His Favorite Mistake (Baby Its Cold Out)

by Mary Eason

  They were over and she didn't know how to move on, where to go who to turn to for comfort when the only person she ever really reached for was gone. She wiped away her tears wondering in amazement how she had anything left inside of her she felt so empty, drained. Her glance fell to the corner where her suitcases sat packed ready for London and she knew then what she must do. It was time to leave for good, made a clean break. Wasn't that what he intended by leaving her here alone after all he had said that they that things to discuss when he returned. She had to leave now because she wasn't sure that she could bear to hear the words from him that it was over.

  Reyna quickly picked up the phone before she lost her nerve and called her cousin hearing Jenna's voice as she recognized Reyna and then hearing surprise being replaced by concern the words came tumbling out of her in a rush before she could stop herself she was telling Jenna everything. Things that she hadn't realized about her feelings things that she had never intended another person to know.

  She had surprised her she could tell but Jenna hadn't hesitated for a moment when Reyna had asked her if she could use the house she still kept In Stamford that had belonged to her mothers. Jenna had talked about renting it out at one point but to date she hadn't found the right tenant.

  "Reyna of course you can use it, it’s just standing there vacant anyway, but are you sure? You've been so happy lately there with Brody that I thought that you and he, well, it doesn't matter. Look, there's something that I need to tell you about what I said to you the other day about Brody and I…”

  Reyna closed her eyes in pain. She didn't want to talk about Brody with her cousin. "Jenna it doesn't matter anymore and I really don't want to hear it. Look, I can't thank you enough for letting me use the house. I'll give you a call later in the week and we'll talk, okay? It’s just that I can't, not now.” She stopped speaking her voice catching over the new tears that fell so easily.

  Half an hour later with everything she was taking with her sitting next to the door there was only one more thing left to do. Inside his office, she sat down in his chair and wrote a note for him trying to put in simple words how much she appreciated him and then she left it lying on his desk. Once she had left, she would call the house and leave a voice message in case he called from London and became worried. She knew that he would check the answering machine. For now, she had to put as much distance between herself and the place where they had spent so many days and nights together before she could force herself to call his machine without falling apart.

  Reyna hauled her bags down to the waiting taxi. Jenna's house was in Aurora, Colorado was a little over an hour's drive from Denver on the best of traffic days and she closed her eyes against the painful memory of her last time with Brody. She couldn't cry in front of a stranger she wouldn't allow herself to do that she had to be strong now.

  Reyna paid the taxi driver who had helped her carry her bags up the two flights of stairs to the house before leaving her with a curiously pitying look in his eyes.

  She opened the door looking around her at the expensively furnished living room that her aunt Delores had lived in. It was a beautiful house, one that she would have been thrilled to be staying in at any other time. Now under the circumstances now she could feel nothing but misery. She dropped her suitcases in the master bedroom not bothering to unpack. She felt as dark and dismal as the sky outside and just as tempestuous.

  Reyna adjusted the thermostat up as far as it would go before turning on the gas fireplace rubbing her hands over her arms trying to control the shaking that seem to come from deep within her but nothing not even the heavy jacket that she wore seemed to warm her.

  She walked aimlessly throughout each room of the house without seeing anything at all. She was bracing herself to find the strength to make the call to him she was dreading. She glanced at the clock on the wall and knew that by now he would be at the airport waiting the boarding call. Reyna picked up the phone and out words. She made it through most of the call without betraying her splintered emotions but her voice broke away painfully when she told him good-bye. Putting it to words hurt so bad but hearing herself say the word good-bye only drove the pain home with all the finality that the word itself represented.

  She sank down onto the floor in front of the fireplace at last letting go, losing control that she had held onto for the past hour after leaving his home for good and wept as if her world was ending. Surely it had for from this moment on nothing would ever feel the same again.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Brody tried the house number once more praying that Reyna would pick up when the answering machine clicked on he turned to his friend and colleague Parker Martin and shook his head. "I've got to go Parker something's wrong. Something's wrong I can feel it. You've got everything you need from me before I leave?"

  Parker shook his head and glanced toward the door. "Go, you're no good to us the way you are Brody you'll only hinder the negotiations. Don't worry, with Teddy's help we will do fine. You know Teddy's the best negotiator around. I'm glad you came to your senses and called him back to the team. Go. What are you waiting for? I've got your files and all the charts there's nothing else for you to do but go after her."

  Brody smiled back at his colleague hoping that it was going to be that simple but doubting it completely. "Thank you for doing this for me Parker. I trust you to do whatever is best for the account. If we lose it, so be it. I have only myself to blame but at this point I really don't care.” He released a long shuddering breath and ran an unsteady hand through his hair. "I’ll be unreachable except through my cell phone and if you need to you can always leave a message. I'll check the machine periodically as well. Have a safe trip Parker. I'll see you when you return."

  As he maneuvered the Land Cruiser through Sunday, traffic that for some reason seemed unbearable congested, he prayed that he was not too late. That she was there waiting for him but when he reached the door and opened it he stopped in the entryway frozen where he stood staring down the hallway dreading every step of the walk to their room knowing she was gone. When he opened the door, the scent of her filled his mind. The perfume that she wore clung faintly to the air around him and he breathed deep trying to capture its sweet smell hoping to hold onto just a small part of her with the fragrance. He didn't need to open the closet or look into the dresser to know the truth. She was gone. Gone the word sounded so final. Dear God she was gone and he didn't know what to do to bring her back.

  Tears stung his eyes. She was gone. He sank weakly down onto the bed and buried his face in his hands and the first time in years he sobbed. The most important thing in life was gone and he didn't think he could make it through another second of life without her. The hurt was unbearable, unbelievably terrifying as it was over.

  It was over but how could it be over when he still loved her? The answer echoed bitterly through his mind reaching his shattered heart. It was over because he had been afraid to tell her that she was everything to him the most important thing in the world that's why. She didn't know how much he loved her or just how desperately he needed her and if he were to survive he had to find her and tell her just how important she was to him. He had to tell her with the words what he had showed her with his body so many times before.

  He stood unable to bear another moment in the room were the image of loving her was there everywhere. He had to get away from that image of the many times that they had made love in that very bed he needed somewhere less vivid to think to try to bring his fractured thoughts to order.

  He had to push aside this aching pain that was almost numbing growing with each moment he knew she was gone out there alone somewhere he had to bring his thoughts into focus enough to find her and bring her back to him.

  In his office, he saw the white piece of paper lying on his desk and knew it was from her. She had left him a note telling him she was leaving him. He wanted to laugh as he read it for the third time. It told him nothing. Nothing except her polite words of thanks. She
was thanking him for all that he had done for her. He tore the paper in bites and tossed it into the fire feeling hopelessness again seep inside his heart as a terrifying thought crossed his fevered mind. Maybe she didn't want to be found. Maybe she was indeed truly gone. Maybe it was over.

  He saw the answering machine message light blinking and he switched it on listening to her speak the words of good-bye to him. Listened to the emotionless way in which she said the words and his heart shattered once more at the sound of them. And then he heard the way her voice caught she couldn't quiet say the words of good-bye without crying as he replayed it again and again smiling faintly he knew that he had her. Good-bye was the last thing on earth that Reyna wanted from him.

  He had been right about her she did care.

  Brody knew that she would never even think of using either his apartment at work or the house in Aspen to leave him. She was making a clean break. There was only one other person left who she could possibly go to for help as he picked up the phone and called her cousin's number he prayed that Jenna would not feel any family loyalty to her younger cousin that until this moment she had never shown. He had to get the truth from her and he was prepared to do whatever it took to find Reyna.

  In the end, it hadn't been very difficult. Jenna told him everything from the call from she had earlier from Reyna to the house where she was staying and finally to the lie that she had led Reyna to believe that was surly part of the wall standing between them now. He hadn't really been surprised by it although he wasn't sure which of them he wanted to strangle the most. Jenna for making up such an elaborate story or Reyna for actually believing him capable of doing such a thing. At this point, he didn't care. His only concern was for Reyna and finding her.

  He knew she had a two-hour advantage on him as he hurriedly wrote the directions Jenna gave him down and he feared that once he got there she might not be willing to let him in. Jenna told him that there was a spare key hidden to the house close by that was used in case her mother accidentally locked herself out of the house and he thanked her briefly before hanging up the phone.

  The drive to Aurora through Denver's returning Sunday afternoon traffic was slow and tedious taking more than two more long frustrating hours before he at last parked the car and went in search of the spare key. The sun had all but disappeared from the sky turning the world around him to dusk.

  Brody braced himself for what he knew would be a battle. She wasn't going to give up her secrets willingly but he wasn't leaving without her and certainly not without knowing exactly what it was that she had been keeping from him for so long now.

  As he unlocked the door, the first thing to hit him was the warmth of the house. He could feel the heat from the thermostat as he walked in. There were no lights on at all, as he closed the door behind him. The only light at all was from the fireplace burning in the living room. He let his eyes become accustom to the dimness around him before looking around the room for her.

  As he moved slowly from the entryway to the living room he saw her small figure curled up almost defensively in front of the fire and he walked slowly over to her but she didn't move, she hadn't heard him enter the house at all. He crouched down next to her and saw the traces of her tears still clinging to her face. It pulled at his heart.

  Slowly, she opened her eyes and sat up. "Brody? What are you doing here?” She went e into his arms and he held her tight knowing that she still hadn't grasped what was happening, but her reaction to him spoke volumes about what her true feelings were. "Brody, oh dear God I missed you. I've been so lost without you.” She was crying again and he spoke to her gently whispering soft words of comfort to her waiting for the reality of the situation to sink in. It didn't take long. She pulled out of his arms and reluctantly he let her go. She stumbled to her feet quickly backing away from him and he stood with her following her step by jerky step. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in London. You're supposed to be on the plane for London. I don't understand. What are you doing here?"

  He reached for her but she moved further away.

  "Reyna, please."

  She ignored his. "Please don’t touch me. Please I can't think clearly, when you touch me. I'm okay, but please don't touch me."

  He resisted the urge to once more take her by her arms and shake some sense into her. Everything she was betraying to him now was making a lie out of her words. "Like hell you are Reyna, you're anything but okay. Let me hold you love. Please don't cry baby you'll make yourself sick if you continue like this. Please don't cry.” He extinguished his anger with difficulty trying to control the shudders of fear that kept reminding him just how important everything he said to her was, reminding him of all that he had to lose. "We have to talk Reyna. Surely, you see that we have to talk. Things can't go on like this anymore, love. Too many things have been left unsaid. Surly you see that we have to straighten this out.” He took a deep breath trying to gather his scattered thoughts before beginning again. "I couldn't go to London and leave you here alone not the way things were. I couldn't bear the thought of being away from you knowing that things were the way they were. I couldn't bear remembering how sad you looked when I left you. We have to talk Reyna and I'm not leaving here until we do. I want to know why you left me like that Reyna. Why? "

  He watched her closely not missing the way her eyes unknowingly appealed to him but he couldn't give in to her just yet. "No, Brody. I can't talk about it. Please I can't do this now because I, I just can't talk about it. I can't. I explained it all in the note that I left you at the house.”

  He stepped closer to her wincing at the way she backed away from as if she were frightened by his closeness. She didn't have far to run before she hit the living room wall and there was nowhere else for her to run to. "Oh, I read the note. I listened to your message as well and they told me nothing. Nothing but pretty words.”

  "Do you honestly think for a moment it’s your gratitude that I want? After everything that has happened between us, “He broke off taking a deep steadying breath. “ Your, gratitude is the very last thing on earth that I want from you Reyna, the very last. I want the truth. I need you to tell me the truth about what's been hurting you for so long now. I have to know. The time for secrets is over between us, I want the truth and I'm not going anywhere until I have it however long it takes I'm not going anywhere and neither are you."

  "You'll hate me Brody. If I tell you the truth you'll hate me.” She looked at him unaware that there was so much imploring there in her eyes that it broke his heart. How did she dare tell him what he wanted to know how could she trust him not to despise her when he knew the ugly truth?

  He observed her face seeing the pain and frustration in every fleeting emotions that passed there and spoke to her with tender exasperation. "Reyna, I would never ever hate you not matter what you said to me surely you know that by now? Tell me what it is baby, please. Just tell me the truth.” Still he sensed her hesitation she was so close to revealing the truth but she needed that final painful push from him. "Reyna just tell me. I know that it has something to do with Cade, I've guessed as much. Is it guilt, love? Do you feel guilty over being with me? Cade's dead and no matter how much he loved you or how much you loved him. He wouldn't want you to remain alone. Cade's dead love you're not."

  She couldn't stop the bitterness from being reflected in her laughter when finally at last the truth was ripped from her. "You're wrong Brody. You’re so wrong. Cade didn't love me. He never loved me. He despised me, hated me, loathed me but him never, and ever loved me.” The words that she had held secret for so long now slipped over each other in a rush. She regretted the moment they were out, wishing that she could bring them back. It was much too late for that. She looked at him watched his expression change from pity to anger in a split second before he reached for her bringing her up hard against his taunt body.

  "What are you talking about, of course he loved you. He married you didn't he. Why else would he marry you if not love? Maybe h
e had an odd way of showing it I admit Cade was reckless but…”

  She couldn't look at him, her voice a toneless whisper when she spoke again. "No, Brody, it’s true, he hated me. There was no doubt about it I know he hated me because he told me so.” She stopped. His fingers tightened around her upper arms and she knew that she had shocked him by her admission. "He told me he hated me on our wedding night right before he told me that the only reason he had married me was because he knew that by doing so he would humiliate his father. I'm not sure which of us he despised the most his father or me. You see I was the only way he could truly show his father just how much he detested him. Cade knew that in Harvey's eyes I would be the worst possible choice of women for his son to marry. I had nothing, no family pedigree, no money, no aristocratic upbringing, nothing. I was an embarrassment to the James name and that was the only reason Cade married me. It's true. I meant nothing to Cade.” She laughed at the doubt she saw in Brody's eyes. "It’s true, Brody, he never touched me at all on our wedding night or any other night and he left me on our wedding night to be with his friends and to be with another woman this he told me in precise detail.” She shook her head looking away from the shocked sympathy in his eyes. "I was nothing but an embarrassing way for him to humiliate his father. I knew that he had affairs while we were married that there were other women but after that night it didn't matter because I didn't care.” She saw disbelief cross his face realizing that he still didn't believe what she was telling him and she laughed once more bitterly. "It’s true Brody, trust me, it’s true. Cade made it crystal clear to me in so many terrifying ways each and every day of our marriage that there was no doubt about it at all.” Reyna spoke the words without emotion now forcing her eyes up bravely to his waiting for the final blow to fall, waiting for his total rejection.

  He let her go and moved away.

  "Why Reyna? Why didn't you tell me Reyna? Why didn't you trust me enough to tell me any of this from the beginning? I could have helped you. I would have done, anything, everything for you.” He stopped turning away from her shaking his head and it was then that she knew that she had lost him. Reyna wanted to run from him once more to put, as much distance between herself and the rejection she was sure to find there in his blue eyes.