Which was why he was here, at the batting cages, instead of broaching the subject of Thanksgiving with her.
The bat connected with the ball with a satisfying crack. Over and over, he hit ball after ball until his arms were shaking and sweat poured down his back.
Taking a break, he sat down and chugged some water while he debated going home to Haven or saying fuck it and heading to Greenville to his own damn house where he could do whatever the hell he wanted.
“Up for another round?” his brother, Luke, asked as he walked in the cage.
“Not really. I’ll watch you.”
“That’s right. Learn from the master.” The thing was, his brother was a master. He’d been the one to get Heath into playing ball. Their dad, a farmer his entire life, had never been into sports participation, only watching from the sidelines or his recliner every Sunday evening.
It was with Luke’s encouragement that he attempted to get a scholarship to go to college. Heath honestly felt like he owed his entire career to his brother.
“Does the master have advice when it comes to wives?”
“Don’t have more than one at a time.”
“Funny.” Heath took another long pull of water. “How about just one wife?”
Luke paused the ball machine. “Don’t fuck up with yours like I did mine.”
“Could you be more specific?”
“Soon as you are.”
Heath exhaled. “I can’t get close to Haven. No matter what I do, no matter how much time I spend with her—or attempt to spend with her—she wants no part of me. She won’t even come to Mom and Dad’s for Sunday dinner.”
“We are loud, so I really can’t blame her there.” Luke propped his foot up on the bench beside Heath’s chair. “As for the other, have you tried just talking to her?”
“Hard to talk to a woman who won’t respond.”
“Have you tried sharing things with her, besides the obvious?”
Heath shook his head, spinning the bat. “No.”
“It couldn’t hurt to try. Women like it when men are vulnerable.”
“So they can make us feel better?” Heath asked, ending with a grunt.
Luke laughed. “You have it so bad, little brother.”
He jerked his head up. “Have what so bad?”
“Are you really that—never mind.” Luke sat down beside him. “Go home to your wife, apologize for whatever you’ve done to hurt her, and then keep on apologizing until she either yells at you, or kisses you.”
Why not? Heath thought. Carter’s advice wasn’t working. His own change in plans wasn’t working. Luke’s words of wisdom couldn’t make anything worse.
*
Haven dropped her pen on the floor. It rolled under her desk and Gotham started searching for it, resting on her belly and using a paw to bat at everything that could possibly be living with the dust bunnies.
The front door opened and shut, and she braced herself for yet another invitation to a family dinner that she would have to turn down. Each time was getting harder and harder. She wanted to give in to him.
“Hey you,” he said and she slowly turned around.
Heath stepped inside her office, looking like a Men’s Health Magazine cover in his dark jeans and black, long-sleeved, formfitting Henley t-shirt. His light brown hair was carelessly arranged, as if the wind had gotten to it, while his cheeks were slightly reddened from the cold air.
“Hi.”
He glanced around the room and then returned his gaze to her. “I’m sorry.”
She blinked. “You’re what?”
“I’m sorry for hurting you. For being inconsiderate of your feelings, and not taking them into consideration. That was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
She burst out laughing, but the sound was shallow, even to her ears. But it was a million times better than allowing him to see her cry again.
He made a face. “That’s not what I expected to happen.”
“That’s the strangest apology I’ve ever been given in my life. Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?”
“Hurting you,” he said firmly, then he shook his head. “No. I don’t know how I hurt you, but it’s the only fucking reason that makes sense.”
“Reason for what?” she asked, half afraid of his answer.
He took a step forward. “That you’re bound and determined to not give us a chance.”
For some reason, his admission softened her a little. Okay, so it softened her a lot. “It’s not easy for me, okay?”
Taking her in his arms, he led her to an overstuffed chair and sat down, pulling her into his lap. “It’s not easy for me either. I’ve never been married before.”
“But you wouldn’t have married me unless I asked you,” she said in a small voice.
“Is that what’s bothering you?”
It was and it wasn’t. It was part of the reason behind why they would have never married without this kind of unexpected circumstances pushing them together. And he was her best friend’s ex-boyfriend.
She knew he still loved with Bella, and if the opportunity arose again, he would attempt to reconcile their relationship, which would leave Haven in the cold with nothing but her years of unrequited love and memories of their time together.
But to reveal all that… to admit that her feelings for him in high school still affected her today? She would look foolish. Worse, she would be foolish because she hadn’t moved on.
“Haven, remember my promise… I would never betray you. Trust me to listen and understand,” he said.
She searched his face, trying to reconcile the boy she knew in high school with the man he had become. The two weren’t that different, but the man he’d become was someone she felt like she could be honest with. Or, at least partially honest.
Taking a deep breath, she nodded. “We really wouldn’t be together if I hadn’t asked you to marry me, and you know it.”
“Ah, sweetness.” He kissed her, his hand sliding up the inside of her shirt to rest just under her left breast. “That’s all you had to say.”
“You don’t think that’s silly?”
He shook his head, his fingers caressing her skin and making zings of desire race through her. “Not at all. That’s so reasonable, it’s embarrassing that I didn’t pick up on that.”
“I’m embarrassed,” she admitted, her face flushing.
“Don’t be. Maybe we would have never acted on any kind of… attraction we had for one another, then again, maybe we would have. Only we can’t dwell on that.” Finally, he cupped her breast, massaging her. With a tiny moan, she arched her back. “We can only focus on the here and now.”
“Hard to focus on anything when you touch me.”
He smiled, wicked and full of promise. “Guess I’ll have to use that to our advantage.”
“Our advantage?”
“Let me show you.”
*
Water ran over her body, while steam rose to the ceiling of the bathroom.
“Now, do you understand what I meant by our advantage?” he asked, licking the tops of her breasts.
She moaned at the overwhelming sensations that spread out from her center. Heath was firmly inside of her, rocking his hips so slowly that she was mindless.
“Do you?” he asked again.
“Yes, damn you. Yes.”
He laughed low in his throat.
She clawed at his back, but that just encouraged him to go slower. His big hands palmed her bottom, keeping her firmly in place.
Every thrust was measured, a firm but gentle glide that made her gasp in pleasure. The tiled wall was cool against her back, a contrast that made her even more aware of the hot friction between them.
“This is a repeat of our honeymoon,” she said as he kissed the side of her neck.
“Our honeymoon never stopped.” He lifted his head, his blue eyes bright with desire. “Admit you like this.”
“I told you I like orgasms.”
H
e gave her a look, his hips still moving, his erection still hard and deep inside of her. “You love the ones I give you, and you love the lead up to them.”
“Physical pleasure can be—” His twisted his hips, somehow going deeper and making her eyes almost cross. “A distraction for… stuff you need to do stuff with.” She wasn’t making any sense.
“Am I distracting you, baby?” He gently kissed her lips and began to pull out of her. “I’ll let you get back to—”
“No.” She wrapped her arms and legs more tightly around him, forcing him back into place and undulating her hips.
He muttered a curse, and this time, she was the one to smile. “Am I distracting you, baby?”
“Hell, yes you are.” He ground against her, his thrusts coming faster and harder. “You can distract me any fucking time you want.”
Her climax hit her moments later, hard and overwhelming. She couldn’t contain the cries of his name, or stop clinging to him like she never wanted him to leave.
Shuddering, he joined her, groaning her name. “Son of a bitch.” He pulled out suddenly and punched the wall behind her.
Bewildered, she asked, “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Dumb to ask maybe, but strange things had happened. “Did you fracture your penis?” Oh God. Now she sounded certifiably dumb. She placed her hands on his chest, running them up and down, like she was checking for cracks.
But she knew the truth. If anyone or anything had cracked, it was her defenses.
He laughed, but there was no humor behind it. “We forgot again,” he bit out, his forehead coming to rest on hers as his orgasm continued to roll over him. His body shook, his heart beating so hard and fast under her palm that she could feel it. “Shit.”
They’d been careless a lot in the past few weeks, at least three times, and that was three too many. “Are you—do you usually—? Because you’re the only one I’ve ever had unprotected sex with.”
“Just once, but it was ten years ago. I was young and stupid.”
“With Bella?” She winced. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.” Why did she have to open her big mouth?
He physically pulled away from her and began to rinse off. “We have two choices—condoms or you can get on the pill.”
A coolness invaded the space between them, displacing all the warmth that had not only built up in the room, but inside of her soul as well.
“Or we could forego sex altogether.”
His hard gaze pinned her to the wall. “If that’s what you want.”
It wasn’t what she wanted. “I want you to get out.”
“Not leaving you.”
Tears pricked hard at the backs of her eyes. “I meant the shower.”
He scrubbed a hand across his face. “I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you. I’m bad at this, all right. I’ve never been with someone like you before.”
“Someone with a brain?” she snapped, but her heart wasn’t in it, mostly because it was breaking.
“I happen to think your brain is one of the sexiest things about you.” Grabbing the soap, he lathered up his hands and began to wash her. She was so stunned by his words that she could only stand there, like a mannequin in the display of a department store.
His hands glided up her neck to cup her face. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “There’s… We haven’t even talked about kids, and I’m pissed that I keep putting you in a position where it could be an issue.”
“I’ve—I don’t know if I want children.”
A thumb slid across her cheek. “Because you never planned on getting married?”
She nodded in answer.
Letting go of her, he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, then waited for her to do the same. He handed her a towel and dried himself off, before wrapping it around his waist and heading to the bedroom.
After drying off and putting on a pair of pajama shorts and a white tank top with a flowers and skull design in the center, she moved to the bedroom.
Heath lay on one side of the bed, staring at the ceiling with his arms folded behind his head. His nude body was a sight to behold every time she got a glimpse of him, and he wasn’t shy at all about it. He was a man comfortable in his own skin, yet at this moment, he seemed to struggle.
“There’s something you should know.” He visibly swallowed.
“You don’t want kids,” she ventured, her stupid heart sinking. How could she be remotely disappointed? Her marriage to him would be over soon, no matter how hard he chased her.
“No, I—I—” His jaw hardened. “I got Bella pregnant our junior year of high school.”
Chapter Fourteen
‡
It felt as though the floor had dropped beneath her. Only minutes ago, they had been intimately tangled up in one another, and now… She swallowed a whimper—they couldn’t be further apart.
“We… ah… we didn’t tell anyone about the baby.” He rubbed his ear, still not looking at her. “But I had plans. I’d get a job working nights at the pulp mill over in Cedar Rapids and rent the apartment over my brother’s garage. Give up my baseball scholarship… I wasn’t happy about it, but I loved Bella. I loved the thought of us being a family.”
“I thought Bella was a—she’s the preacher’s daughter, and she wanted to wait until marriage.” She wanted to ask about the baby—his child with another woman, her best friend—but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
“That was her plan, but I convinced her otherwise.”
Haven could only imagine how persuasive Heath could have been. Hadn’t she succumbed to him?
“Besides, I planned on marrying her. I’d never been with another girl but her. I know you thought I was this big player who was never good enough for your best friend, but that wasn’t the case.”
She bit down her bottom lip hard, hating his confession.
His head turned slightly, his smile wistful. “Yeah, I wasn’t good enough for someone as perfect as her, but I wasn’t a player. The first time I saw Bella, I knew she was the one for me.
“After she lost the baby and then broke up with me… I tried to apologize. I tried to make things right, but she wasn’t having it.”
“She lost the baby?”
“Yep. You can blame that on me, too, sweetheart. We were riding my four-wheeler, and I wasn’t careful enough. It flipped somehow, and she got hurt. Then she just started hemorrhaging. I couldn’t stop the bleeding. So much blood.”
“It was an accident, Heath. You didn’t make her lose the baby on purpose.” She couldn’t imagine how the two of them felt, only teenagers and dealing with very grown-up problems. Dealing with the death of a baby who was wanted. “It’s not your fault.”
“I know,” he said softly. “But it doesn’t change what happened.”
It hit her then, the numbers tattooed on his back that were unaccounted for. “The rest of the tattoo is for the baby.”
“Yes.” A tear ran down his cheek. “It was the only thing I could do to remember it by.”
She wanted to go to Heath then, wanted to take him in her arms and comfort him. “Have you… does anyone else know?”
This time, his blue eyes caught hers. “You’re the only person I’ve ever told.”
“Why are you telling me?”
“Because I want you to know where I’m coming from. I didn’t want you to assume that there was something wrong with you,” he said softly. “I got enough guilt inside of me.”
“Is that why she left?”
“Yeah, I guess you could say that was my fault, too.” He laughed bitterly. “Actually, you did say that.”
Shaking her head, she tried to deny it, but she couldn’t. Right after Bella had broken the news to her and Daisy, she’d found Heath and gone off on him, assuming he’d cheated on her best friend with some tart he’d met while touring the campus of East Carolina University.
“Oh, but you did and that’s okay. She was your friend, and you thought I’d hurt her. That’s how y
our heart works, even if you don’t want to admit it. You defend and fight for the ones you love,” he said.
How could he praise her and talk about loving Bella in the same breath? “But I didn’t know the whole story.”
“No one did.” He exhaled and maneuvered around in bed until the covers were over him. “Look, I’m exhausted. Can we talk more tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
Gazing into her eyes, he slid the quilt to one side. “Sleep with me, Haven. I don’t want to be alone.”
She didn’t have any other choice; it was her bed, after all.
But hours later, when she woke up to his mouth on her breasts and his fingers sliding inside of her, she clutched his head and chanted, “Yes, yes, yes.”
His eyes glittered in the moonlit room. “I want you again.”
Rolling to one side, she plucked a condom from the top drawer of her bedside table. “Here.”
He took it from her, lifted it to his mouth and ripped the foil open with his teeth. Her hands went to his cock, helping him smooth the condom down.
A rumbling moan left his mouth. He whispered her name.
One arm came around her, fitting her to him as he thrust deep. She jolted at the erotic invasion, spreading her thighs as wide as she could go until the lower half of his body pinned her to the bed. He moved with purpose, as if this would be the last time they would be together.
The firm set of his jaw matched his intensity.
He pushed and pushed her to the brink, then stopped to pull her back. His strokes were maddeningly slow. Her breasts rubbed against his chest, the light dusting of hair teasing her nipples into hard points.
“Like that?”
“Do you?”
His answer was to grab her wrists and pin them to the bed with one hand. “Answer me.”
“You first.”
“It’s not a contest, Haven.”
But she would always come in second place. “You can feel how much I like it,” she said. Her body was taut, ready to come, but he had total control over her. She didn’t know if she loved it, or hated him. It felt like he was trying to prove something to himself.
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