Battle Scars

by Meghan O'Brien

  After the ceremony in which Jack was awarded a ribbon and a squeaky toy for his performance, Carly followed Ray’s truck back to Bodega Bay. Unfortunately for both of them, Carly had forgotten her cell phone and so it would be a long, silent fifty minutes before they could begin to hash out the last few weeks. Riding separately was torture when all Carly wanted was to be with Ray. Their brief hug at the fairgrounds had triggered a deep, physical need that Carly had been trying hard to suppress. Now that it had surfaced, it wouldn’t be easy to shut down again.

  When they finally pulled into Ray’s driveway, Carly threw open the car door and called for Jack to follow. Ray hopped out of her truck and helped Jagger out the passenger side, then they both hurried to the front door. Carly’s breath caught when Ray pulled off her sunglasses, revealing the hazel eyes she had so missed gazing into.

  “I’m sorry the place is a bit of a mess,” Ray said as she unlocked the door.

  “I doubt it is.” Carly had learned that Ray’s idea of messy was roughly equivalent to her own concept of sparkling clean. When they stepped into the house, Carly laughed. “My house hasn’t looked like this since I moved in.”

  Ray smiled shyly. “Well, I’ve got some dishes in the sink.”

  “Let’s just avoid the kitchen, then.”

  “Probably best.” Ray hesitated, then took Carly’s hand and silently led her to the couch in the den. Releasing Carly, she sagged against the cushions. “Now that I’ve got you here, I’m nervous.”

  “Why?”

  “Because of the way we left things last time.” Ray’s jaw tightened. “Because of the way I behaved.”

  “I don’t blame you for getting upset.” Carly took Ray’s hand again, needing the contact. “I made a mistake, telling you that we should spend time apart. I’m sorry.”

  “No, you were right. I asked you for impossible things. You deserve better than someone who doesn’t want to be seen with you.”

  Carly’s chest ached. What Ray said was true, but Carly should have asked for what she needed in a more sensitive way. “And you deserve someone who understands that recovery takes time and that sometimes there are setbacks. I’m sorry I wasn’t that person.”

  Ray looked down at their joined hands and lifted the corner of her mouth. “How about we both say we hope we can be better in the future?” She met Carly’s eyes tentatively. “We do have a future, right?”

  “I hope so.” Carly blinked back tears at the thought of life without Ray. “I want to try for one.”

  “Me too.”

  Carly thought she had sabotaged things between them, and now she felt boneless with relief. “I was scared. I saw all the ways that loving you could lead to heartbreak, and I acted out of fear and pushed you away. Only to realize that being scared is better than the alternative.”

  “You also acted out of concern. I was having trouble coping with the idea of people knowing I was with a woman, and I should have talked to you about it. Instead I tried to hide it, and you did what you thought was right. I get that. I didn’t at the time, but I do now.”

  “I was concerned. I am concerned. I don’t want to see everything you’ve worked so hard to achieve slip away because of me.” Carly shifted closer to Ray. “You are so strong, and so brave, and I want you to be happy. I know it can’t be easy, any of it, and being in a relationship like this certainly doesn’t make things any easier.”

  “I was afraid of becoming a media story again. Scared that my family would find out I was with a woman by watching the news.” Ray flushed. “I should have talked to you so you could understand what I was thinking. But I worried that knowing you could be trotted out for public consumption would scare you away.”

  “Nah.” Carly had no doubt it wouldn’t be fun, but three weeks without Ray had shown her there were far worse fates. “I can handle it.”

  “I hope you won’t have to.”

  “Me too.” Carly smiled and touched Ray’s face. “For both our sakes.”

  Ray returned her smile. “I told my mom and my sisters about you. Found out my sister Juliet slept with a girl in college. I’m not sure I’ll ever shake that image, but it was worth it.”

  Shocked, Carly said, “You told them? Everything?”

  “Well, not the sordid details. But I told them I’ve fallen for a veterinarian named Carly, who is a wonderful woman. They were all really happy for me. And obviously quite relieved. It was good to talk to them.”

  “Wow.” That Ray had somehow found the courage to come out to her family filled Carly with hope that everything would indeed be okay.

  Ray wrapped an arm around Carly and pulled her close. “Thank you. For some reason I’d been avoiding talking to them, but I feel so much better now. And not only telling them about us, you know? Just talking to my family again. I’ve missed them.”

  Carly put both arms around Ray and rested her chin on a strong shoulder. She closed her eyes, savoring Ray’s heartbeat against her chest. “That’s amazing, Ray. I never expected that so soon. But I’m really happy for you.”

  “Well, you were right. I was insisting on total secrecy, and a relationship can’t thrive under those conditions.”

  Carly could tell that Ray had been talking to her therapist. That was a good sign. “Just so you know, I don’t expect to hold hands and kiss on the street. That’s not what I was asking.”

  “I know. Doesn’t mean that’s not something to work toward. One day.”

  “Wow.” That was probably the last thing Carly had expected to hear. Whether or not Carly had been right to suggest time apart, it appeared to have done Ray a lot of good. “Well, for now I’d settle for the easy stuff.”

  “None of it’s easy.”

  Carly had a flash of Ray in that headscarf, knife pressed to her throat. “No, you’re right. I’m sure it’s not.”

  “All I can do is promise that I will try my hardest. Always.”

  “That’s all I can ask.”

  “And all I ask is that you give me a chance. Even if I stumble.”

  Carly blushed, ashamed that Ray even had to appeal for such a thing. “You were right, you know. I did tell you I would be patient, and I knew perfectly well what I was getting into with you. I should have helped you work through your fears. It wasn’t fair to run away like I did.”

  “I appreciate that. A lot. Thank you.”

  “Let’s promise each other something,” Carly said. “In the future we’ll talk about our fears instead of just reacting to them.”

  “I promise.”

  “Good. Me, too.” Carly stared into Ray’s eyes, something stirring deep in her belly. “I love you, Ray. I don’t want to lose you.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Carly felt a twinge of fear. That wasn’t a promise anyone could make. But it was the best Ray could do. And it would have to be enough. “I’m going to kiss you now, okay?”

  “Okay.” Ray’s voice caught and she gripped Carly’s arms, drawing her closer. “I love you so much.”

  Knowing that words could never come close to expressing what she felt, Carly pressed her lips to Ray’s and almost burst into tears at how much this felt like coming home. Ray inhaled sharply when Carly pressed her tongue inside, then clutched her as though frightened she would draw away.

  Though they hadn’t kissed in weeks, there was nothing tentative about their joining. Ray pressed Carly back against the sofa cushions, easing on top of her with a newfound confidence that set Carly on fire. Carly wrapped her legs around Ray and used her hands to trace the contours of Ray’s face as they kissed. She groaned at the sheer decadence of Ray’s heavy weight on her and the knowledge that they had no place else to be tonight.

  Ray broke their kiss first. “You taste so good.” She skimmed her hand over Carly’s stomach, then settled lightly on her breast. “I want to make love to you badly, Carly. I know we’ve barely had a chance to talk, but—”

  Carly shook her head. They were beyond words now. “We can talk later
. Right now I want to show you how I feel.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Ray’s legs shook as she led Carly to her bedroom. Some of it was nerves, but mostly it was pure arousal. Blood surged through her veins and her heart pounded in her ears. The sensation reminded her of the adrenaline rush she used to experience in combat, but this time fear played a very minor role in what she was feeling.

  She took Carly’s hand when they reached the bedroom door and pulled her inside.

  “I can’t believe we’re really going to do this.” Ray’s face heated as soon as the words left her mouth. Could she be any more of a dork? “I mean, I’ve been thinking about it for so long.”

  “Me too.” Carly shifted on her feet and glanced at the bed. “I hate to tell you this, but I think we’re going to mess up your rack.”

  Carly sounded so cute when she spouted military jargon. “I hope so.” Pulling Carly into a gentle embrace, Ray kissed the corner of her mouth. Unsure how to initiate their lovemaking, she searched Carly’s eyes for guidance. Her own nervousness reflected back at her. “You okay?”

  Carly exhaled, sliding her hands up Ray’s back. “I’m shaking.”

  “Have you been with anyone…since…?” Ray avoided saying Nadia’s name, not wanting to do anything to ruin the mood. But she had always wondered, and it might explain Carly’s nerves.

  “Yes,” Carly said quietly. “But nobody important. Not until now.”

  Ray felt strangely relieved. It took some of the pressure off not to be the first. “Is that why you’re scared? Because it means something?”

  “That, and I want to make this so good for you.”

  “Me, too.” Her biggest fear was that she wouldn’t be able to please Carly. She didn’t want Carly to regret being with someone who had never slept with a woman. “Give me lots of guidance, okay?”

  “You, too.” Carly put her hands on Ray’s shoulders. “You look very hot today, by the way.”

  Ray blushed. “Thanks.” To her surprise, Carly stepped back and pulled her T-shirt over her head. Ray gazed at the pale flesh that rose above the cups of her white bra, and her breathing hitched. “So do you.”

  “Thank you.” Blushing, Carly took Ray’s hand and walked backward until her thighs hit the edge of the bed. “I’m not sure how to start.”

  Ray licked her lips and eyed Carly’s cleavage. “Oh, I think you’re doing a fine job.”

  Carly snaked her arms around Ray’s neck and drew her in for a slow, wet kiss. When she pulled away she murmured, “You make me feel very sexy.”

  Ray’s heart felt like it would explode. She squeezed Carly’s hips, then ran her hands up over the soft skin of her back until she found the clasp of Carly’s bra. Taking a deep breath, she managed to unhook it without fumbling too badly.

  “Very smooth.” Carly shrugged the bra off her shoulders and tossed it to the floor. Her breasts bounced slightly, reducing Ray to a state of mindless lust. Dark pink nipples contracted under her hot gaze, begging to be touched. “I’m impressed.”

  No longer capable of speaking, Ray captured Carly’s mouth in a passionate kiss. She pulled Carly close to her chest with one arm around her back, then cupped her bare breast in her other hand. Carly’s heart beat madly against her fingertips, wrenching a groan from Ray. When Carly wobbled as though her legs were giving out, Ray tightened her embrace.

  “I won’t let you fall.” Ray trailed kisses over Carly’s neck, then ran her thumb over Carly’s stiff nipple. “Just hang on to me.”

  Carly inhaled sharply and gripped Ray’s upper arms. “Please don’t let me go.”

  “I promise.” Ray’s chest filled with such intense desire that it was hard to breathe. She brought her mouth back to Carly’s and they kissed again.

  Carly’s hands found the hem of Ray’s shirt. “May I take this off?”

  Ray released Carly long enough to allow her to tug the shirt over her head, then pulled Carly close again, flinching when the bare skin of Carly’s stomach pressed against her sensitive flesh. Her legs threatened to buckle at the delicious intimacy of skin on skin, and she gritted her teeth as she fought to keep her balance.

  “You okay?” Carly found the clasp of Ray’s bra and hesitated. “May I?”

  Ray shivered at the thought of Carly’s bare breasts touching her own. “Yes.”

  Carly unhooked her bra with a great deal more fumbling than Ray. “Damn it,” she whispered when she finally worked the clasp open, pulling the straps down Ray’s arms. “I’ve never been good at that.”

  “I’ll help you practice.” A twinge of self-consciousness shot through Ray as the cool air hit her breasts, tightening her nipples into hard points.

  Carly’s gaze dropped and her eyes were full of desire. “You’re gorgeous, Ray.”

  Ray glanced down at the body that had felt like a stranger’s for so long. Though she would probably never see what Carly did, knowing that someone saw more than the physical and emotional scars she carried made her stand taller. She took Carly’s hand and put it on her breast, then touched her forehead to Carly’s and breathed deeply. It felt good to trust someone again.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted someone as much as I want you.” Carly brought her other hand up and covered both of Ray’s breasts, brushing the nipples with her palms. Then she moved her hands around to Ray’s back and kissed her again.

  When Carly’s breasts touched hers, Ray’s knees weakened. She could never have imagined something so exquisite. This was totally different from being with Danny, affecting her so deeply she could barely think. She groaned into Carly’s mouth, lost in their embrace.

  Carly’s fingers stroked up and down her bare back, leaving goosebumps in their wake, when they suddenly stilled. Embarrassed, Ray realized that Carly was touching one of the large scars the insurgents had left on her body, the result of a beating she never understood. Ray broke their kiss, ashamed.

  “We should lay down.” Carly’s eyes shone with emotion. Her fingertips played along the sensitive length of the scar, not shying away. “I’m so turned on my legs are about to stop working.”

  “Mine, too.” Ray lowered Carly onto the bed and eased on top of her. Her thigh slipped naturally between Carly’s, and a surge of arousal took her breath away. Gasping, she buried her face in Carly’s neck and struggled to maintain control.

  Carly rubbed Ray’s upper back soothingly. “Don’t be nervous. You won’t do anything I don’t want.”

  Remembering how it made her feel to hold Carly down, Ray whispered, “You’ll tell me if I do?”

  “Yes, but I want everything you can give me. It won’t be too much.”

  Ray lifted her head and kissed Carly again. Raising her thigh, Carly provided Ray with delicious pressure that she ground against unconsciously. She could come like this, rocking back and forth against Carly’s body, but that wasn’t her foremost objective. More than anything, she wanted to bring Carly pleasure.

  Shifting to the side, Ray put a hand on Carly’s bare stomach. She desperately wanted to take Carly’s track pants off and met Carly’s gaze with a pleading look. Carly nodded. Taking a deep breath, Ray curled her fingers beneath the elastic waistband and tugged Carly’s pants down her legs and off.

  The sight of so much bare skin made Ray’s hands tremble. Carly wore light blue cotton panties with a dark wet spot staining them already. Ray put her hand on Carly’s calf, caressing the outside of her thigh as she ascended Carly’s body to capture her mouth in a languorous kiss. The kiss gave way to smaller kisses and finally to Ray stringing light licks and nibbles over Carly’s throat to her breasts.

  Ray flashed on Carly’s sultry words the night they had phone sex, and she lowered her mouth to carefully lick around an erect nipple. Encouraged by the way Carly’s stomach muscles tightened beneath her hand, she sucked the nipple between her teeth, nibbling gently. Carly moaned and ran her fingers through Ray’s hair, holding her in place.

  “You’re a ringer.” Carly’s voi
ce was strained. “There is no way you haven’t done that before.”

  Ray smiled around Carly’s nipple, encouraged by the praise. She opened her mouth wider and took more of Carly’s breast inside, tracing large circles with her tongue. Her hand crept from Carly’s stomach to the waistband of her panties, and she ran a fingertip along the length of the elastic over Carly’s hip.

  “Touch me.” Carly sounded tortured, like she was barely holding on. “Please, Ray, with your hand.”

  Inflamed by Carly’s passionate plea, Ray nonetheless froze, all too aware that she wasn’t sure what to do next. She lifted her head, drawing a disappointed groan from Carly, and managed a sheepish grin.

  “Want me to show you?” Carly asked.

  Ray nodded, then gasped when Carly took her hand and guided it to rest directly on her damp panties. “Wow.” Ray flexed her fingers. The small spot of wetness seemed to have grown exponentially.

  “Feel what you do to me?”

  Ray nodded again, then swallowed. She had never felt so powerful. Bolstered by the reaction to her touch, she cupped Carly and squeezed lightly.

  “Help me take them off.” Carly lifted her hips and gave Ray a reassuring smile.

  Not trusting herself to speak, Ray slipped the panties down Carly’s shapely legs, trying hard not to stare at her dark curls. Her gaze kept straying between Carly’s thighs anyway, and she caught a flash of glistening, swollen flesh both intimately familiar and wholly foreign. Her hand drifted toward Carly’s inner thigh as though disconnected from her body, tentatively caressing the silky skin.

  “You’re even more beautiful than I imagined,” Ray murmured. Overtaken by awe, she forgot to be nervous and let her fingers comb through the damp, kinky hair that covered Carly’s pussy. At Carly’s shaky exhalation, she tore her eyes away and met Carly’s gaze. Raw desire lanced through her at the need on Carly’s face, sending her scrambling to take Carly’s mouth in a hard kiss.

  Groaning, Carly put her hand on top of Ray’s and guided her fingers down until they found impossibly hot, wet flesh. Ray closed her eyes, shaken by the almost unbearable lust the touch ignited, and broke their kiss with a gasp.