I chuckled as I pulled away, retrieving a condom from the drawer beside the bed. I slipped it on, then repositioned myself between her legs.
“Good. Cause we’re just getting started.”
Nine.
Why the heck do I feel so nervous?
It wasn’t like Harlan was some strange boy I was bringing home to meet my parents for the first time. My father taught him how to put on a tie, my mother taught him how to do his laundry, and yet… I was nervous as Daddy and Harlan disappeared into another room while I stayed in the kitchen with my mother, putting the last touches on dinner.
We hadn’t been exactly covert about the fact that we were involved. If we weren’t at Stacks, we weren’t shy about public affection, but when we were at Stacks… there was something of an unspoken rule to continue as if it were business as usual. No lingering looks, no secret touching, none of that, even though Daddy wasn’t even back at work yet. He’d casually mentioned little things about Harlan and me, promises that he’d kick his ass for me, things like that, but we’d never been around my parents like this.
Until now.
Sunday dinner at the Scott household… as a couple.
“My Harlan can hold his own against that daddy of yours,” Mama said, handing me a serving spoon to stick into the green beans. “And he already has your father’s approval anyway, Sydnee. So why do you look like you’re about to throw up?”
I sighed, then turned to my mother, watching as she pulled a stack of heavy plates down from the cabinet. “I don’t know. I just don’t want anything to go wrong, you know?”
She smiled. “Yes. I do. You ready to talk about it now, or you’re still leaving mama out in the cold?”
I laughed as she sashayed past me to the fridge, where she prepared glasses of ice for me to fill with the sweet tea she’d had me make when Harlan and I first arrived.
Only a month had passed since that day in the hospital where she caught us kissing, and insisted that I tell her the details of how the relationship between me and Harlan had happened. But… I hadn’t. It was new still, and as much of a friend as I considered my mother, if things between me and Harlan didn’t work out, it was probably best that those details were private. I didn’t want their relationship to be negatively affected by things that should have been kept between us in the first place. Not to mention, anything I told her had the potential to get passed on to my dad, so… yeah. No.
But on the other hand, a whole month had passed since the latest shift in the relationship between me and Harlan, and… “I’ve never liked anybody this much, Mama.” I put down the pitcher of tea, and turned to face her. “Yeah, I’ve had boyfriends before, but this just feels so much different! It’s like, he’s not just my date for going places. I actually enjoy his company. The time we spend together is pretty much the best part of my day.”
“So you two spend time together every day, huh?”
“Yeah. I don’t think either of us can help it.”
She lifted an eyebrow. “Sleepovers?”
“Mama!”
Her eyebrow went higher. “Answer the question, little girl. Are you having sleepovers with him?”
I swallowed hard, lifting my eyes to the ceiling. “Yes.”
“Using protection?”
I lowered my gaze back to hers. “Of course,” I said, then took a big swallow from my glass of tea. Was I really talking about sex with my mother?
“Does he make sure you get yours first?”
I choked on another mouthful of tea.
Yes.
Yes, I was definitely talking about sex with my mother.
After a brief coughing fit, I struggled a little to look my mother in the eyes as I nodded to answer her question.
“Well good,” she said. “I have to put up a mental block that we’re talking about Harlan, but I don’t believe in giving a man anything he won’t take good care of. Your heart, your mind, and your body. You understand?”
I smiled back. “Yes, mama. Harlan is very good to me.”
“I would be incredibly disappointed with anything less.”
“And I wouldn’t accept anything less.”
Mama tipped her head to the side, giving me a funny look, as if she were suddenly realizing something, then closed the space between us. She pulled me into a big hug, rocking us back and forth before she placed kiss against my cheek. “My little girl,” she said, holding my face between her hands. “You… aren’t such a little girl any more, are you? It’s like you went to New York as a child two years ago, and now… my God, you’re just blossoming into a young woman all over the place.”
I grinned back as I nodded. Because really, I felt the same way. So many different little life experiences between then and now made me feel like my angry first arrival in New York was a lifetime away.
“Is it… weird, I guess, to feel like other people have helped me grow up?” I asked, meeting her gaze. “Like, for instance… Harlan. I don’t know how to explain it, but he makes me feel…”
“Grown?” My mother grinned, with a wicked sparkle in her eye.
“No,” I laughed. “Well… yes. I was going to say womanly.”
She shrugged. “Womanly, grown, same thing. But anyway, you said you couldn’t explain, but I want you to try. How does Harlan make you feel womanly?”
“I don’t know. It’s like he doesn’t treat me like I’m some naïve little girl, you know? He doesn’t dumb anything down for me, he listens to me, values my input. And…” I swallowed hard, then continued gushing. “Even though I was a virgin, he doesn’t handle me with kid gloves, or treat me like I don’t know anything. He’s patient, and attentive, but he doesn’t act like I’m some delicate thing that he might break. He’s really intense, in a good way though, like he’s rough, but gentle, and just… amazing.”
I brought my hands up to wrap my arms around myself, and when I met my mother’s gaze again, her lips were parted. She just stood there for a second, staring at me, and then finally shook her head as she started laughing. “I… sweetie, as thrilled as I am that you feel comfortable being this open with me… I am not sure I was ready to hear all of that, especially about my Harlan!”
“Oh my God,” I whined, clamping a hand over my mouth, as I turned away, embarrassed. I’d stopped thinking somewhere around the point when she asked if we were using protection. I was just talking.
“No, no, no, now!” My mother hugged me again, still laughing. “I don’t want you to get all ashamed now. It’s okay, you just caught me off guard.” She cleared her throat as she let me go, then squared her shoulders. “Okay. Let me get my mental block in place… Okay, I’m ready to address this. Your daddy and I have been together a long time, but I still remember exactly the feeling you mean, and it’s a beautiful thing. I believe that exploring and awakening your sexuality is absolutely a vital part of becoming a grown woman, and I’m happy that you have someone who cares deeply for you, someone you can trust to take that journey with you. Okay?”
I smiled. “Okay.”
“Okay. Now… please don’t ever bring this up to me again.”
“Mama!”
“I’m kidding,” she said, cupping my face in her hands again. “You can always talk to me, Sydnee. About anything. If anything happens to be sex between you and Harlan I just… I guess I will have to just brace myself, and swallow my discomfort, and… give you the best advice I possibly I can.”
I bit my lip, then sucked in a little breath. “Well… brace yourself, mommy.”
“Oh dear God, another one already?!”
“Mama…”
She sighed, then closed her eyes as she lowered her head, but I caught the smile playing at the edges of her mouth. “Very well, go ahead,” she said, without raising her head.
“Well…there’s just something that’s been at the back of my mind, and I don’t know how to deal with it. If it’s actually something to deal with, or what, but… okay. There was this one time, when Harlan and I were�
� about to be intimate, and he wanted me to undress, in front of him, with the lights on full blast. And at first, I didn’t want to, but he said some things about wanting me to get comfortable, basically challenging me do it, right?”
She raised her head, and lifted an eyebrow. “Okay…”
“Well, we had a short back and forth, but ultimately, he was like… whatever makes you comfortable, that’s what we’ll do. So… lights off. But, then I decided that maybe he was right. It was better to go ahead and get it over with, get comfortable, all of that. And he was right. He made it amazing for me, and made me feel beautiful, and sexy, all of that.”
My mother nodded. “Okay… so what’s the problem?”
“The problem is that it’s still on my mind. Like… with Quinn, before we left New York, she was involved with this guy who was just the worst. He was always making her feel guilty for something, manipulating her into doing things she didn’t want to do, hurting himself to get her attention if she tried to break it off… he was just always on some “if you really loved me, you’d do this” type of attitude. And it got really bad. I just don’t want to end up in a situation like that.”
Mama crossed her arms, giving me a stern look. “That’s understandable. So… tell me this. That night, with Harlan, did you feel like he was trying to manipulate you?”
“Not at all. He was clear that he wanted me to be comfortable.”
“Good. And… what made you decide to do it, even though you were unsure?”
I smiled. “I don’t like backing down from a challenge. And it wasn’t even like… the challenge he gave me, it was against myself. I don’t like being scared of things. And I’m not even really insecure about my body, it was just… honestly a knee-jerk reaction to the idea of being so exposed. But I didn’t like how it felt for this guy I care about, and who I have no doubt cares about me, to ask me do something and I say no because of some irrational fear, you know? It’s like, if I trusted him enough for that level of intimacy, why wouldn’t I want him to see my body? I wanted to conquer that feeling, so I wouldn’t feel it again.”
She nodded. “Okay. So it was for you, not for him?”
I opened my mouth to say yes, but hesitated. “Actually… I think it was a little of both.” I shrugged. “I didn’t want to disappoint him. Like… it’s Harlan. I know him, know he has my best interests at heart. He wanted to see me, but he was willing to forego that. So seeing him concede something that he wanted badly enough to speak up about it, in favor of my comfort, it… it made me want to do that for him. Is that… bad? Or stupid of me?”
“Not at all,” my mother insisted, shaking her head. “I actually think it’s an incredibly mature point of view, sweetheart. As long as you aren’t being used, and they’re just as willing to sacrifice for you, there’s nothing wrong with stepping outside of yourself to make your partner happy.” She dropped her hands to take me by the shoulders. “If it’s reciprocal, you understand?”
“Yes.”
“And you feel like Harlan would make himself uncomfortable for you, just like you did?”
“I think so.”
“Good.” She nodded, and turned away as she released my shoulders, but I caught the little sneaky smile that crept on her face before she’d completely looked away.
“Wait a minute,” I said, grabbing her hand. “What’s that little smile about? Do you know something I don’t?
She shook her head. “I’m not trying to get in your business….”
“Too late,” I laughed. “Mama, what is it?”
Mama glanced over her shoulder in the kitchen, then stepped a little closer, speaking lower. “Well… You know your father got in that boy’s behind about you, right?”
I looked up, alarmed. “What?! No, I didn’t!”
Harlan definitely hadn’t mentioned anything like that…
She nodded. “Mmmhmm. At the hospital, the day I caught him trying to check your tonsils.”
“Mama!”
She scowled. “What?! That’s what he was doing! Anyway, your father told me he told that boy he didn’t have his blessing to pursue you. And you know what Harlan told him?”
Eyes wide, I shook my head. “No, what?”
Mama propped her hands on her hips, and squared her shoulders. “With all due respect sir,” she started, in a southern drawl, “I’m a grown man. Long as my darlin’ll have me… I don’t need your blessin’.”
I shrieked, part disbelief, part amusement, and part… awe. “He really said that to Daddy!?”
“Well,” my mother chuckled, “Not in those exact words, but that was the gist of it.”
I shook my head. “Wow.” It wasn’t that I was surprised that Harlan would stand up for himself, not at all. But to defy my father, a man he respected so much, and thought so highly of… that he would risk his wrath for me?
Again, wow.
“Yes, exactly. You know how Harlan feels about Sid. So to go against him… he cares about you something serious. So, I understand your concerns, after seeing what your friend went through. Wanting to make sure you don’t ignore something that shouldn’t be ignored, all of that. But when it comes to a man’s character, you judge him on what he is, not what he could be. If he’s showing himself to be a lowlife, believe him. Plain and simple. It’s not about the great guy he could be. It’s not up to you to change anybody.”
I closed my eyes for a second, nodding. Definitely advice I would pass to Quinn.
“But on the same token,” my mother continued, “if a man is showing himself to be a standup guy, treating you well, all of that… unless something changes, you act accordingly. I could be an exotic dancer, but I’m not, so don’t throw any singles at me, okay?”
I laughed. “I get it, mama, without the visual of you on a pole.”
“Little girl, I look good, do you hear me?”
We giggled together as we gathered the serving dishes onto trays to take into the dining room. At the door, my mother turned to smile at me. “I want you to know that I’m really proud of you, Sydnee. You’re blossoming into a smart, beautiful woman, and that makes me so happy to see.”
I smiled back, swallowing a lump in my throat. “Thank you mama.”
“Oh, and... you’re glowing, baby. Love looks really good on you.”
She gave me a last little smile, then moved through the door, and down the hall as I blinked hard behind her.
Love?
Who said anything about that?
Shaking my head, I followed her into the dining room where Daddy and Harlan sat at the table, laughing about something.
“Finally,” Daddy said, when he looked up and saw my mother. “I thought I was gonna have to send Harlan back to city to get me a plate from Yard Bird!”
“That greasy fried chicken is what landed you in the hospital last month, fool.”
While my parents did their usual playful back and forth, the feeling of Harlan’s eyes on me made me meet his gaze. He didn’t do anything but smile at me, no suggestive wink, nothing, but just that simple act made me blush, which made him smile harder. Biting my lip, I looked away and unloaded the trays, leaving the serving dishes and a glass of tea at each place while I took the trays back to the kitchen. When I returned, I brought back the pitcher of tea, then took the seat across from Harlan in time for my father to say grace.
After the food was blessed, we fixed our plates, with only mild grumbling from my father about the “healthy shit”, which was mostly ignored. Healthy or not, the food was amazing, and we all knew it – my father included.
In the month since the heart attack, he’d already lost twenty pounds, just from sticking to his somewhat strict diet plan – implemented by my mother with help from his doctor – and the light exercise he’d been cleared to start doing. My father was an incredibly handsome man – tall, smooth dark skin, strong features – who barely looked his almost seventy years in age. If he kept to the plan, that could continue.
The conversation at the tabl
e was pleasant. Mostly about Stacks, some stuff about my dad’s health, things like that. We were finished eating, and my mother was preparing to serve her strawberry shortcake when my father brought up one of the many topics I’d been purposely avoiding with him.
“So, you’re supposed to start your position at Pot Liquor soon, right Short Stack?”
I nodded, but my guard went up. Why was he bringing that up right now? “I actually talked to Nixon yesterday. Two more weeks, and I’ll be starting my training with them.”
“Hmph. Well, if you’ve been thinking about changing your mind, you know there’s a position open at Stacks for you.”
Harlan and I both turned to him at the same time, but Harlan got the words out first. “Huh? Since when?”
“Since just now.” Daddy grinned at me as he sat back.
“Sidney…” A glance at my mother made it apparent he was about to do something he’d already been warned against, which was unsurprising, when it came to my Dad.
He waved her off. “Come on, Natti. You agreed with me that it would be nice to have Sydnee in the restaurant.”
“In a specific capacity. Don’t play dumb right now, old man, we talked about this.”
“Talked about what?” I asked, looking back and forth between them.
My mother let out a heavy sigh as she shook her head, but my father was beaming. “I want to have you come on an assistant manager.” He kept talking, said some other stuff explaining the position, but it was lost in the roar of irritation in my ears. Because… seriously? Assistant manager? “Now, your mother seems to think you wouldn’t like this, that it wouldn’t be good enough for you. But like I explained to her, it would just be a trial basis, to see how you adjust to the position, and –”
“No thank you,” I interrupted, with surprisingly more calm than I felt. “I’m satisfied with the offer I’ve received from Pot Liquor, so I’ll move forward with that.”
Harlan’s eyes were on me again, and when I looked up, his gaze was boring into me, silently asking if I was okay. I gave him a subtle head nod, even though no, I didn’t feel okay at all. I was just trying not to cause a scene.
Love You Forever (Serendipitous Love Book 5) Page 10
