The Bathrobe Knight

by Charles Dean

  “I owe much of my success to her, so please treat her with respect,” Darwin continued. “And Ren, could you get Kass a chair before you continue?”

  “Yes, Lord Darwin,” he said, setting a colored paint brush down and rushing off into another room to get her a chair.

  She was about to stop him and say she would get her own, but they were all stone and she wasn’t exactly sure how heavy they were. Is lifting giant stone chairs easy for Demons? Or is it just easy for people who aren’t specced fully into the Mage stats.

  “Darwin, want to catch me up to speed? What’s going on?” Kass asked, deciding not to wait for the chair to arrive before asking all the questions she had for Darwin.

  “We’re planning out a strategy to keep the people safe during the expedition we’re about to launch,” he said, looking at the door behind her to see if the man was back with the chair.

  “You’re about to launch an expedition?”

  “As soon as the preparations are made. Hopefully within the hour, but I won’t hold my breath. We’ve hit a rather big snafu I’d like some help with if you don’t mind. I can’t have any of my people getting killed in the journey. It wouldn’t be right after all they’ve been through.”

  “Your people? Is it because of the Creation Stone? If that’s why you’re the Lord, and I helped get the Creation Stone, does that make me the Queen?”

  “Queen? You mean Lady, right?” he corrected her. “If you want to be the Lady we’ll probably need to get around to a first date, don’t you think?”

  “Still dreaming there, aren’t you? If you want a date, you’ll have to learn how to ask properly one of these days, Darwin,” Kass sassed back.

  “Oh, us old men can’t get caught asking children out on dates,” he said, smiling wryly.

  “I am not a child!” she burst out, momentarily forgetting that everyone in the room was paying attention to their banter. She sniffed, her nose high in the air. “I am the Lady here even if you won’t recognize my rightful title.”

  “If you say so . . . anyways, we have business to do here,” Darwin said, wearing a half grin. “Are you going to join us, or will you need a few new names first?”

  “I’m in--that is if you actually have seats open for women.”

  “Don’t blame me. I didn’t make a game where women don’t like politics or join the military,” Darwin divested himself of the guilt. “That’s all on the game makers. These are just the closest we have to the people who were in charge of Valcrest.”

  “Sure, sure, so what’s the thing you need help with?” Kass asked just as Ren returned with her chair. Wow, he really is carrying that stone chair like it’s a feather. “Protecting people from dying, you said?”

  “Yes. That’s right. This map,” Darwin began, pointing at the map on the wall, “is the limited knowledge we have about the island. The problem is, that on this map there is only one port, and it’s in the center of the White-Horn territory.”

  “Why is that a problem?” Kass asked as she sat down and folded her legs, obviously not catching on to why this was such a dire issue. “The ports are usable by all Races, aren’t they?”

  “Kass, the Humans are at war with the White-Horns still,” Darwin said, leaning back with one arm folded across his chest and the other covering his mouth with a pensive frown. “Even if the port is usable by everyone, getting to the port will still force us to march through the White-Horn territory. There is a good chance we’ll be forced into a skirmish. Even if we win the skirmish easily, there is still the probability of someone dying.”

  “Well, there is another option,” the man on Darwin’s right, whom Kass could only assume was Alex, said, “We could always ignore the harbor completely and build our own ship.”

  “No, that won’t work, Alex. It would take too long to finish the boats, and that would set us back farther than I’m comfortable with.”

  “But it could save lives if it means avoiding any fights altogether,” he made one final attempt.

  “It could cause entirely new problems that might end lives,” Darwin frowned, then waving Ren back up to the map, said, “Anyways, Ren, you were telling us of your plan before you were interrupted.”

  “Yes. My plan is simple, if we’re going to lose lives, let them be seasoned fighters who volunteer. If we cut this path through the dungeons and defeat the crossing bosses then we can shave a day off of our time and bypass the White-Horn’s front cities and forts. From what I remember of the scouting reports we’ve collected over the years on the White-Horn army, they like to keep their armies in well-defended forts around this line.” Ren paused to draw a line across the map. “This means they can respond to threats quickly from the outside, but it also means that if we pop out of the mountain here, there won’t be any large scale forces capable of catching us before we reach the harbor. They’ll be counting on the crossing Bosses being too difficult to clear, and I don’t think we’ll lose more than one or two soldiers to those.”

  We wouldn’t lose any if it was just me, Fuzzy Wuzzy, Darwin and a few of the Turtle-Wolves. Kass thought, scrunching up her face. Why risk a soldier when we’ve got all these red-eyed Zombie thingies to soak up damage and die in their place? Darwin could probably build an entire army of them before we reach these mysterious crossing guards, and then even Fuzzy Wuzzy wouldn’t have to risk his life.

  “What?” Darwin asked, noticing Kass’ face.

  “Huh?” Kass responded, not used to being called out for thinking. It took her a second to realize why he had asked her what. “Oh, just I think Ren’s plan is good, but you’re making this way more complicated than you have to, Oh Great Spoon Lord.”

  “Hmmm . . .“ he started for a second, returning to his thinking pose. “I don’t think I am. I think I know what you’re suggesting, but there is one problem.”

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “You won’t be able to stop Blake, Alex and some of the other Guards from volunteering. Even if the Zombies could die for them, they’ll still demand to be on the front lines. They want to fight for their future, not just be given it,” he said, turning to the Guards. “Am I wrong?”

  “Not at all, your Lordship. We’re with you whether you like it or not.”

  “My blade hasn’t tasted blood yet,” the one on the other side of Alex responded. She couldn’t remember all of their names from one meeting.

  The mention of blood, however, triggered Kass’ memory and reminded her of why she had stormed all the way here.

  “Oh yeah! DARWIN! What in the heck?! I heard you killed a bunch of people near here? How could you?” She stood up and began gesturing angrily with an open hand. “What on earth could possess you to turn yourself into a murderer! I thought you would know better than that!”

  “That wasn’t his fault. It was mine, Lady Kass,” Alex answered, standing as well and giving her a stern face that could make a rock look soft. “That group was responsible for killing friends and family of mine as well as other people in this town during the confusion of the raid. Justice demanded they die and die quickly.”

  Kass’ anger faded instantly, and she was only left with regret for not asking his reason first. The group that died would at most be inconvenienced an hour or two. The NPCs would forever be short their loved ones. Kass was stuck with a weak frown across her face trying to find the words to say she was sorry for jumping to a bad conclusion when Darwin stood up this time, and everyone else stood as soon as he did.

  “I think Ren’s plan is good, but Kass is also right,” he began saying as he walked to Kass’ chair over by the door. “We should bring some of the fodder up front and build a force to take damage off of us during the fights with these crossing Guards. If anyone has an issue with that, say so now.”

  No one said a word.

  “Good, now everyone, you have one hour to organize your groups at the entrance of the mine,” he continued. “Once you’ve done roll call and double checked your lists, do it again; we’re not c
oming back, so we better not leave anyone behind.”

  “Yes, Lord Darwin,” Ren said, and the group of them shuffled past Kass and Darwin at the door.

  “So, I’ve asked everyone else, but are you still with me?” Darwin said when everyone had left. “Do you want to join my new Faction, the StormGuard Alliance, and travel across the world with me?”

  Her instinct told her to answer yes immediately, but it also told her to be careful. There were still a lot reasons to join though and very few not to. If she didn’t join, she’d be stuck looking for a party and having to take the long way off the island.

  “Do I get to be an officer?” she questioned, pretending to mull over the decision longer than it actually took her.

  “I don’t know. Haven’t even picked out Rank titles or people for the ranks yet,” he admitted, obviously dragging his feet on any of these type of commitments.

  Can’t make any promises? That’s sure different than the politicians who lie and promise anything you want to hear. She thought, happy that he was better than most people she knew in power. I guess it won’t be so bad joining up.

  “Alright, well, no promises on staying, but I’ll join for now,” Kass said, reasoning that the closer she was to Darwin, the more EXP she would get and the more she’d find out about this mystery. “Also, I better see that Lady Rank eventually,” she added, still intent on becoming the Lady of Frost for as long as she was with the group.

  You are being invited to join the StormGuard Alliance, would you like to Accept or Reject?

  Accept, she answered, sure of her choice.

  You are now a member of the StormGuard Alliance.

  “Welcome aboard, Kass. Now let’s get prepping,” he said, giving his first full smile since she had entered the room. “I wasn’t kidding about wanting to leave in an hour.”

  “Yes, milord,” she answered, giving him an overly exaggerated and sarcastic curtsy. “Right away.”

  Chapter 8: Mountains out of Molehills

  Kass:

  Kass rushed the login process as fast as she could. She knew Darwin had said they weren’t going to leave for an hour and she had plenty of time to get a good nap in, but she didn’t want to be late. Regardless of the fact that Darwin had never left her behind, she still had a sinking feeling that he would leave on schedule with or without her. To prevent this EXP bot loss tragedy, she had even set her alarm so early she would have at least ten minutes to spare. She was almost tempted to do away with the nap altogether, but she knew she would need sleep, and everyone but her seemed to be fully rested and ready to do it in one push.

  When she finished logging in, she started running towards the meeting spot. Why does running feel like a more natural thing than walking in a video game? she thought, remembering that other than in this VRMMO, she had never bothered even hitting the walk button in any other video game. In fact, she often found herself jumping around in circles like she was allergic to the ground and a dog was chasing her when she had to wait even a few seconds for a friend or raid group to finish getting ready.

  “Lady Kass,” a Guard yelled out to her from up ahead. “You’ve made it early! Great! Darwin said we were leaving as soon as you appeared.”

  “Everyone’s ready?” she asked, happy that running didn’t wind her in the game like it did in real life.

  “Yes, Lady Kass,” he said, joining her as soon as she reached him in the run towards the entrance. “Lord Darwin and the Guards were able to get the whole population packed and into formation in less than half an hour. Darwin’s blessing is truly a great thing.”

  “Darwin’s blessing?” she asked, her brows wrinkling.

  “Yes,” he answered without even looking at her. “When the great Lord Darwin blessed us with the blood of his people. What would have given two men a struggle to carry, one man can now carry while running.”

  “The great Lord Darwin, ey?” she thought aloud.

  “Indeed,” the Guard responded as he ran slightly in front of her.

  I wonder what he’s like in real life, she couldn’t help but wonder. In most games, she found herself a rogue opportunistic player, always leaving groups because they couldn’t keep up with her growth. On more than one occasion, the group she started playing with at level one wouldn’t even be at the halfway mark when she was finishing up the end game raid content. But now, now I’m always running just to keep up. She frowned.

  She ran with the Guard in silence until she exited the cave, at which point she was greeted with something that looked as if it was straight off of the History Channel. Darwin had organized two three-by-ten Turtle-Wolf formations that closely resembled Roman soldiers in marching formation. Each of the two groups was flanking the people of the town, who stood in formations of five people wide with a few wooden carts that appeared to hold the sum of their possessions splitting them in half. Behind them there was a string of five Turtle-Wolves with the two ZombOgres, and in front, a dozen Guards stood with Darwin and Fuzzy Wuzzy five paces ahead of everyone else.

  “Wow, you got all of them together this quick?” Kass did her best not to gawk. When she had first heard about the development of the game, she knew that there would be massive fights and large organized raids. It had even been one of the most exciting points of the game to imagine the epic clashes that would occur as thousands of players crashed into each other with hundreds of unique spells and weapons as they battled it out for territories, cities and items, but this was the first time, even considering the thousand soldiers that had gone out to fight the White-Horn Minotaurs, that she had seen such an intimidating organized force. Other than the villagers pulling the six carts, every single child and adult was in perfect formation holding a Turtle-Wolf Spear as if they had years of military training.

  Kass did her best to collect herself and looked over at the Guard. “Lord Darwin says you are to join him at the front,” the Guard said to her, breaking into a run again to join the other Guards behind Darwin.

  I know he is supposed to be the great Lord Darwin, but how is it that everyone can take a guy wandering around in his Bathrobe with insufficient flap protection seriously? Kass thought as she ran behind the Guard, deciding to herself that she was never going to call him Lord Darwin. I mean, he plays video games all day and somehow thought Fuzzy Wuzzy was an appropriate Bear name, so why do the NPCs take him so seriously?

  “Good, you’ve made it,” Darwin said when Kass finally reached him. “Did you sleep well?”

  “Yeah. I even managed to scarf some ramen down right before I logged in,” she said.

  “Actually, how come there isn’t any ramen-ish snack served in the game?” he said, raising his Sword before she could answer him. “MOVE OUT!” he yelled, dropping his Sword to point it in front of him in the direction of the dungeons that would lead them to the White-Horn territory.

  The little Valcrest Demon army moved out at once. While their formations looked perfect, their marching was still lacking, and it took away from the effect a little. It was much more like very fast walking than actual marching, but the speed they were moving at was definitely commendable.

  “Well, not sure if you’ll ever get to try it, but in the Beast-Race kingdom there are a lot of good ramen-cooking Were-Pandas,” she resumed the conversation as soon as the group was moving and the pace had steadied. “I’m generally a bigger fan of udon than ramen; it’s just that my dad prefers ramen, and he’s the one who always does the shopping.”

  “If someone else took the time to buy groceries for me, I might even put up with eating pizza rolls,” he laughed, looking at her with a big smile. “Maybe you’ll buy me udon sometime, and I’ll try it to see if it’s better than ramen.”

  “Nuh uh, if I’m buying, you’ll be trying air with a side of water,” she said indignantly.

  “What? Can’t afford to even add bread to the menu?” he shook his head at her.

  “I can afford bread just fine, thank you very much,” she said, doing her best to hide a smile. “
I’m just not going to waste money on a man who doesn’t even know that the gentleman is supposed to foot the bill for the Lady, and I am a Lady now, don’t you know?”

  “So I’m a gentleman now? I didn’t know you thought so highly of me,” he joked back, pulling his lower lip up in an exaggeratedly pompous face that broke loose the giggle she was suppressing.

  “If you treat me to a nice enough dinner, I’ll be happy to call you whatever you want,” she said, still giggling.

  “Whatever I want? Perhaps I’ll have you call me the same as that doctor,” Darwin thought aloud as they marched.

  “Doctor who?” she asked.

  “Exactly,” Darwin chuckled.