Questionable Love (A Love Beyond Labels #2)

by Danielle Rocco

  “Home…like here home?”

  “I’ve been with him since I was twelve, Beau,” I say with a roll of my eyes.

  He laughs. “Yeah, I know. You two are definitely in it for the long haul.”

  “Only boy for me,” I say. Now, he rolls his eyes.

  “And, how do you think Dad would feel about Jace moving in with you?”

  “Dad loves Jace. He knows it’s forever.”

  “And, that’s why you need to stop being so depressed and start trying to snap out of it. Jace will do his time, and then you guys can live happily ever after when he gets out.”

  “I hate this.” I let my head fall unto the pillows.

  “I know you do.” He gets up, and his eyes go straight to Jules’s long, bare legs draped over the chair.

  “Keep your eyes on your girlfriend Mila’s legs, Beau,” Jules says with a smirk.

  “I wasn’t looking at your legs, princess.”

  “Sure, you weren’t.” She glances at him with a raised eyebrow. Shaking his head as he walks past her, he leans down and whispers into her ear. It’s loud enough for me to hear.

  “When my eyes are on you, you’ll know it, princess. The thing is, my eyes don’t look at girls. They always find the woman in the room, so don’t worry about my eyes finding you.” He slowly lifts his face from her neck, giving her his famous Stark smile before he walks away. “Make sure you call Mom, Shay,” he says over his shoulder as he leaves.

  “Your brother is so damn cocky,” Jules huffs as I shut the door. “He only looks at women? Who is he kidding? He was totally staring at my legs that, by the way, were wrapped tightly around the ‘model’ hours ago. But, that’s for another conversation. Right now, I want to know why you drank a bottle of wine by yourself and didn’t answer my calls.”

  “Jace won’t let me visit him anymore.”

  “Why?”

  “Oh, you, know…”

  “Such a damn alpha,” she says as I burst into tears. She gets up out of the chair and wraps her arms around me. “Do you want me to kick some jailbird ass?”

  I cry into her neck, “I just want him to come home, Jules… He’s hurt.”

  “What do you mean ‘he’s hurt’?”

  “He was jumped, and he looks so bad.” I take my head off her shoulder.

  “Oh my God, did you tell your parents?”

  “No, I haven’t talked to anyone since I saw him, and now I’ve missed a call. I know he’s probably upset, but I’m so hurt. I have to see him, Jules, but he’s just so protective and won’t let me come anymore.”

  “I know Jace enough to know he will only do what he thinks is best. Maybe you need to think about that right now. I know it’s hard because you miss him, but he won’t do anything he doesn’t think is good for you.”

  I shake my head as she wipes my face.

  YOU’RE NOT LETTING ME?

  “TELL ME WE’RE OKAY."

  “We’re okay,” she whispers. I let out the longest breath.

  “Why did you miss our call?”

  “I was sleeping.”

  “Shay?”

  “I wasn’t happy, Jace.” I can hear her scoff. “Don’t take me off that list.”

  “I already did.”

  “Please don’t do this to me.”

  I’m surprised I’m not bald with how much I’ve pulled at my hair since she walked out of that room in tears. “Baby, I’m not putting you back on that list.”

  “So, that’s it?” She sighs into the phone. “You still have over a year left to serve, and you’re telling me you’re not letting me come back?”

  “Listen to me, Shay. I’m going to do everything on my end to get an early release. I won’t last much longer from not seeing you. I can tell you that right now. I know this much—with a two-year sentence, serving half of that might be all I have to do. I’m almost at a year, pretty girl. I could be a couple of months away from getting early release papers. I can’t risk your safety. I need to not have any more involvement with that guy. And, if something was to happen to you because of his girlfriend wanting to mess with you, I will not be getting an early release. I would hurt him for hurting the love of my life, and I will end up in here longer. I need to keep you safe and away from any contact with her so I can get home to you.” I hear her breathing softly, but she’s not saying a word. “Shay, I need to hear your voice.”

  “I understand,” she says quietly. Light whimpers come through the phone, and I let out a breath.

  “Don’t cry. I know this is the right thing to do. I promise you, in your arms right when they let me out of here.”

  “Okay,” she cries. “I love you so much, Jace, and I’m going to pray so hard.”

  “Just keep praying. I know God answers prayers.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah, baby. He gave me you.”

  MISSED HEARTBEATS AND BREATHLESS

  I HANG UP THE PHONE and play with my charms. Clean counters, fresh flowers, and a crate of oranges sitting on the floor next to the bright window catch my eye, and like always, guilt devours me. My life is easy. It always has been, and all I’ve ever wanted from the time I met Jace was to be with him. I would trade everything I’ve ever had just to be with him. If we taught guitar, and he worked on bikes like he did while we were in school, and all we could ever afford was a little apartment, I would make it the prettiest apartment filled with love. I would line the walls with pictures of our life together and make him the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day. I would pack our beach bag for days in the sun, and I would love him forever. That is the life I want with my boy. Just a life full of love. I glance back at the phone and can’t help but be angry.

  A deep breath and slow steps have me walking down the pathway to the back terrace. It’s smoggy today, and the city is barely visible, but I strain my eyes in the bright sun to see beyond the gray thickness.

  “Everything okay,” whispers behind me.

  “No, I’m not okay.” I turn to my mom.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “When your entire world is ripped from you, and you can see where he is, but you can’t get to him—that’s what you call torture. Have you ever felt helpless, Mom?”

  “I can’t say I have ever felt anything like you’re experiencing. I’ve felt disappointment, but I’ve never felt the deep sense of helplessness.” She smiles. “I’m still proud of you, Shay.”

  “Why?”

  “You haven’t fallen apart.”

  “I did when I got home from the courthouse.”

  “Yeah, you did, but you were in shock. I would have reacted the same way if your dad had been taken away from me like that. I can’t even imagine how that would feel.”

  “Do you know how it felt? Taking him away from me and shutting that door? Knowing he was on the other side and not allowing me to see him was like being punched in the gut over and over again and losing my breath each time. It was gut wrenching, heartbreaking, and excruciatingly painful. And, every day no matter how much I try to carry on, I still feel like missed heartbeats, and breathless, and it’s devastating to endure. But, he’s here, and I didn’t lose him. Cole’s injuries proved that could have been a possibility. I don’t like to relive that moment, but it’s ingrained in my mind. Cole took the beating, but it could have very well gone the other way, and I won’t ever forget how Cole and Jace looked that night.”

  “Jace could have killed Cole,” she says, dejected.

  “I know that. He’s strong, and tough, and passionate when it comes to me, but he’s loving and gentle, and so incredibly caring. It was a moment of weakness, of years of built-up taunting, and if Cole hadn’t been so drunk, there was a chance Jace would have been hurt just as badly.”

  “You’re right. That’s the problem with fighting. One wrong move, and something small can turn into something big. When the boys hit the ground, they could have hit their heads the wrong way and been killed. Cole sustained horrible injuries, and Jac
e, unfortunately, is paying a life-changing price.” She puts my fallen hair behind my ear.

  “And, that’s why I have to be strong. I don’t ever want to fall apart because I don’t ever want us to fall apart. But, it doesn’t stop me from being angry.” I look back out at the city below. “When you know he’s on the other side of those walls and there isn’t a damn thing you can do for him, it hurts so much. I’m in love, so in love, and no matter what, I will always stand by his side even while concrete walls are between us. I will always stay true.”

  “And, that’s why I’m proud of you, Shay. Most girls your age would have been miserable, lashed out, and did things out of character because they couldn’t handle the separation and the constant disappointment. But, you haven’t. Have you had days that have consumed you? Yes, you have, but you haven’t let that grief turn to reckless ways.”

  “I guess I was raised right,” I say with a start of a smile.

  “Maybe that’s why, but I think it’s just you and who you are. Not only that but the boy that you can’t get to, that you’ve built a solid relationship with, waits beyond those walls to be with the girl he loves just as much. And, when it’s real like that, you know even through the struggles that your love is too valuable to ever screw it up.” I nod, and she pulls me close. “Real love will always come with sacrifice. It’s when it doesn’t that you know it’s not real.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “Well, we can’t always do what we want or when we want to, if it doesn’t work for the people we love. But, if they are first to you, then you will have to give up other things, and that could mean going out or missing an event—stuff along those lines. When people don’t really care, they do what they want regardless of how it will affect the other person. When you truly love someone, you will always try to make the best decisions.”

  “Even if those decisions hurt the person you love?”

  “Sometimes yes.”

  “Is Jace making a decision that hurts you?”

  “Everything hurts me right now, but Jace always does everything out of love. I know that. He would never mean to hurt me, and in my heart, I truly know that.”

  VINTAGE WORRIES

  THE LOUD SCRAPING OF forks running against metal trays surrounds me. I sit with Reno, and a table across the way full of dark eyes makes their way to me as I throw my hair back and take a drink of my water. My jaw ticks, but I ignore trouble. I eat only to survive, and my eyes see only one thing—she’s all I think about.

  “So, you have a vintage motorcycle?” he says, taking a bite of a stale roll. My eyes slide to his.

  “Yeah, I started working on it when I was in high school. It was gifted to me by the owner of the shop I worked at after school.”

  “That’s cool.”

  “Yeah, it is, and I hope I still fucking have it.”

  “Why wouldn’t you?”

  I shrug my shoulders and break up the roll in my hands. “I have no idea if it’s still at the apartment I grew up in.”

  He looks over at the other table. “Those guys mad dogging you?”

  I place a piece of the broken roll into my mouth and glance over. I chew slowly and watch them. “I’m not worried about them.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “I won’t react again. I can’t.”

  He nods, and we eat in silence. Reno heads out before me, and I sit and stare at a piece of chicken. I picture a little heart-shaped sandwich and muscle it down. When I finish, I get up and walk over to set my tray down, and that’s when trouble finds me. I take a deep breath and watch their every move as they wait for me to clean off my tray. My hands sweat and threaten to fist, but I’ll take a beating before I swing. I’m going home to my girl in one piece, and I’m not fucking that up. I look up and nod, making eye contact. They nod back, then I walk away.

  Jace,

  Do you remember at my prom when we danced together? That was the very first time we ever danced and kind of the only time. I like to dance, and I want to dance with my boy just like we did on that sparkly dance floor. I want you to put one of your hands on my neck, and the other on my hip, and sing softly the song we sway to in my ear. I want you to pull my hips against yours, nice and slow, just like you did the very first time. I loved that moment you gave me. I love every single first we’ve ever shared. We were meant to dance together.

  Love, your girl

  Shay,

  When I saw you walking toward me all dressed up in your pretty pink dress, the only thing I could think about was seeing you in a white dress one day. So pretty! Oh, I’m glad you liked the way my hips moved with yours while we danced, but come on, the way they moved on the beach later was pretty epic, pretty girl.;)

  I love you, baby, and I can’t wait until our hips meet up again. I promise I will dance with you just like the first time whenever you want. Even when you’re in our kitchen making me heart-shaped love when we’re old.

  Love, your boy

  Jace,

  I made something pretty to hang in our room. I made one of our pictures from my birthday surprise into a black and white photo. It’s the bench picture with our names you perfectly carved into the wood. I love it. Do you know what I did with the pretty flowery paper you wrapped my charm bracelet in? The paper you wanted me to just rip open, but I chose to take my time so it would still look nice? Our picture sits on top of that paper, and it looks so pretty hung up in our room in a whitewashed frame. I can’t wait for you to see it. Please let me come see you. I miss you so much.

  Love, your girl

  Shay,

  That sounds really pretty. I loved watching you unwrap that paper with so much love. Everything about you is love, and I can’t wait to be wrapped up in you again. I miss you, too. I just want you to know how I feel, and I feel everything for you.

  Love, your boy

  MY NIGHTMARES LEAD TO TROUBLE

  COLD SWEAT AND BAD thoughts wake me too early to move around. I let out a deep sigh and rub worry from my face. I woke up one other time like this with thoughts of Shay being taken away from me. Shortly after that, I was taken away from her and ended up here. I can’t lose her.

  This wasn’t like my dream. This was different; this was someone taking my place. My jaw is so tight I could crack molars with visions of her with someone else. It was just a nightmare—that’s all it was—but it doesn’t stop my heart from racing, and the same fear of insecurity I grew up with by being the boy from the wrong side of the tracks.

  ELEVEN MONTHS AWAY FROM MY BOY

  TONIGHT IS BEAU’S MOVIE premiere of the final installment of the Chronicles of the Teenage Drama Queen. Always trying to find ways to put a smile on my face, my mom asked her stylist, Sophia, to come over to the house to get Jules and me “red carpet ready” for Beau’s big night. Styled to perfection, waiting patiently for the limo to pick us up, Jules gestures to the bottle of wine on the glass table.

  “Grab the bottle, Shay,” she whispers, I shake my head no and start to bring my pinkie nail to my mouth. Rolling her eyes, Jules reaches for the bottle. Mom glances up, and Jules smiles. “One glass of wine won’t hurt us while we wait, Ms. Melody,” she says.

  “Okay, Jules, you both can have a small taste,” Mom says as she pours us each a tiny glass of Chardonnay.

  “Look, Shay, the wine matches the color of your dress,” Jules says with a mischievous smile from getting her way.

  I lift up the crystal glass. “Yeah, it does.”

  Jules drains her glass, as my mom turns away to thank Sophia for taking care of us. Reaching again for the bottle, Jules leans forward with a smirk and starts to pour some more. I yank it out of her hands.

  “Are you serious, Shay?” Jules starts laughing, and then looks down at her hand. “I swear if I just broke a nail, Starkie, you are totally getting it.”

  “God forbid you chip a nail,” I tell her.

  “Do you know how hard it was to get in with my girl on a red carpet night? No, you definitely d
on’t.” She sighs. “Seriously, Shay, stop biting your pinkie nail. You have pretty hands. You don’t want them to look all chewed up.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “Well, when your jailbird gets out, he is not going to want to hold on to gnawed fingers.”

  “He wouldn’t care,” I smart back. She rolls her eyes.

  “Of course, he wouldn’t care,” Jules says. “He’s Mr. Freakin’ Perfect.”

  “Who’s Mr. Perfect?” Mom turns around and smiles.

  “Jace, of course,” Jules answers, staring at her glass.

  ”Don’t think I didn’t see you try to get more wine, Jules,” Mom tells her.

  “I didn’t, I swear.”

  Mom looks at the floor-length mirror on the wall next to the couch we are sitting on. “Jules, I saw you through the mirror.” I suppress a giggle, because through every weak moment, Jules always makes me find something to laugh about.

  “The limo’s here,” Jules says the same time the phone starts ringing in the kitchen.

  “Jace is calling!” I jump up, ready to bolt into the kitchen in my four-inch stilettos.

  “Don’t run, or you’ll slip in those heels!” Mom yells over her shoulder, just as I catch myself from slipping on the tile as I reach for the phone.

  “Collect call from Jace—”

  “I accept.”

  “Wow, I think that’s the first time you’ve answered the phone not out of breath.” Jace laughs.

  “I’m wearing ridiculously high-heeled shoes, so I didn’t want to walk too fast and twist my ankle. I love you, Jace.”

  “I love you, too, pretty girl. Why is my girl wearing high heels right now?”

  “I’m actually going out tonight,” I tell him, playing with the ends of my perfectly styled hair.