Passion

by Silver, Jordan

  Matt had left his blonde headed she devil somewhere per my request; I still had to deal with her ass for some of the shit she’d pulled when lamb and I were on the outs. I’d let a lot of shit slide before but that shit was dead.

  Her calling Josie and telling her my baby was dying so she should make her move that was beyond inhumane, the fact that Matt was the one who relayed that ghastly bit of information spoke volumes.

  It was time to clean house.

  Chapter 29

  Josh

  I watched her as people came in and out all day to see how she was doing, mostly her father’s deputies whom I didn’t know she even knew and wasn’t too sure about, of course I sat next to her throughout these visits, one of her hands always held in mine.

  There were some elderly people from the neighborhood as well and I could tell she was as surprised by the first group as the last, it was good that others showed such care for her, especially at a time like this, I didn’t begrudge that, as long as the men kept their distance.

  She still tired easily so I took her upstairs after a few hours, which made her chuckle for some unknown reason.

  “What’s the joke babes?”

  She sniggered as I pulled the covers up over her legs, it wasn’t exactly freezing, but it wasn’t that warm either, I didn’t want her catching cold along with everything else.

  “You’re so transparent Steele.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m not even a little bit sleepy, but you’re putting me to bed, yeah right.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  I ignored her and got one of her dog eared classics and started reading at the page she’d left marked.

  The girl who hadn’t been sleepy was out in minutes. Uh huh.

  I had no intentions on leaving her side, but then her father came to the door and silently beckoned me to come out.

  I left my place on her bed, easing my arm from under her head so as not to jar her awake, and followed him out the door.

  I left it cracked a little just in case she woke up and needed me, before turning to him.

  With a chin lift I asked him wordlessly what was on his mind.

  “What did you say to Paula in the hospital son? I need to know because she’s downstairs again and I still don’t know what the hell is going on, I need to know if I should be worried about my kid.”

  “No, no one has to worry about Carrie; I’ve got her covered.....”

  “Boy....”

  “Captain, she’s mine.....”

  “A few days ago you didn’t want to know her.”

  “A few days ago I was pissed because your daughter and I were in a different place, I was as much to blame for what happened as she was, but that’s over, I’ll ask you to forget that little blip in judgment and instead remember the two of us the way we were before......”

  “I can’t watch her go through this again Joshua.....”

  “It’ll never happen, not by me, not by anyone, the same cold bastard that stood in front of you in my father’s study, that’s who’s telling you this; no one will ever hurt her again not if I can help it.”

  “She’s not as tough as I thought, to let herself come to this......”

  “She’s strong Captain, don’t doubt that, we just happen to be each other’s weakness, make no mistake, she’s bright and sweet and tough, tough because she had to be, now I have to find a way to show her she doesn’t need to be any more, that she has me, us, to fight certain battles for her.”

  “I’m a little lost here son.....”

  “Follow me.”

  I turned and went down the stairs where Paula was holding court, I guess her little show wasn’t working too well if the sour look on mom’s face was anything to go by.

  I wonder if she realized my family was positioned in formation around her to keep her from getting anywhere near those stairs to reach Carrie.

  I know the battle stations well; it’s the Steele way to protect first always, one of their own.

  I hadn’t planned on doing this now, thought I would have at least a few days, but Paula seemed impatient to get hers.

  I caught the tail end of the convo and realized she was brown nosing mom and dad.

  “I’ve heard about your family of course, you have relatives in Europe no, I think I might have met some cousins or something like that, and to think my little girl is dating one of you....”

  “Excuse us....”

  “I walked over to where she sat and just looked at her; she looked around at everything in the room but me.

  “Let’s go Paula.”

  The Captain came over, I looked at my family and communicated to them that we would be right back. mom went back to fixing up Captain’s living room while Matt was pawing through the pies and other baked goods the elderly ladies had brought by, Vanessa was reading a magazine and dad was looking like he wanted to follow.

  I’d fill him in later; this wasn’t my story to share, not really.

  “So Paula, I asked you at the hospital what Joshua meant by the things he said and what it was he said to you, but you brushed it off, well you’re here now so start talking.”

  Captain set things off as soon as we reached the kitchen.

  “I have no idea what either of you are talking about, you can obviously tell from this little episode that Carrie’s not well, who knows what lies she’s been cooking up all these years, I’ve read about this, people with these eating disorders tend to lie about everything.....”

  Captain stepped between us before I could strangle the bitch.

  “Say one more word against her and I promise, he won’t be able to stop me...you lying frozen hearted hyena...Carrie’s problems are mostly because of you, your brilliant mothering skills are mostly to blame for the way she behaves, she doesn’t see it that way, but it’s text book.”

  I turned to the Captain then.

  “You want to know what I said to her, I’ll tell you.....I told her I knew about the attempted rape, I didn’t find out about that little tidbit until the week she left, up until then I just thought your ex was a manipulative bitch who neglected her daughter so she could party and get fucked, the head games were enough, but to leave her at the mercy of your drunken boyfriends, that’s........ there are no words.”

  “What, what’s he talking about Paula?”

  “I don’t know, it’s like I said she made it up......”

  I was in front of her before she could get the next word out.

  “Joshua let her go......”

  “Don’t lie about her again, you fucking beat her, starved her and neglected her, that was bad enough but then you left her at the mercy of known drug addicts in your home when she was fucking thirteen years old, one of the reasons I was so pissed off at her was because she would prefer to return to that than spend the holiday with me, at least that’s what I thought at the time, but it had nothing to do with that, she wouldn’t have gone anywhere near you if I hadn’t fucked up, that’s on me, but if you stand here and lie about her again.....I’ll throw your ass in a ditch.”

  “Alright son calm down...Paula what did you do to my daughter?”

  She started backing up; I guess the look in the Captain’s eye was nothing to sneeze at.

  “It wasn’t my fault okay; she was supposed to stay in her room, if she’d only stayed....”

  If she thought for one second I was going to save her ass from him she was mistaken, I just stood back as the Captain slapped her across her face as hard as fuck, blood flew from her nose as she screamed bloody murder.

  Dad and Matt came running and got him off of her as I stood back thinking, one bitch down, two more to go.

  This cleaning house shit was going to be a fucking breeze, too bad I had to deal with the shit when I should be concentrating all my energy on getting my lamb better, I guess it’s two birds with one stone. After this I’m sure there’s no way in hell the Captain would ever let Carrie anywhere near Paula again.
My little mercenary will just have to find another way to pad her account in the future.

  I left them downstairs to deal with their mess and headed back to my girl, I had a lot of shit to do in the next few days, Xmas was in a couple weeks, I wanted this shit over and done by then. She was still asleep when I crawled back into her narrow twin sized bed with her. Sighing softly, she curled into my side as I held her.

  Chapter 30

  Josh

  She’s been home for a day and a half already and I’m having withdrawal issues, last night I barely spent half an hour in my bed before I was back here, couldn’t sleep.

  I think I’m going to have another talk with Captain, we’d had one after Paula was shown the door, but that was a more heavy subject about our future, Carrie’s and mine, I think I need to let him know we can’t be apart, how he’ll take it, I have no idea but I know she can’t be without me either because when I came through her window last night she’d been tossing and turning and whispering my name in her sleep.

  I’ve been a very busy boy, after all, the shit I have to do in the upcoming days will affect a lot of people, I only cared about her.

  It’s almost like my whole focus had shifted, it was no longer just about me, or even us, it was all about her.

  I’m beginning to see her in a new light, I’ve always known she was broken, I just didn’t realize how badly, until this.

  I’m not a little boy, never have been, I see things in a way most don’t and never will, I don’t look at life through rose tinted glasses, fuck that shit, I’ve noticed in my observation of people, that they hardly ever do what they say, or what they want to, everyone’s too busy trying to fit into a pigeon hole that society has set for them.

  That’s not me, I’ll be true to myself and live my life the way I want to and fuck what others think. Now I’m taking her on board with me.

  Where I go, she goes.

  I looked over at her as we lay on her bed doing homework, I’d already fixed my classes for the next term after the holidays, Stevenson at the school office must think I’m nuts the way I’ve been back and forth with this shit, I didn’t care about that shit either.

  She’s biting that lip of hers again and I realized I hadn’t kissed her, really kissed her in weeks.

  Pulling her lip away from her teeth with my thumb, I brought her face down to mine so I could taste her lips.

  Soft and sweet, just the way I remembered.

  Books were crushed, papers crinkled as we devoured each other, arms locked tightly around one another.

  I eased back when things started getting heated, now was not the time, I needed her whole, needed us whole, and complete.

  Now that she was out of the woods I could admit to myself the depth to which she’d scared me.

  When she’d collapsed in my bedroom that night I think I died a little, there’s nothing like the jarring of your soul to put things in perspective.

  Now I have to mend the broken pieces and get things back on track. Starting now.

  “Carrie, I know you’re pissed off at Matt and Nessa, but there’s something you have to understand, that’s our family, that’s the way we’ve always been together. What you don’t know, is that for the first time ever, they fought me, they didn’t agree with the way I handled things and they let me know it. They never once said anything against you, because they knew all along how I felt about you. If you need time to get over your hurt I understand, but understand that you’re now a part of this family, that bond extends to you. For us, that’s the way family is supposed to be, now ask yourself what the alternative would’ve been, they side with you or anyone else against one of their own, where’s the loyalty in that?”

  “But I had no one, you guys are the only people I really associated with here and you all turned away from me at the same time, in front of the whole school.”

  “Baby, you gave me the impression that you were tougher than this, do you think if I’d known things would turn out this way that I would’ve let it go this far? If I’d known what I know now a lot of things would’ve been done differently and you would’ve never gotten on that plane. I’m not apologizing for what happened in the woods, you pissed me off throwing that guy in my fucking face and you know it, but I will apologize for not taking better care of you, for not seeing before it was almost too late, just how vulnerable you really are. That’ll never happen again, I already told your father, now I’m telling you, I’m taking responsibility for you, for our relationship, no more fucking games, we’re together, that’s it, no more one-upmanship, you have some serious issues we need to take care of and I have to learn how to live my life in a way where you are my first priority and I don’t lose my mind when you do some shit I don’t like. We’re young, I’m sure we’ll figure it out, but the bullshit stops here. We’re together, in case you don’t know what that means, it means you’re mine and I’m yours, exclusively. You don’t keep shit from me, I don’t keep shit from you, if something’s bothering you come to me that’s it. I know about your mother, about her neglect among other things, you don’t deal with her unless you want to on your terms, I’d prefer you didn’t see her at all but that’s your mother and people change their minds about this shit all the time, as a matter of fact something happened yesterday while you were asleep.

  Your father found out some things that happened while you were living with her.....”

  “Joshua.......”

  “Ssh, it’s okay, he handled it, he’s actually trying to figure out how to bring charges against her since you were a child then and you’re still a minor in Arizona, we’ll see, that’s up to you anyway, if you want to drop it, that’s what we’ll do, just know that we know a little more about your life with her. There’re some other things I need to take care of and then we’ll move on from this. I’m not going to change lamb, and I don’t think you really want me to but I will be more careful with you, that I can promise you. Now, is there anything you want to say?”

  She fidgeted a bit as she looked at me, probably amazed that I was talking so much.

  “How do you find out so much about me?.......I mean sometimes you seem to know things that there’s no way you should know, do you still have your investigator following me?”

  “He hasn’t been for a while, not since you went away actually.”

  “So who followed me from the diner that night you caught me and Matt talking?”

  “That was me, as pissed as I was I still didn’t want you on the streets that late at night alone, you’ve seen the flyers I’m sure and if not your father would’ve told you about the attacks.”

  “He did but it didn’t look like your Rover.”

  “I was driving the Bugatti.”

  “Oh, okay, so you still haven’t told me......how do you know these things?”

  “That’s my secret to keep, just know I’ve always got your best interest at heart, I need to know everything that’s going on with you, it’s just who I am, we’ll call it one of my quirks.

  Is there anything else that you need from me, anything bothering you?”

  “Not right now, I’m sleepy, maybe later.”

  “You can sleep after you’ve eaten something.....”

  “I’m not really hungry.....”

  “I didn’t ask it’s been hours since you ate anything, you’re eating.”

  “I see my near death experience didn’t change your bossy ways.”

  “Yeah it did, now I’m going to be even bossier, sucks to be you.”

  She rolled her eyes at me but I noticed the color coming back to her cheeks. I’d see that she ate if I had to spoon feed her every morsel, and when her body was healed we’d get to work on her heart.

  One thing was for sure, no one or nothing was ever coming between us again.

  Carrie

  Okay, what the hell happened? Seriously, I have no idea what the fuck happened, I’m not sure how to deal with this love shit.

  How do you go from looking out for number one to inc
luding someone else in your every thought, your every decision?

  Joshua is way ahead of me in the relationship stakes; he seems to have a better handle on the whole dynamics of it than I do.

  One thing’s for sure, I can never be as cold as he proved he could be, guess I won’t be pissing him off to the extreme anytime soon again.

  He’s been really good since this whole thing happened though, in ways I never thought he’d be, it’s fucked that it took this almost tragedy for me to see the heart of him, but I’m glad I did.

  It makes it worth it; it makes all the craziness that I know will be part of our lives okay. With Joshua I know there will be rocky roads, he’s so.....volatile, and I’m so....me, there’s no way to avoid the bumps and bruises along the way, but I learned the most important thing for me.

  He was there, when things got out of control, when I was at my worst, he never left me.

  He’s always going to be an ass about certain things, he’s always going to be his bossy, Dom like self, and I think I need that.

  I don’t need a daddy, not like that, but I do need someone strong and secure for all those times I’m not so strong and secure myself.

  He was sweet and soft for like one day, that was nice too, but I need my over bearing crazy boy, that’s who I fell in love with, that’s who I want on my side.

  I’m not quite sure what happened with Paula, don’t even know why she was even here, but I know Joshua would never let her near me, I’m pretty sure he’s been reading my journals, I’m glad someone else knows, it’s a weight off my shoulders, and I’m glad that it’s Joshua.

  I don’t feel so young anymore, not so afraid, I hadn’t even known that I was afraid, and angry, and so hurt, she’d fucked up my life, made me almost as bitter as she is, but I’d almost destroyed the best thing to ever happen to me, on my own.

  He says I was testing him, maybe I was, all I know is that everyone leaves, everyone disappoints, that’s what I’m used to, with Joshua I don’t feel like I have to worry about that anymore.