The French Adventure

by Lucy Coleman

  Her voice breaks the silence. ‘Selfish people only ever consider their own agenda.’

  I’ve never heard my mum say a mean word about anyone before and her words take my breath away. Loving someone means that when they hurt, you hurt. I realise that my gut instincts have been desperately trying to attract my attention since day one with Karl. The only person I can blame for ignoring their rumblings is myself. Time to stop dreaming your way through life, Anna, and get real.

  ‘I’ll ring Lizzie and see if she can find me a tenant. Maybe a working holiday is precisely what I need. Tell Dad that if he has any walls that need knocking down to wait until I get there and have the sledgehammer ready. I have a lot of anger to let out and smacking a stone wall is going to be therapeutic.’

  ‘That’s my girl. Life is all about how quickly you can bounce back, not how many times you get knocked down.’

  *

  ‘You’re what?’

  ‘I’m going to rent out the house and go to France. Mum and Dad need some help and you know how I like to get my hands dirty. There’s nothing more relaxing than wielding a paint brush.’ I’m trying my best to put a positive spin on this, even though it feels like total defeat. I never, ever dreamt that I’d end up living back under the same roof as my parents with no clear plan for my future.

  ‘This sounds like running away to me.’ Lizzie’s words come out in a half whisper and I don’t think she really meant to say what she was thinking out loud. She knows me too well and her thoughts mirror my own.

  ‘I’m going to be fine, I promise. Maybe I need to concentrate on having some fun and forget about that elusive Mr Right. Besides, the new house is a constant reminder of how silly I’ve been. I’m keeping my fingers crossed the rental income will cover the mortgage. I need to break even to make this work. Can you do your thing and find me the perfect tenant?’

  I’m half tempted to make a joke of it and add that if she can find me the perfect man, too, it might save me from getting myself into a mess again. But something has changed in me over the last couple of days and I feel as if a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Okay, so everyone I know is either in a long term relationship, engaged, or married. I need to face the fact that it just isn’t happening for me and I’m twenty-six-years old, single and free as a bird. I’d become a woman obsessed with this… need. I was way too young when I thought I’d found my soulmate. I can now see that I became fixated on this rosy picture of the way I saw my life unfolding in front of me. Karl has been the wake-up call I needed. It’s a big, wide world out there and this is the time in my life when my commitments are few. I’m going to count my blessings and embrace the luxury of pleasing no one but myself!

  ‘It won’t be a problem. The house was a good investment and the rental market is brisk. This is just so unlike you, though, Anna. I thought you loved your job and to walk away from it because—’

  ‘Karl has done me a favour, Lizzie, and this is the right thing to do. In six months’ time, I’ll review my situation and I’ll probably be heading back to the UK for a fresh start. But for now, the thought of spending time helping my parents is rather appealing.’

  She gives a light-hearted laugh, mirroring my attempt to be up-beat.

  ‘Well, I can’t say I’m not the teensiest bit envious at the thought of your little adventure. A beautiful little village in France is going to be the perfect place to re-boot your life. And I’ll find you a great tenant for the house, don’t you worry.’

  ‘You’re a good friend, Lizzie. I’m going to miss you.’ It’s true, because she’s always been there for me.

  ‘Oh, you’ll be having way too much fun to think about me and rainy old England. But I expect to be kept up to date with all your news. You know what a Francophile I am and I only wish my parents would suddenly announce they’re selling up and heading in that direction. Devon is wonderful, but France is the dream!’

  ‘You and Daniel will have to come and visit. Mum says the house is fully booked for the summer but work has begun on the first of the two stone gîtes. I’m going to help out with that as it represents an important part of their future income. Every extra euro they can earn will help to secure their long term financial position. I’ll make sure you are the first to know as soon as it’s ready.’

  She sighs.

  ‘Oh, that would be wonderful. We haven’t booked a holiday yet, so I’ll tell Daniel we’re on standby.’

  ‘Sounds like a plan to me!’

  I have almost three weeks to pack up the contents of my house and put them into storage. More importantly, it will be uninterrupted thinking time now that I don’t have to keep going online to check out job vacancies. It’s time to re-think my life and figure out what I really want to achieve in the future. Sometimes things really do happen for a reason, even if at the outset it doesn’t appear that way. I wasn’t truly happy; I just didn’t know why.

  June

  New Day, New Me

  I decide to stay overnight in Folkestone so that I can catch the 6.15 a.m. shuttle train through the Eurotunnel. However, now I’m here alone and the reality of what I’ve done is hitting me, panic has set in.

  For all my bravado about coping with the huge changes in my life and the work involved in getting the house ready to let out, my heart weighs heavily in my chest. Who am I trying to kid? If I couldn’t run away to France and have a reprieve from this latest round of humiliation, it would probably push me over the edge. But what does that say about me?

  Even though it’s nearly eleven at night I phone Lizzie.

  ‘Hello?’ There’s a yawn. ‘Is that you, Anna?’

  ‘Yes. Sorry, I hoped you’d be awake.’

  ‘Hey, don’t worry. I’m here for you and that’s what friends are for. I was half expecting a call.’

  She sounds more alert now and I’m grateful she understands.

  ‘Talking is good,’ she says, softly.

  I breathe out and the sound is dejected, reflecting how demoralised I feel.

  ‘You were right and I am running away because I don’t know what else to do. My confidence is well and truly dented. I’ve run out of energy, well, not energy as such but motivation, I suppose. I can’t believe I walked away from a job with such great prospects because of Karl. Why do I let guys trample over my life like that? Twice now I’ve been used in a very unfair way and I let it happen. I’m lucky to be able to run away to France but at my age it makes me feel that I’m a total failure.’ I’m angry with myself and tearful. The next part of my life’s journey will only serve to remind me how gullible I’ve been playing into Karl and Robert’s hands.

  ‘Listen, my lovely friend. You just happened to stumble across two very manipulative guys. Not all men are like that – look at my Daniel, for instance. I honestly think it’s been a part of your fate and who can second guess what that throws our way? Maybe your destiny is to get all the bad stuff out of the way early on in your life. This could be a turning point, one you’ll look back on gratefully because it took you where you were always meant to go.’

  I know Lizzie means what she says but she’s also trying to comfort me because she knows I’ve reached rock bottom. I wonder what a total stranger would say to me right now. That I’m a quitter? That I make lousy decisions and poor life choices?

  Lizzie begins talking again, still softly as if she’s fearful of saying the wrong thing and feels she needs to tread carefully.

  ‘If you were a hard nosed career woman instead of someone who is trusting, even if a little naïve at times, we wouldn’t be friends. And you wouldn’t be YOU, the Anna we all love. Don’t let this knock you back and destroy your self-confidence, or alter the way you look at life. If this hardens you then that’s worse than any heartache this has caused. I know that it’s easy to say, but don’t waste time looking back. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but it won’t change the past, so let it change the future. This time for good.’

  I pause to collect my thoughts before I can reply.
‘But starting again from scratch, Lizzie, it’s demoralising. Running off to my parents is the safe option and a coward’s way out. I feel like I’m going home to hide away from the world and what if when I return I can’t get a proper job? I’ll end up losing the house and the equity I have in it won’t last long. This could literally wipe out everything I’ve worked for and my dreams for the future are already in tatters. I’m assuming that after a break away I will be able to come back with a fighting spirit again. What if that isn’t the case?’

  I hear a sigh and guilt begins to eat away at me. This isn’t a conversation I should be having with Lizzie at this time of night and on the eve of my departure. I don’t want to unduly worry her any more than I already have.

  ‘I know you, Anna. Nothing can keep you down for very long because you do have a fighting spirit. No one knows what life has planned for them and all you can do is make each decision based on the circumstances at the time. I’m being very honest with you here. If you stay and launch yourself into another job I don’t think you’re in the right frame of mind to do it justice. It’s time to be kind to yourself, Anna, and look at this time with your parents as a bonus. You can regain your strength, prepare to shake the world again, while helping them out in their new venture. It’s not as if you’re going to be lying around in bed being waited on like an invalid. I know your parents and they’re workaholics, too.’

  Finally, that raises a smile.

  ‘Thank you, Lizzie. That helps more than you can know. This is such a huge decision for me and it’s scary because I can’t think ahead at the moment. I don’t know what I want out of life any more, to be honest with you.’

  ‘Don’t fret about that now, just focus on tomorrow and the next stage of your journey. Maybe fate will throw some gorgeous French guy in your path and you’ll end up living in a sprawling old stone cottage with five kids. At least your parents would be on the doorstep and handy for babysitting duties!’

  We both start laughing. ‘Now there’s a thought that hadn’t occurred to me. However, I think I’ll start buying a Lotto ticket each week as the odds will probably be about the same.’

  ‘Travel safely my dear friend.’

  ‘Goodnight, Lizzie, and thank you for being there through my ups and downs. You are a life saver.’

  *

  It’s an early start, but with a seven hour drive from Calais it will probably take me about nine or ten hours in total, with comfort breaks. The journey is one I know well from my childhood holidays. It’s a drive I’ve probably done at least half a dozen times sitting behind the wheel, but it’s only the second time I’ve made the trip alone. The first being a few months after Mum and Dad’s big move. Karl said he was too busy to come with me, but in hindsight I think he knew my parents had reservations about him. But it’s an easy drive and aside from the busy bit when leaving the terminal, where you need to keep your wits about you to make sure you don’t miss the turn offs, it’s reasonably straightforward.

  Fuelled by excitement for my road trip after the disappointment of the last few weeks, I have new energy. Where there was an emptiness there is now hope. For what, exactly, I don’t know. Maybe an end to the nagging little worries I can never succeed in pushing out of my head. Acceptance is a big part of moving on and it allows me to enjoy the journey ahead with an uplifting sense of freedom.

  I love the route via the shuttle through the Channel tunnel; it’s surreal and the thirty-five minute ride passes so quickly. When it’s time to drive the car down the ramp to leave the train, I slide in a CD, thinking that John Newman is going to be the perfect companion for the next leg of my journey. As the opening bars of ‘Love Me Again’ strike up, I realise I’m an incurable romantic at heart. It’s about a guy asking his ex for a second chance after cheating on her, when he realises he’s made a huge mistake. The words are hauntingly beautiful. The passion in his voice is so incredible it rings true and that’s what touches me every single time I play it.

  As usual, the first few kilometres are pure concentration. I don’t use the satnav because it spoils the ambience and I know the route pretty well by now, anyway. Once I’m onto the toll roads I can cruise along at speed, crank up the volume and sing my heart out while enjoying the scenery. I’m on French soil now and so the adventure begins.

  I stop for breaks at my favourite places – Abbeville, Rouen, Le Mans and Angers. It divides the journey up rather nicely and allows me to stretch my legs and have a drink and a snack. In between stops the route is scenic for the most part, although there are parts of the journey with roundabout after roundabout, where you need to follow the signs carefully or risk going wildly off course. But the French countryside is wonderful and never more so than at the beginning of June.

  Flicking the switch to lower the window a little, I let the gentle breeze caress my hair as I savour the sweetly scented air. I’m driving past fields of wheat, some strewn with red poppies; the sun is still quite low in the sky and its rays catch what’s left of the early morning dew on the tender young plants, glinting as they wave gently in the breeze. In front of me the almost straight road stretches out endlessly, the tarmac shimmering slightly as if the sun has turned it into liquid. Putting on my sunglasses I feel in holiday mode and already my body is beginning to feel less tense, my anxieties melting away like wax in the warm sun. A few cars pass me going the opposite way, heading back towards the coast, but it’s mainly quiet with long stretches when I’m literally the only one on the road.

  I’m reminded that France in the summer is a delight as I drive past colourful fields and orchards, interspersed with villages. Some are no more than a tiny cluster of buildings hugging an intersection or a roundabout. As I slow the car, the detail on some of these old well worn but well loved properties is often both a surprise and a delight: intricate stonework fit to grace the grandest manor house and yet a stonemason laboured over embellishing a modest home. Their love of the trade is shown in the detail and it reflects a real sense of pride in their work. Oh, how the world has changed and at this moment I can’t help thinking that it isn’t necessarily for the better.

  Saying goodbye to my new house was easier than I thought. I realise that the reason why so many of my things still remained in cardboard boxes was because it had never felt like home. But Lizzie was right and it was a good investment. Not only will the rental income cover the outgoings, it’s going to make me a small profit on top. Together with my savings that means that while I may be unemployed, I’m not penniless. Suddenly all my doubts evaporate. I’m going to have to be careful about what I spend, but hey, there’s only me to consider and for the first time in ages I’m feeling lucky. Lucky to be looking forward to a new adventure and lucky to be alive on such a glorious day. I can’t remember the last time I felt this positive and so optimistic about the future – and this time I’m not going to let anyone spoil it for me.

  A Working Holiday

  The moment I turn into the drive and catch the first glimpse of Le Manoir d’Orsenne, a little thrill courses through me, making my senses tingle. My working holiday is about to begin and once again my parents have been instrumental in helping me at a time in my life when I needed a little redirection. I shake off the thought that at twenty-six years of age I shouldn’t still be making monumental mistakes that knock me off course. But that was in the past and now it’s time to ditch those old, bad habits and move forward as the person I want to be. In future, I’m going to listen to what my gut instincts are telling me and when something doesn’t feel right, I’m going to act accordingly.

  The moment my parents hear the scrunch of tyres on the gravel the front door is flung open and even before I have a chance to turn off the engine, Dad has the driver’s door open. He leans in and virtually scoops me out of my seat.

  ‘Safe and sound. And what a sight for these tired old eyes.’

  His hug lasts only as long as he can continue to keep Mum at arm’s length, because she wants to step in.

  ‘My dear gir
l. Such a long drive.’ Mum’s hug is something else. She exudes this energy and when her arms are wrapped around me I feel a sense of healing. Our eyes meet and in that split second she understands there’s nothing to worry about. ‘Come inside, the kettle is on.’

  As we approach the front door I stop and gaze up at the façade of this beautiful building.

  ‘I’d forgotten how imposing it is, Mum. It really is a mini-château.’

  The grey stonework of this three storey building is softened by the oversized front door and matching window shutters painted in a very soft blue. With two large dormer windows in the roof conversion giving unobstructed views out over the open countryside, the overall impression is one of elegance and symmetry.

  On the ground floor, large French windows lead into two of the reception rooms. Above that, at first floor level, there are a total of four shuttered windows, beyond which are the front-facing guest bedrooms.

  What was once an overgrown mass of indistinguishable foliage in front of the property has now been lovingly pruned and is sporting the new season’s growth. Gone is the ugly woodiness of that first drastic cutting back. The deep reddish purple leaves of a glorious climbing rose contrast nicely with the young green shoots on the old wisteria, which will hopefully produce those abundant, pendulous lilac blooms next year. Standing proud against the trellis work at the side of the front door is a sprightly winter jasmine, no longer in flower but sending out a myriad of shoots that will bear next year’s blossoms.

  ‘I can hardly believe you’ve been able to rescue so much of what was here. I was convinced you’d end up having to replant but this looks manicured already.’

  Dad is busy ferrying my luggage from the car into the house, but stops to call over his shoulder. ‘Nothing that a bit of tender loving care and nature couldn’t sort out.’