Something to Talk About (Rose Hill, #2)

by Rachael Johns

  Once again, he loved her positive outlook.

  ‘So, what made you change your mind?’ she asked.

  When he frowned in confusion, she added, ‘What made you suddenly decide to come visit?’

  He glanced down as his stomach quivered at the thought of Tabitha. If she hadn’t pressed him they’d likely still be sleeping together, but also, he probably wouldn’t have come. ‘Just something a … a friend said.’

  The moment the word was out, he knew it was the wrong choice—he doubted Tab would call them friends anymore.

  ‘A friend? Is this friend male or female?’

  Ferg squirmed in his seat. ‘What’s that got to do with anything?’

  She pinned him with her stare. ‘I was simply curious, but your defensive reply has given me my answer. So, are you going to tell me about her?’

  ‘There’s not much to tell,’ he said, feeling his cheeks heat. ‘She’s the aunt of one of my students, we’ve been training the junior cricket team together, but we barely know each other.’

  ‘Cut the crap, Fergus.’ Eider sounded much more like the little sister he remembered again. ‘You’ve always been a shit liar and I can still see right through you. What’s the name of this woman you apparently barely know?’

  ‘Tabitha,’ he admitted.

  Eider smiled a victorious grin. ‘Tabitha—nice old-fashioned name like ours. I approve. So why the glum face? Doesn’t this Tabitha like you as much as you clearly like her?’

  Ferg sighed, the last thing he’d wanted to do today was talk about Tab, but Eider was like a dog with a bone when she wanted to know things and he didn’t want to get into a fight with her so soon after their reconciliation. ‘She does actually. She told me she’s in love with me.’

  ‘Oh my God!’ Eider squealed. An expression that was halfway between happiness and relief—perhaps that this might let her and Jools off the hook a bit—filled her face. ‘That’s wonderful. Tell me more about her. What does she do? When can we—’

  Ferg held up a hand before Eider could get too carried away. ‘We’re not together. And you’re not going to meet her.’ Despite the fact they lived in a tiny town, the way she’d managed to stay out of his way the last few days, he wasn’t even sure he was going to see her again.

  Eider’s excitement evaporated. ‘Please, Ferg, I know I hurt you. I know we both hurt you, but don’t exclude me from your life, and please, whatever you do, don’t let your experience with Jools scare you off giving your heart to someone again.’

  ‘That’s not what this is about,’ Ferg said, although he did prickle slightly. She was right that he’d decided love hurt more than it was worth, but Tab had gotten so far under his skin that if that was the only issue, he’d risk it.

  ‘Then what?’

  ‘Tabitha’s pregnant.’

  ‘Wow.’ That struck Eider dumb a few moments. ‘Not your baby, I’m guessing?’

  ‘Nope.’ But how badly did he wish it was?

  ‘So …’ She shook her head slightly as if trying to wrap it around everything. ‘Is she already in a relationship? Did you guys have an affair or are you really just friends?’

  Ferg sighed again, picked up a Tim Tam and bit it clear in half. The few moments he took to swallow it gave him time to psych himself up to explain the whole damn situation. When he’d finished telling her about Tab’s little arm, her ice-cream business, her family, the farm, and of course the baby that didn’t actually belong to anyone but her, Eider said, ‘Tabitha sounds like an amazing woman.’

  ‘She is.’ His heart ached when he thought about just how much.

  ‘So, what’s the problem?’ Eider asked. ‘If there’s no other guy in the picture and you’re clearly as in love with this woman as she claims to be with you, why the hell aren’t you guys together?’

  ‘Because I can’t risk putting Tab’s child through the kind of emotional torture we went through at the hands of some of our foster parents.’

  Eider took a moment. ‘Are you kidding?’

  ‘No. I wouldn’t joke about something like this. You know what it’s like to be raised by people who don’t love you; even the better ones were only going through the motions to take care of us. If I learnt one thing growing up, it was that loving a child that isn’t your own flesh and blood is near impossible. What if I couldn’t love Tabitha’s baby like it deserves? What if Tab could tell? Or worse, what if we went on to have kids of our own and I couldn’t help loving them more?’

  They both knew that was always the case—no matter how much they pretended otherwise, foster parents always loved their own more than they loved the wards of the state. He didn’t think Eider would be able to argue with that, but she did.

  ‘Fergus Titus McWilliams, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard and I can’t believe someone as smart as you could be so damn dumb.’

  He blinked. Had her cancer or love for Jools turned her soft in the head?

  Before he could ask what exactly was so ridiculous about the truth, she barrelled on. ‘You show your love for kids that aren’t your own every single day you go to work and even at night and on the weekends when you don’t. I’ve seen how hard you work and I know it’s because you believe in what you do, because you care about the kids in your class getting the best education and life experience they can. I know we had a few less than ideal foster parents—’

  ‘A few?’ he scoffed.

  ‘But we also had some great ones. Remember Carol?’ she said, referring to the woman who’d baked her way into their hearts. ‘And I know that you’re one of the good guys and would be a good parent whether a child was your biological offspring or not. If you love Tabitha, then you have to believe that you’d love her child just as much, that you’d love it as your own. I believe in you. Maybe it’s time you start believing in yourself.’

  Her passionate speech packed a punch; he felt it in his gut. But Jools chose that moment to return, making quite a noise as she stumbled through the front door, laden with shopping bags. Ferg shot up to help her, welcoming the opportunity to end this confronting discussion. Once they’d put all the groceries away, they went back into the lounge room.

  ‘So, what have you guys been talking about?’ Jools said as she lowered herself into an armchair, still sounding nervous.

  Ferg looked at Eider but she had the good sense not to mention Tabitha. That was the last thing he wanted to be discussing with his ex-girlfriend, even if they had unofficially agreed to move on.

  ‘Oh, this and that. Ferg’s been telling me about how he has a new job up north next year.’

  ‘Really?’ Jools frowned a moment. ‘Are you going to take Mrs Norris?’

  ‘Yes. Unless you want her back?’

  Her shoulders slumped and she glanced quickly at Eider. ‘I can’t, but how is she? Does she like the country?’

  ‘She’s still a proper little madam. Barely tolerates me and spends a lot of time outside chasing rodents and all the other wonderful creatures at her disposal. My guess is once she’s completely sufficient at catching enough to live on, I won’t see her again.’

  Jools looked appalled. ‘That’s terrible. You know we used to keep her in at nights so she couldn’t attack the native wildlife.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Ferg reassured her. ‘All I’ve seen her catch so far is mice, and trust me, there are plenty of them. From what I can tell, most of the farmers have cats around to keep the mice from eating their crops and feed. But she’s only wild around me.’

  He told her about how Mrs Lord had turned up and fallen in love with Mrs Norris. ‘The feeling was mutual. I’ve decided she must prefer girls; like you two.’

  They laughed and Ferg couldn’t help joining in. A few months ago, he’d have hit anyone who dared to tell him that his fiancée leaving him for his sister was amusing, but now he found he could almost see the funny side of it himself.

  ‘And what about Tabitha?’ Eider asked, a cheeky twinkle in her eyes. ‘Does Mrs Norris like Tab
itha?’

  ‘Isn’t Tabitha the woman who owns the B&B?’ Jools said, glancing between Ferg and Eider. ‘Why’s she met Mrs Norris?’

  He froze and glared at his sister, but neither of them had to say anything.

  ‘Oh!’ Jools’ eyes widened and then her face broke into a smile. ‘Is something going on between you two?’

  He glanced down at his watch. ‘Is that the time? I really should be going before it gets too late. Everyone says that driving at dusk is dangerous as all the kangaroos are out on the road.’

  ‘Kangaroos?’ Jools said, thankfully distracted. ‘Wow, it’s like you’re living in a different world. I thought kangaroos running across the road was merely a myth we let foreigners believe.’

  ‘Apparently not.’

  ‘Can’t you stay a bit longer?’ Eider said, seemingly not interested in the discussion of Australia’s national animal.

  He glanced at Jools, wondering what she thought of this suggestion, but not wanting to say no to his little sister, especially in her current state. She hit him with her full-faced smile, the one that had once made his heart burst, but now merely seemed to remind him that she wasn’t the demon he’d tried to imagine her to be the last few months.

  ‘That’s a great idea,’ Jools said. ‘The spare room’s all set up and I’m making a chicken pasta for dinner. There’ll be more than enough for you as well.’

  His mouth watered at the mention of her famous chicken pasta and he felt his resolve wavering. He hadn’t planned to stay this long, but it wasn’t like he had any reason to be back in Walsh tonight. Except for Mrs Norris, but he’d left her biscuits on the porch. And there was Tabitha.

  Once again, his heart rattled at the thought of her. Could Eider possibly be right? Could he dare to tell her how he really felt and ask if she’d let him help raise her baby?

  The idea terrified him more than anything he’d ever faced, but also electrified him. He thought about how he’d helped her set up the furniture and paint the nursery, and he felt suddenly breathless at the thought of bringing the baby home to sleep there. Of getting up in the middle of the night to help Tab settle it. Of singing lullabies and reading some of his favourite picture books. He knew kids should be read to as early as possible, even in the womb wasn’t jumping the gun.

  Of course, said a pesky little voice in his head, you’ll be in Newman by then.

  Chapter Thirty

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Tab spat, her heart pounding as she stepped out into warm evening air.

  Ryder smiled and pushed his sunnies up onto his head. ‘Hello, Tabby. Is that any way to greet an old friend?’

  His voice sounded deeper than she remembered and up close he definitely looked older, as if all those late nights on the stage had taken their toll. Despite that, she had to admit he was still good-looking, but in a much more artificial way than she recalled. His golden man-bun looked slicked back with some kind of product and she’d bet his hipster beard had been trimmed by an actual barber.

  Still, it was the friend thing that had her snorting—it was almost as funny as the notion that she and Fergus were friends. Pushing thoughts of him out of her head, she replied, ‘I’m guessing if we looked it up in a dictionary, the definition of friends would involve talking to each other more than once every ten years.’

  ‘Ah …’ He scratched his jaw, clearly at a loss for words. If he was hoping for a more enthusiastic welcoming party, he’d chosen the wrong week to waltz back into her life.

  ‘So, what can I do for you?’ She really wished she had two arms right now so she could cross them. Instead, she held her chin high and kept her lips in a tight line.

  The egotistical smile fell from his face. ‘I heard about what you’re doing out here and thought I’d come check it out, say hello. I’m sorry, I should have guessed you might not be as excited to see me as I was at the prospect of seeing you.’

  Tab felt the straight line of her lips wobble a little. Was he for real?

  She didn’t know what to say. ‘You’re here early,’ she decided on. ‘The show’s almost a week away.’

  ‘I know, but I needed to get away. I needed a bit of a break from it all.’

  She found her interest piqued. Did he mean a break from the music? The city? A love gone wrong? Her stupid heart thawed a little at the stricken look on his face.

  ‘I see. Well, I’m not sure how much of a break this’ll be. I’m surprised you haven’t been mobbed yet. To say the town is excited about you coming is an understatement.’

  ‘Well, I only arrived this afternoon and I went straight to my accommodation, so I’m yet to see anyone really, except you.’

  The last thing she’d expected was for him to seek her out. ‘Where are you staying?’

  He named an upmarket B&B on the other side of Walsh, owned by a couple of retirees from Perth. ‘My manager booked it—he’s coming later in the week with my band. But I should have stayed out here.’ He glanced down the deserted street and then up into a nearby tree where a pink and grey galah sat plucking its feathers. ‘It’s lovely, so peaceful and quiet.’

  ‘Unfortunately we’re fully booked next weekend.’

  ‘That’s great. You’re obviously doing really well with your little business.’

  She bristled at the word ‘little’ and wondered how much he actually knew, but decided not to waste her breath arguing it. ‘We are, but everywhere is fully booked, thanks to you.’

  He smiled a little again, clearly pleased by the notion. ‘What about during the week? Do you have guests now? Maybe I could stay here a few days and move back to the other B&B when you need me to?’

  Her stomach flipped—they didn’t have guests until Wednesday, but she didn’t want him staying under her feet and couldn’t understand why he’d want to. ‘I don’t think so.’

  He sighed. ‘Fair enough. How about a drink then? I know you don’t owe me anything, but I really would love to catch up.’

  Tab’s instinct was to turn him away—to reject, and possibly hurt him like he’d hurt her all those years ago—but she found herself relenting. Perhaps his company for an hour or so would distract her heart and mind from Fergus. A little reprieve appealed.

  ‘Okay. But you can’t stay long. I’m tired—I’ve had a long day and have another busy one tomorrow.’

  He grinned. ‘No worries. You just say the word and I’ll leave.’

  A little voice in Tab’s head said she should probably say the word right now. But, against her better judgement, she welcomed him into her home instead. ‘I’ve just got to clean up in the kitchen,’ she said, ‘but feel free to have a look around while I do.’

  Ryder’s gaze followed as she pointed to the gallery. ‘I’ll help you instead.’

  ‘Suit yourself.’

  So he followed her through the tea rooms into the kitchen and did exactly as he promised, asking her about how she got into ice-cream-making and how the tea rooms came about.

  ‘So Meg is Lawson’s new wife?’ Ryder asked. When she nodded, he added, ‘I heard about what happened to Leah. Just tragic.’

  Tab wondered why he hadn’t thought to send condolences but bit her tongue. This was a weird enough situation without making things even more awkward. ‘Yeah, I never thought I’d see him so happy again, but Meg is great and Ned adores her.’

  ‘Ned’s Lawson and Leah’s kid?’

  Tab nodded as she wiped the last of her ice-cream mess off the benches. It had been easy enough talking to him while they’d had something else to occupy them but she wasn’t so sure about sitting down face to face. Still, she could hardly send him on his way after he’d helped her clean up. ‘Now, can I get you a drink?’

  ‘That’d be great,’ he said. ‘You got a beer?’

  ‘Sorry, this is currently an alcohol-free zone. The best I can do is a cup of tea, coffee, Milo, soft drink or juice.’ She could also offer a milkshake, but that’d be pushing the so-called friendship, as would offering him anything to eat.
r />   ‘No worries. I should have picked something up at the pub, but I went for a drive and kinda just ended up here. Coffee will be great.’

  Tab made him a coffee and a Milo for herself and then they took them into the tea rooms. When they sat down at one of the tables, she wracked her mind for something to say.

  In the end he spoke first, pinning her with an intense stare. ‘You’re looking really good, Tabby. Being a business woman must agree with you.’

  Or it could be my pregnant glow? Either that or my cheeks are still flushed red from all the crying the last few days.

  Actually, Ryder was probably lying—when she’d looked in the mirror that morning, she’d looked ghastly—but she couldn’t see what benefit lying would bring him.

  ‘Thanks,’ was all she said in the end and they were both quiet a few moments.

  ‘Look … I know it’s long overdue, but I want to say sorry,’ Ryder said eventually and Tab almost spilled the Milo that was halfway to her mouth.

  ‘Sorry for what?’

  ‘For the way I acted when … you know.’ He nodded towards her arm, obviously still too cowardly to actually talk about her cancer and her amputation. ‘I was an idiot.’

  She raised her eyebrows, not about to let him off the hook.

  He sighed loudly. ‘Okay, idiot doesn’t even come close. There are no words that can ever convey how deeply ashamed I am for the way I treated you, for walking away when you really needed me. For choosing a career over us.’

  ‘You know, you could have had both. I lost my arm, not my voice.’

  ‘I know, but I was scared. I didn’t know how to support you through something so huge, so I ran instead.’

  She shook her head. ‘It was never about supporting me, it was about having a girlfriend with a disability not suiting the image you wanted to portray. Don’t try to rewrite history, because I have a memory like an elephant.’

  Ryder hung his head. ‘You’re right. And I might spend the rest of my life regretting that foolish and selfish behaviour. There’s never been anyone that got me as well as you did, anyone I’ve had such a connection with since—on stage, but more importantly, off.’