Say You Desire Me (Full Moon Book 3)

by Stefanie Van Mol

  When I look at him, I don’t like what I see. He looks nervous for some reason. I can sense I’m not gonna like what he has to say. “What’s wrong?”

  He stays quiet for a moment. The only thing he does is watch me with a pained expression on his face. Even though he looks at me, he never makes eye contact. This is not good.

  “I can’t keep doing this, Jolene,” he begins. “I can’t be with you anymore.”

  Whoa.

  Of all the things I expected him to say that was the very last.

  “What? Why?” I ask, shocked.

  Frustrated, he runs his hand through his hair.

  “I just can’t, Jolene. This whole situation.” He sighs. “This is not how I want to continue.”

  Is he serious right now? “Lionel, I understand it’s difficult. I don’t like this situation either. You think I want to go on tour with my brother? It’s only temporary. I had to get away from home. You understand that, don’t you?”

  He goes quiet again. I still can’t believe what he said. I mean, who does that? Nobody leaves their girlfriend of two years, a few weeks after both of her parents died.

  “There’s someone else, Jolene. There has been, for quite a while now. But your dad got sick and then there was the accident. There never was an ideal time to tell you. I’m sorry.”

  It feels like getting stabbed with a knife to the heart. I can feel myself shatter into a million pieces and there is nothing I can do about it. All this time I put myself in second place for him. And now, at a time when I need him the most, he tells me he has someone else? And he’s sorry? Does he really believe I would forgive him for doing something like this? After two years, he throws me away like I’m some piece of garbage and the only thing he has to say is that he’s sorry? I feel like I never knew the real Lionel at all. Anger rushes through me.

  Before I realize what I’m doing I slap him in the face.

  I’m normally not an aggressive person, but I couldn’t help it. It’s stronger than myself.

  “You bastard.”

  I not only shock myself but Lionel as well. He rubs over his cheek with a bewildered look in his eyes. I have never spoken to him this way; I was always the good girlfriend. But what did he expect? That I would just sit here and say it’s okay? That I didn’t mind? That I understood? That I didn’t hurt like hell?

  “Jolene, we should at least talk about this. I never meant for this to happen. I tried to talk to you, you know?”

  I cross my arms and glare at him. “You tried to tell me?” I can’t contain the anger in my voice. “When? Every time you didn’t call me back? Or every time you didn’t show up when we agreed to meet because you had to study?”

  For a while we stand like statues look at each other, neither of us speaking. The tension in the room is intense, but it’s Lionel who breaks the eye contact. He grabs the handle of his suitcase, comes to stand in front of me and looks at me. I refuse to move an inch. Eventually, he sighs heavily and turns toward the door and opens it. He’s almost outside when he turns around to give me one last look.

  “For what it’s worth, Jolene, I’m really sorry.”

  With those last words, he leaves the room.

  He closes the door behind him and all I can do is stare at the back of it. And then it finally rings through. I scream. I scream until my throat hurts. How could I be this stupid? Everyone has been trying to warn me for a while now, but no, I had to be the good old naïve Jolene who always saw the best in people. Of course, Lionel would never cheat on me, he’s not like that...

  How could I have been so blind? All the signs were there. How could I have been this wrong about someone? I really trusted him. A knock at the door startles me. I wipe away the tears from my face and carefully walk to the door. When I look through the peephole, I see John then slowly open the door a crack.

  “Everything okay?” he asks, concern in his voice.

  “Yes.” My voice is all squeaky, betraying I’m not fine at all. I cough to get rid of the lump in my voice. “Yes, sorry. Um... I was watching a scary movie, and I got scared. Sorry.”

  He raises an eyebrow, clearly not believing a word I say. But apparently, he decides to let it slide.

  “Okay, well if there is anything you need, my room is right next to yours.” He winks at me and then adds, “Give me a shout if you need anything.”

  I watch him go and then close the door. Once it’s closed, I lean my back against it and drop down until my butt hits the floor. I put my arms around my knees and cry. All the emotions of the last few weeks come out. I still can’t believe Lionel would do something like this to me. After everything I’ve been through, he pushes me aside. At the worst possible time.

  That’s when it happens. I start to laugh. Not just a small laugh, no it’s a hysterical laugh. I’ve probably gone insane. Mia and Erica are going to laugh about this. They warned me, over and over again. They didn’t trust Lionel at all. We spent more than one evening at the bar laughing about it. Nevertheless, I was always faithful to him. And even when our sex life wasn’t what I hoped it could be, I never cheated on him.

  God, was I really that stupid? Why didn’t it occur to me that it’s not normal for a boyfriend not to pay attention to you when you’ve lost both of your parents. Why didn’t I see that there was no passion whatsoever between us?

  Our sex life should have been my first clue. I mean, Lionel couldn’t even get me off. At the beginning of our relationship, he seemed determined to make that happen. He tried all sorts of things, but the more time passed that he didn’t succeed, he just got bitter. He couldn’t stomach the fact that I could get myself off, but he couldn’t. I always felt guilty, and after a while, we didn’t talk about it anymore.

  When my butt starts to hurt from sitting on the hard floor, I get up and wipe the last tears away angrily. He’s not worth my tears, so I make a mental note to myself to never shed a tear over him again. I check my watch. If I want to be on time for the rehearsal, I better hurry. I’m not in the mood at all, but I better show up, or Max will come and look for me and then I’ll need to explain everything to him.

  Ever since Mom and Dad passed away, he’s overly protective of me. And I don’t want to make that any worse than it already is. With a deep sigh, I put on my coat and make my way over to the concert hall. Let’s hope the rehearsal can help take my mind off everything. At least that’s better than sitting here alone in my room, crying over my douche ex-boyfriend.

  5

  John

  I think there’s more to it than Jolene wanted to say. She screamed because she got scared of a movie? I don’t think so. When I looked inside, the television wasn’t even on. She looked like she’d been crying, but what did I expect? She just lost both of her parents. Of course, she’s going through a hard time. She barely knows me, so why would she talk to me?

  I grab a fresh pack of cigarettes out of my suitcase and make my way to the concert hall for rehearsal. When I arrive, everyone is already there, including Jolene. I don’t know why, but as soon as I go toward the stage, all my attention is drawn to her. I can’t help myself. She looks so sad. Her eyes are swollen, but she puts a smile on her face to conceal her grief. It’s like she put on a mask. She may think nobody notices it, but I can see right through it. Where is that loser she calls her boyfriend? Clearly, she’s upset, so the least he could do is be here for her. To comfort her. But when I look around, he’s nowhere to be seen.

  Max is busy introducing Jolene to all the members of the group. She shakes everyone’s hand and smiles shyly. When I get up on the stage, Max looks at me.

  “You already met John our guitarist. John, Jolene. Jolene, John.”

  She sticks out her hand toward me. I take it and as soon as our hands connect there’s this spark between us. She looks at our joined hands and then up to me. I didn’t imagine this; she feels it too. A beautiful smile crosses her face and I’m glad I was able to make her forget her problems if only for a second.

  “Nice s
eeing you again, John.”

  I hold her hand in mine, even when she tries to pull back. I hold her gaze, but even if her mask disappeared for a second, when she blinks, I can see it come back. I still don’t know what happened in her hotel room, but it clearly still bothers her.

  “So, is everybody ready to start the rehearsal?” asks Max.

  Reluctantly, I let go of Jolene’s hand. I walk to where our instruments have been placed. I carefully remove my guitar from its case. Thank God it wasn’t damaged when Maxim jumped on it. When I pull the strap over my head, I immediately feel the familiar adrenaline rush through my veins. I still get this feeling every time I touch my guitar. The feeling is addictive, and I hope it never wears off. I go to my spot on the stage and begin tuning my guitar. In the corner of my eye, I can see Jolene. She steps off the main stage and takes a seat right in front of me. I hope I can concentrate with her this close to me.

  THE WHOLE REHEARSAL has been fucking hell on earth. My attention was not on music, but on her. She sat so close to me, I could see every movement she made. How she twirled a lock of hair on her finger, how she crossed her legs... Every small movement made me crave her more. Jesus, never before have I been this distracted by a woman, and certainly not one I just met. I need to remind myself that she’s Max’s baby sister. Otherwise, I would have gone over to her and she would be under me, screaming my name. I could see she was distracted as well. Not by me, but something else. She was looking in the distance, staring without looking at the rehearsal.

  We’re in the middle of packing away the instruments when Camille and Karen walk into the room, Mike following close behind them. Jonathan drops everything and rushes toward his fiancée. Fiancée, it still sounds weird that Sticks has a fiancée. But when I see the way Camille looks at him, I know those two will be very happy together. I’ve never known two people more perfect for each other than those two.

  When I move my gaze from Jonathan and Camille to the front of the room, it latches onto Jolene’s gaze. She’s looking at me with a certain look in her eyes. It’s like looking at her for the first time all over again. It’s at this moment that I know that she’s going to turn my life upside down.

  This time it’s me who breaks the contact. I have to focus on something else, doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it’s not her. When I look back to the stage, I see Max staring at me. He looks at me and then at Jolene and back to me. He raises his eyebrow at me as if to ask me what the hell is going on. I shrug my shoulders. This is what I was afraid of. Max knows me too well, he knows Jolene is my type of girl, so he’ll be watching me closely. So that’s why absolutely nothing can ever happen between us. But why can’t I get her out of my head?

  In the corner of my eye, I see Jonathan introducing Jolene to Camille and Karen. Camille is as cheerful as she always is and pulls Jolene toward her for a hug. When she looks up over Jolene’s shoulder and sees me watching, she smiles at me.

  Jesus, what is with everyone today? I feel like they are all watching me. I better hurry before more people follow my every move. I return my focus on storing my guitar in its case, so I can put it back in my dressing room. I can’t help but overhear the conversation going on around me.

  Max looks at his sister. “When is Lionel getting here?”

  Jolene wriggles nervously.

  “He was here, but he had to go back home.”

  “Something urgent came up?” Max asks concerned.

  “Nope, he... uh... broke up with me.”

  “What do you mean he broke up with you?” Camille asks.

  I instantly hate that douche even more. He broke up with her? What a jerk! Who dumps his girlfriend when she just lost her parents? A little longer than necessary I pretend to be storing my guitar. I try to hear what Jolene answers but there are too many people around talking to be able to hear it. Because I want to know what’s happening, I turn around and look right into the eyes of Jolene. Her tearful eyes look at me. And it feels like time stands still like we are the only two people in the room. Apparently, Camille asks something to Jolene, but when she doesn’t answer, Camille turns around to see me looking and she frowns at me. She looks from me to Jolene and that’s when I decide it’s time to leave. Without looking back, I walk straight to my dressing room. The only thing I can think is I’m so screwed.

  THE FIRST CONCERT IS over. And just like rehearsal, it was hell. Jolene was standing backstage, watching, and it took all my willpower to focus on the show. The standing ovation at the end proved the fans were thrilled. So, if I wasn’t up to my normal speed because of Jolene, they didn’t seem to notice.

  Right now, we’re at Diamond, the nightclub we usually go to celebrate a successful show. The entire band and entourage are here, including her. Jolene. It seems like the more I try to avoid her, the more I see of her. She’s the flame, and I’m the moth. I know I will get burned but there’s nothing or no one who can stop me. I have to be close to her.

  When I look around, I notice that Max and Tim already have a group of girls standing around them. Sticks went home the minute the concert was over. Ever since having a family, he always wants to spend as much time as possible with Camille and his two sons. Mike and Karen just left and we can only guess what those two are up to.

  I look around the club, looking for one person in particular. It doesn’t take long for me to find her. I let my gaze sweep over her. She’s wearing black jeans and a red top. A white pearl necklace hanging from her neck, makes my focus go to her breasts. She’s sitting at the end of the bar. Alone. She’s focused on her cell phone. Is she texting? On the bar, there is a half-empty colorful cocktail.

  Around her you can already see a few men waiting to make their move. I can’t blame them. Jolene is giving off that easy-target vibe. I look around to see if Max is still here, but he already left with one of the ladies. Shit, he should be watching his sister, especially in the state she’s in. She’s upset because that douche boyfriend of hers dumped her. But the last thing she should be doing is getting drunk. She’s gonna do things she’ll regret later. Not that it’s any of my business.

  I try to look the other way, I really do. But no matter how hard I try, I always look back at her. I follow every move she makes. The way she brings her glass to her lips. I’m so engrossed at the way her lips move, I don’t even notice the bar stool next to me moving. But when I look away from Jolene, I look straight into the eyes of the redhead who came to sit beside me.

  “This seat isn’t taken, I hope?”

  Her voice sounds tempting, I know exactly why she’s here and even though I’m not interested, maybe she can distract me from the woman at the other end of the bar.

  “For a beauty like you, the chair is always free.”

  A small blush forms on her cheeks and she gives me a small laugh.

  She sticks out her hand and I take it.

  “I’m Kaylee, nice to meet you.”

  “John.”

  Kaylee starts to talk. And she’s got a lot to say. As soon as she starts, she doesn’t stop talking. First, she tells me about her job, then her family. I even hear her telling something about her neighbor’s dog...

  Does she really think I’m interested in any of that?

  Something in the background catches my eye. When I look over Kaylee’s shoulder, I can see a man making his way over to Jolene. He’s getting closer, but Jolene doesn’t seem to notice. This dude stands beside her and casually leans his arm on the bar. Jolene notices him now and looks up at him. He gives her a smug smile. I can see his lips moving, saying something to Jolene and she immediately starts laughing. Shit! She’s drunk. She laughs so hard she almost falls off her chair. The guy standing next to her grabs her arm to prevent her from face-planting on the ground. He bends forward, whispers something in her ear and I can see how she looks up at him. Her eyes sparkle with curiosity. Just when I think she’ll send him away, she nods and puts out her hand toward him. He eagerly takes it and helps her up and puts his hand around her back.
Behind Jolene’s back I can see him signaling his friends, and then he heads toward the dance floor with Jolene.

  Over my dead body will this guy take advantage of the situation. Jolene is much too vulnerable right now. And where the hell is Max? I can’t believe he left with some groupie when he should be here right now, taking care of his sister. Before I can stop myself, I’m walking toward Jolene and the guy on the dance floor. I can hear Kaylee yelling after me, but I don’t care about her.

  A second before I can reach her, I get held up by a group of fans who recognize me. One wants an autograph, another one wants a selfie. I try to be patient and give them what they ask, but my focus is not with them. I need to keep an eye on Jolene, who is on the dance floor with that loser. They are standing way too close for my liking. If Max were here, I’m sure he would have intervened if he saw his sister that way. After I give the last fan an autograph, I turn around, but Jolene is gone.

  I look around the club, but she’s no longer on the dance floor. She’s not at the bar either. Did she go back to the hotel? What if that loser took her to her room? Well, there’s only one way to find out. I find my way to the exit of the nightclub. Thank God I parked my car right in front. One of the many benefits of being a famous rock star. I’m about to step into my car when Max comes up behind me.

  “Where are you going so soon?” He looks around. “And without company?”

  He gives me an evil grin, but that will disappear as soon as I tell him where I’m going.

  “Where have you been? I’m about to drive to the hotel. Your sister just left with some guy she met at the bar. I tried to stop her but got ambushed by a group of fans, you know how it is.”

  “Fuck! Where is she?”

  “I don’t know, let’s hope she went to the hotel. That way we have a chance to find her.”

  Max gets in the car on the passenger’s side and I get in behind the wheel. Max tries to call his sister, but of course, she doesn’t pick up

  “Shit, so typical. She never answers her cell, I can only hope she doesn’t do anything stupid.”