Within

by Rachel Rae

  Two passersby walked past us, looking at us weirdly, which caused us to get quiet, and when they walked off, I picked the conversation back up where we left off.

  “I took the fall for both of y’all, not you, or you, but me! I didn’t know shit and y’all know it. What the fuck is it about me that makes people want to throw me down in mud and shit, huh? Ever since I was forced to get that abortion, y'all have been on some shit, I promise, and I know exactly what it was! Both y’all was jealous! I shouldn’t have trusted y'all! I should have never trusted someone that fucked my man!”

  FiFi shook her head in disbelief, as Akira laughed in my face, “Is that what you think? You so far gone you don’t even see fake from the truth! When was the last time you took your meds, huh Krystle?”

  “Akira, don’t go there,” FiFi whispered.

  “Why the fuck do you wanna know? And who told you any of my business?” I asked.

  Another person walked by with her two dogs, just staring at us and it pissed Akira off even more. “What the fuck you looking at bitch? You and ya stupid ass dogs get from out of our mouths!” she said, standing.

  “Just like always, you are causing a damn scene,” I said, placing my hand on my forehead.

  “If you don’t see it by now, Krystle, you will soon enough. You called him over there; everything happened because of you and no one else. When you come to grips with that, then you know how to holla at me. Until then, I’m gone. Come on, FiFi,” she said, walking past us still sitting on the bench.

  I began to cry as FiFi stood up. “So I’m in this alone, huh? Y’all kill Bishop and I get this? I…I thought y’all were my friends, but I guess I was wrong about y’all, just like I was wrong about him.” I wept.

  She looked back at Akira still walking away, then back at me, and kneeled down in front of me. “I am your friend and if you know anything you know I love you, you are a part of me and so is Akira. We’re all wrapped in this together. I can’t help you right now, Krys, but I will in due time, okay? I promise.”

  “Fi, let’s go!” Akira yelled.

  “Nobody’s promises mean shit to me no more,” I said, looking off to my left. She stared at me for a couple more seconds, before tapping my leg and following behind Akira. As soon as I turned my head in the direction they were walking, they were gone. I sat back, wiped my tears and started to think about what I had gotten myself into, and wondered, how do I get myself out? I need to talk to my aunt to help get some understanding on what to do next, because I’m taking on more than I can handle.

  Chapter Three

  COURTNEY

  “Something’s just not adding up and for the life of me, I can’t put my finger on it,” my brother, Tony, said to me.

  “She came to see me the other day, she’s not as consistent as I would like, but we’re making some progress. She told me her mom left the house and hasn't been back since. When did you plan on telling me?” I asked, watching him shift himself on the barstool beside me. He cleared his throat, while motioning for a bartender.

  “Another Hennessy and Coke please?” he asked, as soon as the bartender leaned in.

  “Me as well.” I smiled, at the same time positioning myself on the barstool I occupied to look him in the face. “Well? When the hell were you planning on telling me that shit, Tony?”

  “Courtney, no disrespect, but some things that goes on between a man and his wife should just stay that way, between them. I’m not obligated to tell you everything that goes on in my personal life!”

  I watched as the bartender sat our drinks in front of us, soon after walking away to wait on other customers. Tony took a huge swallow of his drink, and then put his head down.

  “I just don’t know what to do anymore, my daughter, my wife… That’s all I got and I'm losing it,” he said, taking another drink.

  I wanted to chime in, but it seemed like he just needed someone to be that listening ear for him, additionally, I was willing to do that. At the end of his hour-long rant, we both ran through four glasses of Henn and Coke a piece, “Excuse me ma’am?” I asked, slurring a bit, “Can I have the ticket please?”

  “No problem.” she smiled, grabbing my keys, placing them inside a glass dish across the way behind the bar.

  “You know she just took yo keys right?” Tony said, slurring just as bad as I was.

  “Shhh, whisper… I know it,” I said, blinking hard in her direction. “She is not a great thief; don’t they normally wait until you turn your head or whatnot?”

  “Hell yeah! Hey lady bartender… ma’ammmmm?” Tony said, waving his hands in the air.

  “Yes sir, here’s your ticket, did I take too long?” she inquired, sliding the receipt towards him.

  “No… Yes, wait… Don’t confuse me. What did you say?”

  “Ma’am, we were just wondering; why did you take my keys off this bar, if you’re tryin’ to steal, you are doing a horrible job and should probably stick to making these good ass drinks.”

  “Oh that…” she laughed, “sorry about that, here.” she took a laminated piece of paper off the bar, suddenly handing it to me.

  “You have had too much to drink and I hate to have something happen to you. Me being your bartender, I feel it is my duty to help protect you and others on the road.”

  “Umm… So this meaannnsss?” I asked, handing her back the laminated paper.

  “I have called the Tipsy Taxi Service, they will be here in about two minutes and they will take you home, free of charge. I have already put a number on your keys, here’s the stub to it you can come get it in the morning. No one will bother your keys or your car, I promise you. Ahh, there is your driver right there, Myron!” the bartender shouted past us, waving her hands in the air.

  I didn't know how I felt about leaving my car there, but she was right and knowing that she was, I didn't put up a fight. I guess it was better than my brother or myself driving and killing someone, or getting pulled over, so off we went with Myron in the Tipsy Taxi to Tony’s house.

  When we got there, I thanked the driver, woke up my brother and proceeded in the house. The drive home had sobered me up a bit and it seemed that nap Tony took helped him as well, until we walked in the house. Every inch of the hardwood floors were covered with some white powdery substance, shit; if I wasn't as sober as I thought I was at first, I damn sure was sober now.

  “What the hell is this all on my floor?” Tony asked, squatting down and touching it as I closed the door behind us. “Flour?”

  “My goodness, Tony, go find Krystle; who would do something like this? Krys?” I yelled out, tiptoeing across the flour covered wood floors, making sure not to fall.

  “I’ve got to clean this shit up,” he said, shaking his head.

  “Krys? There you are.”

  She was hiding in a corner, crying besides a bookshelf in the study where we used to play Hide and Seek when she was a little girl. “Why is all this flour around here, and why are you hiding and crying? What is going on?”

  “Did you see them? They tried to come in here; they want to try and do me the same way they did Bishop!” she cried out nervously

  “Who Krys? Who are you talking about? You are covered in flour. Did someone do this to you?”

  She rubbed the side of her left cheek with the back of her hand, staring off at the front door.

  “They tried to kill me, they are angry with me. Especially Akira; she has it out the most for me and will stop at nothing. She broke the kitchen window with a bat, trying to get in here, so I hurried and turned off all the lights, put all of the flour on the floors to track their footsteps, and hid.”

  “How long ago was this? Why didn’t you call one of us?”

  She ignored my question and stood up, focusing on her father attempting to sweep up some of the flour off the floor. She ran up to him and just stood there gazing.

  “Krystle, I don’t give a shit what happened, you have a phone, you could have used to call fucking 911! Look at this shit! This
is going to take me damn near all night to clean! But don’t you worry, you will be down here too, until there ain't shit left of this floor!” he paused for a second, raised his eyebrow then snapped in her face. “Do you hear me, girl?”

  “Krystle?” I asked, walking up behind her slowly with my hands out, but before I could get to her she had already jumped on her dad’s back, yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs.

  “You’re trying to get rid of the evidence! They were here! Let go of the fucking broom, Dad!”

  We both wrestled with her, trying to get her off him, she finally gave up about two minutes in. I held her hands in front of her while holding her in a spooning position on the floor. All three of us were breathing heavy, not knowing what to do.

  “You get her ass out of here now, Courtney!” he yelled at a whisper.

  “Tony?”

  “I mean that shit today, she can pack up her shit and go! I can't take this shit from her! All I did was try to be the best fucking father and husband I knew how! And I give the fuck up! This is the shit that made her mother leave! Her jumping on somebody; I didn't understand what would make a mother abandon her own flesh and blood and not… Not be there! But I get it now! And she has got to go! today!”

  “Fuck you mean? You nor her gave two shits about me! Never have! I’ll be glad to leave this raggedy motherfucker! Auntie let me go!” she said, snatching away from me, standing up. “The way you have been treating me is way worse than me aborting my baby and losing the love of my life. You my protector, my blood, my father, ain't shit to me. Not no more.” She turned around quickly, ran to her room, slamming the door behind her.

  Tony took a deep breath, sat down on the couch, and then sat back. “I…” Tony started, but couldn’t follow up. His mouth was open as if he was trying to say something, but whatever it was just didn’t come out. We sat quietly for another five minutes, I watched as my brother sat on his couch and cried out of anger, sadness, and frustration of not knowing what to do next. “I just…” He started again.

  “Tony, I know, trust me I know. You didn’t mean any of what you said to her, and she absolutely didn’t mean what she said to you.” I sat quiet for another second then started to speak again, “I tell you what, how about I stay the night, since I can’t go anywhere anyways, clean up while y’all two sleep it off, and we all talk tomorrow. Is that a deal?”

  He just nodded his head in agreeance, stood up, and then walked to his room and shut the door. As promised, I began to clean up all the flour and thought about the story Krystle had told her father and me. I stopped sweeping when I thought about what she said that lead her to the “flour” decision. Propping the broom against the back of the reclining chair, I walked slowly towards the kitchen, replaying what my niece said in my head. “They tried to kill me, they are angry with me. Especially Akira; she has it out the most for me and will stop at nothing. She broke the kitchen window with a bat, trying to get in here, so I hurried and turned off all the lights, put all of the flour on the floors, to track their footsteps and hid.” When I turned on the light to the kitchen, I instantly noticed the bat that lay right in front of the back door. The backdoor window was shattered, but there was no glass showing that one of those girls Krystle has been talking about tried to break in. I looked on the kitchen floor and noticed that Krystle had poured flour in here too. Now I’m no damn detective, but what I will say is there are two sets of footprints; barefoot ones coming from the back and ones with shoes coming towards the back. One set of which is mine and I'm certain the barefoot ones are my niece’s. I opened the back door and saw broken glass and blood. What the hell could have happened in such little time while Tony and I were gone? I have to meet these girls and get to the bottom of this shit, before someone seriously gets hurt and I refuse to let it be my niece.

  Chapter Four

  KRYSTLE

  I stood in front of my vanity mirror, staring at myself. I lifted my right hand and looked at it in disgust, because of the huge fresh cut that Akira did when she broke the back window trying to get in here. I knew I should have never trusted them hoes and FiFi’s ass just standing back and let her do that shit is the most fucked up thing. “I don’t deserve any of this!” I yelled to myself. I started to cry as I walked to the side of my nightstand, got a cotton ball and some alcohol for my cut. After I finished cleaning up my hand, I laid across my bed and thought about the baby my dad made me abort. Right now, I could be holding my little girl or little boy in my arms, with Bishop holding me in his. With all the drama that has been going on with Akira and FiFi, I completely put the fact that Bishop and my child dead on the back burner. I started to cry harder, as I pulled the body pillow from the head of my bed to where I was, and cuddled it, letting my tears pour out all of my feelings that I buried deep inside. No one understood what I was going through, except Aunt Courtney, and I feel like even she’s starting to turn her back on me. I cried and cried, and then cried some more, until my eyes got heavy and I dozed off.

  *****************************

  I heard my cell phone vibrating on the nightstand back to back. I lifted my head up a bit to look at the screen, saw it was an unavailable number, and then laid my head back down on the pillow. That same unavailable number called me again three more times, before I sat up and decided to answer it.

  “What the fuck!” I yelled into the receiver.

  “You will rot in hell for what you did!” the male voice said deep and low.

  “I didn’t do anything, who is this?”

  “Don’t play games, Krystle, you’ve done enough of that. Stop blaming everyone else for shit you know you did!”

  “What the fuck are you talking about, who is this? I'm not blaming anybody for anything, other than what they should take ownership for! I’m only going to ask one more time, who is this?”

  “Bishop…”

  “What?” I yelled, my hand shaking. “Hello? Hello…”

  All I heard was slight breathing; then a dial tone, I felt my chest get tight and the room start to spin It couldn’t be Bishop. I watched as Akira and FiFi stabbed him to his death; who could be doing such a horrible thing to me this early? My phone vibrated again in my hand with unavailable coming up again, my hand shook harder than before, as a massive lump formed in my throat, causing my speaking voice to sound weird.

  “Bishop?”

  Silence

  “I know you’re there; answer me, Bishop, if it’s you!”

  “Shhh,” the voice whispered

  “Who is this? Why are you messing with me?”

  “Be quiet, it’s FiFi. I’m trying to make sure Akira isn't listening to me.”

  I just held the phone; I can’t believe after all that shit last night, she had the nerve to call me today.

  “FiFi don’t call me anymore, we aren’t friends! I know what it is and what it has obviously been all these months. At the end of the day, you and Akira got off easy, while I’m paying the fucking price!”

  “Shut up and just listen, okay? It’s not me. It’s Akira. She’s getting powerful and I can’t stop her, she’s even starting to overpower me. You have to do something to stop her.”

  “Me? I have enough that I have to deal with, y’all haven’t helped me on shit!”

  “You know I don’t agree with everything Akira says, but I agree with some things and you are going to have to start taking responsibility, for a lot of the shit that has happened, Krystle. What happened to Bishop is because of you and only you. We did what you’ve been wanting to do; it’s just a shame though, Bishop didn’t deserve to be done like that.” I heard her sigh.

  I had to keep my composure as I felt my anger rise and boil inside me; the nerve of her to call my fucking phone and say something so disrespectful!

  “You damn right my man didn’t deserve to be done like that, especially by the hands of you and your little friend. Y’all probably had this planned from the moment I met y'all!”

  Before she got a chance to answer, I
heard a small commotion, and then Akira’s voice.

  “You are really sick, Krystle, you know that? The sooner you get some help, the better off you will be. Don’t talk to FiFi like she’s the crazy one, when in all actuality, it’s you!”

  “Fuck you, Akira, like I told your flunky; his blood will never be on my hands, you two have to answer to what y'all did to him!”

  She laughed a loud, long, evil laugh and then took a deep sigh. “Have you looked at your hands in a while, Krystle? Have you even gone back and relived that day?”

  When she asked me that question, she actually made me think. I hadn’t even thought about that day like that. I guess I kinda pushed how it all happened back somewhere in my memory. I sighed, sat back and listened to Akira breathe.

  “I guess that means you haven't,” she said, breaking the silence. “Fifi here, take this phone, keep it short and simple.”

  “Krystle?” Fifi asked, getting back on the phone.

  “Yeah…”

  “I convinced Akira to do something and I’m only doing this for your own good. Okay? But with this, I need you to do something for me. I need you to remember what happened and that will only happen after you start taking your medication. I know this is going to be hard for you, but it’s something that needs to be done.”

  “I don’t owe y'all nothing and I’m fine without that bullshit!” I barked.

  “No, you don’t owe us anything, but I will make you this promise. Start back when you had that abortion, and go up until Bishop. Pull all those memories out in a couple of days; I’ll call you back and we can talk about it. In the meantime…” she said, stopping to take a deep breath. “Akira and I would like for you to set up a meeting with your aunt and introduce us.”

  That brought a smile to my face, knowing they were finally going to sit with us and admit what they’d done, and I wouldn’t seem crazy to my family anymore.

  “That really does mean a lot to me,” I said, still smiling, letting a few tears trail down my face. “It really, really does; you just don't understand.”