“I’ve got you right where I want you. You can’t escape me, Kate.” He is laughing as I start to tickle his stomach.
“Oh really, and where’s that?” I tease him.
Instead of answering, he moves in and kisses me at a teasingly slow pace. Pulling back marginally he whispers, “Right here.” Then he encircles me in a big hug and lifts me up to twirl me around. My heart patters with a feeling of contentment. I love this Kyle who can literally sweep me off my feet at times.
We get in the car and head over to Johnny’s house for another reunion before everyone heads back to college. The cars line down his street as soon as we turn onto it. His parents are on vacation. We have a bit of a hike once we park the car, luckily the sidewalks are shoveled. We keep up the fun and flirty antics as we walk. As we approach his house, Kyle pulls me into his arms and kisses my forehead. I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly.
“Kate, we have to talk before tomorrow. I know you are avoiding this conversation, but I can’t leave things unknown between us.” My head is pressed into his chest, but he moves his hand around to pull my chin up so that I am looking at him. I really do not want to do this. I still am not sure what I want and I am afraid to tell him the truth. While I really am consumed and wrapped up in Kyle this break, I am afraid it is because I am away from my new life and friends at school. Plus, there is the distance between us once we are back at school. Neither of us are that far from home, but our schools are in opposite directions. Forced to look at him, I gaze into his green eyes and move my hand to brush a strand of his hair out of his eyes. I question myself as to what I want from Kyle. Do I want to be with him? Do I like him more than friends? Do I love him?
“I know, I just…” I pause and look around trying to avoid his begging eyes. “I don’t know. I think I need more time.” I’m staring straight into his eyes as I tell him this. I know he is hurting, but I can’t lie to him, it’s the honest truth that I just don’t know yet.
“Well, let me be clear then, Kate. I want you back, all of you. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I tried that last year and all I did was compare every girl to you.” Ouch, hearing that omission stings. He takes in a sharp breath before he continues. “And I certainly don’t want you to be with anyone else. I’ll wait a little longer even while we are back at school for you to decide, but not much. I will not date you casually, Kate. I will not be ok with you dating others while we are unknown.” His jaw is so tense it looks as if it might snap with those harsh words that have me stepping back and I lose my breath for a mere second.
Chapter 16
We walk into the party hand in hand. My mind is swimming with the decision I have to make. The words Kyle bared to me are all consuming. As we walk through the back door and through the mud room into Johnny’s house we break up a couple making out against the washing machine. The kitchen is packed with people we know and some we don’t. Kyle grips my hand tighter and it helps ease my nerves. There is a counter filled with all different kinds of alcohol and mixers too. The keg is in the middle of the kitchen pushed against the side of the island. Kyle gestures over towards the hard alcohol and I quickly say yes. I really do need a drink to forget some of my nerves. Kyle makes me a Captain and Coke and it tastes so dang good. He on the other hand is drinking straight whiskey.
We make our way down to the basement and see Johnny and some of Kyle’s other friends. Johnny approaches us and pulls me into a groping hug that has Kyle pulling him off me. He really does love to egg Kyle on. It doesn’t take much. Kyle starts to talk to a bunch of his guy friends. I see some of the girls I played tennis with and catch up with them. I finish my cup and look to Kyle across the room, who has a girl next to him trying desperately to get his attention. I’ve never seen her. A tinge of jealousy sweeps through me, but I can see Kyle is less than interested. I smile and show him my empty cup. He steps away from the pretty brunette without a word and comes over to me. He kisses me on my cheek and grabs my cup. I continue talking to the girls and find some other guys have joined our discussion.
While Kyle is still upstairs filling our cups, one of the guys approaches me and asks my name. He tries to engage me in a conversation, but I find that I am a little nervous for Kyle to jump to any conclusions when he comes back. I push the ridiculous thought from my mind because I remind myself that I have changed and Kyle seems to have changed some too. He asks me to a game of pool and I say sure. The alcohol has settled in me and I find myself feeling carefree.
I break and get two stripes in right off the bat. Joe has dark black hair and dark brown eyes to match. He’s attractive, but not anyone that I would be interested in. Not that I need to be even considering another guy, considering how full my hands are already… I laugh to myself. A brief thought flits through my mind of Marco, Reed and Kyle. Never thought I’d find myself in this predicament. Joe teases me that I may be hustling him and I assure him I just learned how to play. I lean over the table to make my next shot when someone comes up behind me and grabs me by the waist. My face instantly flushes with a burning red as I hear, “Dang Kate, you look hot in that position.” I free myself to see a very intoxicated Johnny. Approaching from behind Johnny I see steely green eyes and a locked jaw that is familiar on Kyle’s face. I swat at Johnny’s arm knowing he is harmless. I swallow down the rising feeling of nerves as I look at Kyle. He grabs Johnny by the shoulder and pulls him away from me.
“What the fuck, Johnny? I can’t even get her a drink without you trying to molest her!” I can tell Kyle is trying to be casual and light, but I see the jealousy pouring out of him.
“Chill the fuck out, Kyle. It’s your own fault for leaving her unattended looking like she does. Plus, looks like someone beat me to the punch.” Johnny moves his head to gesture Joe with his pool stick waiting for me to go.
I suck in a breath of air and mumble, “Will you two stop it, please.” My face feels like it is on fire. I see my full cup in Kyle’s hand and grab it. Ah, alcohol. I might need more of this than I thought to get through this night.
Kyle brushes around Johnny, who is already heading over to some other girl. He moves a step closer to me and asks, “What are you doing?”
“Just playing a game of pool with Joe. Is that a problem?” I raise my eyebrows knowing that I am testing Kyle. Old Kyle would already be causing a bigger scene.
“Ok, let me know if you need me. I’ll be right over there.” He starts to head back over to his friends with both hands up and palms facing me. Before he turns around he says, “Kate, please don’t give me a reason to be jealous.” He smiles at me, but I see the tension in his jaw.
I smile at him and tell him to relax because I am going to do the same. He lets out a little huff and shakes his head to the side telling me he’s never seen this side of me. I think on that as I take my next shot. It’s true he has never seen me drinking and socializing on my own. I always clung to Kyle as if he was my only confidence. Now though I don’t feel that need to be tied to him. I feel a bit of confidence on my own. I know I owe some of that to my mom, as well as my friends at school.
Joe and I continue our game of pool. He asks if Kyle is my boyfriend and I say he’s my ex. I’m not lying, but I don’t bother to explain anything else about our relationship. It’s pointless. He laughs as if he gets what’s going on between us. All the while I see Kyle’s eyes watching me the whole game from across the crowded basement. I smile sweetly at him each time my eyes make contact with him. My intention is not to make him jealous, but for him to see that I can be independent. I don’t need him to consume me from being myself. I’m not sure why I am just deciphering this, but I realize that my biggest hang up about Kyle is that I do not want the same relationship we had in high school. I probably need to tell him this.
I finish playing and then thank Joe for the game. He asks for me to hang out with him some more, but I politely tell him that I am going back over to Kyle. I push through the overcrowded space and slide up to Kyle who visibly relaxes as
I hug him. For some reason I want to praise him for not losing it over Johnny and the game of pool. He pulls me into his side. I look down at my cup and it’s empty again. I show him the empty cup and he teases me that I am a lush now.
“You are coming with me this time for a refill. I can’t trust you to be alone here.” He brings my hand up to his lips and kisses my knuckles firmly. “Did I tell you how pretty you look tonight?”
I laugh at him and tell him he’s not so bad himself. He laces our fingers together and heads us up the stairs back to the kitchen. My head is spinning from the alcohol or maybe about Kyle and his changes. Again I feel a flutter of butterflies in my belly. My heart is beating rapidly as I think about the things Kyle said to me outside. Once our cups are filled I tell him I have to use the bathroom. He moves me around through the dining room and living room. Then he takes me to the staircase that leads upstairs. He waits for me outside the bathroom. He takes a turn and I wait for him against the wall in the hallway.
He comes out smiling at me a sexy insinuating grin. I’ve seen this before and know what’s coming next. I want him to kiss me so badly right now. He pushes me deeper against the wall with his body pressed against mine. His smooth lips hover in front of mine barely touching me. I close my eyes in anticipation. He whispers against my lips, “Kate.” Then he lightly nibbles on my bottom lip before he begins to invade my mouth with his tongue. His lips are almost forceful and rushed. Before long his hands are just under my shirt pulling my hips into him. His fingers are digging into the backside around my hips. I run my hands through his hair and pull him even closer to me not wanting him to pull away. He stops kissing me and grabs my arms to pull my hands down. Then we move to an open bedroom. Once in the bedroom Kyle pushes the door closed. The darkness has taken over and I can barely see except for the light that comes through the shades of the window. Suddenly I feel unsure about being in someone’s house and bedroom for that matter, but Kyle does not hesitate as he pushes his body up against me from behind. He sweeps my hair to the side and kisses my shoulder up to my neck and to my ear. It feels so good and at this moment I think that I should be with Kyle. I sigh in anticipation as he kisses my ear. I can barely stand it. The need to have more of him consumes me. I turn around and start to kiss him aggressively.
Kyle murmurs, “I think I like this new Kate.” I move around his neck and kiss him just below his ear sucking and flicking my tongue at his soft skin. He groans and it turns me on even more. We never were like this before. He never gave us a chance to grow and explore our sexuality with each other.
His head tilts back and he says, “Fuck Kate, that feels so good.” Then he grabs my face with both of his hands. “Do you have any idea how sexy you are like this, Kate? God, I want you so bad. Please.”
I’m not sure how far I want to take this. We both have had a lot to drink and my mind feels a little fuzzy. When he says “Please” I know he’s asking for more. Part of me feels that I owe him this because he’s been so patient with me. This brings me back to high school and how he would pressure me to sleep with him. He always made me feel like he was due this because he was patient and waited long enough. I can’t say that I regret sleeping with him, but had I known he would leave me so shortly after I never would have. I don’t know if I’ve ever voiced that to Kyle.
To avoid answering his plea I kiss him passionately because I do like being around this Kyle and feel like maybe things have changed between us. He moves me back to a full size bed and I flinch a little because I’m not even sure if this is Johnny’s bedroom or his brother’s. He stands in front of me and squats down so he is eye level with me. Then his hands slide up my thighs and to the sides of my hips. I try to calm my erratic breathing from nerves and excitement. Goosebumps travel up my back as his fingertips lightly graze under the hem of my shirt touching my bare skin. Traveling up my abdomen to the swell of my breasts, he caresses them over the lace of my bra. Each of them hardens at his touch and I arch my back as a soft moan escapes. He starts to kiss me again and stretches his legs slightly between mine. One of his hands abandons my breast and grabs my hand. As subtly as he can, he moves it to the top of his pants and down so that I can feel just how hardened and excited he is by me. At first I let his hand move mine because I’m really nervous. The alcohol is not erasing my nerves in this department.
Trying not to sound all breathy I mumble out, “Kyle.” I want to slow down. It just doesn’t seem right in this environment at someone else’s house with over fifty people floating around. The thought of someone walking in on us has me on heightened alert even in my buzzed haze. I pull my hand back and my lips away from his.
“What’s wrong?” I can hear the annoyance in his voice.
I bite down on the bottom corner of my lip and scoot back up on the bed a little more. “Nothing, I just…” The look on his face seems to say I’ve got to be kidding him. I hesitate and look down at my hands in my lap as he towers above me standing up straight. “I don’t want to do this here, it doesn’t feel right.”
He runs his hands through his hair and cups his hands at the back of his neck. Letting out a huff of annoyance, he states, “You’ve got to be kidding me, Kate.” Hmm, I guess I read the look on his face spot on.
“What?” I say trying to understand how he would think I would want to do anything that intimate here.
“God damn it, Kate.” He paces the small space to the opposite wall across from the bed and back over to me. I cringe as I sit there feeling small and insecure. “I thought you’d changed, but here we are with some of the same old shit we dealt with over a year ago.” I can see the anger creeping up his neck and know that he may have had more to drink than I had thought because there is a slur to his words. “You are such a fucking tease, you know that! Fuck.”
I gasp and this time I lose my breath as if he just knocked the wind out of me. I stand to move toward the door and he grabs me by the shoulders. “Get your hands off me. I want to leave.”
“Shit, Kate, don’t go. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Too late, Kyle. By the way just because I’ve changed doesn’t mean I’m going to let you push me into what you want. That would be just like the old Kate.” I square my shoulders through his hands and lift my chin. “Let me go. I don’t need to be here.”
This seems to piss him off more as his jaw tightens. He moves in closer to my face and I smell the whiskey rolling off his breath. “I could get any girl I want down there to blow me, but I want you and once again you chicken out.”
Before he can continue, I raise my right hand and smack him hard across the face. Tears spill out of my eyes and down my cheeks in long streams. Through the sobs traveling up my throat I say, “Don’t you talk to me like that.” He no longer has a hold on me and is back to pacing as profanity flows from his gritted teeth. I make a dash for the door and say, “Goodbye Kyle.”
Part II – Sophomore Year
Chapter 17
It’s Friday late afternoon mid-October and I just finished my last midterm for my sophomore year. I’m walking back up towards the Union with the sun shining bright and the weather is uncharacteristically warm. It is feeling more like high eighties instead of high seventies. I grab my cell phone out of my bag and see I missed two calls from Kyle. Sigh. I decide to sit in the grass facing the sun and relax as I wait for the others to finish up. I lay my head back on my bag and close my eyes. My phone beeps with a text message and before looking I know who it is from.
I’ll b there 2morrow. Pls call me. Kyle
I stare at the text for a moment before leaning back on my bag and my mind flashes back to last year …
There were numerous apologies I received from what had happened during Winter break. I probably should have never agreed to accept Kyle’s apology after the way he treated me at Johnny’s house. That fight was a huge set back in my progress, I realize now. I stormed out of Johnny’s house with Kyle chasing behind me. Once outside I had nowhere to go and no way of ge
tting home. I stomped down the sidewalk passing house after house with tears flooding down my face. Kyle continued alongside of me ranting and raving about how sorry he was and that he had drank too much. I thought of calling my dad, but I was afraid of the damage it would cause. We reached Kyle’s car and he talked me into getting in to warm up at least. Once in the car I wanted to go home so badly, but knew that neither of us was in a position to drive. I was forced to listen to Kyle. I lost count of the number of times he said he was sorry and that he couldn’t live without me. At one point he had tears in his eyes as he begged me for another chance. I was exhausted and eventually I caved into what Kyle wanted, like old Kate. He pulled me onto his lap and we fell asleep for a couple hours. He drove me home and promised to be over early in the morning.
I climbed into bed that night feeling forced into more than I wanted. Tears slowly crept from my eyes as I drifted off to sleep. A few short hours later I woke to a card and flowers at the end of my bed. I never made it back to school that Saturday. Dad was skeptical as to my reason for postponing the trip back that none of my friends would be back until Sunday. He didn’t pry though and I was thankful.
I’m interrupted by a shadow that takes my sun and warmth away. I slowly open my eyes to a squint, as a smile drifts across my lips. I quickly get a good glimpse of ocean blue eyes before a pair of sleek shades cover them. Secretly, I’m glad that my t-shirt is fitted and showing just a minimal amount of cleavage.
“You done?” Reed squats down next to me. Even disheveled from lack of sleep he is still gorgeous.
“Yea, thank God. I’m beat.” Leaning up on my elbows I almost miss the Frisbee coming straight at us. Luckily, Reed reaches out and grabs it effortlessly. Reed jumps up with the Frisbee in hand and gives me a look to see if I want to join in the fun. I pull my sunglasses back over my own eyes and lay back shaking my head no. He glides the Frisbee back over to his best friend, Matt. I sit watching the two running around the Union grass and lay my head back …
The Perfect Distraction (Volume 1) Page 9
