“I have moved on, but not in the way you think. Just like you went away to college single and free, I have too. I’ve been dating, but I don’t have a boyfriend.” I decide not to answer his last question since it was really a statement.
“Kate, I can’t even think about you with someone else. It’s killing me. I know I screwed up by letting you go. I realized that after my first year and I’ve been trying so hard to get you to talk to me.” He presses his lips together in a firm line and breathes in loudly. “To get you back. Being single and free wasn’t all I thought it was going to be. Please just give this a chance. We’ve got over two weeks until we go back, can we date until then?”
I don’t even know how to respond to this. I move my hands to the steering wheel and grip it tightly. Part of me wants to see if this can go anywhere again, but I do not want to get hurt again. I had trusted Kyle with everything and he just left me after making me promises of a future. I slept with him and months later he left me. He knew that it was a big deal to me and still he left me. And then there’s the Marco situation. I’m not in a committed relationship with him or anyone for that matter, but maybe this dating thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I wonder if I should stick to being single. I have to answer Kyle and I know deep down if I don’t give this a little time that it will continue to sit unsettled in my mind tormenting me even longer.
“I’ll hang out with you, but I’m not making any promises. I’m just not sure what I feel or want from you.” I am firm and I can tell this shocks Kyle a little. He is used to persuading me into things. Then he raises an eyebrow and smirks at me.
“Ok, I’ll take it. All I really want is some time with you. How about tomorrow?”
I laugh at his pushiness. “I’m not sure what I have going on, but you can call me.” He kisses me lightly on my cheek and leaves my car.
Then right after he opens his car door he runs back over and I roll the window down. “Oh, and please don’t call Marco back. Bye, Kate.” He winks and turns to get in his car.
******
I never do return Marco’s call. I decide that it is better to hold off on anything with Marco until I can figure this situation out with Kyle for good. Marco, however, did send an email and I replied keeping it casual.
True to his word, Kyle did call me the next day. That night he came by and picked me up for a movie. Then we grabbed ice cream afterwards just like we used to in high school. Over the next week we spend quite a bit of time together. I find myself enjoying his company and see positive changes in him, but of course there are plenty of reminders of the Kyle I knew … some good and some bad. Each time after hanging out he kisses me, although it is much more reserved and controlled. In between hanging out with Kyle, I spend time with Daniel and my dad. I can tell dad really enjoys having me at home. I help with the cooking and laundry. I haven’t brought up anything about mom since our drive home the other week. Tonight Kyle and I had gone out for a bite to eat and then to his house to watch a movie. Kyle briefly kissed me goodnight as he dropped me back off at home. It is late and I can see the light on in Dad’s den on the main floor.
I come in through the garage and stop in the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Before I head upstairs I decide to head down the hallway to say goodnight to dad. Looking down the hallway I see a light coming through the doorway because the door is slightly cracked open. I can hear him on the phone and talking quietly. I also hear music playing softly in the background. It is Blue by the Jayhawks, one of mom’s favorites. I don’t want to eavesdrop, but what I hear stops me in my tracks.
“I’m coming out there in a couple weeks Sharon. You can’t stop me, she is my wife.” His tone is stern and set.
“I don’t give a damn what she says. It’s been over seven months now.” He pauses to let my Aunt Sharon talk. “For Christ sakes, she has two kids and a husband that she left here.” I can’t tell what Aunt Sharon is telling him, most likely trying to calm him, but he won’t hear of it. “She needs a reality check at this point. She has responsibilities here.” He pauses in his rant and takes a deep breath. I make my way to push the door open more so he can see me.
As I walk through the door I see him hunched over his desk with one hand holding the phone to his ear and the other running through his hair. Dad still has a good amount of hair and very few gray hairs in the mass of sandy brown hairs. I stand in front of his desk and pull a chair out to sit down in. He looks up at me with nothing but despair in his brown eyes. My heart cracks right down the middle.
“Sharon, I will be there on the twenty-fourth of this month. I need to see her and be more involved in her recovery. She needs to be reminded of her life here … and the love we shared.”
He hangs up and looks at me with tears in his eyes. I don’t know what to say or do because I have never seen this strong man cry. Although mom would always tell us about when she gave birth to us that dad had shed tears of joy. Nervously, I smooth my hair behind my ears.
“Dad, are you ok?” I ask him with a shaky voice.
“Yea sweetie, I’m just frustrated and trying to make sense of this mess.” He is sitting straight with his shoulders broadened. “How was your night?”
I teeter on changing the subject back to mom, but feel a small amount of relief to talk about Kyle instead. I never thought it would be easier to talk about Kyle instead of mom, but that is my reality. “It was good, we just went to Pizzeria Uno and then watched a movie.”
“Is he being good to you? I don’t want to pry too much because I think you’ve changed and won’t put up with any… crap.” He raises his eyebrows and lets out a huff of a laugh. “Right?”
“Yes, he is, we are just hanging out and it’s more of a friend thing, dad. I’m not sure that I want to be anything more.”
“Katherine, don’t let him fool you into thinking he is ok with just being friends. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. At some point he is going to want more than friends. Are you going to want more than friends?” Normally I would have been embarrassed about having this kind of talk with my dad, but I wasn’t at all. This is the type of thing that mom and I would talk about more, but things are different and I feel closer to my dad.
“I know, I just have to see this through before I can move forward completely. It’s always been unsettled in my mind and heart. I’m being honest with him just like mom always taught me to be.”
Dad stood and let out a yawn. He walked toward me to give me a comforting hug before saying goodnight. I don’t bring up anything more about Mom because I still don’t feel ready to talk about it. From what I heard of his phone conversation I know enough. Mom wasn’t stable or ready for her life back here.
Chapter 15
The next morning I sleep in later than I had intended. I need a run to clear my head. As I start to change into my running gear I get a call from Maggie. We talk for an hour about our break. She asks about Marco because she hasn’t seen him this break like usual. I tell her all about Kyle and that I feel like I have to figure this out first. She agrees that I should just hold off on Marco for now. Eventually, she asks me about Reed. I tell her about our flirtatious emails and she laughs. Maggie fills me in on Brandon and their agreement to be in the “off stage” for the break. She has kissed a couple boys from back home, but that is it. She even admits that she misses Brandon. We say goodbye and that we will see each other next week.
As I head out the door for my run my phone rings again and it is Kyle. I send it to voicemail because otherwise I will never get this run in. It is really cold today, so I only get in a three mile run, but it feels great. I decide that I will talk to my dad about mom before I leave for school. I also decide that I should make up my mind about Kyle before I leave, but know that I may not be able to do that. My mind feels clear and refreshed.
Dad is at work and Daniel has a friend over playing on one of the game systems. Before I do anything else I head up for a hot shower. I take my time letting my body warm up from the cold. I wrap my
wet hair in a towel and throw on my short soft pink robe. I make my way to my room and jump when I see Kyle lying on my bed.
“Hey, Daniel said you were upstairs.” His eyes run up and down my body, lingering on my tan legs.
“Shit, you scared me, Kyle!” I start to take the towel from my hair out. He moves from laying to sitting on the bed.
“I called you earlier and you didn’t answer, so I just came over. What do you want to do today?” For some reason this irritates me and I feel cornered. I’m not sure if it’s because he just showed up here or that he assumes we are doing something. I let out a frustrated breath and he reaches over to grab my hands and stands in front of me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Leaning in he says, “Mmmm, you smell so good.”
The way he is looking at me I can tell he is thinking about doing something more than just lunch. His eyes flick down to the fold in my robe at my cleavage. I inhale and know he has probably just showered too. He smells good, like Kyle. He is wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and my favorite jeans. Finally I mutter, “You smell good too.”
His hands move up my arms to the base of my neck and then he moves my robe slightly off my shoulders. His lips make their way over to my right collar bone and begin to lick, suck and kiss over to the base of my throat. There is a hitch in my breath and butterflies in my belly. His tongue slides up my throat and over my jaw. He moves his head so our foreheads are touching and just stares at me. I am staring back into his green eyes with a sparkle of hazel in them unsure where I want this to go. Something is familiar and comfortable about it, but my mind is hesitating. My body, however, is asking for more. His hands come up and tangle in my long wet blond hair and then he kisses me. Our lips move passionately as our tongues collide. I feel feverish and a sense of pleasure sweeps through me. My robe is sliding off of my right shoulder all together and I push modesty to the side since I don’t have my bra or underwear on. He turns me so that the back of my knees are against my bed and then pulls back slightly to kick my door closed. Kissing me again he moves me down on the bed and I scoot up to make room for him. We are lying on our sides all the while kissing. Kissing me on my neck again and back up to my ear I let out a soft moan as he lightly bites on my earlobe. That was always a weak spot for me… still is.
“God Kate, I want you so bad,” he whispers in my ear.
“Mmmm,” is all I manage to let out. I love when he whispers in my ear.
“I love every little sound you make because of me. Do you remember? Remember how good we were together?” Of course I do and so does my body right now, but I also remember how short lived it was. Our intimate experiences were innocent until we had sex, which were only a few months before he left me. I think we only slept together a handful of times. I think on his question while he continues to kiss my neck and the more I think of it the more I remember Kyle rushing things and it being so fast. I push that dark thought from my mind and let myself drift back into the pleasure I am feeling because this right now is different. I don’t feel rushed or pressured. Instead of answering I shift to his lips and kiss him a little aggressively. He groans at my forwardness.
His hands move my robe completely off my shoulders, which loosens it around my waist and expose the top part of my breasts. I’m carelessly urging him to keep up this pace. One hand stays at the base of my neck and his other roams down to cup one of my breasts. As he tenderly gropes my breast my heartbeat and breathing quicken. I’m frantic to feel more and desire is consuming me. He slows his kiss and pulls back to look at me and my chest is visibly rising and falling. Closing his eyes he takes in a deep breath and runs his teeth across his bottom lip, as if he is in turmoil about what to do next. Once again my mind and body are in conflict with one another. My mind is cautioning me and my body is practically screaming yes. Before Kyle has a moment longer to contemplate, I lunge forward and crash my lips to his forcing him to kiss me again. Without a moment’s hesitation he opens his lips and slides his tongue across the roof of my mouth. I move my hands to his stomach and pick at the hem of his shirt with my fingertips. His hand has moved back down to my breasts. The sensation I feel lands right between my legs. I have never taken the lead before, not that I had really been given a chance, and suddenly I feel a desire to. I move my hands to his shoulders and guide him so that he is lying flat and I am straddling his lap. Somehow I make sure that my robe stays covering my bottom half. I kiss Kyle along his jaw and over to his ear and then down his throat to his neck.
He hisses through his teeth, “Ah, God… Kate.” Hearing him and knowing that I shocked him is turning me on even more. I have always been reserved and shy when we had sex. Kyle was my first, but I was not his. He was always the one to take the lead. And now, God only knows how much experience he has. I don’t want to think too much about it.
I’m kissing him at the base of his throat and below his collar bone. His hands are tangled in my hair and he deliberately starts to push my head down. Then with one of his hands he starts to undo his jeans. I already know he is more than turned on by how hard he feels below me. I try to move my head back up towards his lips, but he urges me downward. I know what he wants, but I have never done that. As a matter of fact, it was a sore subject during our relationship. He always wanted me to go down on him and I never did. If and when I ever do that, I want it to be on my terms not someone pushing my head in that direction. Crap, so much for taking the lead.
I peek up at him through my eyelashes scared at what expression I will find on his face. Pulling myself upward I hear him let out a frustrated sigh as I sit up straight on his lap with him still lying flat. I cover myself completely with my robe.
“Jesus, you’re killing me.” His tone is spiteful and lacks humor.
Nervously I bite at the bottom corner of my lip. I don’t bother to apologize or explain.
******
After the intense make out session in my room that didn’t lead to what I am sure Kyle had hoped for, I notice his eyes narrow in a way that remind me of when he was frustrated or angry. However, he kisses my cheek and sneaks out of my room back downstairs without a word. He doesn’t try to push me into it like he has in the past. I get dressed, untangle my hair and put a dab of make-up on quickly. Before I head downstairs I stop to look in the mirror to make sure I look presentable. When I get downstairs he is sitting next to Daniel and his friend playing something on the TV. His eyes find mine and he gives me a half smile as he walks over to me asking if I am ok. I avoid talking about it and move into the kitchen to check on the crock pot. Distraction.
We spend time at our houses the rest of the week and I avoid getting into any in depth conversation. I’m really not even sure how I feel about him. It seems he has grown and changed, which isn’t surprising considering it has been over a year since we were together. I know I have changed and am still changing. The week is coming to an end and I know I have to talk to Kyle before we go back to our separate colleges. It’s Friday night and I plan to head back to school tomorrow. He had asked me to go to dinner and then to Johnny’s house for a party.
Kyle arrives early to pick me up for dinner and when I come down I find him talking to my dad in a casual conversation about football. Dad is smiling and seems to accept Kyle again. In my dad’s eyes I know that me not coming home in tears is a relief and it means that Kyle is treating me right. I stride over and stand next to Kyle at the kitchen bar and he kisses me on my cheek, as he continues his conversation with my dad. Dad asks what we have planned and what time I want to head back up to school tomorrow. I tell him that we can leave after noon and Kyle gives me a look of disapproval. He has been trying to talk me into going back up on Sunday instead.
Once we get in Kyle’s car he begins to ask me again about waiting to go back on Sunday instead.
“I already told you that I was going back Saturday. I’m not changing my plans. I want to be ready for classes and map out my schedule. Plus, you are leaving early Sunday anyway.” I keep my tone sweet and cheerful to hel
p ease the delivery.
Holding my hand in his lap he smoothly rubs his thumb in circles on the inside of my hand. I see his jaw tighten and a sigh escape his lips before he says, “I know, but I want to spend as much time with you as possible. I’m going to miss you.” He pauses and I can tell he is brewing over something in his head. “Is it because of another guy?”
Avoiding his last question I state, “I’m going to miss you too.” I am hoping that this will deter him from asking about my dating any further.
He glances over at me, but doesn’t press me any further. The restaurant is a cozy Italian restaurant just shy of downtown Chicago. The atmosphere is dark with low lights that create a red glow throughout the seating area. The food is delicious, but I can’t come close to finishing my Eggplant Parmesan. Kyle tries to convince me to finish it and says that I am too thin. I blame that on the dorm food and he agrees with how horrid it is. We talk the whole time at dinner joking with each other and he fills me in on his first year away. He does not include anything about dating or any relationships he may have had and I am thankful for that. He had given up his basketball scholarship after the first year to focus on his studies. His major is Biology and he is thinking that he might want to try to get into Med School. I really am enjoying myself and overall have enjoyed the majority of my break with him. I tell him this and see his handsome face light up.
Walking to the car he reaches for my hand and then pulls me into him with his arm now snaked around my waist. He gives me a light tickle at my waist, which throws me into a fit of giggles. When we reach his car he pushes me up against the passenger door before opening it. His lips hover right in front of mine and I worry that I smell of garlic, but then remind myself that he probably does too. For some reason I let out another giggle and try to slip around him. With both of his arms on my sides I can’t escape. His eyes glisten as he laughs at me.
The Perfect Distraction (Volume 1) Page 8
