by Kimi Flores
Tears were brimming in her eyes, the smile of an angel spread across her face. “Love?” She moved the hair that had fallen in her face as I nodded.
“Yeah. That.”
She stood and came over to me, pressing her body against mine. “Yes, Zachary. I would love to go on dates with you, hold hands with you, and kiss you whenever I want. I’m in love with you, you stubborn man. How can you not already know this? More than anything, I want to be with you, too.”
Overcome with relief, I squeezed her tight. I’d been in love with her too, but wasn’t ready to say those words yet. “Dani, I promise I’ll do everything I can to be the man you deserve. But understand, I just need time.” Without a word, she reached up and sealed her soft lips over mine, assuring me that she believed I was worth the wait.
This very spot, on the land I had grown to love, was the first step toward finding our forever.
Chapter Eighteen
Dani
Curling up with my blanket and pillow on the couch, I fought to keep my eyes open while I watched TV. I glanced up the stairs where Zachary’s bedroom was located, wishing for the millionth time tonight that he’d invited me up with him. I knew what was at stake, but he’d had his hands on me so much lately, he was driving me crazy with desire.
The only thing that kept me rooted on the couch, while my hormones and thoughts were on overdrive, was that I knew how much he needed to sleep. And I had promised to take things slow. He needed to adjust to being in a relationship. I was just happy he had finally taken the first step.
As was common with some people with Alzheimer's, Joel’s sleeping pattern had shifted again. He’d sleep well into the afternoon and be up all night, and even with a nurse there to help, it had caused havoc while Zachary tried to rest. On my way to the main house this morning, I’d found Zachary fully dressed and wrapped in a blanket, completely knocked out in his hammock. When I found out he’d been there for a few hours, I suggested Joel try a new sleeping pill.
Tonight was his first time taking it, and I wanted to be close to keep an eye on him. Zachary wasn’t excited about me sleeping on his couch, but it was a lot easier than running over here every time I heard a noise on the monitor. Besides, I doubted Zachary would get much rest with me next to him in the bed.
A quick, high-pitched chirp suddenly echoed through the room, and I looked up at the smoke detector above me. The vaulted ceilings made it sound much louder than it probably was. Buddy and Stella stood from their dog bed, their ears perched on high alert.
The damn battery must be dying. Great, now I was going to have to listen to that all night since there was no way for me to reach it.
When I heard it for the third time in five minutes, I peeked over the back of the couch at Joel’s bedroom door. Assuming he couldn’t hear it, I went back to watching Criminal Minds. It didn’t take too long for me to get lost in the program. Even though that damn beeping never ceased, I was able to somewhat tune it out.
My eyelids felt heavy. I contemplated checking on Joel then catching a quick nap when I heard a loud, primal roar coming from upstairs. I glanced up at the banister to find Zachary ripping open a hall closet. He rummaged around, then yanked out a broom. With a crazed look and his hair sticking up in every direction, he stretched over the metal railing and started poking the offending smoke detector with the broom.
I gulped when I saw that he was wearing nothing but a pair of nicely fitted boxers. My hormones were going crazy again. I felt him staring at me, and I managed to rip my gaze off his lower half.
“This fucking thing won’t stop, and I’m about to lose my damn mind, but I can’t reach it.” He put the broom down and ran his fingers through his hair before looking down at me again. “I have an idea. Come up here and help me.”
The loud chirp went off again as I got up from the couch and bounced up the stairs. As soon as I made it to the landing, the next thing I knew, Zachary had shoved the broom in my hand, spun me around, and pulled my ass into his crotch.
Well hello, big guy. I like where we’re going with this.
That probably wasn’t what he was thinking, and I hoped he couldn’t feel my body reacting to him. It took all my attention to not shove my backside in for a little closer contact.
I hadn’t even caught my breath when he hoisted me up, pressing my ass against his belly. Panicked, I screeched, “What’re you doing? Put me down.”
“Wrap your legs behind my back.” I felt his breath on my neck as he grunted into my ear.
“You’re joking, right?” I gripped the metal handrail with one hand as I teetered forward and back. I couldn’t believe he was able to even pick me up that far. And he wanted me to do some sort of yoga move to hang onto him?
“No, I’m not joking.” He sounded impatient. “Please just do it.”
I wasn’t that flexible, but somehow I managed to hug his hips with my legs before he leaned us against the railing. The edge of the handrail bit into my lower belly as he held me close with his arms wrapped across my chest and above my stomach.
My head spun as he bent us forward. “Ahhh, Zachary! Put me down!” I wiggled to get out of his grip, then I looked down and stopped moving.
“Please, Dani.” His voice was desperate and exhausted. “I can’t sleep. Just whack the damn thing until it falls.”
My body inclined forward enough to give me a very freaky view of the couch below. “You’re going to drop me!” I yelped.
“I promise I won’t let you go.” That time, his voice was deep and steady. Strong. It made me go weak in the knees.
With a renewed resolve—and not looking down—I swatted the small disc with the broom until it detached from the ceiling and fell, landing on the coffee table with a big thwack.
All that did was piss the damn thing off more. The alarm blared, echoing in the large space below as Zachary pulled me away from the railing and loosened his grip. Stella let out a soft whine as she covered her little ears with her paws. For a dog’s sensitive hearing, that had to be brutal. Barking from Buddy joined the chaos.
I released my legs and slid down Zachary’s body, much slower than was appropriate. When my feet were on the ground, he held me tight again. It seemed the siren of the smoke detector was forgotten. The breaths that hit the back of my neck came out huskier than when he’d first picked me up. And this time, his low groan was laced with desire, causing me to shiver against him. The pull between us was like a magnetic force. I wasn’t sure either of us could stop the chemistry begging for more.
I was seconds away from spinning around and jumping on top of him when the bedroom door downstairs burst open and Joel came flying out, walking with his cane.
We snapped out of our lust-filled haze, realizing the smoke detector and Buddy were still roaring.
“Son! Son, where are you?” Joel yelled out, wobbling from the living room. He was in the kitchen by the time we bounded down the stairs. For an old man who relied on a cane, he was really fast.
I followed Zachary closely as he darted into the kitchen. We found Joel in a panic, desperately grabbing at the door that led to the side of the house. “I have to save him. Where is he?” Instantly, I knew he wasn’t in his right frame of mind.
“Dad, I’m here.” Zachary placed his hands on Joel’s arms from behind.
“No, I have to save him. He’s in danger!” Joel picked up his cane and began hitting the door. “I have to get out!”
Zachary attempted to pull his father away when Joel twirled around and whacked him with his cane. “Don’t touch me!” Joel shouted with panic and desperation in his voice.
I gasped, but then I saw his fidgety, unfocused eyes. Zachary stood frozen in his place, his eyes wide as he stared at his dad. Joel raised his cane to hit him again.
It was my turn to pull Zachary away. “Go rip the damn battery out of the smoke detector. It’s the only way to calm him down.”
Still shocked, Zachary blinked several times, and I could tell he was battling with the fact
that the alarm had to be stopped, but he didn’t want to leave me alone with his dad. There was no time for that.
“Go, Zachary,” I urged. “I know how to handle this.”
Conflicted, he looked over his shoulder and pushed me away from Joel before running out of the room.
It was fairly common for Alzheimer patients to have episodes like this, but it was the first time I’d seen Joel so out of control with terror.
“The fire!” he went on. “The fire’s going to burn him!” Joel screamed. It was then that I realized his mind was stuck on the night their kitchen had caught fire, fifteen years ago and the oven mitt Zachary had been wearing went up in flames.
He’d been able to rip it off before it burned him, but from what Zachary had said, the event had freaked Joel out and it took some serious convincing for him to let Zachary back in the kitchen.
I swallowed hard and kept a safe distance from Joel as he swung his cane a few more times, shattering a glass bowl on the counter. I looked down and noticed he had slippers on, but I was barefoot.
“We’ll get him. He’ll be safe,” I tried to convince him while Zachary grumbled a slew of curse words from the living room until the alarm stopped.
Joel’s wild eyes finally connected with mine as he pointed his cane accusingly and barked, “Where are they? Where have you taken my family?” Spit flew from his mouth as his lips wrapped around his dentureless gums.
Zachary began to step into the room when he saw the broken glass. I mouthed for him to get some shoes then turned back to Joel. “The fire’s out, see?” I pointed to the stove and watched every step I made until I was standing in front of it. “It was small, but we got it out. Everyone’s safe.”
In my experience, I knew I needed to stay calm and acknowledge that his feelings were valid. I also knew to keep my eye on him, even if he looked away. Gesturing for him to follow, I added, “Come here and see.”
Baffled, his long, grey eyebrows came together as he stared at me and lowered his cane until he was leaning on it. He stared at me for several moments before he said, “I’m not crazy.”
I shook my head. “No, you’re not.”
“There’s no fire.” His tired eyes glanced around the room as Zachary ran in, wearing nothing but his boxers and a pair of work boots. If it hadn’t been for the current mood in the room, I might’ve laughed.
Joel shuffled toward the doorway, grumbling under his breath as he pushed past Zachary and went back to his room. It wasn’t until the door shut behind him that I let out my breath.
Zachary looked behind him at the closed door, then at me before he simply asked, “What the fuck was that about?”
I pulled myself up on the counter which was no easy task. “I think he was half asleep, but he was definitely hallucinating about that kitchen fire you told me about.”
He closed the barn doors behind him, separating the dogs from the broken glass, then he grabbed a broom and began to sweep up the mess. I watched his muscles flex throughout his body as he worked, and I no longer was thinking his outfit looked funny.
With each swipe of the broom, I could see the bristles bending from the force of his grip. Reality had just taken another turn, rearing its ugly head, and acceptance was going to be slow in coming. “Everything Dad does is so extreme. This is only going to get worse, isn’t it?” He sounded so sad.
I knew he didn’t want me to sugarcoat my answer, but I wasn’t about to kill his spirit. “Honestly, it’s different with every person. Some people go through stages of simply traveling down memory lane, thinking they’re in another time, while other moments they act out aggressively if they think either their loved ones or they are going to be harmed. This is a day by day thing.”
Once all the glass was cleaned up, he leaned the broom against the wall, then he stepped between my legs and buried his face in my neck. “I don’t know how much more I can take.”
I leaned against him, hugging his body with my arms and legs. My poor guy was exhausted, and I couldn’t blame him for feeling like that. “Why don’t you go lay down in my bed tonight. I’ve got him and you need some sleep.”
He shook his head against my collarbone. “No. I’m not leaving you alone in case he has another outburst. Plus, you need to sleep, too.”
I pushed him away a little, frustration clearly showing in my expression. He was going to have to accept that I was fully capable of giving him a break and dealing with his father. “Listen, I can handle him, and after all this excitement, that sleeping pill will probably knock him out for the rest of the night. The only reason he woke up was because of the alarm. Really.” I looked into his eyes. “You have to work tomorrow, and I need you to get some sleep. Rosie will be here to take care of him first thing in the morning and I can sleep then.”
He was too tired to argue with me and he knew it. “Fine, but only if I can sneak in and take a nap with you in the afternoon.” His lips turned up in a small smile.
I sighed. “You won’t hear any objections from me.” And maybe he would get past this ‘no sex yet’ rule he’d silently made. I’d already experienced how passionate he could be, and I couldn’t wait for him to take that next step.
He glanced down at the shards of glass now gathered. “I don’t want you walking barefoot on this floor in case I missed something.” Slipping his hands between the back of my thighs and the countertop, he lifted me and carried me out of the room.
I groaned inwardly. Didn’t guys know bigger girls hated it when they picked us up? Oh well. I decided to not fight him this time.
I made sure to close the doors again once we stepped into the living room.
With my butt planted on the couch, Zachary continued to lean into me. “I don't know what I’d do without you, Dani.”
I reached up and smoothed away the lines around his eyes. “Well, lucky for us, you don’t need to think about that. I’m here.”
“I know you are.” Relief and thankfulness filled his eyes before he leaned in. I prepared to receive the usual kiss on my head, but instead I felt his lips brush against mine. I didn’t react, fearing I’d want to push him for more.
He whispered against my lips, “Thank you.” Then he pecked them again, softly. “For everything.”
And with that, he backed away and headed upstairs. I shamelessly watched his nice ass as he ascended the stairs and went straight into his room, I assumed to get dressed. And again, I fought the urge to go running after him.
As I settled onto the couch with a smile on my lips, the only thing that kept me rooted in my spot was the thought of slipping between my sheets in the morning that would still be warm from his body.
And the possibility of him joining me later.
Chapter Nineteen
Zachary
My thoughts and emotions intertwined while I stood in the shadows, just out of sight, watching Dani move around my father’s room. It had been a month since Dad’s last freak out, and I’d been on edge, just waiting for another. Dani had encouraged me to enjoy the moments and worry about the other times when they came. I was trying, but it was difficult.
She was so good with him, whether he was having an episode or not. My love for her had grown even stronger, but I still hadn’t had the balls to tell her yet. Sometimes I wondered how I would’ve ever gotten through this time without her by my side.
She’d mentioned once more about me going to counseling, but whenever I felt overwhelmed, I just talked to her and felt lighter afterward.
Although I’d known her for years, she still managed to take my breath away, just like she’d done the first day I had laid eyes on her. It was moments like tonight that she unknowingly nudged me into wanting the things she hoped for. I was so thankful that she had chosen me, chosen us over anything else she wanted, but it was my turn to do the same.
I had been feeling selfish for secretly wanting her to feel like we were enough together and that her life could be fulfilled if it was just her and me. But I knew she wasn’t the one who
had to change.
She gently placed my father’s outfit on his favorite armchair in a way that would lead him to think he’d done it himself. It had taken me a while to understand why she’d insisted we allow him to believe things that weren’t true. The man I’d grown up with wouldn’t have ever wanted to live a life of lies. At this stage of his illness, though, she knew what was best for him and I trusted her.
I truly did, and I wanted to make her mine in every way possible. Although we were officially together, I’d been holding back, letting my fears rule my life. Just thinking about the things she wanted petrified me.
The soft curves of her hips swayed as she walked up to the audio monitor on top of my father’s armoire. She peeked over her shoulder to make sure he was still sound asleep as she moved the device to the other side of the dresser and clicked the ‘on’ switch. Carefully, she placed his antique radio in front to hide it. I muffled my snicker, knowing he would still somehow find it and turn it off in the middle of the night. It was baffling how he was aware of certain things yet oblivious to others.
I watched as she made her way into his bathroom, turned off the light, then stood by his bedside, looking adoringly down at his peaceful face. My chest tightened as she blinked hard, leaned down, and kissed his cheek. The respect and love in her expression was overwhelming at times.
For the first time, a feeling of complete contentment came over me as I spun around and leaned against the wall, clutching my chest. Everything I’d ever feared to dream was right there, taking care of my father, accepting me with every fiber of her heart, while I’d been standing here, reminding myself of everything that could go wrong.
Tori had never treated my father with the kindness and respect Dani did, so why had I been letting that painful time in my life define my relationship with the woman I was in love with?
