by A. E. Murphy
And when I finally do, I’m in heaven and this time I feel no guilt, only an afterglow and adoration towards the sleeping female sprawled across my chest.
I now understand the lyrics to ‘Counting Stars’ by ‘OneRepublic’. ‘I feel something so right, doing the wrong thing’.
I should let her go.
I just don’t want to and I wouldn’t have the strength to.
Chapter Twenty One
Isaac
I yawn loudly; I can’t help it. I’ve had so many late nights. I don’t regret them; in fact I like that I’m tired. It means I’m doing something right.
I don’t like that Elle is tired, though. I also don’t like that she’s fallen asleep on my parents’ couch.
It’s my fault. I’ve been dragging her from bed every night, encouraging her to sneak to mine.
Well, not every night, but almost every night.
We’ve been careless though. Her parents will catch her sooner or later.
I know it’s hypocritical of me to say, but she’s eighteen for crying out loud. She’s allowed her freedom. She should be allowed to stay out. Then I wouldn’t have to sneak her out every night.
It’s the best part of my day when she does, though.
I just wish it didn’t have to be a secret. I wish I could hold her hand in public, like I know she wants. I wish I could take her to work and kiss her delicious lips as I see her off. I wish I could cuddle with her on the couch right now and sleep beside her.
I can’t though.
We’re careful for this reason.
She doesn’t want me to lose my job and neither do I. I probably deserve it, but I’m not some psycho student molester, preying on innocent women.
We connect. It’s never happened before and I doubt it’ll ever happen again. I couldn’t imagine myself being with anyone else.
Eloise is just… she’s just it for me right now.
We’ve been playing it extremely cool in public, though. My parents still think she hates me and she does a damn good job of convincing them she does. I suppose it’s her way of punishing me for what I did. I don’t care. She’s sexy when she’s pissed at me and cute, like a snarling cub.
Her body is curled up in the foetal position and I’m sat at the end of the couch, only inches from her legs. I want so badly to slide my hand up her thigh, to tickle her skin in the way I know she loves.
Am I creepy? Am I suddenly a creepy teacher?
The way I look at her, the way I talk to her at times, the way I touch her all of the time… is it creepy? But I care about her. How can it be creepy when I’d kill anyone who hurt her, when I’d risk my career for her? How is that creepy?
At first it was scary. I could tell she was scared of getting caught, but now, the more time that passes, the more comfortable we’re getting lying to everyone. It’s been six weeks since I made a decision I knew would change my life and I don’t regret it. What I regret is the sad look on her face when we both agreed that Christmas together would be a big no, seeing as she’ll be visiting with her family and I’ll be staying with mine.
I’m worried about losing her to a guy her age, of course I am, but I don’t dwell on it. For now I’m accepting that she’s mine and I’ll bloody well show her how happy I am about that.
Eloise
I hear a camera click as a flash lights up my eyelids.
Confusion sinks in before I remember I’m visiting the Price’s.
“Wouldn’t they make such a lovely couple?” I hear Judith say with a sigh. “Such pretty babies.”
I almost choke, but Mr Price Senior jumps in. “Judith, she’s his student. Remember?”
“She is?” Judith gasps. “Oh. But dear, look at them. That red hair with his lips and her pretty eyes…”
“Judith,” Mr Price hisses, shushing her immediately. “She’s his student. I’m sure it would upset her to hear you talk that way. And Isaac.”
Judith gasps with glee. “Isaac is here? My Isaac?”
My eyes burn, but I don’t open them. I leave Mr Price to handle his wife. I don’t think I can cope with it.
“Such a handsome boy. Such a sweet boy.”
Mr Price leads her from the room and I sit up slowly. I hear her bed creak and realise he’s taken her to lie down until this moment passes.
Isaac wakes up too. His head was lolled back and his eyes were closed, but now I know he heard everything she said by the pain that shines in his eyes.
I take his hand and smooth my thumb over his.
“She forgot who I was again,” he whispers, shaking his head.
I don’t say anything. I simply rest my head on his shoulder and wait for the kiss that I know will come. When I feel his lips touch my forehead before gently lifting away, I sit up and move to the other end of the couch.
I hate to put distance between us, but I can’t do much else for him at this point.
“I’m here,” I say, still holding his hand, until we hear his dad walking back to the room.
Susanna talks softly to Judith and I know that her moment still hasn’t passed. This is the longest one yet.
“You don’t need to be here for this,” Mr Price Senior says to me, his eyes tired and sad. “I’ll take you home.”
“I’ll do it,” Isaac says, but his father shakes his head. “No, I could use the drive.”
“I haven’t been totally honest with you,” Mr Price tells me, pulling up outside of my house. The drive has been long and silent. “Remember when Judith threw that pasta at you?” I nod, yes. “Remember you left your University applications at my house?”
Please say you posted them Mr Price; you said you did. “Yeah?” My heart hammers, preparing for the heart break.
“Well, I posted them, but I opened them first.” Okay, now I’m confused. “I shouldn’t have done it, but I tweaked them a little. I perfected my reference and changed your bio.” Now I’m definitely confused. “You were too modest. I only added to it and changed a few errors. I couldn’t bear to see you fail, but now I look back I realise you wouldn’t have failed.”
I’m not angry at him for doing that. I’m just… baffled I guess.
“You’ve been such a solid member of our family. When you first started visiting I didn’t think it would last, but I didn’t blame you. Judith looks upon you like a daughter and I can’t say I don’t care a great deal for you. That’s why I did what I did. I shouldn’t have without your permission.”
“It’s okay.” I smile the happiest and most reassuring smile I can manage. “I swear. Thank you for tweaking them.”
“My son cares about you.” He scratches at his neck, stretching his beard slightly with the movement. “I think he cares a little more than he should.”
My eyes go wide and I choke on air. “I don’t think so.”
“I shouldn’t be saying this, but I realised what was going on the night he called your father. His irrational behaviour only succeeded to prove my fears.” Oh shit, he knows… he knows. My palms start to sweat and I feel my heart beating in my throat. “I just want you to keep your distance from him for a while.”
“Have I done something wrong?”
He blinks and turns to face me. “No, sweet girl, not at all. I’m just worried… that in this dark and lonely time for him, he’ll do something stupid, something that could potentially make it a darker and lonelier time.” Dark eyes scan my face, so I keep it shocked and slightly uncomfortable. “I hope I’m reading too much into it, but I’m thinking you might feel the same way and that worries me, because then there’s nothing stopping you.”
“I…” I can’t promise him something like that. “I’m… I’m already seeing someone. Isaac, he’s great and all, but… well he’s kind of old and…” I take a calm breath when I realise I’m stuttering and trying to ramble all at once. “I’ll keep my distance as best I can. Do you, umm…” This time I scratch my neck. It does seem to help break eye contact. Maybe that’s why they do it. “Do you not want me to come aro
und anymore?”
“I want you to come as often as you like. Like I said, you’re a solid member of our family. I just want you to guard your heart and be careful. Isaac is a good man, but people do strange things when grieving and Isaac is grieving. As are you.”
“I’ll do my best.” It’s not a promise, but also not a rejection. “I won’t say anything to him either.”
He pinches my cheek fondly and motions for me to exit the car. I do so, still smiling awkwardly, and race into my house. Then I text Isaac.
Eloise: We really need to talk.
Isaac: Is everything okay?
Eloise: Long story short, your dad wants me to give you distance because he thinks you have feelings for me. Do not say anything to him… I will kill you.
Isaac: I like it when you kill me ;-)
Eloise: I’m serious! I’ll see you in a few days.
Isaac: A few days? I’m coming for you tonight.
He’s so stubborn.
Eloise: Did you not read what I put??????!!!!!
Isaac: I’ll handle my dad. I’ll see you tonight. Same time same place.
My dad pops his head into my room. Normally he’d knock, but my door is already open. “How was school?”
“Thrilling,” I reply sarcastically.
“You’ve been quite tired lately.”
I shrug. “I’m working hard, Dad. Is that a problem now?”
He frowns, irritated at my tone of voice no doubt. “I just don’t want you to exhaust yourself.”
“How the fuck else am I going to get out of here?” I mumble, but he only hears just that, a mumble. I’d probably be grounded if he heard what I said.
“Are you joining us for dinner?”
“No, I already ate.”
He steps further into my room. “I saw you and Mr Price talking outside.”
“So? He gave me a ride home.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Probably not.” I put my pen on top of the books I have spread across the desk. “I have homework.” He lingers. “Is there something else?”
“You’re there a lot.”
“Well done, Sherlock. Did you figure that out on your own?”
He frowns again. “Look, I know things have been tough at home, but you’re leaving in a few months. It’s almost the New Year and then you’ll be away to university before I can blink.”
“That’s if I get in.” I close the book I just opened and wrap my arms around my legs.
“I’m just saying that maybe you could spend more time with your mum and I before you go away to start your own adventures.” He sits on the bed and places his hand on my knee. “Your life for us has gone by far too quickly and I think it’s wonderful that you’re dedicating your time to an ill woman, who I know you care about. It makes me proud.” It makes him proud? Shocking. “Don’t roll your eyes at me.”
“I’ll try to spend more time with you and Mum.” Maybe. I check my watch. “I really do have homework to do. I won’t have time tomorrow. I have work straight after lunch.”
“Okay.” He relents and flicks me on the forehead. He moves to the door, but stops again. “How do you feel about dinner and a movie tomorrow?”
My brow quirks. “Like a Daddy date?”
“Yeah, like we used to do.”
That doesn’t sound so bad. “Sure. I finish work at five thirty. Pick me up?”
He nods with a smile. “Of course, my lady.”
Now I feel bad for having a shitty attitude towards him. I reopen my book and quickly call as he descends the stairs, “Love you, Dad.”
“I love you too,” he calls back and I hear the smile in his voice.
Eloise: I can’t come tonight. I have a feeling my dad will be checking on me.
I receive an image of him sticking his lower lip out. Giggle.
Eloise: And tomorrow he’s taking me on a Daddy date after work, so I won’t be able to meet you.
Isaac: So I won’t see you until class Friday?
This time I send him a picture of myself pouting.
Isaac: I’ll need something a little racier to keep me going that long.
I send him a picture of my rabbit teddy.
Isaac: Remind me why I’m dating you again? I can’t recall…
Eloise: Because I’m funny and cute. Now leave me be, I have a mountain of homework to get through.
Isaac: I have a surprise for you.
Eloise: Tying a ribbon around your penis and offering me the chance to kiss it does not a good surprise make.
Isaac: That wasn’t what I was doing, but that really doesn’t sound like a bad idea…
Eloise: Stop distracting me!
Isaac: I’m serious, do you think you can get an alibi on Sunday?
Eloise: Why?
Isaac: You’ll see.
I do love surprises.
We’ve never spent the day together before. We’ve not had the chance.
Now I really want to go and see him tonight, but I know I shouldn’t risk it. My dad’s in a good mood, which means him and Mum will probably have a late night tonight, so I won’t be able to sneak out until there’s just no longer a point to it.
Why is it that every eighteen year old I know is pretty much doing what they want when they want, yet I’m stuck inside like a criminal? It’s so unfair. If I could afford my own place, I would so go for it, but Dad wouldn’t let me anyway and I need money for university. I’m going to be living on campus in a co-ed dormitory allotment building I hope, so I need all of the money I can get.
I love my mum and dad and I’m lucky to have parents that care so much. I just hate how stifling their love is.
I sit with my dad at a cosy table in a restaurant on the outskirts of town. I’ve only been here a few times; it’s not somewhere I’d come with friends.
“So, there’s a reason I asked you here tonight.” My dad clears his throat and sips on his wine.
“Go on.” I settle my fork on the table as he pulls five large envelopes from his bag and hands them to me. “What are they?”
“I’m pretty sure they’re your university acceptance letters.”
I rub my hand over the top one, my heart racing in my chest. “When did I get these?”
“Yesterday morning.”
“What if I haven’t gotten in?”
My dad shrugs, a warm smile on his face. “Then we’ll just have to apply to a different one.”
“I do two, you do two?” I suggest and place the fifth one on the table.
My dad beams, happy to be included. “You do know that you’ll have to accept two and decide between them, right?”
“Yeah.” I start tearing at the envelopes and pull the white sheets of paper from inside. My dad does the same. I see his hands shaking as he goes, much like mine are.
My heart starts palpitating and I feel my skin break out with light perspiration as my eyes scan over the writing. My heart leaps, flips, dives and crashes back into place.
“You’ve been accepted into Hull and Manchester.”
My eyes fill with tears. “I’ve been accepted into Boston and Leeds.”
We both snatch at the final letter and shuffle closer so we can read it together. “On the terms that you get the grades promised,” my dad reads aloud. “You’ve been accepted into Cambridge. They’re offering you a place.”
My hand flies to my mouth and the tears that burn my eyes finally fall. “We have to call Mum. She should have been here for this.”
My dad hands me a smaller envelope, a final one. “Before we call her, I want to give you this. It’s just a little something to tell you that, even though I’ve been hard on you, I am extremely proud of you.”
I open the final letter and pick the strange blue booklet from the inside. Upon opening it I discover two long, thin airline tickets and a squeal escapes my throat. “France?”
My dad smiles, his eyes sparkling with happiness. “France. Paid for, but only for four weeks. I was going to do six, but your mo
ther and I talked about it and figured that you’d be preparing for your new accommodations and would be wanting to make friends.”
I stuff the tickets back into the booklet and throw my arms around the man I’ve so easily despised these past few months. “You had that much faith in me?”
“Of course.” He hugs me back and strokes my hair as I cry into his shoulder. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so happy. “Just please finish the year. Don’t do anything stupid.”
“I won’t,” I promise and pull away. “Can we go? I really want to tell Mum.”
He nods and helps me put on my coat before pocketing the tickets. “I’ll keep a hold of these for now.”
“Good idea.” I’d probably lose them. “Let’s go!”
He chuckles and leads me to the bar, where he quickly pays before guiding me outside.
I can’t wait to tell everybody.
Using my key, I let myself into Isaac’s flat. I know I’m risking a lot coming here uninvited, but this can’t wait. My dad thinks I’ve gone to tell my friends. If he knew where I’d really gone… I dread to think.
I still can’t believe I got into Cambridge. It’s just so far away. That was never even an option. I applied to Cambridge simply to receive a rejection, just so I’d have a better chance of deciding between Boston and Leeds, Leeds being even further away than Cambridge.
Fuck.
The room is dark and quiet. I hear the sound of Isaac’s breathing coming from the bedroom. After kicking off my shoes, I pad inside, keeping my footsteps light.
He’s resting on his stomach, his arm reaching out as his fingers grip the pillow I usually rest on. I run my fingers through his trimmed hair and along his eyebrows, before tracing his nose and leaning forward to press my lips against his.
