. I quickly wipe away fallen tears and try to keep it together because I always want to be Jace’s sunshine when he comes through that door. Right now, though, I feel like a giant dark cloud in wonder of why I’m not going to have the moment that I look forward to the most.

  BROKEN PROMISES

  I FEEL EMPTY BUT FULL of regret as my heavy footsteps make their way to Shay. Bruises and cuts left to heal have made it impossible to hide. I drag my fingers through my hair as we get to the door I walked through last week. The guard doesn’t stop. Baffled, I look up at him. “You got in a fight. You don’t get a personal visit,” he says.

  My heart seizes. I need to touch her and kiss her. How the hell am I going to be able to last the rest of my sentencing without getting that moment with her one more time?

  He passes the door and walks up to another one. I take in a deep breath when he opens it and see chairs and a big ass glass partition wall. I walk through and notice Shay is not at the first window. I stop for a moment and try to regain my composure before I see her. This is it.

  I can’t do anything about her reaction, no arms to hold her, no whispered words of I love you and I’m sorry—just her face, full of tears, complete devastation, and thick glass between us.

  Regretful steps move forward, and I tilt my head to the side and stand in front of the second chair. I turn slowly, failing miserably trying to keep up a strong front. I look down into my entire life as Shay looks up into broken promises.

  I JUST WANT TO KNOW

  I SUCK IN A BREATH, and my hands go over my mouth, swallowing a loud cry. Jace sits down and stares at me, shaking his head while biting down on his lip. “I’m sorry, baby,” he mouths, but I can’t hear him. He reaches for the phone on the wall.

  “What happened to your face?” I cry, fumbling for the phone.

  “Shay…”

  “Oh my God, Jace… What happened to your face?” I repeat.

  “Please, don’t cry. You have no idea what your sadness does to me.”

  “Don’t cry? Jace, what the hell happened?”

  “Don’t swear. All you need to know is I didn’t start it, but I had to defend myself.”

  “Please, I just want to know what happened to you.”

  RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES

  TIGHT-JAWED AND GRIPPING the phone, I beg the only girl I will ever love with my eyes not to tell her what happened. “Please, I don’t want to worry you.” I let out a remorseful sigh.

  “It’s too late for that, Jace.”

  “It happened fast. One minute I was standing in line to get my lunch, and the next, I was swinging in defense. I was attacked from behind, and it…it happened fast, baby. I swear I didn’t start it.” She starts to say something, but I stop her. “This is prison, Shay. I had to fight back.” She bites her bottom lip hard, and I feel like the worst person in the world. “I stopped. I promise you, I stopped as soon as we hit the floor. I saw your face, and I stopped.” I don’t tell her my head was slammed against a metal counter. I don’t tell her I have a bad concussion, and I don’t tell her any other details that will keep her up at night any more than she already will be. She releases her teeth, leaving indentions on her bottom lip. I hate seeing her so upset.

  “Someone just started hitting you?” she says in a weak tone.

  “Yeah, I promise you, I didn’t start it. I would never risk being away from you any longer than I already have to be.”

  “Oh my God,” she says, closing her eyes tight, putting her free hand to her face. She’s shaking and crying, and I’m clutching the phone tight, trying to hold on to the only thing I can at this moment. “That’s why you didn’t sound right when you called me at my parents’ house.” She lightly hits her hand on the counter, and her pretty pout trembles like she’s in the middle of a blizzard. “I knew something was wrong, and I can’t believe I was lying by the pool while you were hurt, and then later, I should have known when you called me a second time. You never call twice in one day, and I went on and on about moving into the condo. You should have told me, Jace.”

  “No, I shouldn’t have.”

  “Yes, you should have. What did they do for you? Did they take care of you?”

  “Baby, stop. Please stop crying. I promise you I’m okay.”

  “No, you’re not!” she yells. “You are not okay. Your face… It looks
so bad. Are you in pain?”

  “It looks worse than it feels. Please catch your breath.” I hate this! I can’t do a damn thing but watch her break down.

  “This is what I was afraid of. I’m so scared. Look what happened.”

  I’m going to break us right now, but I have to protect my girl from this place. Everything is so unpredictable in here, and I have no idea if I’ve put a target on her or me. She’s falling apart right in front of my eyes.

  “I would do anything to wipe those tears off your face. I’m sorry I’m putting you through this. I’m so sorry.”

  “Is this why we had to meet in here?”

  I just nod.

  DO YOU REMEMBER THE PROMISE

  “I LOVE YOU, SHAY,” he whispers softly into the phone.

  “I love you, too, Jace.”

  “Everything I have ever done or will ever do is out of love for you. I want you to always remember through everything, nothing will ever be more important to me than your love.” His words, though heartfelt and meaningful, are preparing me for something I’m not going to like. I can see it in his eyes and hear the tone in his voice that childhood limits are about to find me again.

  “Do you remember when Cole took my phone, and you were upset, leaving me without any contact with you for twenty-four hours? Do you remember the promise you made me?”

  I DON’T FORGET ANYTHING

  “I REMEMBER LIKE IT was yesterday.” I will never forget the first time I made her a promise. I can still see the hurt in her eyes, and the pain in her voice when I denied her calls and texts. I was so angry and hurt that Cole was with her when I couldn’t be. Jealousy kept me from the girl that has so much faith in me. I promised her that day in her car that I would never do that to her again.