by A. E. Murphy
He hums in his sleep, his heated body turning as his hand comes up to grip my hair and deepen the kiss. “I didn’t think you’d come.” He whispers sleepily against my lips.
I pull back and reach for the bedside lamp.
The second he sees my face, he frowns with concern and sits up. The bedding slides from his body, revealing his beautiful chest, so defined and perfect. How could such a man ever want me?
“What’s wrong?” He asks, reaching for me. I place the envelopes on the bed between us and watch as he slowly picks them up. He knows what they are immediately, but his face remains passive as he opens them and flicks through. “You applied for Cambridge?”
“I just chose it for the hell of it. I didn’t think I’d get accepted.”
He shakes his head. “I got rejected.”
“From Cambridge?”
He nods. “That was my first choice. It’s one of the best in the country, in the world. Fuck… it’s expensive though. Cambridge as a whole, not just the university.”
I know that. “My dad is paying my tuition fees. I just have to pay for my living costs.”
“Lucky for some.” Isaac drops the envelopes on the bed and stares at me for the longest moment. “Are you going to Cambridge?”
I shrug. “I haven’t decided yet. I really was looking at Boston.”
“You’d be a fool to pass up this opportunity.” He climbs from the bed and grabs his dressing gown from the wardrobe door before pulling it on and exiting the room.
I follow him into the kitchen and watch as he pours himself a glass of water. His strong, corded neck bobs with each large gulp. He slams the glass on the side and turns back to me. We stare at each other again, our eyes passing an emotion back and forth. I don’t know what it is and I don’t want to know.
“You have to go there.” He suddenly says. “It’ll be amazing and anybody who sees that university on your future CV will put you above all of the rest.”
“I won’t be able to come home every weekend. I won’t be able to fit the hours in.” I ignore the pain that slices through my body.
“So?” He leans on the breakfast bar that separates us. “It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.” His hands runs through his hair, pushing the blonde locks out of his face.
“But… my friends, Judith, your dad, my parents,” I cry and chew on my lower lip for a moment before adding, “And you.”
He tenses, his eyes on the counter. “We knew this wouldn’t last past the summer. We knew that when we got into this.”
“I know but…”
“But nothing. Every single person on that list wants you to be happy. They want you to go where you want to go and get the education you deserve.”
“I know…”
“Don’t throw that away, not for them and definitely not because you think we’ll go on to have some fairy tale romance. Boston is still far. I still will only see you on the weekends. Long distance doesn’t work.” I know he’s right. It doesn’t make it any easier though. He moves around the counter and pulls my head in close so he can touch his lips to my forehead. “Let’s just keep this easy, like it has been. If we last into the summer…” If? “We’ll be able to celebrate our last few weeks properly. We can go away for a few days.”
I clear my throat and take a step back. “Actually I’m going to France. I leave a few days after school breaks up.”
I see the shutters come down in his eyes. “Your dad paid?”
“Yeah.”
“Must be nice having a rich Daddy.” He says it with a monotone voice, but I know he’s mocking me and I don’t know why.
My mouth falls open. How dare he? My dad may be comfortable, but he’s never spoiled me. He’s paying for my education as well as my accommodation but nothing more. Besides, he’s not rich, he’s comfortable.
“I’m going to go,” I snap, going back into the bedroom to grab my letters. I calm myself for a moment, ignoring his brief moment of bitterness. I put it down to jealousy. Maybe he can’t believe that I have the chance that he never had. Still, that’s hardly my fault. “Are we still on for Sunday?” I hold my envelopes in my arms, using them as a guard against his passive demeanour. They do little to shield me.
“I don’t know. I’ll call you. I have to think.”
“You have to think?” Okay, now I’m interested and a little bit annoyed. “About what?”
“About this.” He motions between us both.
I can’t be bothered with this. I can’t stay for this. Today is a good day. No, today is a fantastic day and he isn’t ruining it with his stupid brooding and his stupid thinking about things.
“Well then call me when you have it all figured out,” I snap and stroll to the door. He doesn’t follow. I pull it open and slam it behind me. My rage doesn’t stop, but at least it clears my head on a few things.
He’s right; Cambridge isn’t that far and although I won’t be able to visit every weekend, I’ll still be able to come home often. I’ll have even more time if I’m not tied down to a man who, for the next two years, I can’t even legally be with.
Isaac
We both knew what we were getting into. We both agreed that this was only a temporary thing, that neither would expect too much of the other.
I knew she’d be going to university. I knew she’d be leaving, but I can’t help how badly it fucking hurts.
With my mum the way she’s getting and my dad all alone, I can’t leave. I have to stay. I want to stay with my parents. For the first time I want to do the right thing.
Eloise and I are in totally different places. This was never meant to be a serious thing. We were just supposed to enjoy each other’s company without the aggravation of all the bullshit that comes with relationships.
I have to stay and she has to go. There’s no other way around it.
So why does that hurt so much?
This isn’t me. I don’t do this; I don’t get feelings that cripple me. I just get through the day. That’s how I’ve always been and it’s how I always will be.
I just need to get that back.
I have to step back in time and go back to how I was before I got feelings.
Starting with today.
I’ll just speak to her later. We’ll end this and move on. By the time she does leave for university, it won’t even matter to me anymore.
The day is long, too long, and our afternoon class doesn’t come soon enough. When it does come, I’m annoyed to see Eloise looking all chipper and excited, talking with her friends about university and France. I get that she should be excited and very proud of herself. I guess part of me was just hoping she’d be a little more torn up about what is going on with us.
I wait for lesson to finish and wait for her to say goodbye to her friends before I lean against my desk and try for a small smile.
“I want to apologise for my behaviour last night,” I say quietly, assessing her reaction with my eyes. She nods, but says nothing. “I just think that at this point in time…”
She frowns slightly. “You’re breaking up with me.”
It’s not a question; it’s a statement. She knew it was coming, yet she still looked chipper and happy with her friends. I suppose that’s a good thing. It means we can part amicably. “I just think it’s better if we do it now rather than in five months. It’ll be harder then.”
She nods, still frowning. Then she looks at her watch and frowns deeper. “I have to go. I have to work.”
“We can remain friends.” I blurt the cheesy line before I can stop myself.
“Sure.” She shifts her bag up her shoulder and smiles. Her smile looks real. “So, do we just go back to how we were before?”
Good question. “I guess.”
“Well, okay.” She doesn’t seem affected at all. “I’m kind of glad you came to this decision. I picked two.” For a moment I wonder what she means, but then I remember that you have to accept two universities and then decide on one. “I picked Cambridge and Boston
, but I think Cambridge is where I’ll end up going and you’re right, long distance never works.”
She’s being extremely good about this. Did she feel anything for me at all? “Well, I’m glad we’re in agreement.”
“Me too.” She blows out a breath of relief. “I thought this would go a lot worse.”
“Me too.” I still can’t believe how well it’s going. “We’re good?”
“Yeah. I mean why would I want to be tied down? I’m about to enter a university where the dating pool is everybody.”
My jaw hardens. “Yep. The dating pool is definitely… substantial.”
“And I won’t have to travel back so much.” She runs her hands through her hair, suddenly not looking okay, but she doesn’t look upset either. “It’s the perfect situation. This is perfect. By the time I go, you’ll be here and I’ll be there and it won’t even matter.” That doesn’t make much sense. “Because it’s not like even when I do go to university we can suddenly be open and honest with everyone.” Her voice gets higher and her words get faster. “And who wants that? Who wants a relationship where they sneak around?”
“Yeah…”
“So thank you, for… I don’t know… setting me free or something.” Now she definitely looks upset. “It was fun while it lasted, but I suppose it’s for the best because your dad and… well I’m not exactly available ever and…” My heart sinks when her eyes glisten with unshed tears. “I’m just… I’m going to go.”
“Elle…”
“No, don’t.” She raises her arm so I can’t grab it to stop her. “Don’t do that right now.”
“You’ll be okay,” I try, but her solemn eyes suddenly blaze with a fury I’ve not seen from her. “Fuck you, Isaac!” I blink in shock. What the hell do I say to that?
“Elle.”
“No, don’t…” She places her hand against the door as the other grips the handle, ready to pull it down. “I’m just going to say this once. If I walk out of this door, if I go… I will not be coming back. No amount of words, kisses and cute gifts will bring me back.”
That kind of finality really hits home. I ignore the stab of my heart and nod.
“I’m serious; if you’re doing this to be some kind of shining knight and you still let me leave, I won’t forgive you.” Her swollen eyes come to mine. “I won’t come back, not now, not in two years, not ever.”
The sorrowful quiver in her voice breaks my heart. “Don’t you want this?”
She looks at me angrily. “No! Why would I want this? I love spending time with you. I thought I had another five months at least.”
“But if it’s going to end, wouldn’t it be easier to end it now?”
Now she’s looking at me like I’m stupid. Maybe I am. “Everybody who dates knows there’s a chance it won’t work two weeks, three months, six years from then, so they enjoy it while they can and decide to deal with that heartbreak when it comes. What’s the point in ending it now as opposed to five months later?” Her hand flies to her mouth. “Is there someone else? Do you want to date somebody your own age?”
“No, of course not. I just want what’s best for you and what’s best for me.”
“And what’s best for me is ending something I love because it’s going to end anyway?”
Love? “Something you love?”
“You know what I mean. I enjoy spending time with you. I enjoy sleeping with you and cleaning up after your slob self. If I didn’t enjoy it, I would have ended it sooner and so would you. We’re taking a huge risk… you are taking a huge risk. So now you just, what? Decide to end it because you think it’s best?”
“I thought…”
“Well don’t think. Don’t ever think. That was the agreement. We weren’t supposed to think about everything else. Our relationship is separate. Those were your words, not mine!” She turns the lock on the door and slaps her hand against my chest. “If you think I can’t handle it then that’s my decision. That’s not yours to make. We’re partners, we’re equal.”
“I just don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then take back your break up and take me out on Sunday like you promised.”
I lean back against the wall and rub my face with my hands. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because…” Give me a moment to think.
“Because why?”
“I just… I don’t…”
“Isaac, you swore we wouldn’t do this unless it’s what we definitely wanted. Is this definitely what you want? Do you want me to leave and never come back? Don’t I mean anything to you?”
Is she stupid? “You mean everything to me.” I say this a little louder and more forcefully than I intended. We both stop still. “Maybe we should think about this. Sleep on it.”
“I mean everything to you?” Her words are breathy and I instantly regret that outburst.
“I only want what’s best for you.”
She moves her hand from my chest to my neck, before digging her fingers into my hair. “You’re what’s best for me.”
“I’m your teacher.”
“I don’t care.” She steps closer and my hands go to her hips. “I don’t care. I never did.”
I groan when her teeth nip on the skin of my neck. She’s trying to distract me.
Eloise
I touch my tongue to his skin, tasting the bitter bite of his aftershave as well as the flavour that is all him. His hands tighten on my hips as I rub myself against him, making sure my hip and thigh grinds against the perfect spot.
I forget where we are. I forget why we’re here. I forget the risks and the wrongs.
We just connect, like usual, in a hazy blur of lust. Our bodies mould together as our tongues merge and massage, pushing against one another.
My hands loosen his tie as his slide under my skirt and cup my arse brutally but oh so brilliantly.
I only break our kiss to breathe and then, once my lungs are filled, I untuck his shirt and feel every inch of the skin beneath.
There are windows all around; anybody could walk past and see. He could lose his job. I could ruin my reputation, but I don’t care.
The panic of losing him right now hurts and scares me way more.
“I need you,” I say. “Just for a little bit longer.”
He grunts his agreement as my hand slides into his trousers. The awkward angle doesn’t affect my ability to grab him tight and rub slowly as our bodies try to get closer. At this point that’s physically impossible, but I can’t help myself.
He rips my knickers to the side, forcing the material to tear on one side. I feel his fingers there, teasing, playing and stroking as his other hand lifts me, making me hook my legs around him. I don’t hesitate. Not even the cold bite of the table makes me stop tugging the belt from his trousers and pulling his solid length free.
He groans loud and long when he sinks inside, his hips level with mine. “Give me your neck.”
I flip my hair to the side and shut my eyes as his teeth and lips explore the curve of my neck. It tingles, badly, but it’s not bad, it’s amazing.
I moan, I can’t stop myself. He pushes deeper inside until his groin is against my own. I love this. I love the feeling. I love how it drives me crazy and makes me tingle.
I think I love him.
“Mouth,” he orders and I give him my mouth. “You feel so good, Elle. You’re fucking heaven.”
I squeal when I’m flipped and pushed forward onto the desk until my breasts and arms are splayed across the numerous books and papers that litter the wooden surface. Pencils and sheets tumble to the ground when he slams into me from behind, reaching deeper than he’s ever been. We’ve never done it in this position until now and I can’t imagine why.
His fingers tease my folds as he pushes inside and it’s all too much. It’s painful, but in a good way. It burns, it aches, it throbs and every inch of me explodes.
He pulls me up by my hair. It doesn’t hurt, not even when he forces my back to
arch and clings to my neck with his teeth. His plunges and thrusts are feral. He’s never been so brutal and god it turns me on.
I don’t want to stop, but I’m desperate to release. I’m desperate to topple over the edge, particularly when his hand grips my breast over my shirt and squeezes, not hard, but not soft either.
“I’m going to…” I let out a breathy moan as the pleasure keeps building up. “It’s… I’m…”
His fingers move faster, circling and rubbing in the best way.
I finally clench and pulse, my orgasm spreading through my body, gaining more and more power the faster and harder he pushes. My breathing stops. I can’t moan; I can’t scream or shout or make a noise. All I feel is him and the burning.
The second I sag is the second he pulls out from my core, dropping me on the table before spilling himself with a cry into a piece of tissue.
Oh shit. No condom. I didn’t even think of that.
He sees the concern in my eye as I straighten up. “It’s okay,” he assures me, tossing the tissue into the bin and pulling his trousers back up as I straighten my own clothes. “I didn’t do it inside.”
That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m not even ovulating, so I know if he pulled out then it’s not possible. It’s infections and diseases I’m worried about. I’ve never had sex without a condom and I know I’m clean. I was checked last year with Hayley when she slept with Riley and the condom broke.
Suddenly I realise I don’t know a thing about Isaac. I don’t know who he’s slept with, how many or even… I just don’t know anything about that side of him. I’m not sure I want to know either.
“That was so dangerous,” Isaac says, breathing out a sharp breath. He checks his watch and curses. “We need to go. The cleaner comes in soon.”
I fluff up my hair and grab my bag off the ground before unlocking the door. “Do you think anyone saw?”
“I hope not.” He checks the windows before pressing his lips to mine. “I’ll see you Sunday?”
“Don’t just say that because we just had sex. That’s not fair on me.”
