Compromising Miss Milton

by Michelle Styles

  Her mother. This was still about Kamala. It was why he had kept the necklace. If she stayed with him, she would be constantly fighting a ghost.

  ‘Kammie has falling sickness. She has fits. She is far from perfect.’

  A light died in Adam’s eyes. He turned away from her and his shoulders hunched. ‘I didn’t know.’

  ‘Do you still want to claim her as your own or will you seek to put her in a home to rot away?’ Daisy fought against the tears and the frustration. Whatever happened, she would ensure that Kammie received the best care. It was what the jewels had to be used for—to give Kammie care. It was what Tom would have wanted. This had nothing to do with the jealousy she felt towards his love for Kamala and everything to do with protecting Kammie.

  ‘I will do what is best for her. Those sorts of decisions are for another day.’ He held out his hands. ‘I am giving you a choice, Daisy.’

  ‘You are seeking to use me.’ Daisy backed away from his outstretched arms. ‘You should have told me all of this, before…before… You looked at me and saw only an obligation and a duty, a wrong that needed to be righted. And then I was a challenge. Something to show that you were in charge. I am more than that, much more. I am a person.’

  ‘You are cheapening yourself, Daisy.’ A muscle jumped in his jaw. ‘I kissed you because I wanted to, not because I felt a duty. I could have taken care of you in a thousand different ways.’

  ‘I was a means to an end.’

  ‘You should have told me who your niece was in the first place. But you chose to let me believe she was your sister’s child. There is blame on both sides. I accept what I did was wrong. I fight against the darkness in my soul every day, but I am trying to do the decent thing now. We could be a family together.’

  ‘There is no need. Kammie has a family.’

  ‘We did not take precautions, Daisy.’ His voice dripped ice. ‘I will not have history repeat itself. I failed once before. I will honour my responsibilities. We will marry. Society will demand it. I will bring my daughter up as the lady she should be as I would do with any child we might have. Kammie will have all of London at her feet when she makes her début.’

  Daisy drew herself up to her full height. Inside of her, she had gone numb. Kammie would never be able to be in society. Adam had never mentioned one word about loving her or caring for her. He saw her as an object. It all had been about righting old mistakes, making sure that no one else was hurt. He did not love her and she knew after what she had experienced that she wanted love. She needed more. She deserved more.

  ‘I am sorry, Adam, but I refuse to marry you. Not like this and not for those reasons. Marriage has to be about love or it is nothing.’

  She blindly stumbled to the door. Her hand closed around the knob, but the door refused to budge. She gave it a little kick. His hand closed over hers and opened the door. ‘You walk out on me now, Daisy, and it is over. I am offering you a glittering future.’

  ‘Then it is over.’ Daisy kept her eyes straight ahead. She did not dare look at the anger that would be on his face. He would get over it. It was only because she was taking his latest plaything away. ‘I am going back to Warwickshire. It is where I grew up. It is where I belong. I would be no good in London, Adam. I am a governess, not a social butterfly. Some day, you will find the right woman for you. Somebody who does not expect more from you.’

  She could hear the sound of his steady breathing behind her. ‘I will send you back to Warwickshire in my carriage. There is no need for you take the public stage. But you are wrong about me. I only wanted you to be happy.’

  ‘The carriage would be a kindness.’ Daisy forced the words around the lump in her throat. She did not want him to be kind. She wanted to hate him. ‘I wish to leave within the hour.’

  ‘Here I took you for a fighter.’

  Daisy paused. She knew she was staring into bleakness, but it was better now. ‘I fight when there is something worth fighting for.’

  ‘I love you, Daisy.’

  The words tore at her heart.

  ‘Love?’ Daisy forced scorn into her voice. ‘You do not know the meaning of the word. All you know about is desire and desire always fades.’

  Keeping her head high, she swept from the room. Behind her the door closed with a decisive click.

  * * *

  Turn around, give me the slightest sign that I have a chance. Let me prove to you that it is more than desire.

  Adam watched his carriage roll away from the Shaw’s Hotel and silently willed Daisy to look back. It had taken all of his will power and self-control to accede to her wishes and let her go. Even now, he fought against the overwhelming urge to haul her out of the carriage and take her back to his bed.

  The place in the centre of his chest felt worse than when Kamala had walked away. Adam knew there was no comparison between the youthful combination of desire and guilt he had had for Kamala and the love he bore Daisy. The words of the curse were wrong. He had learnt what love was and what it was like to lose it.

  The carriage began to go through the gates and he saw the barest hint of movement.

  Somehow I will find a way of proving my love.

  ‘Lord Ravensworth!’ a self-important voice trilled across the gravelled drive. ‘We must speak.’

  ‘Mrs Blandish, now is not the best time.’

  ‘It is about the help Miss Milton promised you’d give.’

  ‘Miss Milton promised?’

  Mrs Blandish crossed her well-upholstered arms. ‘She said you were a man of great honour and integrity.’

  Adam glanced towards the gates. The simplest thing in the world would be to go after her, to haul her out of the carriage and kiss her senseless. But Adam knew that this was about more than possession. He wanted to prove to her that he was worthy enough to share her life. He threw one last longing look at the now-empty space.

  ‘Mrs Blandish, whatever promise Daisy gave, if it is in my power, I will do it.’

  Chapter Sixteen

  Daisy alighted from the carriage and took her small satchel into the tiny cottage in the rural Warwickshire village.

  All throughout the journey, she had half-expected to hear the sound of thundering hooves as Adam came to demand that she stay with him. She even had her scathing retort ready on her lips. But no horse and rider came past.

  At the first coaching inn, her heart had skipped a beat when she had spied a pair of broad shoulders, but it turned out to be a stranger.

  Then as the miles stretched out, her hopes and her anger faded away, leaving only a great hollow place in her middle. And she was forced to concede that he did not think she was worth fighting for. In the quiet of the carriage, she wept until she had no more tears left.

  ‘Daisy, what are you doing here? You were supposed to be in Cumberland? At Gilsland Spa? Have you left the Blandishes?’

  ‘Aunt Daisy! Aunt Daisy has come home!’ Kammie danced about, her soft brown curls glowing in the afternoon sun.

  ‘Yes, poppet. I have come home. For good.’ Daisy lent against the doorframe as she caught sight of Kammie’s eyes. The only wonder was that she had been so blind with Adam. Kammie was a feminine version of Adam down to the curve of her lips and the way she tilted her head. She had always assumed these looks came from her mother.

  ‘Is everything all right, Daisy? You look like you haven’t slept in a week.’

  ‘Everyone was very kind.’

  ‘From the letter that arrived yesterday, I understood that you were to marry Adam Ravensworth, Viscount Ravensworth.’

  ‘The marriage has been called off.’ Daisy gave what she hoped was an unconcerned shrug. ‘We did not suit.’

  ‘Didn’t suit or wouldn’t suit?’ Felicity linked arms with Daisy and drew her into the tiny front room with its horse brasses and John Martin engraving above the fireplace while Kammie bent down to stroke a cat. ‘I know you, Margaret Milton. You like to leave before you get hurt. Did he hurt you?’

  Daisy winced.
Felicity had to be furious as she was using Daisy’s real name. ‘Not intentionally. It was better this way, trust me. I couldn’t have borne it…’

  ‘Did he have feelings for you?’

  Daisy put her head in her hands. It was one thing to think up excuses, but she knew Felicity would see through any lie. ‘Yes…no… He said so. But I am not sure. It seems far too quick. I had always thought love took a long time. But this seems to be something that burns bright and fierce. I am terrified that it will die just as quickly.’

  ‘Then you are a fool. And that is something I never thought I would say to you, Margaret Milton.’ Felicity put her hands on her hips. ‘You threw away something precious because you feared for the future. Well, nothing in life is guaranteed. If not for yourself, think of the advantages you could have given Kammie.’

  Daisy watched the sunlight play on Kammie’s hair as she engaged the cat in solemn conversation. ‘Lord Ravensworth will assist with Kammie. He considers it his duty to his lost love.’

  ‘You have lost me, Margaret.’

  ‘Adam Ravensworth is Kammie’s natural father.’ The words tumbled out of Daisy. ‘Not Tom.’

  ‘Kammie was born in wedlock, Margaret. Tom is her father. He gave her his name. Our brother had a big heart. And he loved that little girl as his own.’

  Daisy stared at Felicity in astonishment. ‘You knew.’

  ‘Knew what?’ Felicity went over to the brasses and started to arrange them. ‘I knew Kammie wasn’t Tom’s. But I didn’t know the name of the father. All I knew was that he had been in the British Army, rather than in the East India Company. Tom did not confide that. He was in love with Kamala. He was determined that Kammie would grow up with the last name of Milton. Goodness, I might have wanted him to do better, but I accepted his choice. But once I set eyes on Kammie, I knew he had done the right thing.’

  ‘When did you find this out?’

  ‘It was in his last letter. The one I threw on the fire when Kammie arrived.’

  ‘You knew and never told me?’ Daisy stared at her sister.

  ‘I wanted a child.’ Felicity reached out and covered Daisy’s hand. ‘Colin abandoned my bed before our baby was stillborn. He was not going to come back. I had so much love to give.’

  ‘You should have told me.’

  ‘You were unmarried. You had no need to know of such things. I didn’t even know if you knew where babies came from.’

  ‘Felicity!’ Daisy stared at her sister. ‘All these years. You should have told me that Kammie was not Tom’s.’

  ‘Kammie was born in wedlock. She was our brother’s child in the law. That was all you needed to know. And we needed every penny you sent back.’

  Daisy straightened her back. She did not know which was worse—Adam’s betrayal or Felicity’s. ‘I was so proud of you the day that Kammie arrived. How you argued with Colin and were determined to keep the baby, despite the vicar’s wife saying she was poorly. It was why I agreed to become a governess. To help out.’

  ‘Can you imagine what would have happened to Kammie if she was put into an orphanage? With her sickness?’

  Daisy glanced over to where Kammie sat in the dust, pulling a string for the cat to chase. She put her hand over her eyes. Every particle of her was exhausted. Felicity was right. What she had done was right and Daisy knew that the girl she had been then would not have understood. She would have seen it in black and white. She did not begrudge Kammie anything. She was her darling niece. ‘You were far better than I could have ever been.’

  ‘Do not judge yourself harshly, Margaret. You were young.’

  ‘There are other things I have to tell you.’ Daisy quickly related what had happened to her, leaving out her relationship with Adam as much as possible. ‘And the fight must have loosened the puzzle box’s mechanism. It contained a small fortune in jewels. There is no need for you to worry about Kammie’s health now. I will be able to stay here with you.’

  Felicity tapped her fingers together and did not say anything for a long while. Daisy shifted from one foot to another. Surely Felicity had to see that the jewels were really Kammie’s. ‘Margaret, are you saying that you do not want to have anything more to do with Adam Ravensworth?’

  ‘Lord Ravensworth had no intention of marrying me,’ Daisy said quickly. ‘He would have been quite happy to have me as a mistress, but I suspect would have soon tired of me and my countrified ways. I wanted more than he could give. I have no wish to speak of him again.’

  ‘I am sorry you quarrelled, Margaret.’ Felicity kissed Daisy’s forehead as if she was no older than Kammie. ‘He must have been someone very special to get through your defences. He will come after you.’

  ‘I don’t want him to,’ Daisy said and knew she lied. ‘If he comes here, I expect you to deal with him.’

  ‘You can stay here, but I won’t let you hide behind my skirts. When he comes here, it will be for you and not for Kammie.’

  * * *

  In the days that followed Daisy learnt that she was not pregnant and tried to settle into the routine of the house, helping Felicity out when she could. A great gaping hole had replaced where her heart had once resided. At night, she’d lie awake and wonder if the necklace had been truly cursed and whether she had proven unworthy. Certainly, Adam did not make any attempt to contact her or Kammie. When daylight came, she dismissed her night time thoughts as nonsense.

  Twice she started letters and then threw them on the fire. The third time, she finished the letter, signed her name and accidentally allowed a tear to stain it. Angrily she tore it into pieces and threw it on the fire. Felicity made no comment except to look up from her sewing.

  In desperation, Daisy went up to her tiny room and started to leaf through her books. Her fingers lighted on the book of Keats’s poems that Adam had brought her from Carlisle.

  ‘Let’s see what your favourite sonnet is like, then. Maybe that will help end my heartache,’ Daisy muttered, leafing through various pages. She came to the words ‘Bright Star would I were as steadfast as thou art’. On the last line—‘And so live for ever or else swoon to death’—the word ‘swoon’ was replaced with ‘love’. In copperplate handwriting, Adam had written—how I feel about you, Daisy.

  She traced the words with her finger, reading them over and over again. She had been the one to make the mistake. Just as she had once used her governess clothes as a shield, she used her hurt at not being his first love to deny her love for him. And his for her. What they had shared was not the passion of youth, but the meeting of true minds, if only she had seen it for what it was. It was not he who was at fault but she. She had made a mistake. I always took you for a fighter. His accusation rose in her mind and she knew he was right. She hadn’t fought. She’d run. She’d have to go back and try.

  Without giving herself time to think, Daisy jammed her clothes into her satchel. Suddenly all her doubts dropped away and she knew she had been hiding, not wanting to face his love. She had run away, rather than risk getting hurt. She would go and explain. If it was too late that was her fault, but she had to try.

  ‘Daisy, Daisy, I have news,’ Felicity called from downstairs. ‘The hall has been let. They say the new tenant is to be Lord Ravensworth.’

  ‘You will have misheard, Felicity. Adam Ravensworth would not come to a backwater like this.’

  ‘God save us from addle-headed governesses.’

  For a long heartbeat, Daisy forgot to breathe. Had she somehow conjured up his voice. Daisy withdrew her hand and stumbled to the door. This had to be some sort of waking dream brought on by lack of sleep. She pinched her hand hard. ‘You can’t be here,’ she whispered. ‘Not after how awfully I treated you or the words I said. I was wrong. I was jealous of Kamala. Oh God, I have started talking to myself.’

  ‘Daisy Milton, will you come down or shall I come up?’ The tones were aggrieved, but her heart soared. Daisy knew that it was no apparition. Adam Ravensworth was here.

  Daisy hurriedly smoot
hed her skirt and pinched her cheeks. There was no time to change from her grey dress. Then she halted. Silently she consigned her sister to some dark place. It was all her doing. She had written to him. As quickly as the excitement had come over, it left, leaving her in a state of dull grey numbness.

  ‘Daisy? Aren’t you going to answer?’ her sister called. ‘There is a gentleman who wishes to see you. Six-year-old children have only a limited amount of appeal to gentlemen.’

  Slowly Daisy walked down the narrow stairs. He stood in the centre of the front parlour, dwarfing Kammie as he stood in earnest conversation with her about her cat. With his top hat, cream-coloured trousers and form fitting frock coat, he seemed to be a creature from another planet. Daisy risked another step and the stairs’ creaking alerted them to her presence. He glanced up and their eyes met. Instantly his eyes became liquid amber pools. He took a step towards her, reached out his hands. Then he stopped motionless and unmoving, simply watching her with those molten eyes.

  For several moments, Daisy found it impossible to do anything but stare at him. He was far thinner than she remembered, and there were circles under his eyes as if he had not slept.

  ‘Lord Ravensworth, I see you have met our Kammie,’ Felicity said, breaking the spell.

  He patted Kammie on the head, but all his attention seemed to be for her. ‘Kammie reminds me of my late brother more than anything. They have the same coloured eyes. You have done a good job, Mrs Fulton.’

  ‘I understand Daisy explained about Kammie’s illness. Kammie is having one of her better days.’

  ‘Falling sickness. My brother suffered from it as well. It can run in families. Were you aware that Julius Caesar suffered from the same malady?’

  ‘What are you doing here, Adam?’ Daisy asked before Felicity could answer.

  He raised an eyebrow. ‘I am attempting to meet my new neighbours. I have taken possession of the hall. Kammie will break hearts when she is older whether she is in London or if she chooses to live quietly in Warwickshire.’

  ‘Adam, I—’ Daisy felt the tears begin to prick at her eyelids. There were so many things she wanted to say to him and she did not know where to start. How did she begin to say she was sorry for all the things she had accused him of, and for all the things she had said? How could she explain that she had been overwhelmingly jealous? And that she had thrown away the chance of the love of a lifetime on a petty green-eyed monster. His heart was surely big enough for two people. He could have loved both her and Kamala but she had selfishly wanted a whole heart.