Serendipity

by Fern Michaels

  Justine watched in horror as Marjory Ryan was seated as the twelfth juror and Peter Woojalesky was seated as the alternate.

  “That’s more like it, ” Attorney Landers said, smacking his hands together.

  “No more outbursts, counselor, ” Jasper said, rapping his gavel for order.

  “Now, Mrs. Landers, tell us what happened. ”

  “They said I’m dead? I’m alive. Look at me! I’m breathing. How can I be dead? They hate me. They’re ashamed of me. You all hate me. They only think about me on Christmas. ”

  “Who?” Ross said.

  Justine pointed to the jury. “I changed my name. That’s not a crime. I didn’t want people to think of chickens when they heard my name. Justine Connors sounded pretty. I never had a pretty name. Ethel Pullet stinks, ” she said huffily. “I went back once. They were gone. You can’t find me guilty, I went back. ”

  “How do we know that’s true?” Mary Ellen Pullet Akers shouted from the jury box. “Why should we believe you?”

  “Order, order!” Jasper shouted. “Jurors are not permitted to make comments. I’ll disqualify you if you make another outburst. Proceed, counselor. ”

  “Do you regret what you’ve done?” Ross asked.

  “I refuse to answer that on the grounds my answer might tend to incriminate me. You have no right to pry into my personal life even if you’re my son. ”

  “I have every right. You neglected me, you robbed me of a normal childhood. You sent me away. You were never a mother! You’re guilty as hell. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I recommend you find the defendant guilty. Judge, what do you have to say?”

  “I say she was never a wife to me. I say she married me for my money. didn’t know she changed her name. I did love her. Once. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I second Mr. Landers’s recommendation that you find the defendant guilty as charged. ”

  Justine screamed as Jasper read his instructions to the jury. She was still berating her son and husband as the jury filed out of the room. She deflated when Marjory winked at her.

  In the hallway, waiting for the jury to return, Justine felt like a pariah as she smoked one cigarette after the other. Unable to stand the loneliness a moment longer, she marched over to where Ross and Jasper were standing. “What about me? ” she asked quietly. “All you had to do was talk to me, Jasper. All I wanted was to be treated like a person, like I was worth something. You did pick me off the streets, and you never let me forget it. You were just as ashamed of me as I was of my family. And as for you, Ross, I didn’t want you to grow up to be like your father. Or me. I wanted you to be your own person, and you succeeded. I know I did it all wrong, and if I had to do it over again, I might do things differently. I’m not sure, though, maybe I wouldn’t. Everyone makes mistakes. I certainly made more than my share, as you did, as your father did. Marjory seems to be the only one who’s come out of this intact. Marjory understands me because she’s been through all this too. You can’t break her, Ross. She’ll never marry you again. I can see it in her eyes.

  “I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what you think of me. I don’t care what anyone thinks. You can have all this. It was a means to an end, and now it’s ended. You used me, I used you. We all use one another, feed off each other’s insecurities, and then we moan and groan when things don’t work out right. Each of us has to take responsibility for our actions. I’m taking mine, you both do whatever you have to do. ”

  “The jury’s in, Judge, ” the bailiff called from the doorway.

  “This isn’t a real court, ” Justine said to Ross. “You aren’t permitted to discuss this with the judge. I could have you disbarred for such actions. ”

  “Then do it, Mother. Stand up to hear your sentence. ”

  “We, the jury, find the defendant Ethel Pullet aka Justine Connors Landers. . .”

  “I don’t want to hear your damn verdict!” Justine whimpered as she tried to extricate herself from the blanket she was wrapped in.

  Tears rolled down Justine’s cheeks. It was a dream. A very bad dream.

  Christmas Day.

  She got up stiffly, her joints stiff and achy. She turned the thermostat up to eighty-five degrees and wondered why she hadn’t adjusted it the night before instead of shivering all night long. “Because I’m stupid, that’s why,” she muttered on the way to the bathroom to draw a bath.

  Shortly before noon Justine snapped the lock on her small overnight case and walked out to the hall, where she stood at the railing looking down into the massive entryway and into the richly decorated living room. She saw Jasper approaching out of the corner of her eye.

  “There should be a Christmas tree down there somewhere,” Justine said quietly. “One of us should put one up. Merry Christmas, Jasper,” she said, starting down the staircase.

  “Are you going away?” Jasper asked curiously.

  “I’ve been invited out for Christmas dinner.” She stopped midway down the steps and turned to face her husband. “I think this is the first real invitation I’ve had in close to twenty years. Will you be staying home or going out? Are you going to file for a divorce, Jasper? The reason I’m asking is, if you don’t do it, I intend to. Will you be seeing Ross today?”

  “I’ll be home today. Christmas to me is much like any other day. I hadn’t thought too much about a divorce, but you’re right, one of us should file. I invited Ross for dinner. He invited me to his house. We finally settled on his coming here. Where are you going?”

  “To Marjory’s house in Chestnut Hill. She asked me to spend the night. This is just a guess on my part, but I think the child is looking for a mother image. I’m the first to admit I’m a very poor choice, but sometimes one gets a second chance at things. Whatever her reasons, I plan to enjoy myself. I just hope I remember how to do that,” Justine muttered. “I didn’t buy you a present, Jasper. There didn’t seem to be much point.”

  “I didn’t buy you one either. As you said, there didn’t seem to be much point. Tell Jory I wish her a Merry Christmas.”

  “Coming from me it’s secondhand. It will mean more if you do it yourself.”

  “Perhaps you’re right. I envy you, you know.”

  Justine stopped on the bottom step. Startled at his words, she turned around. “You envy me. For heaven’s sake, why?”

  “It’s not important. Enjoy your day.”

  “Jasper, what happened to Helen?”

  “Nothing happened to Helen. She’s alive and well. I . . . how do I say this . . . ? I gave her up when you threatened me. I couldn’t risk you harming her or her husband. I wish I could say I gave her up for love, but I didn’t. We were in a comfortable relationship that wasn’t ever going to go anywhere. You brought it to a head. I think it was a mean, underhanded thing for you to do.”

  “Jasper, you’re going to find this impossible to believe, but Matthew Halvorsen is a sick man. By sick I mean he likes young children. Very young girls. There was a time when he wasn’t fussy and included very young boys in his little inner circle. Didn’t you ever question why Helen never had children? I can prove this, Jasper. Three sources of documentation and signed affidavits. Helen knows, has always known. He doesn’t deserve to sit on the bench. In my own way I did you a favor. You certainly don’t want to be part of that scandal. You are, after all, a Landers,” Justine said bitterly.

  “Are you going to print that story?” Jasper asked.

  “No, I’m not,” Justine replied. “I got wind of it from one of my reporters who got it from a source close to the big man at Confidential. They’re going to print it. As I said, I did you a favor. Don’t rush to thank me, Jasper, I couldn’t handle it today.”

  “I don’t believe you,” Jasper sputtered.

  Justine slipped into her coat. “Yes, you do. If there’s one thing I’m not, Jasper, it’s a liar, and we both know it.”

  Jasper was still sputtering. “I remember a time or two when you told a few lies.”

  “Ah, well, Jasper, we
all pay for our mistakes one way or another.” She had her hat and gloves on and was searching for her car keys when she remembered putting them on the kitchen counter when she got home.

  “I put them on the table,” Jasper said, pointing to the table in the foyer. “Justine, I don’t like to ask this of you, but will you do me a favor?”

  “It depends on what it is, Jasper,” Justine said coolly.

  “I have all these presents I was going to take out to Jory’s. Some are for the dogs, most of them for Jory, and there are a few for Woo. Will you take them out to the house? People should have their presents on Christmas.”

  “Yes, I’ll take them. My car is in the back. Where are the presents?”

  “In my car. It’s parked in the back too. I’ll transfer them.”

  Outside, Justine’s eyes widened when she saw the gifts. “My goodness, Jasper, did you buy out the store?” she asked in amazement.

  Jasper shuffled his feet. “It’s supposed to be better to give than to receive,” he muttered.

  Justine smiled. “Yes, I’ve heard that.” Her eyes turned misty.

  “It’s supposed to snow this evening. Not a lot, but the roads might be slick in the morning, so be careful. I didn’t see any chains in your car. Do you want a set?”

  “That might be a good idea. However, I don’t have the faintest idea how to go about putting them on, so what good will they do? Thanks for the offer, though.”

  Jasper shrugged. “Justine, were you telling me the truth in the house about Matthew Halvorsen?”

  “I swear to you, Jasper, on the life of our son. You might want to warn Helen that someone else might print the story. She deserves to know. I’m sorry, Jasper, I really am. Enjoy dinner with Ross.”

  Jasper stood in the driveway watching Justine’s car until she was out of sight. They’d actually talked, and looked one another in the eye. Her eyes had misted, and been bare of the heavy makeup she usually wore. He wondered why she wasn’t wearing any. She’d been wearing a cloth coat instead of her luxurious mink. She looked plain, almost dowdy. He wondered about that too.

  Jasper was in the kitchen when he remembered Justine’s declaration that she was going to file for divorce. If he didn’t do it first. Obviously that was something he was going to have to discuss with Ross. After dinner. After they opened the presents they bought for one another. Damn, he should have gotten a tree. Frantically, he looked around.

  “Rosa!” he called. When she came, he said, “Where’s your husband? I want to cut that tree down in the backyard and put it up in the living room. Where are our tree decorations? Do we have any? Find them, please! I want that tree up before Ross gets here!”

  “It’s picture-perfect, just like in the family magazines,” Justine said quietly, her eyes on the huge, fragrant tree. “You bought into the whole thing, didn’t you?”

  There was no point in pretending not to understand what Justine was saying, Jory thought. “Yes, it works for me. It didn’t when I was growing up. I thought it would when I married Ross, but it wasn’t right. For me, now, at this point in my life, it works nicely. I hope it never changes for me. I’m contented, and at times I’m happy. I don’t believe there’s such a thing as total happiness or being happy all the time. If you stop and really think about it, it simply isn’t possible. Happiness as we know it are those little bits of time we’re granted from time to time when things seem perfect.”

  “Today was very nice,” Justine said. “I can hardly believe it’s eight o’clock. I can’t ever remember not being aware of the time. I’m always looking at my watch expecting something to happen. Dinner was wonderful. You’re a very good cook. I could have done without the dish-washing part, but I did my share.” Justine chuckled.

  Jory smiled. “Yes, you did. You seemed surprised that the dogs liked you. Were you afraid of them?”

  Justine lit a cigarette and blew a perfect smoke ring. “I was afraid of their reaction to me. Not physically afraid of them. Supposedly, dogs are very good judges of character. We did a piece on a starlet who owned several dogs about eight months ago, and she said she never allows anyone into her home that the dogs don’t like. I know that sounds kind of bizarre, but for some reason I believe it. Not too many people like me, my husband and son included, but then I guess you already know that.”

  Jory interrupted the older woman. “Is this the part where you confide in me and then I confide in you?”

  “Good Lord, no. I merely stated a fact. One I’ve accepted. I used to be amused when Ross called me—to my face, mind you—the ‘Dragon Lady.’ ” She was so busy fondling the dogs’ ears, she didn’t see Jory’s smile.

  “I do have a favor to ask of you,” Justine said. “I won’t be offended if you think it’s something you don’t want to do. I’ll be leaving after the first of the year. From time to time I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know how Ross and Jasper are doing. The last issue of TIF is ready to go. All I have to do is clear up my files, store them, and be on my way. I do have a few legal matters to take care of, but I’ll be doing that in New York. I have a feeling we’ll be talking to one another on a daily basis once you start up operations.”

  “I would be comfortable doing that, Justine. Are you sure you’re going to be happy being away from here? Are you ever coming back?”

  “I thought you said there was no such thing as real happiness.” She smiled wryly. “No, I don’t think I’ll come back. There’s nothing left for me here. I did what I set out to do. I admit, it’s my loss, and I’ll have to live with it. Jasper finally turned himself into the man I thought he was when I married him. Ross is steady on his feet. He’ll never forgive me. He’s a lot like you, Jory. Of course you don’t see that now. Revenge is not sweet, take my word for it.”

  “Justine, I did not say there was no such thing as real happiness. You understood what I meant. Aren’t you going to . . . to tell Ross and Jasper you’re leaving? You’re just going to let them find out . . . however they find out?” Jory said, grappling for words.

  “Exactly. I can’t change my stripes now. I was thinking about you on the ride out here. I thought up a name for the magazine. It’s not going to be as hard as you might think. It’s all there for you, Marjory. Hire good writers. Don’t be afraid to pay for the best. Go slick, the best paper money can buy, write about things that are happening now. Be bright and innovative with it, as you young people say. Go out there and print what the other magazines are afraid to tackle. But for God’s sake do it in good taste. Don’t do it low-down and dirty the way I did it. Develop your own style. Slick and sophisticated is the way to go. I have a whole file on advertisers you’re free to use. You’ll have to do some selling. Of yourself. You have the guts. I saw those guts the day you came to the office. You never should have backed down. You should have booted my ass out on the street. You’ll have to get tough, but not as tough as me,” Justine said sourly.

  Jory laughed. “I have fifty-three thousand to add to the kitty. I wouldn’t have that if it wasn’t for Ross. And a few thousand more left to me by my father, but I’ve been dipping into it.”

  “I’m lending you the money at regular commercial business rates. Perfectly legal. The year’s rent I owe you will be factored into the payback. I owe it; I’ll pay it. At first I wasn’t going to, but I never stiffed a creditor in my life. Using Jasper’s money, of course. No one need know, Marjory. If you decide to do it, there’s one last piece of advice I want to give you, and that is, change with the times, don’t be afraid. Don’t lock into any method no matter how successful it seems. Stretch, reach out and do it. For yourself. Not for me. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone but yourself.”

  “Why, Justine, why me?” Jory asked suspiciously.

  “I like your suspicion. That’s very good. Let’s just say I’m doing it for . . . Ethel Pullet.”

  “Who’s Ethel Pullet?”

  “Ethel Pullet is . . . someone I used to know. She had dreams and aspirations. She probably would have
been a nice person if other people had stopped to get to know her, helped her a little, been just a little kinder,” Justine said sadly.

  “Did she die?”

  “Yes, Ethel Pullet is dead. It’s definite, you’re going to do it, right?”

  “I’m thinking. What’s the name you came up with? I have to admit, I’ve been thinking about it a lot since that day in your office.”

  “ ‘Serendipity.’ It means, oh, it means a lot of things, like finding agreeable or valuable things not sought for. You can make it work for you. I love the name. Picture it on a magazine cover, bold dark script. Write it out on a piece of paper. It will look lovely. Women will adore it.”

  “I’ll do my best. I made up my mind that day in your office.”

  “I know. I wanted to make bushels of money. And I did. I’m too old for that type of magazine publishing now. TIF in the old days was boring. The new TIF was so loud and sleazy it would never put you to sleep. It was all my doing, Marjory. I have no one to blame anything on, but myself.” She laughed then, a light, trilling sound that tore at Jory’s heart.

  “Let’s go for a walk,” Jory said, getting up to add another log to the fire.

  “I’m game if you are,” Justine said, struggling up from the sofa. “Oh, look, it’s snowing.”

  “A white Christmas. Well, sort of white, but it’s sticking to the ground. The dogs like snow. Jasper got them sweaters last year.”

  Justine doubled over laughing. “Marjory, have you ever heard the expression, too much, too little, too late?”

  Jory busted out laughing. “It’s my personal favorite. I say it to your son every time I see him.”

  “He doesn’t hear it, does he?”