Regrets Only (Sequel to The Marriage Pact)

by Pullen, M. J.

  “Why don’t you just come up in the morning?” she said after a moment. “This place can be hard to find at night and I have everything pretty much under control. Kate’s been a breeze.” She was sorry for Kate’s turmoil, but in a way it was easier working for someone who had more on her mind than whether the flowers looked wilted or a bridesmaid had gained two pounds.

  “You sure?” he asked, tentatively. “I think my GPS will get me there.”

  “That’s okay,” she said. “Get some good sleep and I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Suzanne tried to ignore the relieved feeling that accompanied her disappointment. Even though they’d had several dates in the past three weeks, this would have been their first night in a bed together, which made her feel oddly nervous. Not only were they moving at a snail’s pace compared with her usual dating pattern, but it was particularly strange because they had slept together many times during their previous relationship a decade before. Still, she was content to push their night together in the tiny guesthouse back one night.

  “I’ll be there bright and early, then,” he said. “Gotta run, okay?”

  The phone clicked and Suzanne rested her head on the steering wheel for a moment, inhaling deeply. Her heart pounded inexplicably. She took several deep breaths and willed her body to be still. Even though she knew Gunnar and Penny were safely in jail, she still occasionally had to fight off the feeling that someone was behind her, watching. Waiting.

  #

  The rehearsal dinner was at a steakhouse overlooking Gatlinburg, about twenty minutes from the cabin. The owners were longtime friends of the Burkes and would be attending the wedding the next night; the dinner was their wedding gift. For Suzanne this meant no shopping around, no price negotiations, no obsessing whether the gratuity was included in the budget, no fighting with the restaurant staff to make sure they had use of the banquet room at the right time. She sat at the end of the table and watched things unfold, reminding the wait staff about a few food allergies and preferences, cueing the parents when it was time for them to make toasts. Other than that, she had only to eat and take a few pictures.

  After the other toasts were long over, when the guests were finishing dessert and patting their bellies demonstratively, Jeff stood and tapped a water glass to get everyone’s attention. He and Kate had stayed holed up together in their room from the moment Suzanne had dropped him off earlier that day, until it was time to leave for the restaurant. Suzanne could see they’d gone a long way to solving whatever problems they had. They both glowed rosily tonight, and she noticed that Jeff kept Kate’s hand in his, even as he stood to address the guests.

  “Kate and I want to thank y’all for coming tonight. Thanks to Mike and Mary for the best steak dinner I’ve ever had, and for being such good friends to this family I’m marrying into. I’m honored to be here with you all, and honored that the most amazing woman I’ve ever met agreed to be my wife. If any of y’all are planning to question her about her judgment, I just ask that you do it after the ceremony tomorrow night.”

  A mild chuckle passed around the room. Someone, Suzanne thought maybe it was Amber, made a high-pitched “woo-hoo” sound that was at least celebratory, if not entirely appropriate. Jeff raised his glass in the direction of the disruption and went on. “I want to thank both our parents for being here and for their kind words tonight. For my parents, I want to say how much I appreciate your love and support over the years. I hope that will continue, no matter what the future brings.”

  Suzanne saw him squeeze Kate’s hand. Ahh. “And to Kate’s parents, and my best friend—my brother—Dylan, thank you for trusting me with this precious girl. I promise to take care of her and our little family in a way that will make you proud. And, I know it might not be the right time for this, but after today I realize timing is almost never perfect in life. So I’d like to make an announcement.”

  The last few whispered conversations died out to give the groom their full attention. If he was nervous, it didn’t show. Jeff grinned from ear to ear. “Kate and I are very excited to tell you that we’re expecting our first child in early January. So this weekend is just making official something Kate and I have known for weeks—that we’re already a partnership, well on our way to becoming a family.”

  A collective gasp at the initial announcement turned into scattered applause and happy chatter around the table. Jeff bent to kiss an ecstatic-looking—and deeply blushing—Kate, before they began accepting congratulatory remarks from those around them. Suzanne noticed that Jeff’s parents looked shocked but not necessarily angry (at least, not yet), and more important she noticed that he was not even looking at them to gauge their response. Jeff could only see Kate. Suzanne wiped away tears, and soon Dylan was standing behind her.

  “How long have you known?” he asked, putting both hands on her shoulders. It could have been an intimate gesture, a friendly gesture, or a preparation to strangle her.

  “Known what?” she said, feigning innocence. Dylan squeezed her collarbones slightly and she relented. “I guessed it a month ago, when we were up here before.”

  “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” he said.

  It had never occurred to her to share Kate’s secret with anyone, even Dylan. But now that he said it, she realized it was a little strange that she’d kept it from him, considering how much they had talked about everything else. “It wasn’t mine to share,” she said honestly.

  He didn’t seem angry, though, and he let his hands linger on her shoulders as he watched his younger sister across the room. “They’re going to be okay, aren’t they?” he said.

  Suzanne looked at Kate and Jeff, hands linked, now talking excitedly to Carla and Guillermo, who had three children themselves. “I think so,” Suzanne said. “I certainly think they have as good a chance as anyone.”

  The party was breaking away from the table as people gathered their things and began the long process of chatting their way out. Some would return to the mountain house and continue the celebration there. Kate and her sisters, and a few of her close girlfriends, were staying in a hotel in Gatlinburg for the night. Suzanne would stay to pick up stray gifts, cards, sweaters, and sunglasses left behind and deliver them to the house later.

  Dylan moved himself to the chair next to her, still watching the bride and groom. “I thought Kate said you were bringing a date tonight?” he asked. His voice sounded artificially casual.

  “William had to work late,” Suzanne said. “He’ll be up in the morning.”

  “Oh,” he said. She waited for him to go on but he didn’t.

  Might as well rip the bandage off. “And you’re here alone? Misty didn’t—”

  She was surprised at how the name caught in her throat, bringing back fresh pain from the last time she’d seen Misty, that horrible day in her apartment.

  “No,” Dylan said firmly. “That’s over.”

  Suzanne was happy to hear it, though she told herself she had no right to an opinion on the subject. Still, she detested that girl, and even as a friend, she thought Dylan could do better. She was not sure what to say, so they sat in silence for a minute or two, both watching Kate and Jeff make the rounds of the room. When one of the waiters approached with a question for Suzanne, Dylan patted her knee, stood and quietly faded into a little throng of friends and family.

  #

  Later, when everyone had been piled into cars, limos, and taxis bound for the various destinations, and Suzanne had done three sweeps of the banquet room to make sure she had gathered all the lost things, plus half of an enormous cake, she stepped out into the cool evening to drive herself back to the house. She was exhausted. The quaint little bed in the guesthouse, with its homemade quilt and the window above opened just a bit, sounded like heaven right now. Once again, she was grateful to Kate for being so low maintenance, that Suzanne did not have some ridiculous task to do tonight, like putting personalized stickers on tiny bottles of bubbles.

  As she got close to
her car, her heart lurched. A man was leaning against it, silhouetted by a street lamp behind him so that she could not see his face. She froze. It was too late to turn around and run back to the restaurant. Certainly at this distance he could catch her easily, and the front doors were locked. She had been the last patron to leave, and the staff was all busy cleaning up to go home. She had her keys in her hand like always, but her phone was at the bottom of her low-slung purse underneath everything else she was carrying. Her heart pounded as she struggled to breathe and tried to make a decision about what to do.

  “Scarlett? You okay?” It took a minute for her to process the voice and the nickname, and for her terrified brain to put together that these things added up to Dylan. He stepped closer into the light, so she could see his face. Relief washed over her and tears of panic streamed down her face.

  “Hey…oh my God, what’s wrong?” he said. Her heart was still racing, but she managed to wipe her tears on her sleeve as he approached to take the cake box from her arms and put it on the roof of her car. “Darlin’, what’s wrong?”

  She shook her head to clear it. “Nothing, nothing’s wrong. I thought you left with Jeff a while ago, and when I came out, I couldn’t see your face and I thought…” She couldn’t finish.

  “Oh, God. After everything you’ve been through I go and scare the shit out of you again.”

  “No, it’s fine. I’m just embarrassed. I thought I was past it.”

  He hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead. “Of course you’re not past it. It’s been less than a month. Cut yourself a break. I am just sorry as hell I scared you. That wasn’t my intention.”

  She managed a few deep breaths and began to feel better. Her heart was slowing now. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

  He released her from his embrace and helped her get the cake and other items into the car. When she closed the trunk, she turned to him. “I thought you’d be with Jeff tonight? Aren’t the guys doing something…manly?”

  Dylan laughed. “Yeah, I guess so. They’re down at Gatty Freight playing pool and drinking beer. I’m supposed to be with them.”

  “Surely you’re not bailing on your future brother-in-law’s last night as a free man?” she asked. She was beginning to feel better, more centered.

  “No, I’m going. Someone’s gotta keep an eye on those idiots. But I was hoping maybe you’d give me a ride?” He looked around the deserted parking lot and gave her a sheepish grin. “Well, actually, I was kind of counting on it. I wanted to talk to you.”

  She nodded and they got in the car. He pointed to indicate directions, and she waited. For a few minutes, he didn’t say anything except “right,” “left” and “it’s about three miles this way.” Finally he said, “Kate says you’ve done a great job with the wedding. I wanted to say thank you.”

  So that’s what this was? Professional courtesy? “You’re welcome. She’s been very easy to work with.”

  “It means a lot to me that you’ve been helping her with this. Kate’s a sensitive kid and I think some people would’ve bullied her into doing more than she wanted, knowing that there was…money around.”

  “I’m happy to help,” Suzanne said. “Kate’s a wonderful girl.”

  More silence. They came over a hill and she saw the sign for Gatty Freight, along with a retired boxcar that sat out front, perhaps fifty yards away. “Is that it?” she asked. Dylan nodded.

  She wondered whether that really was all he wanted—to thank her. But he could’ve done that any number of times: earlier in the evening, tomorrow night at the wedding, on the phone. He looked nervous. “Just park in the back for a minute,” he said, as she pulled in. She did as he said, but left the engine running. No way she was getting sucked into whatever revelry was going on inside.

  “I’ve been wanting to say this for a month,” he said finally. “I owe you an apology. For what happened. For Misty.”

  “No,” she said, shaking her head as she had moments before, trying to keep calm. “You don’t. You saved my life, Dylan. You don’t have to apologize for any part of it.”

  “But the night before, when we kissed—”

  “And then we mutually decided that was a big mistake and that things would never work between us. We were absolutely right.” Her tone was icier than she intended, but she knew that if she wasn’t firm, she might fall apart. She felt vulnerable enough already; she would not fall apart again tonight.

  “I wanted to tell you that what happened with Misty; it was—”

  “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Dylan. We are friends. I owe you my life, and I hope someday I can repay you for that. But we weren’t dating then and we’re not dating now. I’m seeing someone, and you are free to date, or fuck, anyone you’d like.”

  She was surprised to see that he looked wounded. Part of her wanted to scream and cry and tell him how much he’d hurt her. How her chest tightened every time she saw him and the thought of him with Misty—or anyone else—made her physically sick. She wanted to touch his cheek and feel his arms around her and never let go.

  But her outward composure of the past few weeks disguised a fragile lattice-work inside. The events of the spring had revealed that what Suzanne had always believed were her internal pillars of strength were actually elaborate, but fragile, illusions. The attack had not only disrupted her peace of mind, it had shown her the hollow places in her heart. She had spent the last few weeks trying to re-create herself in an existence that felt safe. If she became vulnerable now, it would all fall apart and she would have nothing left. She would not let anyone do that to her. Not even him.

  He stared at her for a moment. “Fine,” he said coldly. “I wanted to apologize to you and I have.”

  “As I said, it’s not necessary.”

  “I heard what you said, Suzanne.” The words were white-hot with angry intensity. She could see him seething in the passenger seat, and for a second she thought he might lash out at her. But he seemed to regain himself. “I have to go. I’ll see you at the wedding. Thanks for the ride.”

  The car door slammed and he walked into the bar without looking back. She forced herself to navigate the dark roads to the mountain house, put the cake away, walk to the guesthouse, and get into her pajamas and under the quilt before she allowed herself to collapse into sobs.

  Chapter 23

  Suzanne had to admit, for as much as she hated planning weddings, she did a nice job putting Kate Burke’s together. Kate and Jeff got married at sunset, on the deck at Dylan’s mountain cabin. The lovely—and pregnant—bride wore a soft, flowing empire-waist dress and a wreath made of wildflowers on the crown of her head. Suzanne had decorated the deck with simple maypoles hung with ribbons that would blow in the breeze, along with Mexican-style white paper banners and, after sunset, large white Christmas lights to light the dance floor.

  Some of Dylan’s friends provided soft bluegrass music, and after the ceremony, Dylan made a touching toast that led into Pat Green serenading a surprised, delighted, and very pink Kate. He then graciously sang the couple through their first dance, which kept the crowd mesmerized until the bluegrass band took over again. They served barbecue provided by a favorite local restaurant and buckets of beer at every turn.

  It was Suzanne’s favorite kind of party, one that focused on the delight and comfort of the guests rather than a show of opulence. The guests were impressed, too, as was William, who had arrived early this morning to help out as promised. Kate looked radiant, of course, and she and Jeff seemed pleased. And married, which was the most important thing. Contrary to Jeff’s fears, there was no family drama resulting from their announcement the night before, and in fact elation seemed to be the overriding emotion, even for his parents. When they left for their honeymoon (as a final wedding gift Dylan had arranged for Jeff to have the first week of the summer tour off), ducking under an arch of sparklers toward a waiting town car, their smiles were genuine and carefree.

  With the happy couple gone, the older gues
ts began to filter out as well, along with Dylan’s parents and their friends, who had reserved a block of rooms at one of the nicer hotels in town. As the reception morphed into a party, Suzanne had very little to do except be available to answer stray questions from the caterers and to direct some of the cleaning staff. She found a spot on the edge of the party, in view of the kitchen, where she and William could sit in folding chairs and observe. She took her shoes off and rubbed her feet. After a couple of months without work, she had grown unaccustomed to marathon evenings in heels.

  Dylan, who had not returned to the house until half an hour before the wedding, and had barely said two words to her since, was holding a bottle of Jack Daniels, dancing with some of Amber and Sherrie’s friends. Suzanne noted, bemused, that some of these friends had not been invited to the wedding itself, but appeared after the bride and groom left, as though they’d emerged from the surrounding forest, drawn by the scent of an open bar. “You okay?” William asked, following her gaze and rubbing her shoulders a little too hard. He had always done that, she remembered.

  “I’m fine,” she said firmly, and added, “I was just thinking I need to make sure the bartender has enough Jack. It could be that someone besides Dylan Burke will want some.”

  “It’s still crazy that you know this guy,” William said. “Oh, I promised Scott at the office I’d get an autograph for his girlfriend.”

  Suzanne sighed audibly. The very last thing she wanted was to ask Dylan for a favor, especially a stupid autograph. William added swiftly, “I mean, if it’s convenient. If not, I’ll just tell him I forgot. You know what, let’s just say I forgot. What were we talking about?”

  She smiled gratefully and patted his arm. “Thanks for all your help today.”

  “No problem,” said William. “I guess now that we’re back together I’ll get lots of practice stringing lights and hanging ribbons.”