Mary sighed. “Well, that was smart…” she remarked. “And how do you feel?”
“About Matt?” I asked. Mary nodded. I looked down.
“I thought so…” she smiled a little.
“Wha- I don- No, definitely not!”
“Yeah, as if I haven’t heard that before…” Mary dropped down onto her bed. “Go home, sleep on it. You don’t have to do anything about it. Not straight away, at least. But you should work out how you feel. You’ll feel better, however it ends.”
I thought for a moment.
“I guess you’re right…” I admitted. “Thanks, Mary. I really needed this…”
“I’m just glad I could help.” Mary smiled. I forced a smile back. Not that I wasn’t grateful for the help, but I had too much on my mind for it to be genuine.
I need to get home…” I stood up and started towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow…” I knew I was coming across as distant, but I was too lost in my own thoughts at this point to give her anything else. Mary smiled again.
“See you later,” she replied.
I walked out of the room, slowly closing the door behind me. I wasn’t sure what to make out of the conversation, to be honest. It had been helpful, in a way. I knew Mary was right that I didn’t actually have to act on anything straight away. But what she’d said about how I felt… Truthfully, I didn’t really know how I felt about Matt. I wasn’t even sure why I kissed him, even after all that time. It was just something stupid I’d done on impulse. At least, I was pretty sure that was all it was…
*
I sighed as I pushed a clump of spaghetti around my bowl. It was one of the rare evenings where mum cooked for us, and her Spaghetti Bolognese was magical (No, that wasn’t a pun). It was a shame that I was in absolutely no mood for eating anything, no matter how delicious.
“So…” Mum had clearly realised something was wrong. “How was school?”
“Fine,” I lied. I mean, I half-lied. Most of the day was actually fine. It was just the second half that had left me this unresponsive. So much had happened in the last few months that I’d kind of forgotten how much I hated confronting my own brain, and I’d spent so much time worrying about the Stone and the Syndicate and all of the other insane shit going on that I hadn’t needed to think about anything like that. So now I did, I was kind of crashing a little.
“You’ve barely touched your food…” Mum questioned. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s… it’s nothing…”
“If it’s stopping you eating, it’s not nothing. What is it?”
I sighed.
“It’s… It’s Matt…” I forced out. Mum leaned back in her chair.
“Oh, thank God.” she laughed. “I was worried it was going to be a magic thing…” she admitted. “So, what’s going on?”
“I… Did I tell you what I did back after the accident?”
“I think so. With the…”
“Yeah.” I didn’t need to finish her sentence. “Well, I was talking to him today, and it came up, just briefly, but… he said something, and it kind of spooked me… and then I was talking to Mary about it… And then she said something… And I’m just… I don’t know how I feel about…”
“About him?” Mum finished. “Yeah, I can see how that could be an issue…”
“I just… I don’t know… I know he’s my friend, and I wouldn’t want to change that, but… I don’t know…”
“Are you happy with how you two are right now?”
“I mean… Yeah, I think so… I mean, we’ve arguing a lot lately, I admit, but when we were talking today, things were… they were nice. I mean, until…”
“So, you’re happy with how things are right now. Do you need things to change?”
“I… No, I don’t.”
Mum sat down next to me.
“Then, to be honest, there’s no reason for you to force yourself to make a decision.”
“Yeah, Mary said the same thing…”
“Well she’s right.” Mum patted me on the shoulder and stood up. “Try not to get all caught up in your own head about it, okay?”
“Yeah…” I hesitantly agreed. Mum looked at the half-eaten bowl of spaghetti.
“You going to eat that?” I shook my head. She slid the bowl across the table and started eating the lukewarm meal. “Sorry… I forgot to eat lunch today. There was this weird wedding dinner, and a flock of doves that got loose and, well, needless to say there wasn’t much time for a lunch break…”
“Sounds bad…”
“I mean, it would have been fine if it wasn’t that feather allergies seem to run in the family… I haven’t seen so many puffed-up faces in years…”
I was only half-listening, but to be honest, I was happy to just to have something putting my mind off everything. I leaned back in my chair and sighed.
You know how you really feel about him… you know that she’s right… I’d been wondering when the voices were going to add their opinion on the matter. They’d been suspiciously quiet so far.
“Oh, piss off…” I hissed. Mum looked at me and sighed. “Sorry…”
“You know you don’t have to apologize for that.”
“I just know how it makes you feel… I just feel bad for reminding you about it…”
“I’m not the one who has to live with it. You don’t have to worry about me…”
“I guess…” I knew it wouldn’t make that much difference. I wasn’t going to stop feeling bad for putting her through this any time soon. It was pretty shit for me, but I didn’t want to imagine what it must have been like for her, having to see me going through this and not being able to do anything to help. I sat in the awkward silence, waiting for something to happen.
“Em…” Mum trailed off. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to make you feel bad…”
“No, it’s not that… I guess… I guess I’m just sick of not knowing how I’m feeling… Not just about Matt… The last few months… I don’t know what’s going on in my own head most of the time…” I started to crack. “I’m just… I’m just so sick of it!” I broke.
Mum put her arm around my shoulder.
“It’s fine. You don’t have to be alright…” she tried to comfort me as I sobbed into my arms. “It’s okay… It’s okay…”
*
I almost had a heart attack the next day when I walked into Miss Artemis’ room and saw a familiar face sat at the back of the room. I admit, my first assumption had been that I was hallucinating again. I walked out of the room, tried to shake myself back to reality, and walked back it. Apparently, it was real. Matt looked at me. I just sort of stared for a moment. I smiled a little.
“Good.” I mumbled to myself.
“Is everything okay, Miss George?” Artemis asked. I nodded and quickly down. I noticed Artemis smiling slightly as she started the lesson. I turned around. Matt was still sitting there.
“Definitely not just me then…” I muttered under my breath. I was relieved, all things considered. I was definitely glad that Matt was back. I knew he wouldn’t be quite back to his old self; I definitely wasn’t when I first came back. But it was a start. I smiled as I tried to push my focus onto the actual lesson.
*
When the lesson had finished, I tried to avoid the temptation to walk up to Matt. Instead I waited outside of the building with August.
“What am I doing here again?” she asked as she checked her phone.
“Matt’s back in class for the first time since the accident.”
“So? It’s not like I haven’t seen him since then.” August replied. I stared at her. “What?”
“Sorry, it’s nothing.” I shook myself back to reality. “I just didn’t realize that you two… talked…”
“Sure, we talk.” August shrugged. “I mean, I was the only one who knew what actually happened. You were still hiding yourself away, Fire-bird was god knows where. Someone had to talk to him.”
“Yeah, I guess so…
”
“Does it matter?”
“Of course not!”
August looked at me.
“Cool...” She didn’t seem convinced.
“You two didn’t have to wait out here for me,” A voice called over from the entrance of the school. I smiled as Matt walked up to us.
“Nice to see you too,” I remarked. August nodded at Matt, who failed to hide a smile.
“Did I miss something?” I questioned as I looked between the two of them.
“So, you’re back in the world of the living, then?” August ignored me. Matt laughed a little.
“Yeah. I guess I couldn’t stay away forever...”
“Okay, I definitely feel like I’m out of the loop...”
“So, everything okay?” August asked.
“Getting there,” Matt replied. “I don’t think I’m going to be back to normal anytime soon, but I was getting sick of being trapped away on my own...”
I couldn’t work out what it was, but there was just something in how they were speaking that didn’t seem to fit.
“Oh, on your own, were you?” August mocked. “Nice to know I’m appreciated...”
“It’s hard to appreciate being constantly bothered by a hot-headed rich girl who does card tricks.”
“Oh, you know you like it!” August teased. I blinked.
“True...” Matt seemed embarrassed. And I pieced everything together. I felt my face screw up.
“You two? Seriously?!” was what slipped out of my mouth at that point. “Oh, god, I think I’m going to be sick...”
“What?” Matt and August snapped their heads around into a scarily synchronised death-stare. I stopped for a second, and then proceeded to burst into the biggest fit of laughter I’d had in a long time.
“You two?” I pointed between them. “Like, you two together? That’s...”
“It’s what?” August looked like she was about to set fire to my soul.
“That’s hilarious!” I finished, gasping for breath. “I mean, last time we were all in a room together and people weren’t trying to kill us, you couldn’t stand each other!” I shook myself back to reality. I wiped tears away from my eyes. I choked out the last few laughs as I looked up. August looked like she was about to kill me. Though that was probably the electrically charged card in her hand, more than anything else. Matt sighed as August clenched the card in her fist.
“It’s really not that funny…” she grunted.
“I mean… It kind of is…” I muttered. “I mean, it’s fine, of course,” I added. “So, how long has all this been going on?” I asked, finally calming myself down.
“I dunno… A few weeks. Maybe a week before you came back?” August guessed.
“And neither of you thought to mention it?” I was a little offended.
“We just didn’t see the need to make a big deal about it.” Matt shrugged. “We were going to tell you eventually, I just wanted to get back into the flow of everything first.” He glanced at August. “Of course, someone couldn’t keep quiet…”
August shrugged.
“I guess that’s fair enough…” I admitted. “So…” I wasn’t really sure where the conversation was supposed to go next. I checked the time on my phone. “Anyway, I’ve got to get going. I’m supposed to be talking to Miss Artemis this lesson.” I smiled at the two of them as I started to walk away. “Later.”
“Later.” Matt called after as him and August walked in the other direction.
The second I walked into the building I caught myself sniggering again.
“Matt and August… Sure, why not.” It was definitely weird, don’t get me wrong. But I was actually quite relieved that I had reacted like this. It had put some of the worries I’d been having at bay. I mean, why would I have found it all so funny if I felt like that towards Matt?
34
“So, how have things been, Emilie?” Artemis asked as she lowered her mug onto the table. “It feels like it’s been ages since we’ve talked.”
“Yeah…” I agreed. “I guess it has…” I hadn’t been to talk to Artemis like this since I’d come back to Foxway, so it felt strange to be sitting in the room with her again. “Things were pretty bad for a while, to be honest. After everything that happened… I nearly didn’t come back.”
“That’s understandable,” Artemis agreed. “If I’m being honest, it’s been hard to deal with myself. I haven’t lost many students since I’ve been here, and never in these kinds of circumstances…” she trailed off for a second. “So, what made you come back? There’s a lot of people who would never have been able to recover like you have.”
“I wouldn’t say I’ve recovered…” I looked down at my hands. “But I decided that I wasn’t going to get any better while I was hiding myself away…”
“That’s good.” Artemis smiled. “So, how has it been? Being back here?”
I shrugged.
“It varies… Good and bad days, I guess… More or less…”
“More or less?”
“There’s just… there’s little things that get to me… stupid things…”
“Such as?”
“I mean… I can’t really think about anything specific.” I half-lied. I was hesitant to bring up everything that was going on in my head about Matt until I had a better idea about how I felt.
“Okay, then…” Miss Artemis didn’t seem convinced. “How about your family?”
“My mum’s fine. She doesn’t really get the magic stuff, but she’s supportive at least.”
“And your sister?”
“Raven’s… She’s fine. Maybe a little distant… More so than normal, at least.”
“What do you mean?”
“It just… It feels like she’s been gone a lot. She usually stays at my house over weekends, but she’s been staying here…”
“Admittedly, Miss Blake has never been a particularly sociable person, has she?”
I shook my head.
“This is different… I’m… I’m worried about her.” I had only just realised this myself, to be honest. I’d struggled when Artemis had asked me about her in the first place, and it had kind of made me realize how distant she’d gotten. Artemis sighed.
“We’ve all been through a lot in the last few months… But you know how much Raven has been through in her life.”
“That’s why I’m worried. I’m worried that it’s going to be too much for her…”
“I can see why you’re concerned. But your sister has always pulled through in the past. She’s strong. I wouldn’t spend too much time worrying straight away,” Artemis advised. “But I can try and convince her to talk to me, if you’d like?”
“I mean… I don’t know if she’d actually agree to talk…”
“It can’t hurt to try, if it would make you feel a little better.”
I nodded.
“Okay…” I wasn’t convinced that Raven would talk, but it at least felt better to know someone else was going to try and help.
“Mr Silvemist is back at school.” Artemis changed the subject again.
“Yeah.” I didn’t know what she was pushing for. I think she was expecting more of a reaction. “I talked to him earlier.”
“Is he doing okay?”
“About as well as he can be… It’ll be a while before he’s back to normal, I think… That’s if he’s ever back to normal…” I replied. “Has he talked to you about anything?”
“Does he really seem like the sort of person who’d go in for therapy?” Artemis joked.
“I guess not…” I laughed. I checked the time on the clock.
“Is that all you wanted to talk about today?”
“I… I think so,” I replied. “Unless there was anything else you wanted to ask?”
“Actually, there was one more thing…” Artemis admitted. “I hate to bring it up, but Professor Greyford… He wants to know what you’re going to do about your training…”
“I… I…” I looked
down. “I hadn’t really thought about it…”
“I suppose that’s understandable… It’s just… The professor… even myself… We’re worried that the Syndicate could attack again… And if we’re not prepared…” I didn’t need her to tell me what the stakes were. But I still had no idea how I was supposed to respond. I hadn’t even considered the fact that I was going to have to start training again. And that wasn’t even the problem. I knew I couldn’t fight the Syndicate alone, but I didn’t know how I was supposed to persuade everyone else to help again. Raven would, I knew that, but after what happened, I didn’t imagine for a second that August would want to keep risking her life for it, let alone Matt, who’d already lost Leigh.
“I don’t know…”
“Have you talked to any of the rest of your Circle about it?”
“Of course I haven’t! With all that’s happened… How could I ask them to keep putting their lives at risk for me?” I shouted. “I’ve already lost one friend… I don’t want to lose anyone else!” I exhaled, catching myself before I exploded any more. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…”
“I understand, it’s okay.” Artemis reassured me. “I’m not going to force you to do anything.”
“I… I want to help… But I just don’t know if I can… I’m sorry…”
“Emilie, I’m a teacher, and I’m a counsellor. My job is to make sure that you’re okay. You need to put yourself first. Do what’s best for you.”
“But what’s best for me could get more people hurt! I’m a Guardian, Miss Artemis! I’ve got a duty… I’m supposed to protect people… But… I’m… I’m scared…”
Artemis smiled softly.
“You’re allowed to be scared. Guardian or not, you don’t always have to be some stoic hero. You’re only eighteen, after all. You don’t have to be okay all the time.”
“I know… I just… I wish I was… I wish I was braver…”
“Braver?” Artemis seemed shocked. “You’ve taken all of this on… You’ve been thrown into a completely new world this year and gone through the absolute worst that a person your age should ever have to. And you’re still here. I can’t think of anything braver.”
“But I… I…”
“Being brave doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel afraid. It means you can carry on even though you’re afraid.”
The Arch Stone: Foxway Academy: Book 1 Page 23
