Abstract Love

by Samantha Christy

  I use his keys to unlock the loft door and help him onto the couch. I’m overwhelmed, once again, by the mixture of fresh paint and that rugged spicy smell that is all Jace. I take a moment to breathe it in. After all, he is not going to notice. I stare up at the painting of me over the fireplace and remember the last time I was here, the time we found out about our deeper connection. I wonder if that could be enough, if it could ever be enough to make us right for each other.

  As I head into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee, I pass by an easel that is half covered by a sheet. It’s obviously another one of me, but this time, I see him in the background. I step closer to study it when my phone vibrates in my pocket, scaring the living daylights out of me. It’s Tanner wanting to make sure I got to Jace’s place okay. I have a brief conversation with him while I go in the kitchen in search of a coffee maker.

  When I come back with a cup of strong, black coffee for Jace, I find him snoring on the sofa. I take his shoes off and put his legs up on the couch and reach for a blanket to cover him with. Then, all of a sudden, I’m pulled down on top of him. He holds me tight and takes in a deep breath. “Lavender,” he whispers in my ear, “my favorite.” Before my mind can catch up with what is happening to my body, he is running his hands up and down my arms and across my back. Explosions of desire are dotting my skin everywhere he has touched it. He reaches up and pulls my hair to the side, staring directly into my eyes as he whispers into my mouth, “I want you.”

  Then his lips crash into mine. Or mine crash into his. It’s all blurred together now, along with the lines of our friendship. But all I can think about as his lips explore mine is how much I want this. How much I need him. How I want his hands everywhere on my body. I reach up and stroke his strong jaw when I feel the burn of his stubble on my face. I don’t care that my cheeks will be red and raw; I just delight in the feel of his hair growing in because it is a sign of his renewed health.

  He breaks our kiss only to feather new tiny ones up my jaw to my ear where he whispers, “You taste so good.” My hands run down his strong arms and I take a minute to explore the biceps that I’ve only dreamed of touching. Then he flips us over so he is towering on top of me as his lips, once again, come together with mine. His tongue comes out and swipes across my bottom lip, begging for entrance and I quickly oblige him as our tongues tangle for the most incredible dance that has my heart singing.

  While my body screams for more, my mind pleads with me to stop. But I don’t know if I can, it feels so right to be with him right now. Maybe I shouldn’t think about the consequences, about what will happen tomorrow.

  He reaches down to cup my breast and the sensation overwhelms me. A few months ago, I wasn’t sure a man would ever get to touch them again. I’m frozen in the moment, taking in every tingle of pleasure that he gives me by caressing my breast and running his thumb over my stiff nipple through the fabric of my thin blouse. “I want you so much,” he whispers.

  I’ve never felt this way in my entire life. I’ve been with three men, slept with them even, and not one of them even came close to making me feel the way that Jace is with merely his lips and his hands over my shirt. I shudder to think what it would be like if he made love to me.

  He breaks the kiss and leans up to whisper in my ear again. “I love you, Keri.” My breath hitches, my heart soars, I practically sprout wings and fly on the high running through my body. He kisses me with as much passion as I’ve ever experienced and then he whispers, “I love you so much, Morgan.”

  My wings fail and my world comes crashing down around me as my happy tears turn to sad ones. I abruptly pull away. He did say my name first, didn’t he? Maybe I was hearing things, hearing what my mind so desperately wants to be true. Does he think I’m Morgan? Oh God, what if he is so drunk that he thinks he’s back together with her? I push him off me until we are both sitting up on the couch. He looks at me with cloudy eyes and I say, “Jace, this can’t happen. I have to get out of here.” He doesn’t even protest, he falls back on the couch and from what I can tell, he passes out. Once I’ve calmed my nerves enough to stand on my own two feet, I grab the coffee that is now getting cold and take it to the kitchen to dump it out. On my way by, I stumble into the easel next to the kitchen, toppling it over. As I stare at the now fully-revealed painting, I know that he did in fact say my name as sure as I know that he did, in fact, say hers.

  There it is as plain as day. A painting of the two of us, Morgan and me. We both look beautiful, even in the abstract way he has painted us. And behind us is a man, with outstretched arms, clearly being torn apart by the two women.

  I quickly put the painting back the way it was, then I go downstairs and call a cab to take me home.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  I lie in my bed, going over the events of last night. He loves me? He really said it. He loves Morgan. He really said that, too. And that painting of him being stretched, torn between two women, I can’t get it out of my head.

  I’m a bartender. I see it all the time. I’m not naïve. People say things when they are drunk. Things they may not mean to say. But in my experience, they do tend to say things they mean. I’m just not sure what to do with this information. I’m terrified of what this will do to our friendship.

  My phone rings and I smile at who is calling. “Hey, Jules. How are you?”

  “I’m good, just feeling like a bad friend that I haven’t asked you to lunch sooner. Are you free today?”

  I check my mental calendar. I still haven’t been put back on the official volunteer schedule at Freeway. Chaz thought I needed to have a week or two to recover before pushing myself. Thinking of this reminds me that I need to have Mike put me back on full rotation at the club as well. “Yes, I’m free. It will be great to see you again.” She gives me the address of the pricey place where she wants me to meet her for lunch and tells me that it’s her treat, a chemo graduation lunch.

  We hang up and I’m left wondering if Jace is sending Jules to break up with me—if friends can even do that. Maybe he called her this morning and told her that he can’t hang out with me anymore. That he feels guilty about having feelings for me when he still loves Morgan.

  A few hours later, I pull up to the restaurant that only offers valet parking. I can’t afford that. So I drive four blocks away and park on a residential street and hike back over in my three-inch heels, grateful that the hot Florida sun is not out in full force today.

  I walk around the corner and see Jules waiting for me out front. She smiles at me and I realize that seeing her does nothing to take my mind off Jace. “Keri, I’m so glad you could come. We have so much catching up to do.” She grabs my arm and pulls me into the restaurant—the restaurant with white linen tablecloths, crystal glasses and no less than three sterling silver forks at each impeccable place setting. Yeah, way out of my league. “Don’t look at me like that,” she says. “It’s one of Dad’s places, otherwise I wouldn’t be caught dead here. And neither would my brother, for that matter. But I think you already know that.”

  I cock my head to study her. Why isn’t she asking me about last night? “I guess I do, but he and I haven’t spent much time together so I don’t know where he likes to dine,” I say, trying not to sound too disappointed about it.

  We get settled at a table and order some iced tea. Then she says, “I just had to talk to you. Last week, I happened to read some of your conversations on Jace’s phone when we were at my parents’ house and I knew we needed to have a powwow.”

  I raise my brows at her. “Just happened to see them, huh? Like the phone simply fell in your lap and opened our texting thread.” I shake my head.

  “I told you, Keri . . . all up in your business. Get used to it.”

  Then I realize that she said she saw our texts from sometime last week. Not last night. “Uh, you mean you’re not here to talk to me about last night?”

  Her head snaps over and she eyes me suspiciously. She puts down her glass of iced tea that she wa
s about to take a drink of. “Oh, now you have to spill. What happened last night, were you with Jace?”

  I’m not sure what I should tell her. She’s been friends with Morgan since they were kids. Yet, I felt instantly at ease with her when we first met and she’s never led me to believe that she doesn’t like me. In fact, she has gone out of her way to make me feel comfortable. I do wonder how much she knows about my past and if that would change her opinion of me. I’m sure Jace didn’t tell her since ‘it’s not his story to tell.’

  She grabs my hand. “Keri, we’re friends right?”

  I nod my head at her.

  “You should know that even though I’m all up in your business, whatever you tell me stays right here. I know you are worried about me being friends with Morgan, but you shouldn’t. I love her and think she is a great girl and she will make someone else a fine sister-in-law, but I don’t want her as mine. She’s not right for Jace. Not like you are.” Her smile is so sincere it’s hard for me not to believe her. She wants me for a sister-in-law? Whoa! “Don’t look so surprised, Keri. I know my brother better than anyone. He wants to settle down and have kids and the fact that he hasn’t done that with Morgan means she’s not the one for him. I see your texts and I have seen the way he looks at you. I’ve seen his texts with Morgan, too. There is no heat, no passion there.”

  I have to trust that she is being genuine. I need to talk to someone about last night. Tanner is great and all, but he’s a guy and even a gay guy can’t understand some things. So I tell her. I tell her all about it. About how he was mad when he found out about my hookup with Tanner. About our impromptu make-out session on his couch. About his declarations of love . . . for both Morgan and me. About the disturbing painting.

  She is smiling from ear to ear by the time I get done with my long narrative of last night. “He said he loves you?”

  I frown at her giddiness. “Yes, about two seconds before he called me Morgan and proclaimed his love for her as well.”

  She shakes her head at me. “Don’t be sad, this is a good thing, Keri. Of course he loves her. He will probably always love her in some way. They share a childhood. They have grown up together. He has been telling her he loves her since before I can remember, even when we were kids. It’s probably instinct by now, like putting the cap back on the toothpaste without realizing you are doing it.”

  I perk up a bit at her reference to him loving her being like an old habit. I know from experience that habits are hard to break. Maybe he’s just so used to being with her that he doesn’t know and can’t imagine anything else. Anyone else.

  “My brother is stubborn. I’m sure you’ve learned that by now. He won’t let anyone tell him what to do and he won’t take no for an answer. It’s that stubbornness that is keeping him from acknowledging his true feelings for you. He must come to this conclusion on his own. I can’t tell him. You can’t tell him. The only question is, are you willing to stick around long enough to see how this plays out?”

  As I ponder her question, my phone vibrates on the table. Jules brazenly picks it up and squeals, “Oh, it’s Jace!” She shoves it at me and pulls her chair around so that she is sitting next to me.

  “Really?” I eye her.

  “Don’t worry, I got your back.” She winks at me and nods at my phone.

  Jace: Mornin’ . . . or should I say afternoon? Now I remember why I don’t drink that much. God, Keri, I hope I didn’t embarrass you or anything. And please tell me I didn’t drive myself home. Oh, and don’t yell at me in your text, I’m not sure my head can take it.

  Jules laughs after reading the text. “Oh my God, he doesn’t remember a thing! He must have really been jealous over the whole Tanner thing. My brother does not get drunk, Keri. Nice job.”

  He doesn’t remember? I’m not sure how I feel about that. On one hand, I want him to remember the words he said to me about wanting me, loving me. However, I don’t want our friendship to get weird, or worse, end, because of what happened. I come to the conclusion that it is definitely for the best that he doesn’t remember.

  Me: No, you were quite the gentleman. And I drove you home in your car, followed by Greg who took me back home. I’m sorry your head hurts.

  Jules snorts, “Liar.” Then she squeezes my arm. “This is going to be so much fun,” she whispers as if he can hear us.

  Jace: Thank God. Your friends are great. I hope they don’t mind if I go with you again sometime.

  I smile at his comment and Jules gives me a high five. I feel like I’m in high school. Only the better version of it this time. Not the one where I was the orphaned freak who didn’t get asked to any dances and who ate her lunch alone in the breezeway behind the gymnasium.

  “You’re in,” Jules tells me. “You are so gonna marry my brother someday.”

  I eye her like she is crazy but she shakes it off and rolls her eyes at me. Marry her brother. She has to stop talking like that. She can’t get my hopes up and make me lower my defenses just to have my dreams squashed again every time he slips up and calls me Morgan.

  Jace: Are you free tomorrow?

  Jules elbows me with another squeal as my stomach flutters with anticipation.

  Me: What did you have in mind?

  Jace: Just some foundation business that I thought you might enjoy since you like working with kids so much. But, Keri, I need you for the whole day.

  He needs me. For the whole day. I try not to text him back too quickly, that might seem too desperate. Spend the entire day with him and work with kids? I’m brimming with excitement. Then the waitress comes by and I take an extra-long time placing my order. Jules smiles at me and shakes her head at my antics.

  Me: I would love to help you with foundation business. But right now I need to get back to my lunch with your sister. Text me the time and I’ll be ready.

  After reading my text, Jules laughs as she scoots her chair back to its original position. “Well played. I really like you, Keri. Just in case I haven’t told you that.”

  We eat our lunch, telling stories about our childhood. I even open up to her about my parents and my time at Freeway. She, like Jace, is very understanding and doesn’t seem to hold herself in any higher regard than she holds me. I come to find out that Jules is a bit of a slut. And I mean that with not even a hint of condescension. She has analyzed her own sexually permissive behavior and chalks it up to her parents. Just as they did with Jace, they seemed to be grooming her to marry the perfect man; the son of a senator and his socialite wife who are close friends with her parents. Apparently, this was her way of rebelling against them.

  “Oh, speak of the devils.” She nods her head towards an impressively-dressed couple who are walking through the front doors of the restaurant. I stiffen and my heart pounds inside my chest as I take them in. They are dressed in what I call smart-casual. He has on an open-collared shirt paired with khakis. She has on a tailored sundress, fitting her perfect curves and I assume, store-bought bosom, as no fifty-year-old woman would have breasts that stand at attention like that under a strapless dress. Her wrists are adorned with platinum bracelets and her ears, large tear-drop diamonds. Their faces break out in smiles when they spot Jules and they head straight for us.

  Her dad leans over and gives her a kiss on the cheek. “Jules, wonderful to see you.”

  Her mother puts a hand on her shoulder as she says, “Hello, Julianne dear.”

  “Mom, Dad, this is Keri Brookstone.”

  Her dad smiles sweetly at me and offers up his hand which I shakily take into mine, while trying to dismiss the fact that this will more than likely, be the richest man I will ever touch or speak to in my lifetime. I stutter, “I-It’s so nice to meet you, Mr. Jarrett.”

  “Please, call me Jason.”

  His mother offers her well-manicured hand as well. “Brookstone,” she says. “What an unusual name. I feel as if I’ve heard it before. Are you members of the club?” I assume she is referring to her country club, not The Triple J where I wo
rk. Oh, Lord. I work for them. Do I tell them? Would they think it beneath their daughter to be having lunch in this nice place with the help?

  Thankfully Jules rescues me. “No, Mom. Keri and I have recently become friends. She is a friend of Jace’s. They met at chemotherapy.” She winks over at me, even though I’m about to die because she told them that I know Jace.

  “Oh, how dreadful,” her mother muses. “You don’t look any worse for wear. You are a pretty thing, aren’t you?” She is eyeing me as if she is trying to place how she knows me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so I don’t know how she could. “Please tell my son and his beautiful girlfriend that I hope to see them soon, will you?” Her words are directed at me. I suppose to remind me that Jace has someone in his life and she doesn’t want me to forget it.

  They say their goodbyes and go off to a table in the far corner. I don’t miss the fact that every time I look over at them, Mrs. Jarrett is staring at me.

  “Don’t pay her any attention,” Jules says. “She has had Jace married off to Morgan since before they were out of diapers. She probably feels that a gorgeous girl like you could threaten that. It’s all about climbing the social ladder for her. Knowing the right kinds of people to make her more important. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but I could swear I’m adopted.”

  I choke on my tea. “That’s exactly what Jace said.”

  As we are leaving, we make plans to have lunch again next Tuesday. I’m sure she suggested that day so she can get another play-by-play of Scrabble Night. I walk back to my car, smiling at the fact that I’ve just made a wonderful friend.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  As I wait for Jace to pick me up this morning, I count the things that I’m excited about. First, I get to see Jace. No explanation necessary. Second, I will get to find out first-hand how a multimillion-dollar charity foundation can help kids. And third, I get to interact with said kids. He gave me no clues as to where we are going. I’m not sure why he is being so mysterious. All he said when he texted me last night was that he would pick me up at eight in the morning and to dress casually. And that he couldn’t think of a more perfect person to bring with him on this project.