The Admiral's Bride

by Suzanne Brockmann

  Jake hit his head on the showerhead, quickly turning so that his back was to her. “Zoe! Jeez!”

  He still had shampoo in his hair but he shut the water off, reaching for the towel that was hanging on the back of the bathroom door.

  But she reached past him and turned the water back on.

  Soap ran into his eyes and he swore sharply as he wrapped the towel around his waist despite the water streaming down on him. “What the hell?”

  She leaned against him, close enough to speak directly into his ear, her voice low. “We can talk quietly in here. With the water running, our words won’t be picked up by the microphones if we speak softly enough. And the camera is over the window. This is the only place in your entire suite where we can’t be seen.”

  Jake nodded. “Well,” he whispered, rinsing the soap out of his eyes. “Isn’t this convenient?”

  “Don’t whisper,” she warned him. “Use your regular voice—just keep it really low.” She laughed softly. “You can open your eyes and turn around. I’ve got clothes on.”

  Thank God.

  He turned around—and realized he’d offered up his prayer of thanks just a little too soon. Zoe was in her underwear—a running bra and an entirely too skimpy pair of panties.

  “We have a little problem,” she told him seriously, as if she always held important meetings in the shower, half naked.

  Her running bra left little to the imagination to start with, but wet, it molded itself to her breasts. Breasts that he knew more than filled the palm of his hand. And he had big hands.

  He focused on her eyes. Water beaded on her long eyelashes, making her look even more freshly beautiful than ever.

  “Problem?” he repeated stupidly.

  “As a new member of the CRO through marriage,” she said, her voice so low he had to lean closer to hear her, “I apparently only have probationary status here. I’m not allowed to leave this room unless you’re with me.”

  Jake swore loudly, and she put her finger against his lips.

  She pulled her hand back quickly, as if touching him had burned her, and he knew that despite her efforts to pretend otherwise, she was not unaffected by the fact they were standing together, barely dressed, in the shower.

  I want you, too. The words he hadn’t let her say out loud last night seemed to echo against the tile as the steam from the shower swirled around them.

  Zoe cleared her throat. “The guard who escorted me back here wasn’t completely up on the exact rules.” She continued quietly, sounding far more businesslike and matter-of-fact than he could have managed given the circumstances. “But as far as I could gather, there’s some sort of special vacation deal for newlyweds. As a woman, I’m supposed to work, but I’m not allowed to join a work party for at least four glorious days. Unfortunately, we don’t have four glorious days to waste.”

  In order to hear her, Jake had to stand so close he could count the drops of water on her face. One of the drops ran down her cheek like a tear and landed on her collarbone. As he watched, it meandered down her chest, slowly gathering speed as it disappeared between her breasts.

  Jake closed his eyes. The towel around his waist was completely soaked. It weighed about ten pounds and hung low on his hips. He had to hold it up with one hand as he kept the soap from his hair out of his eyes with the other.

  “So now what?” he asked.

  “So we temporarily ditch my intended plan to flit about, dodging cameras and guards like an invisible little ghost, and we march boldly—together, holding hands because, hell, it’s our four-day honeymoon—into Christopher’s private quarters.”

  She was starting to shiver, and he turned them both around so that she was standing directly under the stream of warm water. She tipped her head back, letting the water flow on her face and all the way down her smooth, flat stomach. She squeezed her hair back with her hands and smiled at him. “Thanks.”

  Jake hiked his towel up higher and moved closer so he could speak directly into her ear, careful not to touch her. “I know you think Christopher’s keeping the Trip X somewhere in his suite, but I can’t get past the fact that if the CRO’s going to take out all of New York City in a matter of weeks, someone, somewhere has to be working on some kind of delivery system.”

  He slipped slightly on the slick bottom of the tub and caught himself on the tile wall, his other hand still firmly holding the towel. By some miracle, he’d managed not to touch her, but just barely. He held on to the wall, bracing himself, his arm extended past her head, about a quarter inch from her cheek.

  “There’s got to be a bomb or missile being made to carry the Triple X.” He tried to continue as if nothing had happened, but his voice was raspy and he had to stop and clear his throat. “It’s got to go off at the right altitude above the city, at a time when wind conditions are acceptable. The CRO’s got to have a lab to—”

  “It’s not here,” Zoe said definitely. She turned her head to speak into his ear, and her cheek grazed his.

  Jake had never had to have his heart started again by a jolt of electricity through paddles in a hospital’s ER, but he now knew what it would feel like.

  “Sorry,” she breathed. “God, this is…”

  “Awkward,” he said, trying to laugh. “Again.”

  “Maybe we should just…” She looked at him, and the flash of uncertainty in her eyes took his breath away. Zoe? Uncertain? But then she laughed, too, and whatever he had seen was gone. “If only we’d known, we could have packed our wet suits.”

  Zoe in a wet suit…“Do you scuba dive?” he asked.

  “I’m learning. Or, rather, I was learning. It was mostly my friend Peter’s idea, and when, well…” She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Let’s not go there.”

  Peter, huh?

  “We’ve gone off track,” she said briskly. “Where were we?”

  “Discussing the lab,” he said. Whoever Peter was, he was completely insane to have had Zoe and left her. “There’s got to be a lab. Somewhere.”

  “Not here,” she told him with complete confidence, instantly back on track. “Not in this facility. Just the quick look around I had this morning verified what I’ve seen from the surveillance cameras. And you said yourself you’ve been over this place with a fine-tooth comb. Maybe there’s an outside source—”

  “No. No way.” Jake was just as convinced. “Vincent would never go outside of this little kingdom he’s made.”

  Zoe released all the air in her lungs in a burst of exasperation. But then she froze, gazing into his eyes, ignoring the water that was hitting the back of her head. “Jake, what if…”

  He could practically see her brain smoking, she was thinking so hard. She laughed aloud, the expression on her face morphing from disbelief to amazement to real excitement.

  “Holy Mike, what if Chris doesn’t know what he’s got?” She gripped Jake’s arm. “My God! He may think his birthday surprise will take out a few dozen racially inferior types in the New York subway system—kind of like that horrible incident in Japan a few years ago. He may not know he’s got enough Triple X to turn the entire tristate area into a graveyard.” She shook him slightly. “You’ve got to convince Chris that it’s time to share secrets. Do whatever you have to do, Jake, but get him to tell you what the hell his plan is.”

  “Oh,” Jake said. “Gee. Is that all?” He took her arm and shook her slightly. “What do you think I’ve been trying to do all this time, Zoe?”

  She had the decency to look embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

  Awareness dawned in her eyes the exact moment Jake realized it, too. They were holding on to each other, her hand on the taut muscles of his forearm, his palm against the smoothness of her shoulder.

  Jake would only have to move his head about an inch and a half, and he would be able to kiss her.

  She moved her hand. “Sorry. I’m…sorry.”

  He spun them both around so that he was standing once again under the force of the water. He rele
ased her so he could use that hand to rub the last of the shampoo from his hair. His other hand was still holding the towel for dear life. “Just let me rinse off,” he said. “And then you can…do what you need to, and after, we can take a walk, see if Christopher’s in.”

  “And after that, I have something I want to show you,” she told him. “A place we can go to talk without being overheard. It’s outside, though, so dress warmly.”

  Dress was the key word. It would be very nice to have a private conversation in which they both had on all of their clothes.

  Jake maneuvered his way to the other side of the narrow tub, reaching to open the curtain and step out.

  But Zoe stopped him, holding on to the edge of his completely soaked towel. “Better leave this behind,” she said. “And try to look happy.”

  Happy. Instead of impossibly, intensely, overwhelmingly, painfully, achingly frustrated and upset.

  Jake laughed. No problem.

  “There were at least three rooms he didn’t show us.” Zoe lay on her back in the warm autumn sun on what had probably at one time been the Frosty Cakes employees’ recreation deck.

  Christopher Vincent had welcomed them effusively into his private quarters. When Jake had told him Zoe was eager for a look around, the CRO leader had given her what could only be described as a significant glance when Jake’s back was turned.

  Zoe had given him a loaded smile in return, hoping that he’d give them a more thorough tour if he thought she was interested in whatever tawdriness he had in mind.

  Whether he’d given them a more thorough tour or not, there was no way of knowing.

  All Zoe knew was that the missing canisters of Trip X weren’t anywhere in sight in his private dining room, his bedroom, his enormous private bath or the three suites his wives and their young children occupied.

  Jake and Zoe hadn’t been allowed into his private office. According to the layout of the factory that she’d studied in the SEALs surveillance trailer, she had to guess there were somewhere between two and four additional rooms in the area they hadn’t seen. But a lab? She still didn’t think so.

  She turned to look at Jake, who was stretched out on his stomach, his arms folded underneath his head. His face was upside down from her perspective. He’d moved close enough to talk softly and still be heard beneath the rather bucolic sound of the nearby waterfall, but only their heads were together. His body and legs were a full one hundred and eighty degrees away from hers. Still, even that way, they were uncomfortably close. Too close.

  She laughed. Two miles would’ve been too close, given the power of her attraction to him.

  “What’s so funny?” he murmured, his eyes half shut.

  “You look tired,” she said.

  “You do, too.”

  “I didn’t sleep much last night.”

  The half-lowered lids were only a ruse. His brilliant blue eyes were as sharp as ever. “Yeah,” he finally said. “I know.”

  “May I say something that I feel needs to be said—even at the risk of embarrassing you?”

  Jake closed his eyes. “No.”

  “Jake.”

  He opened his eyes and sighed as he looked at her. “What’s the point?”

  “For starters, we’re going to be in bed again together tonight,” she told him. “Have you thought about that?”

  “The thought has crossed my mind one or two million times already today,” he said dryly.

  “The fact that you had a—”

  Jake closed his eyes. “Don’t say it.”

  Zoe rolled onto her stomach, pushing herself onto her elbows, supporting her chin with the palm of her hand. “You know, I probably would’ve been offended if you hadn’t been so turned on. The past few weeks have been extremely intense, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve got to believe you haven’t made love since—”

  “No,” he said, cutting her off. “You’re not wrong.”

  Since Daisy died. Zoe swallowed, aware that Jake hadn’t wanted her even to say Daisy’s name. Her heart broke for him. And for herself. “You must miss her so much.”

  “She was irreplaceable,” Jake said quietly.

  Zoe had known that. She just hadn’t thought it would sting quite so much hearing Jake speak the words aloud.

  “You know I find you very attractive,” Jake said. He laughed. “And if you didn’t know that, well, after last night you certainly knew it, huh?”

  “I knew,” Zoe said. “Before last night.”

  “Forget about the part where I’m old enough to be your father, okay?”

  “I have.”

  Jake laughed. “Yeah, well, I haven’t. But let’s pretend for the sake of argument that I have. This thing between us, babe, it’s still going nowhere fast. I can’t get past the fact that Daisy’s still the woman I love. I just don’t see myself—” He broke off, unable to continue.

  Zoe nodded, gazing at the waterfall, trying to convince herself that the tears in her eyes were the result of the too-bright sun. She couldn’t look at him. But she had to ask. “And those times when you really kissed me?”

  He was silent for several long moments. “Contrary to what you believe, I don’t always do the right thing.”

  She did turn to look at him then.

  He smiled crookedly, tiredly. “I know you see me as that all-powerful hero from Scooter’s book, but honey, in truth, I’m just a man. Lead me not into temptation and all that. Sometimes temptation is just a little too tempting, and then I make mistakes. And sometimes I just make mistakes—completely on my own. No help from any outside force. I don’t want you—but I want you. Sometimes the part of me that wants you shouts down the other part.”

  Zoe studied his face. Jake. The man. He was right, in a way. For years he had been her hero. Invincible. Intrepid. Noble. Immortal. Yet beneath all that, he was just a man.

  A very good man.

  “So are you just planning to be celibate for the rest of your life?” she asked.

  Her question caught him off guard. “I don’t know,” he said honestly.

  “Well,” Zoe said carefully. “When you do know, if the answer to that question is no, I hope you’ll come and find me.”

  Jake put his head down on his arms and laughed. But when he lifted his head, propping himself up on his elbows the way she was, his eyes were filled with a curious mix of both sadness and heat. “See, now, like, right now is one of those times I really struggle with, because right now I have this completely overpowering urge to kiss you.”

  Zoe wanted to touch his beautiful face, to push back that unruly lock of hair that fell down over his forehead. But she didn’t.

  “You have to tell me the best way I can be your friend, Jake,” she said. “Do I move closer when you say that to me? Or should I back away?”

  He was close enough to kiss her, and his eyes dropped to her mouth before he looked into her eyes. “Are you strong enough to back away?”

  Was she? “Right now, yes. Tomorrow? I don’t know.”

  “Then back away,” he breathed. “Please.”

  Zoe didn’t move. “Tell me about Daisy.”

  Jake blinked. And laughed. And backed away himself. “Well,” he said. “She was absolutely nothing like you.”

  Zoe quickly looked away, but apparently not quickly enough.

  “Whoa,” Jake said, catching her hand. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I mean, I meant it in a good way. You’re so strong, so certain. You’re a scientist, and Daisy…” He laughed. “She didn’t have a lot of use for science or math.”

  Zoe gently pulled her hand free. Backing away. “She was an artist, right?”

  “Yeah, mostly a painter, both oils and watercolor, although she did go through a charcoal phase, too. She was…” He forced a smile. “Pretty amazingly brilliant.” He was quiet for a moment. “She never came out and said it, but she hated what I did—what I do—for a living. And when Billy decided he wanted to be a SEAL, too…” He shook his head. “She d
idn’t like to talk about it. She just locked herself in her studio and painted.” He rolled over onto his back and stared at the sky. “I think I managed to make her incredibly unhappy at times, but she loved me enough to pretend it was all right. And I loved her too much even to consider that she might be happier without me. And yet, you know, in our own way, we did okay. We had so much more than most couples I’ve known.”

  He turned his head and looked at her. “Okay, Lange. Your turn. ’Fess up. Who’s this Peter?”

  Zoe tried to smile, but she couldn’t. “No one,” she said quietly. “He was nothing. Not compared to what you had with Daisy.”

  “It’s not fair to make comparisons.”

  “Yeah,” Zoe said. “It is. You talk about love in a way that I can’t even comprehend.” She took a deep breath. “You know, Jake, last night was the first time in my life I’ve ever slept all night in the same bed with a man.”

  He tried to hide his incredulousness and failed, sitting up to look at her. “Really?”

  Zoe nodded and sat up, too, unable to meet his eyes. “I’ve had relationships—obviously—but it’s always been, ‘Well, gee, that was fun. See you in the morning.’” She braced herself and looked at him. “I’ve never lived with anybody. I’ve never gotten that close. I’ve never even wanted anyone to stay the night.”

  Jake had known a love the likes of which most people only dreamed. And she…She wasn’t even one of the dreamers. She hadn’t even dared to do that.

  Jake sighed. His face was so serious without his usual hint of a smile lurking around his mouth. “This must be very hard for you. I’m so sorry. I’ve been thinking only of myself—”

  “Look, it’s no big deal. I just wish—” She broke off, unable to say it.

  He touched her again, his fingers warm against the back of her hand. “What?”

  She wanted to know what it would be like to sleep in Jake’s arms, all night long, with his warmth and strength wrapped around her. But there was no way she could tell him that. Not after promising him she’d back away. She shook her head. “I wish a lot of things that are definitely better for you not to know.”