Say You Desire Me (Full Moon Book 3)

by Stefanie Van Mol

  Now it’s time to set her free. She’s ready to face the grown-up world and find a man that’s right for her. I’m sure she’ll make that man a lucky bastard.

  I walk into the lounge, it’s still early, and I didn’t expect anyone to be here already. But when I enter, I see Jolene standing by the coffee machine. With her finger, she glides over the filter, the part that started our entire adventure. A smile forms on my face when I think of that day. I close the door behind me.

  I stand behind her and pull her against me.

  “Taking a walk down Memory Lane?”

  She gives me a sad smile. “Something like that, yeah.”

  I lower my mouth to her ear and lick her earlobe.

  “Want me to show you what I had in mind that day?”

  She looks at me and the curiosity I got used to these last few weeks, shines in her eyes. She looks around her to assure we’re alone.

  “Yes,” she whispers.

  I turn her around and lift her onto the counter. Her short skirt slides upward, and she wraps her legs around me. Our lips melt together, and I kiss her deeply. I let my hands wander under her skirt and I’m about to slide her panties to the side when the door flies open.

  “Hi, John. Do you know where Jol...”

  Oh shit, that’s Max.

  He falls silent when he sees us. I turn my head and look at Max while I pathetically try to hide Jolene behind my body.

  “Jolene?” Max asks surprised. He looks at me and then at her. “What the fuck is going on here?”

  I look at Jolene and see the fear in her eyes. It’s safe to say I didn’t want her brother to find out this way. Not when I haven’t even talked to Jolene about the whole situation face-to-face. Jolene unwraps her legs from me and I help her off the counter. I hold her just long enough until I’m sure she can stand properly on her feet.

  I turn around to face Max but remain in front of Jolene.

  “It’s not what you think, Max.”

  I can feel the rage in the way he looks at me.

  “It looks like you were planning to fuck my little sister on the counter or isn’t that what was going to happen?”

  “Max, calm down. Jolene is old enough and smart enough to decide what she wants to do with her life. We’re just having a little fun together.”

  Jolene lets out a frustrated sigh and I immediately regret my choice of words. But what does she want me to do? Confess everything to her, here? In front of her brother?

  I turn around and see the hurt look on Jolene’s face. This was not what I wanted. I wanted to take away all her sorrows, but it looks like I’m hurting her instead

  “Is that what you think of all this?”

  The first tear appears in the corner of her eyes. I want to wipe it away, but Jolene smacks my hand away before I can even touch her.

  “I knew this was a mistake.” She wipes away the tear herself, and my heart breaks from the devastated look on her face. But the words she says next really rip my heart out. “I don’t ever want to see you again.”

  With those final words, she runs away, and even though I want to stop her, I let her go. I know that if I run after her now, I’ll confess everything. I watch her storm out of the room, taking a piece of my heart with her.

  When I turn back around I face Max’s fury.

  Eyes narrowed, he shakes his head disapprovingly. “This isn’t over yet.” He leaves it at that before running after his sister.

  I am now alone in the lounge and I do the only thing that can calm me down a little. I take the coffee maker from the counter and throw it at the wall. I watch how it shatters into a thousand little pieces, just like my heart.

  For the rest of the day, I don’t see anyone. Jolene doesn’t come back. She doesn’t even come to the concert. When I enter my dressing room, it feels empty. I’m so used to her being here, that I don’t even feel the need to go to the after-party. After changing my clothes, I go straight to the hotel, into my room and disappear in my bed. For the first time in a really long time, I’m lying in bed alone, with all these thoughts racing in my mind. I don’t care anymore; I don’t want this summer to end like this. And even if she decides to go back home, I want her to remember this summer differently. Tomorrow I’m going to come clean with her and tell her exactly how I feel.

  I DON’T THINK I SLEPT for five minutes straight last night. The entire night I was worrying and tossing around, thinking of Jolene. But this ends now. Tonight Jolene will go back home, so if I don’t tell her how I feel right now, then it’s too late. I’ll lose her forever.

  I get dressed and go straight to Jolene’s room. I pound on the door, but no one comes to open it.

  I’m about to go back to my room when I see Max coming down the hall.

  “Where is Jolene?” I ask him.

  “Why do you want to know?”

  I ball my hands into fists. If he wasn’t the singer of our band, my best friend and Jolene’s brother, I swear I would hit him. I inhale sharply through my nose.

  “Tell me where she is, Max. I really need to talk to her.”

  He looks at me with confusion on his face. “I drove her home early this morning.”

  It feels like someone shot me in the heart. She left? Without saying goodbye? Or is that what she was doing the night before when she came to my room? Was that her way of saying goodbye?

  “She wasn’t supposed to leave until this evening?”

  Max shrugs his shoulders. “She didn’t want to stay any longer, I dropped her off this morning, there was no reasoning with her.”

  Fuck, what a mess.

  I never wanted it to end this way. Am I imagining it? I was so sure that she loved me too. Neither of us could say it out loud, but I swear I could feel it, I know that she felt it too.

  I slam my fist into the wall. Max looks at me as if I’m losing my mind. And can I really blame him?

  “What’s wrong with you, man?” Max looks at me, eyebrows raised, as if mocking me. “You were just looking for some fun, right?”

  Yeah, what the fuck was going on with me? I couldn’t explain to Max that I fell in love with his little sister. Not before I talk to her first. I try to sound as normal as I can. “I just wanted to say goodbye to her, we got along great.”

  I don’t think he believes me because he gives me a dubious stare as he makes his way back to his room. I don’t want to stay in the hallway by myself, so I go back to my room. I still can’t believe that this is how she wants to end this, but I guess I can’t do anything about it. It’s over now, and time to move on, I guess.

  22

  Jolene

  You know that feeling? When you’ve been looking forward to something for so long. Weeks, months, maybe even years. You had this idea in your head of how it would be. This perfect idea. But when that moment is finally there, you know you couldn’t be more wrong. It doesn’t even remotely resemble the idea you had in your head. Instead, it seems like the most horrible thing that ever happened to you. Completely the opposite of what you dreamed about.

  That’s exactly what’s happening right now. I’m standing in front of an empty classroom. All the kids have gone home. I’m cleaning up after a long and exhausting day. I don’t know how I didn’t realize this sooner, but this is nothing like my internship. Of course, standing in front of the class is nerve-racking. But I always thought that it was just a matter of getting used to. But now I’m standing in front of my own class? No, this is not what I wanted to do at all. It’s nothing like I envisioned it.

  It’s been a week since I first started, but I still haven’t gotten the hang of it. It feels so different. I used to be a student here, but now I’m the teacher. Most of the teachers have worked here for years already, so some of them had been my teachers when I was young. But what’s weighing most on me, is the fact that I haven’t seen or spoken to John for almost two weeks. It feels even longer. There’s not a day that passes that I don’t think of him. I thought it would get better every day. That the lo
nger I am here, the less I would think of him. But I couldn’t be more wrong. It only gets worse with each passing day. My body is longing for John too; my thighs still tingle when I think of all the things he did to me.

  But it’s more than just sex. I miss him. The long, intimate conversations we had. He could make me smile and I could talk to him about anything. I miss everything about him. But I can’t admit that. I left without saying goodbye to him. And I still regret that. It did seem like the right way to go, to be over and done with it. But now I know I had so much to tell him. I would have wanted to thank him at least. Because he’s the one who brought me back to life. He made me realize in a very short time that there’s so much to live for, that I’m not this vulnerable girl, and for that, I’ll be forever grateful.

  Tonight, I’m meeting Mia and Erica, they are determined to get me out of this hole I’m in. Since I got back, I haven’t exactly been the best friend on the planet. I missed them, but I’m just not the best company right now, so I’ve been avoiding them.

  I miss John; I wish he were here.

  I may not admit that out loud, I’m much too stubborn for that. But it’s true, I miss him like crazy. At night I hardly sleep, I got used to falling asleep in his muscular arms and waking up with his sweet kisses and other stuff he did. But I also miss our conversations. I know my friends are trying really hard to make me feel at home again, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about going back to him.

  I still haven’t been able to go inside Mom and Dad’s bedroom. There’s a small voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me that this didn’t happen. If I just don’t go into that room, then I don’t have to face the ugly truth. I haven’t been able to go to the cemetery either. It’s not that I don’t miss them or don’t want to go there, it’s that I’m afraid of what will happen to me if I do.

  If John were here, he would find a way to persuade me. What kind of daughter doesn’t visit her parents’ graves? It feels like I’m trying to forget them.

  With a deep sigh, I look around the classroom. Next week is a new week. A new chance to make the best of it. I check my watch and see that I need to hurry. I better not be late this time, because knowing Mia and Erica, they would come looking for me here if I don’t show up on time.

  I drive home for a quick change of clothes. I take my short, black dress and put it on. This lucky dress always makes me feel better so let’s hope it works tonight. I put on a spritz of perfume and a little bit of mascara. I take my coat from the hanger, put it on, grab my purse and then I’m ready to go.

  WHEN I ARRIVE AT THE bar, Mia and Erica are already waiting for me at a table.

  “We were just planning to come and kidnap you,” Erica announces.

  I shake my head. “That’s really not necessary, you should know that I always keep my word.”

  I kiss and hug them both before joining the table. We order something to drink and eat. And as soon as the waiter leaves, they start to ask questions.

  “Tell us, how are the little brats doing?”

  You’ve got to love these two. When I told them I hated my job a few days ago, neither of them judged me. They were very understanding. They even encouraged me to go search for something else. If it makes me this miserable, I won’t last and I couldn’t agree more with them. And if you have friends who are not afraid to tell you that, then you know, you’ve got friends for life.

  I shrug. “What’s there to tell? They’re still brats and I’ve stood outside the principal’s office three times this week ready to quit, but I can’t seem to find the courage to actually knock and do it.”

  Mia takes her drink and puts the straw in her mouth. She takes a big gulp of the orange drink and then looks at me. “Are you sure that’s the only thing bothering you?”

  She and Erica exchange looks and I know they’ve been talking about me. About this. This entire week they tried to make me admit that I miss John, but how could I tell them? I’m the one who left without even saying goodbye. What do they want me to do? Call him and tell him I was wrong and miss him? That I want to be with him? No, that’s not going to happen. He probably already found a new girl to warm his bed.

  “For the hundredth time, I just need some time to adjust, everything will be fine.”

  Erica gets up to sit next to me. She puts her hand on mine and squeezes it reassuringly.

  “Don’t be mad at us, Jolene,” she says softly. “But since you’re not willing to admit it to yourself, we made sure he’s here.”

  I look at her, shocked. “What do you mean?”

  With guilt on their faces, Erica and Mia look at me, Is that John standing there by the entrance? looking at me? His gaze is burning a hole in my skin and a warm feeling forms in my belly. He’s here? For me?

  When I look back at my two friends, they both have a huge smile on their face. Mia waves her hand toward John, indicating I should go over to him.

  “Go, before I do.”

  She winks at me, and for the first time in this entire week I laugh. I move my mouth without speaking—thank you—and then start running to the door. John is still watching me intently. I start feeling better with each step I take toward him.

  Unfortunately, that ends abruptly, when someone blocks my way. I feel his hand pull my elbow and look back to the person trying to stop me. I look back into a pair of familiar dark brown eyes. A pair of eyes that belong to someone I had hoped never to see again.

  “Hello, Jolene.”

  “Lionel,” I snap at him.

  He chuckles. Oh, the nerve of that asshole!

  “You’ve changed since I last saw you.”

  Who died and made him Captain Obvious? What did he expect me to do? Be happy to see him and jump into his arms after he ripped my heart out and tore it to pieces? I’ve wasted enough time on him, and there’s someone else I would rather be with right now. I pull my arm free from his grip.

  “What do you care? What do you want from me?”

  And right when I think this night couldn’t get any worse, he opens his mouth and says, “I want you back.”

  23

  John

  Granted, when her friend texted me the first time, I was a little suspicious. After that, we talked a few times on the phone. When they told me Jolene was miserable, and that they were worried about her, I didn’t hesitate for a second.

  I just had the worst week of my life. After Jolene left, nothing seemed to go right. I couldn’t focus, so there wasn’t much inspiration for new music. In other words, I didn’t need a lot of convincing to come here. When I saw her walk in just now, I knew what her friends meant when they said she was miserable. I knew she was coming here, so I was waiting outside on my bike. I parked on the side of the building so that I could see the entrance without being noticed. When I saw what she was wearing, it took all my strength not to walk over to her, toss her over my shoulder and take her home. That damned little nothing she calls a dress, I’m going to burn it, just to make sure she never wears it again. Don’t get me wrong, she looked absolutely stunning in it, but I could still see she was miserable. The sparkle that used to be in her eyes, wasn’t there.

  But when her friends pointed toward me, and she looked at me, it was there again. What I’ve always known is now confirmed and I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I will convince her of my love. That she’s mine now. No more hide-and-seek, everyone can know about us.

  She was almost here, after these unbearable last days, I was almost able to hold her. But then that asshole decided to stop her. Why did he have to be here? And why did he stop her? I didn’t come all the way over here, just to see her get snatched away by that loser. He had his chance, and he blew it, royally.

  With a few short steps, I am right there. I’m close enough, I can hear what he says.

  “What do you care? What do you want from me?” Jolene asks.

  “I want you back.”

  What a total jerk. Does he really think she’ll come back that easily? I take one step closer
and appear behind Jolene. Lionel looks up and his eyes almost pop out of his head. He clearly remembers who I am and has the clarity of mind to shut his mouth. Jolene turns around and looks at me. Her eyes have that curious sparkle I came to love. A knowing grin forms on her mouth.

  “What brings you here, John?”

  Hearing her say my name sends a shiver down my spine. It feels like ages ago, but I still remember the times she said my name like that.

  “I forgot something.” I pull her in my arms and love the feeling of her breasts against me. Her breathing gets short, her tongue comes out, and she licks her full, red lips.

  “What did you forget?”

  “You,” I whisper, just before I press my lips against hers.

  I try to put all the emotions I feel into the kiss. I might not be good with words, but I hope this can tell her everything she needs to know. When we break apart from the kiss, she looks at me longingly.

  “I missed you,” she says.

  “I missed you too,” I answer. “But that’s not the reason I’m here.”

  “Oh,” she says, confused. “Then why are you here?”

  “I came here to tell you that I love you, Jolene. And that I’m never going to let you go. I’m really sorry about how everything ended, but I never imagined falling for you this hard. But it happened. I don’t know how we’re going to do this, but I want you to know, that no matter what, I’m not letting you go again.”

  She looks at me with the widest smile I’ve ever seen and jumps into my arms. “I love you too.”

  She kisses me and all the frustration from the previous week disappears instantly. We have a lot to talk about, but for now, this is perfect. When the kiss ends, I notice Lionel has left, thank God. I would have hated seeing him walk away with her, so I’m thrilled that I came here. Because now that I have her, I’m never letting her go ever again.

  ALSO BY STEFANIE VAN MOL

  FULL MOON SERIES

  Say You Want Me

  Say You Need Me