by Brisa Starr
He laughs and says, “Lay it on me.”
“I want you to take me to bed. I’m not looking for a deep relationship or anything. I mean, heck, I don’t live here. But I’m a woman, and I have needs. And, well, you’re hot as sin.” I lower my eyes and look at the ground, testing, “I know you feel something for me, too. I see it in your eyes.”
I look back at him then, and he stares at me, his eyes flickering shades of blue fire. I continue. “And I can imagine you wouldn’t complain if I suggested that we just hang out and see what happens, knowing that nothing too serious is likely to go down between us because, you know... I leave next month, but I don’t know, maybe...” I trail off.
He still says nothing, but he’s looking at me. Thinking. Something. What the fuck is he thinking? I hold his steady gaze, my eyes brave.
Just then, we hear a heavy snort and rustling in the bushes. “Stop,” he whispers, and I do as he says, the hair on my arms standing up. He flashes the light up ahead, and we see a pack of animals resembling scruffy, miniature wild boars, their eyes glowing like phosphors in the beam of the flashlight.
“Javelina!” I whisper loudly.
“Shh! Yes, an entire pack of them,” he says. “Maybe babies, too. We don’t want to startle them, or they might charge at us, and they could hurt us or the dogs. We’ll quietly turn around and slowly walk back the way we came.”
Snort snort snort... more sounds of the javelina rustling in the bushes, and they either don’t notice us, or they don’t care.
“OK,” I whisper, and I tug on the leashes to turn the dogs around.
But Elliott has another idea.
He sees the javelina and barks. “Quiet, Elliott!” I say, but it’s too late, and the javelinas freak out. They scatter in all different directions, screeching. Snort! Snort! Snort!
Elliot and Yvon run around me in circles, barking like mad, tangling me in their leashes. I can’t move without toppling over. Then I see a javelina, and its razor-sharp tusks. It’s charging straight at me! I seize up in terror, and I scream, when Adron appears in a flash and pulls me out of the path of the charging animal. I trip and fall into Adron’s arms.
The javelina continues bolting in panic, now heading away from us into the darkness. The rest of them take off, disappearing almost immediately, swallowed by the blackness of the night. Holy shit! I heave a heavy sigh, breathing hard, my heart racing.
“That was nuts! And scary!” I laugh hysterically as Adron stands me upright and I untangle the leashes from my legs. The dogs stop barking but are still agitated, and I try to calm them, but I’m still laughing.
“Why are you laughing? That was dangerous and you could’ve gotten hurt.” He snarls, his voice leaden.
Damn, he looks hot when he’s pissed. His darkness takes on a whole new meaning of sexy, especially after saving my ass. Again. “Yeah, but we didn’t,” I say and shrug.
He jerks his head and scowls. “I shouldn’t be surprised, given you went jumping off that pontoon boat, doing your cannonball. And your run-in with the cowboy at the bar. Have you no regard for your own safety?” he snaps, sharpness flashing in his eyes.
I stare him down, a sudden explosion in my throat, “What the fuck is it to you? At least I’m out there in the world doing stuff. What do you do? Oh, that’s right. Nothing! You stay in your casita day and night. I’m out here living.”
“You know nothing about me,” he grumbles low, looking away.
“And you know nothing about me!” I snap back, fire roaring in my gut.
I turn back to the house, not caring if he’s following. He catches up to me without effort, his long strides outpacing my short ones, and we walk the rest of the way home in fuming silence. When we arrive at the door of the main house, he regards me thoughtfully, deep into my eyes, and I think he’s about to kiss me again. Yay. Makeup kissing! I lean in a little, my lips wet, waiting for the second-best kiss of my life.
“I thought about what you said earlier on our walk.” He pauses, and my heart skips a beat. “I don’t do flings,” he says and walks off.
“Well shit,” I mutter to myself. That sucks. Again!
My shoulders drop and I sigh. I take the dogs inside and give them treats and ice water. Turns out, dogs like ice water just as much as chickens do. I make a mental note of that for future house-sits. “That was quite an adventure, huh, fellas?” I scratch them each behind the ears.
I make myself a snack. Potato chips and beer. I dip them into full-fat yogurt. After I clean up the crumbs on the counter, I go to my room and narrow my eyes at the rose quartz I see in the corners and stick my tongue out at it.
“Fucking rocks,” I sneer.
Needing a shower after being in the dusty desert, I take my time and let the hot water work its magic on my body. My mind relaxes, and I wish he were here in the shower with me. I’m still longing to touch his hard muscles, and I’m dying to see what his cock looks like. And tastes like. I wish he’d agree to have a fling. It’s the 21st century after all, and I know he’s attracted to me. It’s written all over his face, not to mention, the intense pull I feel toward him. It can’t just be me.
I wonder for a moment if his comment about not doing flings was his gentle way of brushing me off. Heck, maybe he’s just not interested in me, not attracted. But no, that’s impossible, and I dismiss the idea as quickly as it came. From the moment we shook hands, there was something different about him. And that kiss we shared. There’s something more there. I feel it. No one gets under my skin like he does, but what am I going to do?
I know there’s something between us, and it’s beyond the physical. I know I’ve been trying to ignore it. I tried to keep things casual and offer him a physical-only relationship, and he’s refused twice now. The only possible explanation is that he wants more. If I’m honest with myself, so do I.
There, I admit it.
My throat tightens with pain from trying not to cry. Sadly, though, I don’t think I can have anything more than a physical relationship with him, and the thought makes the blood in my veins thicken with sadness. I don’t know how to love. I don’t even live here, and I’m terrified by the whole idea. I can’t imagine it ending in anything other than the worst pain of my life.
I flop down on my bed, still holding back tears, and I look up at the ceiling fan, resonating with it, spinning round and round.
I pick up my phone and scroll through Instagram, trying to distract myself from Adron. It’s boring and meaningless, and I put my phone down, my limbs heavy. I can’t stop thinking about him, and I don’t want to.
Is it crazy that it turns me on so much when his eyes harden with possessive irritation at something I say or do? I twirl a lock of my hair and think about it. Or how I ache to touch and kiss his hard and sexy body? I want to lick and taste him everywhere, and thinking about it makes my skin tingle and my heart flutter. I stick out my bottom lip and exhale sharply, feeling my breath hit my forehead and flip my hair up. I’m a mess.
I sit up, and I can see my reflection across the room in the bathroom mirror. I shake my head quickly to make sense of my thoughts. Adron is a dark puzzle, and I want to figure him out. But what do I do?
I think back on the past couple of weeks, and now that I’ve come clean with these initial feelings to myself, it makes more sense now. That first time we met, there was an instant attraction and a connection. I liked that. At the rodeo bar, he stared at me, never taking his eyes off me. I liked that, too. Then he rescued me from the cowboy. He was waiting in the parking lot for me! Even though we argued, it was hot that he was there waiting. I definitely liked that.
Oh, and when he grabbed my hand possessively at the boat party when we left… I loved that. There was also the Yvon incident, when he tried to take the blame. OK, I didn’t like that, but Sammy made a fair point about it being sweet and heroic, in a messed-up way.
What does all that mean? Does he think there could be something more there? Do I?
I peek out between
the blinds of my window, and I see his window is open and his light is on. I open my window, and I hear him playing his music. He’s playing his keyboard and singing. I can barely hear him, his voice is so smokey and low.
I want to hear more, so I slip outside and sit in the driveway, listening. He’s singing lyrics, “Sometimes I think you want me to touch you. How can I, when you build a great wall around you?”
I don’t recognize this song. Is it an original? I Google the lyrics and see it’s a Tori Amos song called China. I read the lyrics and listen to him singing them. “… I can feel the distance getting close. You’re right next to me, but I need an airplane. I can feel the distance as you breathe…”
Whoa. Heavy. And beautiful. Is he playing this because of me? Because of us?
“In your eyes, I saw a future together. You just look away, in the distance.”
My eyes mist with tears. The music is touching, moving me, and resolve settles in my stomach when I think again of everything that’s happened between us, making sense of it all.
“Sometimes I think you want me to touch you. How can I when you build a great wall around you?”
Damn. Those lyrics hit hard, and a tear runs down my cheek.
I tap the messaging app and send him a text.
Me: Thanks for saving me. Again.
His playing stops. He must have seen my message come through. I see the little bubble on my screen showing me he’s writing back. My phone dings out loud. Shit! I scramble to my feet and run behind a bush, not wanting him to know I was outside listening. Once hidden, I peek at his window and see him standing at the window, looking to see if I was outside. Close call.
I look at my phone.
Adron: My pleasure.
I see him leave the window and return to his seat at the piano. Phew. I slip back inside the main house, wishing I was going inside the casita to be with him. But not tonight.
I walk back to my bedroom and listen to him playing more, wishing my life was different. I wish my parents had never lied. I wish I could trust. I wish I could love.
10
Adron
The evening walk started out great, but it ended in a shit storm. We talked, found common ground on some things, and had a relaxing time… until she mentioned going further in our relationship, without a relationship. When she brought it up again, I thought I could be playful about it, but my back stiffened immediately, and I couldn’t go along with her casualness about us. I mean, how can she fall in love with me if her head space is so whack and on a completely different track than mine?
I don’t want a fling.
She doesn’t want love.
The end.
What kind of woman doesn’t want love? Even for someone like me, a guy who prefers to be alone… I’ve only recoiled from commitments because I can’t stand the company of most people. It’s not because I don’t believe in love. I’m open to the idea that someday I’ll find it. Even in my darkness, a candle of hope lights my way. I can’t help but wonder…
Is she the one?
But Alyson eschews it. She fights what’s sitting there directly in front of us. Why? Because her parents cheated and lied? Big fucking deal, parents suck, get over it, right? I mean, I don’t want to belittle her experience, but come on, to turn your back on love forever because of that?
I know there’s something much bigger just waiting for us, but my time with her is running out. I think she wants something deeper – she must! – even if she won’t admit it to herself. It’s obvious in the way she looks at me. The constant pull I feel for her goes beyond my massive desire to be inside her. I want to consume all of her. Her mind, her body, and her soul. The way we kissed? God, I want to taste her again. Maybe even if it means getting burned, because I’m not sure I can stop myself anymore.
She’s more than just a sexy goddess, too. I admire her adventurous spirit and her playfulness, though I’d like to temper it a bit for her own good. My god, that woman makes my heart race. I have a feeling it wouldn’t be long before I’d need to put her over my knee and spank her sweet little ass. My cock stirs at the thought. Oh, she might think she wouldn’t like that, but I’d show her otherwise. Then again, maybe it’s just what she wants and needs.
And what about her life choices, running around the country living out of her car? Is she having flings in every goddamn state? My blood pounds like a drum in my ears at the thought, and I want to throw up.
And, hell. She wasn’t wearing a bra tonight. Does she have any idea what that did to me? I wanted to carry her back to the house and rip her shirt off, suck her nipples, hard only for me, until she begged me to take her as my own.
My mind is running wild, and I’m not getting anywhere with these thoughts. I stand up and stretch, cracking my neck to release the tension. I’m so damn close to taking her up on her offer. It’s taking every ounce of resolve inside me not to run into that house, right now, and throw her down, spread her legs, and fuck her so hard that she’ll realize there’s no such thing as “casual” with me. I’ll teach her a lesson, dance too close to the fire, and you get burned.
But, no. That will not help my situation.
Or might it? Maybe this is the way in, and once I’m there, I can tear down that fucking wall around her heart. My breathing eases a little at the prospect, and my focus sharpens. Just maybe.
Tomorrow is another day.
Tick tock.
Another late night, but I stay up longer to watch her water the flowers and shrubs out front before I go to sleep. Seeing her is the highlight of my day.
She’s wearing a short, pink and orange, checkered sun dress that flows at the waist. It’s the first time I’ve seen her in something other than shorts or a bathing suit, and she looks cute as hell. It’s feminine and sassy on her, with a matching headband no less. The thought of her wearing a dress, with easy access to her pussy, makes my cock stand at attention as I watch her, and I shift my position to relieve the tension in my boxers.
She’s done too soon though, and my shoulders slouch. She goes back inside, none the wiser that I ogled her and fantasized about having her.
I wake later in the afternoon and get ready for my “morning” workout in the driveway. I’m not sure, but I think I see her shadow in the bedroom as I drop to do a hundred push-ups. It’s a new day today, and I’m rethinking the fling option. I know I will want more after having her once, and if she doesn’t return the feeling, then it’ll be my undoing. But what if…
I make my espresso, take a shower, and settle into work. I have day-job work today for one of my pharmaceutical clients. I’ll be happy when I finish this project because it’ll give me enough money to float for the rest of the summer. I’ll be able to concentrate on my music. And on Alyson.
There’s a knock at my door, and my pulse quickens. I walk to the door with a slight smile tugging at my lips, eager to see what she wants.
“Hi,” she says and smiles back at me. I inflate. God, her sweet face is breathtaking. I notice her cheeks look flushed, but I’m not sure why... it’s not from anything that’s happened between us. And I have my shorts on this time. I laugh inwardly at my joke. Ha — I must be in a good mood.
“What’s up?” I ask, leaning closer to inhale her vanilla rose magic.
She fans her face exaggeratedly with her hands. “The air-conditioning is broken in the house. I tried flipping the circuit-breaker, but no dice.”
“Shit, really?” I step aside. “Come on in, and I’ll get on it.” She walks by me, and our skin almost touches. I make to reach for her, but too late, and she’s past me. I resist trying again.
“Thank you! The heat is sweltering, and I’m sweatin’ my lady balls off.”
I laugh as she plops down onto my bed, and I see the relief on her face as the cool air of the casita engulfs her. I also sense something different about her... a sort of openness, maybe? I wonder what’s changed since last night when we had it out. Or maybe it’s just my imagination?
�
�I’ll call a repairman,” I tell her. “But I’m not sure when he’ll be able to get out to fix it. You can hang out here for the day.” Excitement infuses my nerves as I think of a whole day with her sitting this close to me. I run a mental victory lap and secretly high-five myself.
She looks around, perhaps sensing my thoughts, and then looks back at me and bites her lip. Now she’s blushing.
“OK,” she says. “Thanks. Um, but first, I’m gonna run into town and get a coffee and a muffin at Jürgen and Greta’s. When I come back, I’ll bring my laptop and do some work here.” Her eyes wrinkle with concern, “Uh oh, what about the animals?”
“They’ll be fine for a while,” I tell her. “Give them some ice water and turn on the fans. If the inside temperature goes above 84, or if they start panting, bring them in here. Otherwise, I’m sure they’ll be fine.
“OK,” she says as she stands up to leave. “Want anything?”
Just you.
“No, nothing right now. Thanks.”
She takes a quick breath. “Great, I’ll see you in about an hour.”
She walks out of the casita, leaving her wispy, intoxicating essence behind. I inhale sharply, closing my eyes, and hold it in my lungs as long as I can before exhaling.
While Alyson is gone, I call the air-conditioning repairman, and he says he can’t come out until tomorrow. I offer him more money, but it’s of no use. That’s fine. Can’t say I didn’t try. If she can’t sleep in the house because it’s too warm, well, she can sleep in here. The thought quickens my pulse, and my mouth dries, so I get up for a drink of water. What the fuck? I’m acting like a high school kid who’s never been with a woman before.
The hour ticks by slowly, and I practically white-knuckle the mouse I’m using to scroll through my client’s spreadsheets.
My mind drifts back to Alyson, wondering how long it’ll be before I hear her tires on the gravel, signaling her return. And then doubt starts to creep in, and I second-guess my plan to hijack her “fling” suggestion to get into her heart. I lean back in my chair, closing my eyes, forgoing any efforts to work, because it’s useless.
