(Once) Again

by Theresa Paolo

  “Do a shot with me,” Eli said when he put Kat down, and she eyed me.

  “Go for it,” I said. Tonight wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about all the hardships Kat had been through. It was about Kat having a good time.

  “What about Monica?” Kat asked.

  “She won’t be bothering you anymore.” Eli said.

  “You think so?”

  “I know so. Let’s go do that shot.” I gave Eli a look as Kat headed back inside. “I took care of it. Don’t worry about it.”

  Eli had always been good at diffusing situations, so I didn’t question him any further. Instead I patted him on the back and followed Kat back inside.

  ***

  Three hours later, Kat stumbled down the street as we made our way back to my dorm room. She was going to feel like hell in the morning. But everybody should feel that sucky at least once in their lives. Despite what my sister thought, I’ve had my fair share of hangovers, but over time I’ve learned a Gatorade, a multivitamin, and an anti-inflammatory before bed is the best cure.

  “Don’t you just love this time of year?” Kat asked as she danced in a circle around me. All traces of the foam were gone from her hair and clothes.

  “The cold chill from winter is gone, the trees are becoming green again, and the flowers are sprouting all around. It’s beautiful.”

  I glanced around, but other than a few weeds, I didn’t see any flowers. Plus it was two o’clock in the morning so there wasn’t exactly any light.

  “There’s nothing more beautiful than you.”

  Kat snorted. “You are such a cheeseball.”

  “And you love that about me.”

  She stopped circling and stood in front of me. “I do.” She leaned in and pressed her lips to mine. Her tongue swiped at the crease. She tasted of the lemon drop shot she’d done before we left. Sweet and delicious.

  Her cold hands ran under my shirt and up my chest. My pulse raced at her touch and she bit my lip.

  A branch cracked to our left. I turned to the noise but there was no one there. “Did you hear that?”

  “Rabbits.”

  “Rabbits. Really?”

  “Uh huh.” She laughed, her hands trailing down my sides. “Touch me,” she said, lifting my hand to cup her.

  “You’re drunk.”

  “I might be drunk, but I know what I want. I want you.”

  My pants suddenly felt too tight, and I pulled her close until she could feel what she was doing to me. She smelled of lemon and cotton candy, an intoxicating combination. Her hair fanned across her shoulder, and I pushed it back to press a kiss to her skin.

  “Damn it,” I said against her.

  “What is it?” Kat asked concern lacing her words.

  I ran my hand through my hair. “I want to sweep you off your feet and carry you to my room, and I can’t. These fucking things,” I said, holding the crutches out, “are ruining everything. How am I supposed to be romantic when I can’t even fucking walk? I am so sick of not being able to do to you what I want. So sick of being held back from being the man you deserve.”

  Understanding replaced the glassy drunk look. She inched closer to me and rested her hand on my jaw, rubbing her thumb across my cheek.

  “Crutches or not. You’re everything to me.”

  “But I should be more.”

  “No. You shouldn’t. I love you just the way you are.”

  “Are you quoting Bruno Mars to me?”

  Kat laughed, and it was like liquid ecstasy to my ears. “I didn’t mean to.”

  “Sing it for me.”

  She bit her lip and shook her head. “Not going to happen.”

  “Please.” I tickled her sides and instead of jumping away from me, she wiggled against my hands.

  “Take me to your room.”

  “Sing for me.”

  “Why do you want to hear me sing so bad?”

  “Because I remember the night in the back of my pickup.”

  “Which one?” she asked.

  “The last night we spent together. We were looking at the stars, and you started singing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.’”

  “I was joking around.”

  “I know, but only you could make a children’s song so sexy.”

  “Really?” she said, that seductive look flashing in her eyes. She dragged her finger down my lips and sang two lines of the chorus of “Just the Way You Are.”

  Everything about her was amazing. Her voice. Her body. The silky feel of her hair against my calloused fingers. The way she put me in my place. I felt like such a fool for letting her go once, but I’d never make that mistake again.

  When the time came to go back to school, whether she asked me to stay or not, I wasn’t letting her go. Not this time.

  Not again.

  Chapter 22

  Sweat beaded on my forehead, and I felt like somebody was stabbing me. “Push through the pain,” Mike said as I took another step without my crutches, putting all my weight on my injured leg. I envisioned Kat and how badly I wanted to pick her up and carry her into the bedroom or hoist her onto the counter.

  Determination surged through me and I took another step. And another. And another. I walked the entire length of the bar.

  “Holy shit. What got into you?” Mike said and slapped me on the back.

  “Sick of being a cripple.” After the words were out of my mouth, I wanted to smack myself. Mike would forever rely on mechanics to get around. “Sorry,” I muttered.

  “No need to apologize. Despite what you may think, I’m not a cripple. I may need to depend on these things,” Mike tapped the metal of his prosthetic leg, “but it doesn’t mean I’m incapable of anything. The only person setting boundaries for you is yourself. I have no boundaries. I can and will do anything I want. Once you channel that in here—” Mike pointed two fingers at my heart “there will be nothing that’ll stop you either.”

  I nodded. I was such a douche to him in the beginning, but he never gave up on me. I had the utmost respect for him and as much as I looked forward to finishing PT and moving on with my life, I’d miss him. I was man enough to admit that.

  “Your girl’s here,” Mike said, pointing to Kat, who had just walked through the door in her purple Eeyore scrubs. The urge to go to her without my crutches flowed through me, and I glanced at Mike. I could tell he knew exactly what I was thinking.

  “You got this, man. Remember, right here.” He pushed his fingers into my chest above my heart again. Between that and Kat, it was all the inspiration I needed. I let go of the bar and moved my good leg towards her, followed by my bad leg. I was still limping, but the pain wasn’t as bad as it was in the beginning. I didn’t feel like I had a hot prodder pushing into my thigh every time I moved.

  I focused on my steps, not on the distance. Kat stopped moving towards me, a huge smile settling on her face. In that moment, seeing the happiness spreading through her, I knew no matter what life threw at me, I’d get through it as long as she was there with me.

  One last step and she was directly in front of me. “Hey, Kit Kat,” I said like it was any other day.

  She flung her arms around me and pulled me close. “I am so proud of you,” she whispered against my ear, and I knew without a doubt, the day had come when I no longer needed crutches.

  ***

  My crutches were gone, but I still couldn’t walk without a little help, so I was using a cane like an old man. It was better than the crutches though. At least I had some freedom to my mobility.

  My limp wasn’t getting much better, but Mike had faith that with more PT and more stretching, it would be. My doctor, however, suspected I would always have some sort of limp. Which only meant one thing—I would never play baseball again.

  For the first time since I’d decided to put my education first and not try to go pro, I was truly happy with that decision. I couldn’t imagine how much worse my mindset would’ve been if I’d had everything riding on my ability to play.
/>   I turned the TV on. It wasn’t exactly the best time to watch the Yankee game, but I had made the plans before the doctor delivered the news.

  There was a knock at the door. “It’s open,” I yelled since I had already gotten comfortable on the couch.

  “Lazy ass. You couldn’t get up?” Zach said when he walked into the den, a covered plate in his hands.

  “I knew it was nobody important.”

  Zach placed the plate on the table and plopped down beside me.

  “What’s on the plate?” I asked

  “Salted mudslide cookies. Your sister discovered Pinterest. She’s been baking nonstop. Don’t judge me if the next time I see you I’ve gained fifty pounds.”

  I leaned up and grabbed the plate, taking a cookie. I took a bite. Damn. My sister could bake. “These are freaking good.”

  “I can’t believe she stopped baking when I left. It’s always been her passion. I still hate myself for taking that away from her, even temporarily.” Zach rested his elbows on his knees and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m just happy she’s at it again.”

  “Yeah, that’s all that matters,” I said and gave him a reassuring nod.

  I left it at that and turned the volume of the TV up. Zach reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

  “Hey, Lizzie,” he said, putting it to his ear. “Yes, I’m with him now. No I didn’t ask him.”

  I didn’t need to hear my sister to know what she was saying. What do you mean you didn’t ask him about his doctor’s appointment? Typical male. Can you ask him? Now. Please.

  “Liz wants to know how your appointment went.”

  I smiled and shrugged. I wanted to say fine, keep her from the truth like I’d been doing all along, but I was sick of hiding from it. “He doesn’t know if my limp will ever go away. So I’ll probably never be able to play baseball again.”

  Zach’s mouth parted but no words came out. Liz was silent on the other end. Total buzzkill. Zach’s mouth closed, and I heard Liz start to talk again.

  “She wants to know. You know what—hold on.” Zach handed me the phone, and I reluctantly took it. Telling my sister the truth was one thing. Hearing her thoughts was something entirely different. I didn’t want her pity.

  “Hey Liz,” I said.

  “You okay?” she asked, her voice softer than I liked.

  “I’m fine. Honest.” I was. I couldn’t erase the scars where the bullet had entered my thigh. I couldn’t erase the limp. My life would be different and I would have a permanent reminder of that day, but I’d survived it. I wouldn’t look at my limp as a disability or an awful reminder. I would look at it and remember that although it had weakened me to my lowest point, it had also strengthened me, and in the end I’d come out on top.

  “Are you sure?” Liz asked.

  “Promise.”

  “I’ll stop by soon.”

  “You better bring cookies or don’t bother coming,” I said with a laugh.

  “I’ll think about it. Talk to you later.”

  I hung up the phone and handed it back to Zach. He was looking at me weird.

  “What?” I finally blurted out.

  “You sure you’re fine? I mean, shit, Josh. Baseball was your life.”

  “Not anymore. Maybe I can coach or ump now.”

  “You’re handling this pretty well.”

  “I’m alive. I have to start celebrating that and stop dwelling on all the bad shit.”

  Zach grabbed two cookies, handing me one. He held his cookie up at me, and I tapped mine against it. “To life,” he said.

  “To life.”

  Chapter 23

  Kat pulled up to her house, and I leaned over and kissed her. She rested her hands on either side of my face and kissed me back.

  “I had a great time tonight,” she said. “Dinner was delicious.”

  “Dessert is going to be even better,” I said and hopped out of the car the best I could. Moving around was getting easier. Driving was even becoming a possibility. I missed my pickup. And more than anything, I wanted to bring Kat back to our secret spot.

  Kat giggled as she ran around to my side and linked her arms around my waist. “Excuse me,” I heard behind us and I froze.

  “Can I help you?” I asked the man who walked across Kat’s lawn, making sure to put myself between him and her.

  He was in black jeans and a black T-shirt. I probably wouldn’t have noticed him in the dark if it weren’t for the white of his teeth.

  “Hi. I’m Tim Harris. Sorry to bother you, but I’m a private investigator.” He handed me a card and I scanned over his information. “Your neighbor suspects her husband of cheating, so she hired me to follow him. Anyway I shouldn’t be telling you all of that. But every night between the hours of midnight and two a.m. a black Honda Civic sits outside your house, and I just thought you should know. I’m done with this case and couldn’t leave without telling you.”

  My stomach rose into my throat. I pushed the rising fear back down. Kat went rigid in my arms and tightened my grip on her waist. “We appreciate it. Has he ever gotten out of the car?”

  “No. He always stays inside.”

  “It’s a he? Are you sure?”

  “Positive. Dark hair, kind of scruffy. Pretty big dude.”

  Kat stepped back, and I grabbed her hand, but she kept backing away.

  “Thank you, sir. We appreciate it.”

  “If you ever need me, my number is on the card.”

  I shook his hand and hobbled after Kat into the house.

  “Kat,” I called out, but she didn’t answer me. I walked through the den into the kitchen. She wasn’t there. I found her in the bedroom slumped against the wall staring off into space. “Kit Kat.” I shook her arm, but she didn’t move. Didn’t even flinch. “Kit Kat, talk to me. Please.”

  Her big blue eyes looked up at me. “I’m scared.” Her voice shook.

  Me too. I was terrified. I had seen evil. I knew what it was capable of and . . . I couldn’t think about it. I had to be strong. I had to assure Kat everything was going to be okay, even if I wasn’t sure myself.

  I cradled her in my arms and pulled her against my chest. “You have nothing to be scared of. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.” Her body rocked against me, and I was pissed at that bastard for causing Kat’s fear, and even more so because there was nothing I could do to take it away.

  We had come so far and it felt like we were being sent back to first base. I placed my finger under her chin and urged her to look at me. “You need to report this.”

  “I know.”

  I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell. I handed it to her. There was no use holding off. The sooner she reported it, the safer she would be.

  Reluctantly, she took the phone and dialed. She gave all the information, and I held her hand the entire time. “Yes, I have a restraining order. I understand,” she said. “Thank you.”

  Kat handed the phone back to me. A tear fell down her cheek and she rested her head against the wall.

  “What is it? What’d they say?” I asked and wiped the tears from her face.

  “They said they can make a note of it, but unless I report it when he’s actually outside the house, there’s nothing they can do.”

  The words jolted me back, and I stood up. “That is . . . that is bullshit.” I ran my hand through my hair and gripped the ends. “You have got to be fucking kidding me. What are we supposed to do? Just sit around and wait for this bastard to do something? I don’t fucking think so.”

  Kat’s cool hand slid into mine. I looked down at her and the silent plea in her eyes. I inhaled a deep, calming breath and let the anger subside. “You’re not staying here tonight.”

  Kat shook her head. “No. No. I don’t want to be scared in my own home. I’m not going to let him control me.”

  “You can’t stay here. It’s too dangerous. You don’t know what he’s capable of.”

  “I’m not leaving.” Kat
stood up and went to her dresser. She pulled out her pajamas and locked herself in the bathroom.

  I took her phone out of her purse and found Darren’s number. “Hey Kat,” he answered.

  “It’s Josh.”

  “What’s going on? Is Kat okay?”

  I explained the whole story to him and how she was refusing to leave the house.

  “That girl is so damn stubborn. What are we going to do?”

  “I’m not leaving her tonight. No way in hell. She’s no longer my aide, and she’s starting a new job tomorrow. She won’t let me go with her, I’m sure.”

  “I’m off from work. I’ll do a few drive-bys to make sure he isn’t following her. Just find out the address and text me.”

  “I’ll do that. Thanks, Darren.”

  “I knocked the bastard out once. I’ll do it again if I have to. Though I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop myself this time.”

  “If I ever get ahold of him, I won’t stop.”

  “Keep me posted,” he said, and we hung up.

  Kat emerged from the bathroom, fresh-faced and wearing a tiny pair of white shorts and a white tank top. Her hair fell in waves on her shoulders.

  She got into bed and lifted the comforter. “Are you coming or not?” she asked.

  I didn’t exactly want to crawl into bed and go to sleep. I wanted to patrol the street. Watch the window and wait for the bastard to show up so I could call the cops on him and have him thrown back in jail where he belonged.

  “Please?” Kat pouted her lip, and the vulnerability in her gaze drew me to her.

  She needed me.

  All those times I’d needed her, she’d been there. Now it was time for me to be the strong one. I slipped off my jeans, pulled my shirt over my head, and slid into the bed. I held my arm up, and without a word, she curled into my side.

  I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly against me. The night had been perfect before we’d gotten home. We’d had dinner and laughed the entire time. The shooting had finally started to fade further away. I’d gotten rid of the damn crutches and no longer needed Kat to babysit me. But now this.

  That expression was right—when it rained it poured. Hadn’t Kat gone through enough? Did she really have to deal with this too?