by Kimi Flores
I stood frozen, gawking at Dani as she stepped out of my father’s bedroom with a concerned look. “Is everything okay?” She reached to touch my forearm, and all I could do was stare back, completely overcome by my emotions.
Her eyes sought for an answer as she stepped closer. “Zachary, what’s going on?”
My body responded before anything else registered, and I pulled her into me, crashing my lips onto hers in a steamy kiss. The heat and passion flowing between us made her feel like an extension of me. For those few moments, she wasn’t Dani and I wasn’t Zachary. We were one, together, giving and taking with a fierceness that only demanded more.
I couldn’t get enough. I needed more of her. All of her.
Forever.
Threading my fingers into her hair, I kept my mouth on hers as I led us toward the staircase. Her lower back hit the banister and my lips made their way across her jaw and down her neck. For a second, I wanted to slow down, stop and think. But then the tiny moans she made obliterated my resolve. With her head thrown back, she gasped when I gently gripped her hair by the roots and tugged.
Holy shit, we were never going to make it up to my bedroom if she kept that up.
My voice sounded gruff as I spoke against the soft skin on her chest. “If you aren’t ready for this, please stop me right now.”
Her fiery eyes met mine. “I’m not stopping you, ever.”
Fuck, I was done for. “I love you so much. I’m sorry I didn't say it before now.”
She held my face in her hands and looked into my eyes. “I know you do, Zachary. I love you, too. And I’m ready. I’ve been waiting for you to be.”
That was all the confirmation I needed. I grabbed her hand, pulled her up the stairs, and into my bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed as I leaned down and kissed her again.
I didn’t want anything—or anyone—to interrupt us so I reached for the side drawer that I’d slipped the condoms in the last time we were together, hoping they hadn’t expired. Slapping them on top of the table, I stood and began removing my clothes as I watched her rip her own off.
She was the most exquisite woman I’d ever laid eyes on. Her gaze seared into me, her curves begging for my touch, sending my pulse racing.
We didn’t speak a word, but our rapid breaths fell in sync and were the only thing I heard as we watched my hands fumble like a teenager putting a condom on for the first time.
Her tender touch on my arms gave me everything I needed to know this was right. Her vibrancy guided my way, making us finally reach the emotional high that only making love could create. Her lips caressed my mouth and her hands smoothed the tension in my shoulders as our bodies moved together.
Each motion was natural. There was no calculation, no striving to please ourselves because we had found the euphoria of just being in this moment. The softness of her voice as she let me know of her pleasure and trust rose me to a level of intensity that I had never experienced before. I couldn’t hold back anymore.
Climbing higher and higher, we didn’t need to worry about leaving the other behind. We were sailing to our own place that would be shared only by us, together.
⁂
It was the middle of the night and we were trying to catch our breaths. I couldn’t believe how happy Dani made me.
“That was—” I couldn’t come up with the right words.
“Perfect,” she panted.
I didn’t want to leave her, but I had to clean up. When I returned from the bathroom, she was searching for her clothes and I panicked. “Where are you going?”
Her dark hair cascaded down her back as she looked at me over her bare shoulder. “Just downstairs for the monitor. I wasn’t planning on flashing your dad, though.” She giggled, setting me at ease.
The relief I felt was profound. “No, I’ve got it. Lay down.”
“Okay.” She sighed happily and slipped back under the covers as I pulled my boxers on and jogged downstairs. I spotted the dogs, curled up in their usual spot, then I grabbed the monitor and went back upstairs, wanting to be close to her once again.
With it plugged in and turned on, I settled in bed, pulling her to me, just the way it should be. Always.
Doubtful words recited over and over in my head, repeating that I was doing the wrong thing by wanting to take this chance. And that my fear would destroy our relationship one day. But I was too exhausted from fighting my feelings for her. My heart wanted her, at any cost.
We’d come so far, and I couldn’t deny this part of our relationship. She wasn’t the one who had to give up her hopes by picking me. It was up to me to choose our future over my fear.
And that’s exactly what I was going to do—as soon as I figured out how.
Chapter Twenty
Dani
For the second time since I’d known him, I woke up to Zachary’s hot breath tickling my bare neck and the sound of him snoring, just inches from my ear. But this time was different, and I knew that wasn't just my wishful thinking.
His arm was stretched across my stomach and his firm hand gripped my rear. As much as I would’ve liked to stay nestled in his warm embrace, I needed to use the restroom. Wiggling out from under his tight hold, I got out of bed and hit the bathroom.
Once I was done, I stared at him while I put my underwear and bra on, wondering what last night really meant. We’d been together only a short while, but he knew I wanted so much more from him. Had this been his way of agreeing to go on that journey with me?
At first, I’d understood and accepted his position on never having kids. I had no idea how we’d work that part out, but after the devastation of my last negative pregnancy test a few days ago, I was beginning to think I’d wasted a lot of time wanting a non-existent child over him.
I respected him for not asking me to push my dream of becoming a mother aside, but what if that dream never became a reality and I’d lost so many moments with him in the process?
Maybe at some point, we could talk about adopting an older child since his biggest issue seemed to be with babies. He’d been raised by an amazing man and had so much to offer a child. I was sure he’d make an unbelievable father one day. But that was for him to decide, not for me to push him toward. Luck would have it that we were surrounded by a wonderful group of friends and family who kept popping kids out. Maybe being Uncle Zach to them would drive him to be more open to us starting a family. If not, then I would find my joy in being his woman and Auntie Dani.
Because he’s worth it.
Eventually we would need to figure all of this out, but for now, I was open to all possibilities as long as we were together.
I frowned as an unsettling feeling came over me. Picking up my previously discarded pants and tank top, I looked at the monitor and realized that I hadn’t heard a peep from Joel all night. There hadn’t been a day this week when he hadn’t woken up and moved around his room a bit before going back to sleep.
Maybe those meds were working, after all. Even though I’d been sleeping deeply while curled up in his son’s arms, I was sure I would’ve heard if he’d woken up.
The voice in my head said I was being irrational, but the heavy feeling in my gut pushed me to go check on him. I leaned over the side of the bed and kissed Zachary’s forehead before sprinting quietly out of the room and down the stairs until I stood at his doorway. The covers of Joel’s bed had been pushed aside and he was not in his room.
“Joel?” I called out. I headed to the closed bathroom door, knocking lightly. “Joel, are you in there?”
No answer.
I turned the handle and cracked the door open, just enough to peek in. That’s when my head began to swirl. I’d heard of patients in this situation plenty of times from my colleagues, but I’d never experienced it myself.
I was in shock as I swung the door open. Joel had somehow fallen off the toilet with his pants around his ankles. Feces was all over the toilet seat and floor, next to his pale body. His head was beside the edge of the sho
wer stall and his eyes were closed. I rushed to his side, felt his low pulse, checked his breathing, and opened his eyelid to examine his pupils. He was out cold but still alive.
Water ran through the pipes upstairs letting me know that Zachary was awake. I didn’t want him to see his dad like this, but I needed his help, immediately.
Jumping over Joel, I ran to the hall and yelled, “Zachary! Bring your phone down here, I need to call nine-one-one.”
In a panic, he yelled back, “What happened?”
“No time. Just bring the phone to your dad’s bathroom.” I ran back and tried to clean up as much as I could before Zachary was standing in the doorway, all the blood draining from his face.
“Dad! No!”
I reached up. “He’s still breathing, but give me the phone.”
Handing it over, his wide eyes darted around like they were trying to comprehend the scene.
There was no time for me to be in shock. I had to push all personal feelings aside and jump into action. Placing the cell on the floor, I dialed then tapped the speaker button.
“Help me turn him over, but only until I tell you. I don’t know what all of his injuries are.”
“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?” The operator spoke in a monotone voice.
I held onto Joel’s neck to make sure he was stable as I explained to the operator what was going on and directed Zachary at the same time. His swift intake of air only made it harder for him to catch his breath as soon as we turned his dad over. I wasn’t sure if seeing Joel like this had confirmed his worst fears or if reality was far worse than he had allowed himself to think about.
I explained where we were just before the operator ended the call and Joel began to have a seizure. Zachary gasped and reached for him.
“Shit, help me move him to his other side but don’t hold him down.” I took a quick glance at the time on the phone so I knew how long the seizure lasted. We carefully maneuvered him to his side, then I looked at Zachary’s ghostly white face. “I know this is scary to watch, but just help me block everything around his head so he doesn’t hit it again.”
No further words were spoken until the convulsions ended almost three minutes later. “Zachary, I need to stay with him. Please go outside and make sure the ambulance knows where to go.”
He offered no resistance as he stood in robotic rhythm then backed out of the room, never taking his sight off of his dad.
Seconds later, I heard the commotion as the paramedics neared. Once I saw the first EMT, I got up and left the room, knowing my best spot was to explain what I’d walked into and everything that had happened afterward.
I felt Zachary’s fingers grip my arms as I spoke to the medic with the clipboard. Taking a second, I looked at the monitor that had been turned off, then at Zachary, who was still standing in his boxers. “Go get dressed and meet me outside. I’ll drive. They’re going to take care of him and we’ll follow them to the hospital.”
He nodded once but didn’t say a word as he left the room.
I finished explaining everything as the medics worked on Joel, strapped him to a stretcher, and wheeled him out the door. When I jogged into the living room, I found the dogs huddled together in the corner, frozen with worry.
I needed to remind Zachary where to go. I didn’t want him to come out and think we had left without him. He was in no shape to be behind the wheel of a car.
I yelled up the stairs, “I’m taking the dogs to my place and changing clothes. Don’t leave without me.” My heart thumped in my chest as I led Stella and Buddy to the villa and let them jump onto my bed. I quickly changed my clothes while repeating, “He’s going to be okay, he’s going to be okay—” But I’d seen head injuries like this so many times in the past, and it didn’t turn out well most of the time.
I let the dogs stay in my room as I grabbed my purse on the way out. Zachary and I got to my truck at the same time. Once we were in the cab, I zoomed down the driveway, careful not to hit anything or the crowd of people who had gathered outside. Every second was crucial, so they’d have to wait to get my text until we were settled.
I drove to the hospital—the only hospital in town so it wasn’t hard to find.
Zachary finally spoke. “This is all my fault, I shouldn’t have told you to stay.”
“Don’t do that. This isn’t anyone’s fault.” Filled with dread, I had a feeling that wasn’t going to be enough to make him realize his thoughts were unfounded this time.
“That’s easy for you to say.” Guilt laced his voice.
There was no way in hell I was going to let him continue down this road. “He turned off his monitor. We wouldn’t have heard him, no matter where we were.” I tried to keep my eyes on the road as much as possible as I sped through town, but I glanced at him here and there.
He pushed into the headrest and closed his eyes. “I can't lose him.”
“Let’s not go there right now. They’ll check him out at the hospital and tell us what’s going on.”
I pulled into the first parking spot I found and we jumped out. This place had both special and not so great memories for me. It was where I’d found out that both Bri and Leah were pregnant, and it was where many of my patients had recovered. It was also the place I’d lost several other patients and, by the look on Zachary’s face, probably the same location he’d lost his child.
Zachary suddenly stopped at the entrance. With his arms wrapped around his midsection, he bent over like a runner trying to find their next breath.
“Come on, let’s get inside.” I wrapped my arm around his back, encouraging him to move.
“This is where my daughter died.” His voice held no tone, nothing to express the emotion rolling across his heart. My Zachary was empty, numb. “And now, I have to stand by as my father does the same.”
I kept my face stoic because I couldn’t show it, but he was probably right.
Chapter Twenty-One
Zachary
Machines were beeping all around me while I stared at my comatose father. Deep bruises covered the side of his face from where he’d landed on the floor. The official word was that he’d had a stroke, another one.
A thin strap was stretched across his face, securing his breathing tube in place. He’d stopped breathing late last night and was now on a ventilator. Besides the air being forced into his body by the machine, he was completely still.
My hands clenched and I gritted my teeth tightly as I fought the anguish threatening to rip me apart. We’d been here for two days now, and he still hadn’t gained consciousness.
I’d only felt this powerless once before and it’d happened right in this very building. All I’d done was step away and I’d lost my child. This time around, I had no intention of leaving his side until he was settled back in his room at home. Our home. Not my home.
The doctors had been trying to prepare me for the worst, but I refused to listen. I’d never give up on him. He was a fighter—they just didn’t know him like I did.
He had to fight. There was so much I still needed to learn from him, and I wasn’t done repaying him for everything he’d done for me. Plus, I couldn’t be an orphan again, dammit.
I stared at his chest, willing it to rise and praying that his eyes would open. I’d give anything to hear him tell that damn cigar story again.
My throat constricted as I thought about the options I’d been given this morning. I snickered humorlessly. Some fucking options they were. Let him stay on life support and pray the massive head trauma from his fall hadn’t turned him into a vegetable, or pull the plug and let him die.
Options were supposed to give you choices that led to possibilities. The only place those condemning options would lead him was far away from the life he’d built for himself. And me.
It was the middle of the night now, and I continued to stare at his washed out face and listen to the incessant beeping. This man had given me everything. Now there was nothing left of him.
A slew
of people—from Josh and his family, to friends and concerned community members to his vineyard workers—had come by to visit Dad. But I’d sent everyone away once I’d felt the walls closing in. The only person I wanted next to me right now was Dani, but she’d looked exhausted so I’d insisted, in a not so pleasant manner, that she go home and get some sleep. Dad wouldn’t have wanted anyone to see him like this, anyway.
Resting my head by his hand, I felt like I was about to break into a thousand pieces. “Dad, what do you want me to do? Do you remember when we went with Dani to the center a few months ago? Well, the doctor told me something. The details don’t matter now, but I knew we were starting a long goodbye. Maybe I should’ve told you so you knew this time would come and you could’ve told me what you wanted me to do, but I just couldn’t lay this on you.”
I traced the dark blue vein in his hand, following it as it zigged and zagged. It represented my life right now, too many twists and turns. His skin was as thin as paper now. Gone were the signs of hard work and the strength he’d had in them. His nails were still thick but brittle. There wasn’t a trace of soil or sap under his fingernails that used to stay hidden even after he’d washed his hands twenty times. I couldn’t help but think none of this was fair. Those hands still had work to do and more stories to tell.
I wondered if they longed for the touch of his soulmate. So many times he’d used that same hand to show me love, give me direction, and comfort me when I was hurting. Now they just laid there in my grasp, still and cold. I silently begged him to grip mine just as tight.
“Dad, could you just wake up and let me know that we have time? That you’ll tell me what you want? I can’t do this without you.” My chest felt tight—I could hardly get a lungful of breath. “Then we can bicker for a while before we go back to making plans about the crops?”
I wasn’t ready to give up hope, but a part of me knew he wasn’t opening his eyes. Not tonight anyway. I felt as lost now as I had the day I showed up at his door all those years ago.
