No Ordinary Joe

by Michelle Celmer

Stubborn was more like it. Maybe he got that from her. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just hear her out and get it over with?”

  “Maybe if I cared what she had to say. But I don’t.”

  Was he trying to convince Reily, or himself?

  “What are you going to tell Lily Ann?” she asked.

  “I’m not going to tell her anything. The last thing she needs in her life is another person who’s destined to let her down.”

  He didn’t know for sure that she would. And he would never know if he didn’t give her a chance. Not that Reily blamed him for his caution. But two of Lily Ann’s grandparents were dead and one was in prison. For his daughter’s sake, shouldn’t he at least hear his mother out? Otherwise he could be depriving his child of the only grandparent she might ever know. Of course, a bad grandparent would be worse than no grandparent at all.

  Despite her feelings on the matter, Joe’s life—and how he chose to live it—was none of her business. But she couldn’t resist asking, “What if Beth were to show up out of the blue? Would you let her see Lily Ann?”

  He hesitated, and she thought he might not answer. But then he said, “I guess it would depend on why she came back. If it was just a visit and she wasn’t planning on sticking around, then no, I wouldn’t let her near Lily Ann.”

  “What if she insisted?”

  “It wouldn’t make a difference. I have full custody—which was Beth’s choice, by the way. And I refuse to put Lily Ann in a position to be hurt again.”

  When Reily didn’t say anything, Joe looked over at her and said, “You think that’s wrong?”

  “What I think doesn’t matter. She’s your daughter and you have to do what’s right.”

  “If you knew what we went through—”

  “But I don’t. My parents died, and I missed them and I was miserably unhappy, but I knew that they loved me more than anything. But if one of them had just walked away…I can’t begin to imagine how much that would hurt. And that’s why I would never pass judgment.”

  He was quiet for several minutes, then in a voice laced with regret said, “I lied to you about something.”

  Her heart sank a little. “What?”

  “When I said I didn’t know why Beth left, it wasn’t true.” He looked over at her, his eyes so full of pain her heart ached for him. “It’s my fault that she left. I’m the reason Lily Ann doesn’t have a mommy.”

  * * *

  “Did you send Beth away?” Reily asked. “Because I was under the impression she left of her own accord.”

  No, what he had done was even worse.

  “I pressured her into marriage,” he told Reily. “She wanted to travel and see the world, but I talked her out of it. I told her there would be time for that later, after our kids were grown. I convinced her that by then we would have the money to go in style. It was a lie, though. I never had any desire to leave Paradise, and I honestly believed that once we settled down and had a couple of kids, she would be so happy that she would forget all about that other stuff.”

  “But she didn’t?”

  He shook his head. Watching Beth get in her car and drive away had been hell on earth. He’d felt as though a chunk of his soul had been ripped away, as if he would never be whole again. Those first few weeks had been torture, not knowing where she was or what she was doing. If she was safe. He couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and Lily Ann had been beside herself. Watching her wander the house, calling for Mommy, had eviscerated his already bleeding heart.

  For weeks he’d heard nothing, holding out the hope that she would be so lonely without them, so miserable, that one day he would open the door and she would be standing there, and she would beg him to let her come home. Then the large manila envelope had arrived via Certified Mail from California. Divorce papers. She didn’t ask for a dime from him, and she gave him full custody of their daughter. That was the day he resigned himself to the fact that she wasn’t coming back. That she wanted to cut all ties to her former life, and she was truly happier without him. Without Lily Ann.

  “Deep down I knew she wasn’t ready for a baby,” Joe said. “But I talked her into it anyway. I had myself convinced that it would solve all of our problems, make her settle down.”

  “You were just doing what you thought was right.”

  “And in doing so I deprived my daughter of her mother. That’s why I never told Lily Ann why she left. I couldn’t stand the thought of her knowing it was my fault. Knowing how much she would hate me for it.”

  She touched his arm. “Joe, listen to me. It was not your fault. You may have pressured Beth to marry you, but she could have said no. The same goes for having a baby. And her choice not to see Lily Ann is just that…her choice.”

  “She’s so much like her mother. Lily Ann, I mean.”

  “That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Beth must have had good qualities or you never would have wanted to marry her.”

  “But I don’t want Lily Ann to feel restless and unfulfilled the way Beth did. I want her to be happy.”

  “Then you need to teach her what Beth obviously never figured out. She needs to learn to stand up for herself. She can’t let anyone, not even you, squash her dreams.”

  Clearly she was speaking from experience. “Who tried to squash your dream?”

  “Everybody. My aunt and all my friends. Abe. No one believed I was good enough.”

  “Reily, anyone who’s heard you sing knows you have the talent. Maybe they just didn’t want to lose you. The way I didn’t want to lose Beth.”

  “I guess the difference is that I didn’t listen to those people who said I couldn’t do it. Beth should have put her foot down and told you flat-out no, she wasn’t ready for marriage and kids. The fact that she didn’t is her problem, not yours. You have to stop blaming yourself.”

  In a weird way, that made sense. Maybe it wasn’t entirely his fault after all. “I guess I never really looked at it like that.”

  “Do you still love her?”

  Talk about a loaded question. “To be honest, I’m not sure if I ever did. I loved the woman that I wanted her to be. And I’m starting to wonder if I ever really knew her. I guess that’s her fault as much as mine. She had such a rotten childhood, she was afraid to open up to anyone. And instead of trying to know the real her, I just sort of…filled in the blanks. I made her into the ideal woman for me.”

  “And she let you.”

  He nodded. “Yes, she did.”

  “So if she were to show up tomorrow and say that she loved you and wanted to come home, that she’d changed and she wanted to be Lily Ann’s mommy again, what would you tell her? Would you give her another chance?”

  “If she were truly remorseful and could prove to me that she intended to stick around, I would let her see Lily Ann. But her and I?” He shook his head. “It’s over. Since I met you, that’s more clear to me than it’s ever been.”

  “Why is that?”

  Knowing it was a bad idea, and not giving a damn any longer, he reached down and took her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. “With Beth, everything was a struggle. I tried to convince myself that we were both happy, that we would be okay, but I always had the feeling that any minute the other shoe was going to drop. With you it’s just so…easy. I didn’t know it could feel like that.”

  She squeezed his hand. “I wasn’t supposed to meet you until years from now, when my career is established and I’m ready to settle down. And it’s not fair.”

  “No, it’s not.” Knowing it was an even worse idea, he let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulder instead.

  Reily shifted closer, resting her head against his chest. “This is really nice, but you know that we’re only making it harder on ourselves.”

  “I know.” And right now, he didn’t care. He just wanted
to be close to her. He needed that connection. He had told her things tonight that he’d never confessed to another living soul, because for whatever reason she seemed to understand him. Talking to her made him feel better.

  “You know what would be even worse?” he said, taking her lemonade and setting both their glasses on the porch floor.

  “What?”

  “If I kissed you again.”

  She looked at his mouth, licking her own lips in anticipation. “So why do I get the feeling you’re going to do it anyway?”

  And that obviously wasn’t a problem because as he leaned down, she lifted her chin to meet him halfway. But just before their lips met, Joe heard a truck engine and looked up to see his ex-sister-in-law Emily parking in the street in front of the house.

  Chapter Eleven

  Joe would normally welcome a visit from the woman he considered one of his best friends, but tonight her timing was pretty lousy. She got out of the truck. As she walked up to the porch he could see that she was carrying something, but in the dark it was difficult to say what.

  As she walked up the steps to the porch Joe stood and so did Reily. Beth looked enough like her older sister that when Joe saw Emily, he always felt a brief twinge of pain and regret. Tonight, he only felt happy to see her.

  “Hey, Joe,” Emily said. “And you must be Reily, the new bartender I’ve been hearing so much about.”

  “Guilty,” Reily said, shaking her hand.

  If Emily noticed how close they’d been sitting, she didn’t let on. “Sue asked me to drop these by,” she said, handing Joe what he now realized was a paper grocery bag. “Tomatoes from my garden. I would have brought them sooner but I had an emergency call at Beau’s place.”

  “That’s okay,” Joe told her. “We were just sitting here enjoying the cool breeze.”

  “Why don’t I bring those inside for you,” Reily said, taking the bag from Joe. “I’d like to check on Lily Ann anyway.”

  “Best if you take them out of the bag and set them on the counter,” Emily said. “Or they might overripen.”

  “I’ll do that. It was nice to meet you, Emily.”

  “You too,” Emily said. “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around.”

  Reily let herself in the front door. When Joe turned back to Emily, she was grinning.

  “What?” he asked, knowing damn well why she was looking at him that way.

  “You two looked awfully cozy.”

  “You don’t have a problem with that?”

  She looked confused. “Why would I?”

  “I was married to your sister, and now I’m seeing someone new.”

  “Beth may be my sister, but what she did to you and Lily Ann was inexcusable. I think it’s wonderful that you’re getting on with your life. It’s something you should have done a long time ago. I’ve heard only good things about Reily.”

  “You probably also heard that she isn’t staying. As soon as she has the money she’s leaving for Nashville.”

  “How do you feel about that?”

  “It sucks. I’m probably an idiot for getting involved in a relationship that has no chance of going anywhere. And for obvious reasons I don’t want Lily Ann knowing about it. She really likes Reily, but I don’t want her getting too attached.”

  “You never know, Joe. Reily may decide to stay.”

  He’d like to believe that, but the odds were not in his favor. Besides, they were still getting to know each other. For all he knew, they might realize over the next couple of weeks that they were completely incompatible.

  “We’ll just enjoy the time we have together. Keep it casual,” he told Emily.

  “Sounds like a plan,” Emily said, then looked at her watch. “Well, I’d better get home. Oh, before I forget, Ella is due to have her puppies in a week or so, and I promised Lily Ann I would let her help, so you may be getting a last-minute call.”

  “That’s fine. I know she’ll be thrilled.” Lily Ann was head-over-heels in love with Emily’s border collie, and had been hinting to Joe how cool it would be if they could bring one of her puppies home. Joe wasn’t sure if she was ready for the responsibility of a dog, especially such an energetic breed.

  “I’ll talk to you soon,” Emily said.

  Joe gave her a hug and watched as she walked to her truck. A minute after she pulled away Reily stepped back onto the porch.

  “I’m sorry about that,” she said.

  He sat down and patted the seat beside him. “About what?”

  She sat down, but a foot away this time. “I’m sure she noticed how close we were sitting.”

  “It’s okay, she’s a good friend.”

  “You two are pretty close?”

  “You could say that.”

  “Have you and she ever…?”

  He grinned. “Do I detect a note of jealousy?”

  “Of course not,” she said, then a wry smile tugged at her lips. “Well, maybe just a little. Even though I know I have no right to be.”

  He and Emily had always been friends, but they’d become especially close after Beth left. Some people thought they would become a couple, but he’d never felt more than a brotherly love for her. “She’s just a good friend and a very important person in Lily Ann’s life. She’s the only sibling of Beth’s that we keep in touch with, so she’s the only real link Lily Ann has to her mom’s family.”

  “How does she feel about what Beth did?”

  “I think she blamed herself when Beth took off. Emily more or less raised her siblings since her parents weren’t exactly what you’d call dependable.” Weirdly enough, talking about it didn’t upset him the way it used to. He felt…detached somehow. Reily was the only thing that mattered tonight.

  “So,” he said, scooting closer to her and sliding his arm around her shoulder. “I seem to recall that I was just about to kiss you.”

  “I think you’re right,” she said, meeting him halfway as he leaned in.

  Her mouth tasted sweet and tangy, and though it was tough, he forced himself to keep it slow and gentle, to keep his hands from wandering, when what he really wanted to do was carry her up to his bedroom and finish what they’d started earlier. But after a while he got used to the idea that this wasn’t going any further than the front porch, and he found that he was content with just kissing her. Probably because she did it so well.

  In fact, they kissed for so long that he got a kink in his neck from leaning down. Though he could have easily solved the problem by pulling her into his lap or suggesting they stretch out on the living room sofa, he knew that would be pushing the boundaries of his self-control. So when Reily finally backed away and suggested they call it a night, he didn’t push.

  He walked her to the garage, stopping at the foot of the stairs.

  “I know it was kind of a weird night for you, but I had a nice time,” she said. “I’m glad we talked.”

  Oddly enough, so was he. “Thanks for listening.”

  She rose up on her toes and pressed a soft, brief kiss to his lips. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and really kiss her but he didn’t let himself. He forced himself to keep his hands at his sides. The night had been perfect just the way it was—with the exception of his mother showing up, that is. He didn’t want to spoil it.

  She smiled up at him. “I would say that’s the last time I’ll kiss you, but somehow I doubt that would stop us from doing it again.”

  He had the feeling she was right. Which was all the more reason he needed to stay the hell away from her. But he didn’t want to. It had been a long time since he’d felt this…happy. Maybe he was setting himself up for a huge disappointment, but he didn’t care.

  “For the record, I really want to kiss you again,” she said. “But I’m afraid that once I get started, I won’
t be able to stop, and we both have to work tomorrow. So I’m just going to say good-night.”

  “Good night.”

  He watched her walk up the stairs. He stood there until she was safely inside with the door locked before he turned and walked to the house. He knew it was probably a bad idea to start something with Reily when she would be gone in four weeks, but it was too late to turn back now. And, frankly, he was tired of fighting it. He could spend the next four weeks trying to figure this out, trying to slap a label on it—were they friends, lovers, something in between?—or he could just keep it casual, let nature take its course and enjoy the time they had together.

  * * *

  Reily wasn’t exactly sure what to expect the next morning as she steered her bike up the driveway of Joe’s Place and parked it next to the back door. Last night seemed a bit like a dream, and in the harsh light of day she couldn’t help but wonder if the connection she’d felt, the closeness between them, was only a figment of her imagination. What if he regarded her with the same infuriating indifference, as if last night had never happened? What if they could only be “friends” when no one else was around to see it?

  She stopped at her locker to drop off her backpack. The scent of fresh coffee teased her nose as she stepped into the dining room and walked behind the bar. Lindy was already there slicing limes, a cup of steaming coffee on the bar beside her. Joe was at his usual booth, laptop open in front of him. She was tempted to go over and say hi, but she was a little afraid of what his reaction might be. It would probably be better to let him make the first move.

  “Good morning,” Lindy said, glancing up from the cutting board.

  “Morning.” She poured herself a cup of coffee.

  “I understand you had a pretty exciting night after you left the diner.”

  For several seconds she didn’t know what to say. She’d just assumed that what happened at Joe’s last night was private. She’d been under the impression that the situation with his mother was something he’d shared only with Reily. But of course he would have talked to Lindy about it. They had been friends for years. She probably knew all about the situation with Beth. It was silly of Reily to think that he would share his deepest, darkest secrets with a woman he barely knew and not his best friend. And if it was silly, why did she feel so jealous? And what had he told Lindy about Reily? Did she know about the kissing?