Forbidden Addiction (Forbidden, Book #4)

by R. L. Kenderson

  Oh, Kenzie.

  Phoenix was going to kick Sawyer’s ass when she saw him. Butthole could at least answer his texts.

  The doctor walked into the room, and two seconds later, Sawyer burst through the door.

  “Can I help you, sir?” the doctor asked.

  “I’m here for my ma—wife.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, Ms. Swanson. I thought you were unmarried.”

  “This is my fiancé,” Kenzie corrected Sawyer.

  Sawyer frowned. According to shifter law, the two were already mates.

  “We just haven’t made it to the courthouse yet,” she said as she held out her hand to Sawyer.

  Sawyer stepped around the doctor and went to Kenzie’s side.

  “I’m glad to have the both of you together. Ms. Swanson, we got the ultrasound results back, and I’m sorry to tell you that you are miscarrying.” The doctor’s voice was filled with remorse, and Phoenix could tell he hated delivering this kind of news.

  Sawyer fell back in the chair next to Kenzie’s bed, as if his legs could no longer hold him up, and Kenzie started crying.

  Sawyer pulled his mate into his arms, and Phoenix knew it was time to leave the room.

  She pulled the door closed behind her and leaned back against the wall to take deep breaths. Phoenix felt like she was going to cry as well. It wasn’t fair. On top of her failed heat, her friend Kenzie shouldn’t have to lose her baby as well.

  What if Phoenix hadn’t been so jealous? She felt awful now for feeling so envious. Kenzie just wanted a happy life with her mate. Now that Phoenix knew the human better, she knew what a good person she was and that she deserved to have a family. Phoenix never wanted anyone to feel the way she felt.

  Phoenix heard soothing noises coming from Kenzie’s ER room. Phoenix hadn’t managed to latch the door all the way when she pulled it closed, and the sound she heard was Kenzie soothing Sawyer.

  “It’ll be okay, Sawyer. We’ll try again.”

  “But we already had a baby. I want this baby.”

  “I know, sweetie. Me, too.”

  “We didn’t even get to meet Peanut.”

  Phoenix closed her eyes, overwhelmed with sadness upon hearing that they had given their baby a nickname.

  “I know,” Kenzie agreed with Sawyer.

  “Baby?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I want you to know that I don’t blame you at all. I can see your head is going around and around. I really wanted this baby, but I don’t want you to feel bad.”

  “Oh, Sawyer.” Kenzie’s voice quivered. “I needed to hear you say that.”

  “Baby, of course I would never blame you. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Phoenix felt like a voyeur, listening in on their conversation, but if she closed the door now, it would be obvious.

  But after their I love yous, the only sound Phoenix heard was of their almost-silent crying. She waited in the hallway for what felt like hours. She didn’t know if she should go or stay. Sawyer was there but was in no shape to be on duty.

  After some time, Sawyer walked out of the room and went straight to the restroom. Phoenix was pretty sure he hadn’t even noticed her, as he was in such a catatonic state.

  After Sawyer left, Phoenix knocked softly and walked in. She had no idea what to say to Kenzie, and she felt incredibly uncomfortable. But this wasn’t about her. This was about her friend.

  “Hey, Kenzie. I’m so sorry.”

  Kenzie wiped her cheeks and sat up. “Come here.”

  Phoenix stepped closer to Kenzie until the human grabbed her hand and forced her to sit on the bed with her. “Thank you for bringing me here and for tracking down Sawyer.”

  “Of course. Are you going to be okay?”

  “I’m not going to die or anything. The doctor said I’ll pass…I’ll pass the baby and everything, so at least I won’t have to have surgery. He told me to go see my doctor, and we can probably try again in a few months.”

  “Are you even going to?” Phoenix asked.

  “Definitely. Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Because of how much pain you’re in. Because of how much pain Sawyer is in.”

  “Oh, Phoenix,” Kenzie said. She still held Phoenix’s hand, and she squeezed. “Sure, it might be easier to hide away and never try again. But I would rather have a miscarriage and the pain that comes with it if it means I might get to have a baby someday rather than never getting pregnant at all and avoiding the heartache. Life is full of ups and downs, good things and bad things. That’s just the way it works. If I have to take the bad things to get the good things, then bring on the crap. Because being with Sawyer is worth it. Eventually having a baby, even if it means adopting, is worth it. Having friends is worth it. Living isn’t simply not dying, Phoenix.” Kenzie reached forward, and this time, she wiped Phoenix’s cheeks. “Honey, why are you crying?”

  “Because I’m not as strong as you. And I want to be.”

  Kenzie smiled. “Sure you are. You’re stronger. Do you care about Dante?”

  “Yes,” she answered without hesitation.

  “So, if something happened to Dante tomorrow or next week or next month, wouldn’t you be happy with him for a day, a week, a month rather than live this lonely existence? Because, sure, you can try to protect your heart, but you already care about him, Phoenix. And, if you don’t go after him, you’ve lost him anyway.”

  Phoenix pulled Kenzie into a hug. “You are an amazing person. I should be comforting you, not the other way around. Sawyer is an absolute fool for taking so long to see that.”

  Kenzie hugged her back. “I tell him that all the time.”

  Phoenix released Kenzie and sat back to see Sawyer standing in the doorway, looking shell-shocked.

  “Sawyer, what’s wrong?” Kenzie asked, alarmed.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Phoenix hug anyone.”

  “Ha-ha,” Phoenix said.

  Sawyer stepped into the room. “Thank you, Phoenix, for taking care of Kenzie today.”

  “No problem. She’s my friend.”

  Sawyer raised his brow. “Still, I thought you’d be out of here the minute you heard about Dante.”

  Phoenix frowned. “Dante? What about him?”

  Sawyer blew out a breath and rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh-oh.”

  Her whole body went on alert. “Uh-oh what?” The first thought that came to mind was that he’d already replaced her. Phoenix looked at Kenzie, who shook her head and shrugged.

  “The vamps ran into some trouble. They figured out who was behind all the trouble we’d been having.”

  Phoenix jumped to her feet. “They did? Are they going after them? How did they find out?”

  “It’s a long story, but that’s where I’ve been all day until I got here. The vampires behind this mess are already in the Guardians’ custody. But, Phoenix, Dante was hurt today.”

  Phoenix felt like her world was tilting, and she realized that Sawyer had rushed to her, so she didn’t fall over. “Is he…” She swallowed. “Is he…”

  “He’s alive, but he’s at the vampire clinic. There was an explosion, and he was thrown pretty far.”

  Her head was starting to clear, and she pushed Sawyer out of the way. “I have to go.”

  She finally understood exactly what Kenzie had been saying. She had wasted this whole week when she could have been with him. And, now, he might die without knowing how she felt about him.

  “I can drive you,” Sawyer said.

  “No, you stay with your mate. And, for God’s sake, take her to the courthouse and marry her already,” Phoenix said as she walked out of the room.

  “You heard her,” Sawyer said, his voice trailing as she walked farther away. “Now, you have to marry me.”

  Once out of the building, Phoenix ran for her car and sped out of the parking lot. She had to get to Dante.

  LEXINE WAS SNEAKING food in for Sterling when she found Phoenix at the front desk. />
  “Please, I need to see him.”

  “I’m sorry, miss,” the receptionist who didn’t sound the least bit sorry said, “but you don’t have any right to go back there. And Mr. Leonidas is sleeping. I will not wake him for this.”

  Lexine walked over to the two of them. “Hey, Phoenix.”

  The cat-shifter turned to Lexine. “Uh…hey, Lexine.”

  “Listen”—Lexine looked at the receptionist—“this is Dante’s future mate, so if I were you, I would not want to piss off the leader of the Guardians. You feel me?”

  The receptionist nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Come on, Phoenix. I’ll take you to Dante,” she said. “And don’t ma’am me,” she told the receptionist. “I’m not that old.”

  Phoenix followed her down the hall.

  When they got to the door to the room that Dante and Sterling were sharing, Lexine turned around. “Look, I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been nice to you in the past.”

  Phoenix looked like she didn’t know what to say. “Thank you.”

  “I was jealous before. I always thought I had a crush on Dante, so when you came along, I didn’t like it. But, now, I see that I didn’t really like him like that. I liked the idea of him. Anyway, you and Dante are meant to be together. And I hope you came here to set things straight with him.”

  “I did.”

  Lexine smiled. “Good. Otherwise, I’d have to kill you.”

  Phoenix laughed, not the least bit intimidated. “You could try.”

  Lexine pushed open the door and walked past a sleeping Dante to Sterling’s bed.

  His gray eyes opened when she got to his bedside. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” she said. She held up her backpack. “I brought you food.”

  “I know. I can smell it.”

  She set her backpack down and pulled out the burger and fries for Sterling.

  “God, you are awesome,” Sterling said. “Now, if you could just fit me in your backpack and sneak me out of here, that would be great.”

  Lexine sat next to Sterling and lay back on the raised head of the bed. “You’ll get out of here soon.”

  “Not soon enough,” he said, already taking a bite of his food.

  “You’re lucky the booby-trap bomb that Lucas had set was only enough to blow off the door and send you and Dante through the air. It could have been a lot worse.”

  “I know,” he agreed.

  There was a noise over by Dante’s bed. Sterling looked up to see Phoenix sitting by Dante’s bedside now that Lexine wasn’t blocking his view anymore.

  “When did she get here?”

  “Just now.”

  “And you’re okay with this?”

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  Sterling looked at her like she’d told a bad joke or something. “Because you’ve been in love with him forever.”

  She closed her eyes and relaxed. “Nah. I was just telling Phoenix that I was in love with the idea of him, not Dante himself. I wanted a strong alpha male who would boss me around in bed, but it turns out, I’ve already found that.” Lexine settled in, ready to take a short nap while Sterling ate, when another thought crossed her mind. She opened her eyes and sat up. “Wait a second. How did you know I liked Dante?”

  “Babe, everyone in the house knew.” He tilted his head to the side. “Well, almost everyone. Dante never knew. At least, I don’t think he did.”

  “Ugh, how embarrassing.”

  Sterling lifted his brow.

  “You’re right. After everything we’ve gone through recently, that’s not very embarrassing.” She laid her head back again while Sterling polished off his burger.

  “So, if you realized you no longer loved or liked Dante, what did you say to him that night in his office after he came back from seeing Phoenix?” Sterling looked worried.

  “Did you think I went and propositioned him or something?”

  “No. Yes.” He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  Lexine laughed. “I went and told him about you and me. I know there are no rules on fraternizing, but I wanted to be honest with him. After everything I put the Guardians through, I felt like it was best to start being honest.”

  Sterling paused with a fry halfway to his mouth. “You told him about the two of us?”

  “Yeah,” she said in her best duh voice. “You didn’t really think I was going to let you move to California, did you?”

  Sterling leaned over and kissed her. “God, I love you.”

  Lexine smiled against his lips. “I love you, too.”

  Sterling sat back and popped a fry in his mouth. “Good, because, when we get home, I’m going to make you prove it.”

  Dante woke with a crushing weight on his chest and what sounded like a motor running. The room was pitch-black, except for his monitor in the corner. But even the light from that hurt his eyes. He still had a massive headache from the bomb that stupid fucker Lucas had set. Dante couldn’t wait for the Council to throw the book at him.

  The physical ache didn’t help with his mental ache though. He still missed Phoenix. One would think getting thrown twenty feet in the air would help one forget about missing the individual they couldn’t have, but instead, he missed her so much that it felt like she were in his room.

  Man, he wanted to go home. But first things first. Dante grabbed his call button and pressed. His hand still hurt where it had gotten burned, and he hoped that he would heal from this whole ordeal soon.

  A nurse walked into his room, and he had to shut his eyes from the sliver of light from the hallway.

  “What can I get you, Dante?”

  “I think I need to see the doctor again.”

  He felt more than saw the nurse get tense. “What symptoms are you having?”

  “I’m having trouble breathing. I feel like something is crushing my chest. I feel hot, and the ringing in my ears has changed to what sounds like a car running.”

  The nurse’s body sagged, and it sounded like she stifled a laugh. “I’m sorry.”

  “About what?”

  “I shouldn’t laugh. Dante, you’re fine. I mean, except for your concussion and burns. You just have a full-grown cat-shifter purring and lying on top of you.”

  “What?” Dante said as he looked down. He could barely make out the outline of Phoenix in the dark, and mostly because he knew she was there. He put his hands out and felt her hair and then the rest of her body.

  The nurse smiled sweetly, turned, and walked out the door.

  Phoenix moved as he continued to touch her, and the purring stopped. “Dante,” she said, her voice groggy.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I came to see you.”

  “Thank you, Captain Obvious. But why did you come to see me?”

  “Because I realized that I almost lost you today.”

  “It wasn’t that bad. Lucas set a small bomb to blow off his garage door, but that was the extent of the damage. Only Sterling and I were hurt.”

  “But it could have been worse. And I figured out that I couldn’t go another second without telling you that I love you.”

  Dante’s heart skipped a beat. Not literally. He heard the rhythmic pulses of his heart monitor continue on, but it felt like his heart had skipped a beat. “You do?”

  “Yes. I want to be with you, and I hope you still want to be with me, too.”

  “Of course I do. But what about your heat?”

  “I’m still disappointed in my body, but we can try again. And we can have a lot of fun preparing in between.”

  Dante pulled Phoenix up to his mouth and kissed her. “God, I can’t believe you’re here.”

  “Me either, but I am so glad I am.”

  “Phoenix?”

  “What?”

  “Will you tell me what happened to you?”

  He felt her body go on alert, and his hopes fell. He didn’t want to know what had happened to his cat-shifter because he wa
s curious; he wanted her to trust him enough to tell him.

  Her body sank back into his, and she said, “Sorry, I just had to make sure Sterling and Lexine were sleeping first.”

  Is she actually going to tell me?

  She took a deep breath. “I started developing early. Early by human standards and really early for a shifter. My dad died when I was young, and my uncle moved in. My mom got free help, and my uncle got a place to stay for cheap. He lived with us for as long as I can remember. He wasn’t actually my uncle. He was my mom’s cousin, so that would technically make him my cousin, but he and my mom were close like brother and sister, so uncle seemed easier. Well, my uncle never married. When I started developing, he took notice in me.”

  Dante had almost told her to stop when she first muttered uncle. Now, he had to literally bite on his tongue, so he wouldn’t say anything. He knew it was good for Phoenix to talk to him about this.

  “You’re probably going to think I’m crazy because he never raped me or anything. I think he knew that was a bad thing. But feeling my breasts and making me take my shirt off, so he could look at me while he beat off was apparently okay with him.”

  Dante closed his eyes. “Oh, Phoenix.”

  “Yeah, this went on for a while. When I finally got up enough nerve to tell my mother, she blew me off. When I told her how he looked at me, she told me I was misinterpreting things. Then, when I said he touched me, she flat-out refused to believe me. I know he was like a sibling to her, but I was her daughter. What did I have to gain by telling her that?”

  “Your mom’s a bitch,” Dante said. “Sorry. Please continue.”

  “You’re right; she is a bitch,” Phoenix agreed. He could hear the smile in her voice for that second. “That’s why, the day I turned eighteen, I moved out. I had already begun training myself to fight off my uncle, so I went and knocked on my alpha’s door and insisted he hire me, which he did. I think he sensed that I needed to be a sentinel more than he needed me to be one.”

  “So, that’s why you wear baggy clothes and hide your body.”

  “Yeah, because it wasn’t just my uncle; he was just the worst. Guys at school grabbed my breasts all the time, as if having a large chest was an invitation to touch someone inappropriately. I couldn’t help the way I had grown. But, even after I grew stronger and tougher—”