Calamity @ the Carwash: A Parson's Cove Cozy Mystery

by Sharon Rose

  After thinking of Calvin, I started thinking of Bernie. I’d seen the two of them together lately. Of course, in a small town it’s hard to tell who is chummy with whom sometimes. We’re sort of all stuck together whether we like it or not. Unless, it’s Esther and me. The whole town would be in shock if they saw the two of us having coffee together at the café. But then, women are different than men; we know how to hold a grudge properly.

  At nine on the dot Flori was at my door. It was out of her way and I’d told her that I’d meet her at the seniors’ Home but she insisted we walk together. Delores was opening the store for me. I told her if it was a slow day, she could close up early. Knowing Delores she would have everything in the shop rearranged by noon. It’s frustrating but she’s cheap and she likes having a break from waiting on tables at Main Street Café.

  By the time I’d grabbed my purse, the rain had started. By the time we got to the back step, it was coming down in torrents.

  “I have a feeling they’ll be cancelling the trip to the city,” I said.

  Flori shook her head. “Nope. Jake talked to Sam last night and he said Calvin insisted that they go even if it rains.”

  “Why would Calvin insist on such a thing? What’s it to him if everyone goes or not?”

  “I think it might have something to do with that new taxi, Mabel. Jake says he doesn’t know how he can afford making payments with the little bit of money he makes.”

  “Oh well.” I looked up at the blackening sky and the shot of lightning that seemed too close for comfort. “We’d better take my car. If we don’t we’ll get hit by lightning and then we’ll never be able to take those ancient people to the city.” For a moment that almost sounded like a solution to the problem. “Come on Flori, let’s make a run for it.”

  Flori held up the umbrella but sharing an umbrella with her isn’t what I would call sharing. By the time we reached the side door of my garage, water was running into my ear.

  I drive a 1969 Buick Skylark. It’s in pristine condition and every man, from sixteen to eighty-six, has offered to take if off my hands. Reg drools when I drive down the street. Personally, I don’t see what the fuss is all about. I bought it secondhand in 1973 and it has never given me a hint of trouble. Why should I spend money on a new car when I don’t have to?

  We arrived at the Retirement Home before the bus did. Flori and I waited in the car by the front door. All we could see were noses pressed against the steamed-up glass. This certainly was an exciting day for them. All I could hope for was to die at home in my sleep and never have to live in that awful place.

  “Flori,” I said, “if anyone tries to put me in this place, take me out in that bush over there and shoot me.”

  “Don’t talk like that. You know very well you’ll be coming and living with me. I’ll look after you.” She reached over and grabbed my hand. There were tears in her eyes.

  “When I’m ready to kick the bucket, how come you always think you’re going to be so much healthier than me?” I squeezed her hand. “Not that I want to upset you, Flori, but you might even be gone before me.”

  “No, I won’t. It’s a known fact that married women live longer than single ones.”

  “That’s not true, friend. Married men live longer than single men do but single women live longer than married women do. No, Flori, there’s a good chance I’ll live longer than you but, on the other hand I might be senile before you.”

  Fortunately, before Flori could burst into tears, the old school bus pulled up in front of us. Calvin opened the doors and I could see a cigarette flying through the air. At least, he flicked it out before everyone started boarding.

  There was a slight letup in the rain. Obviously, the staff and residents noticed it too because the front doors flew open and suddenly everyone was making a mad dash for the bus.

  Flori started to open the door but I stopped her. “Let all of them get in first, Flori. If we go now we’ll just get trampled.”

  Also, I didn’t want to tell Flori, but there was no way I was getting on that bus before Sam Lawson. I would board after he found his seat and then I would sit as far away as I could.

  As it happened, Flori and I couldn’t even sit together. Fortunately, Mr. Lawson sat at the back of the bus and since there was a seat right behind Mr. Koots, I sat there. I heard Sam yelling my name and then Flori calling and telling me that Mr. Lawson wanted to say hello but I kept looking straight ahead.

  Mr. Kinney motioned to Calvin from inside the building. Calvin swore under his breath but got up and ran inside. I might’ve said a few choice words too if I’d had to run through that sheet of rain. I could see them talking and Calvin nodding but not looking too happy.

  By the time Calvin got back inside the bus his shirt was soaking wet. He shoved the old bus into gear and away we went.

  There was a lot of chatter going on. Flori’s laughter filled the air. She was really enjoying this so I was glad that I’d come with her. I would rather be in Parson’s Cove trying to solve a murder but then, how much can a person solve in a downpour? Besides, I wasn’t sure what to do next.

  Although I don’t like Calvin, my heart isn’t made of stone.

  I reached over and touched his arm. “Calvin,” I said, “sorry to hear about Bernie. I know you two were friends. It must’ve been quite a shock.”

  If I’d touched him with a branding iron, he couldn’t have moved his arm faster.

  “What do you mean, Mabel? Me and Bernie weren’t friends. Where’d you get the idea we was?”

  “Well, it’s just that I saw the two of you having coffee together and one time I saw you in his truck. Seems I saw him driving your taxi too. That’s all. I guess I took it for granted you were friends. I mean, Bernie and I were never friends but I’m shocked that someone would kill him.”

  At this, he turned and looked at me for a moment before turning back to his driving.

  “I ain’t saying it wasn’t a shock. I’m saying we wasn’t friends, that’s all. And, why do you say someone killed him? You didn’t know it was Melanie who did it?”

  “Well, she says she did but I don’t think it was her. She doesn’t even remember picking up a brick. She thinks she picked up a stone and threw it at him. There’s a big difference, you know. Personally, if I picked up a brick to hit someone on the head and it killed him, I would remember. Wouldn’t you?”

  Calvin shrugged. “I think it’s something you shouldn’t get involved in, Mabel. In other words, mind your own business.”

  “Why do you say that, Calvin?”

  It seemed that Calvin suddenly became deaf. I repeated my question one decibel louder but he still didn’t answer. Flori was sitting a couple of seats behind on the other side. I glanced back at her and she was giving me her evil eye. If Flori heard and probably half the bus, I’m sure the driver did too.

  Mary Jane Smith was sitting beside me. She was close to a hundred and had taught school when I went. Her mind was as sharp as a tack but she was almost blind now and even with my loud voice, she turned to me and said, “My word, Mabel, you don’t have to yell like that. Of course, Calvin knows it’s going to be a wet day.”

  “You’re right, Miss MJ.” I guess everyone in town still calls her that. She didn’t hear me but gave me a bright smile.

  “I certainly hope Mr. Koots is not dropping us off in that awful park again. Did you bring your umbrella, Mabel?”

  I nodded but then yelled “Yes” in her ear.

  “Good for you. You were always one of my favorite pupils. I felt so bad about what Esther Flynn did to you. Have you ever forgiven her for that?”

  I shook my head but then yelled “No” in her ear.

  She broke out in a wicked grin. “Good for you. I would never forgive her either.” It was quite exhilarating, sitting there giggling with my old English teacher.

  I put my mouth right up to her ear and spoke very slowly but not loud enough for Calvin to hear. Of course, the way he was driving and changing gears
, it probably didn’t matter.

  “Why don’t you like going to the park?” I asked.

  MJ insisted on speaking into my ear. “Because I think Koots is up to something.”

  I simply looked at her and raised my eyebrows. She pulled my head closer and went for the ear again.

  “He leaves us alone for over two hours and when he comes back, he’s always walking funny.”

  Into her ear: “What do mean, walking funny?”

  Into my ear: “Like his feet are sore or something. I don’t think he’d even get off his seat if we didn’t insist that he help some of us onto the bus.”

  Into her ear: “Do you think he’s been drinking?”

  She shook her head and whispered, “No, I couldn’t smell anything.”

  By this time, we were flying off the freeway. It seemed that Mr. Koots was in quite a hurry. The wipers were working overtime trying to keep the windshield clear. Every car and truck that drove by obliterated the view for several seconds.

  From somewhere in the back of the bus, someone called out, “You’re not taking us to that park again in this rain, are you?”

  Again, Mr. Koots preferred to act deaf. Now, I could understand why Sam Kinney needed someone to travel with these people. The bus driver definitely had no senior skills. He could’ve been driving a truckload of cattle.

  Flori spoke up. “No, Mrs. Kendal, Mr. Koots is taking us to the Bay Park Mall. Mr. Flanders had a talk with Mr. Kinney and you won’t have to go to the park anymore unless you really want to.”

  A cheer went up. It seemed no one liked the park except our Mr. Koots.

  I wondered why.

  Chapter Thirteen

  At least Calvin drove us to the front entrance instead of parking a mile away. Flori and I held our umbrella up for each person who got off the bus and walked them to the store. Of course, Mr. Lawson jumped the queue so I ended up holding the umbrella for him. I walked him as fast as I could without causing an accident and when I turned to help the next person, I felt a pat on my bottom.

  “Mr. Lawson,” I said. “If you ever touch me inappropriately again, you’ll be walking home in the rain.”

  One of the women standing next to me said, “Good for you, Mabel. I told him the next time he did that to me, I was going to tell management and have him castrated.”

  I looked at the guilty party and said, “That’s not an idle threat. I’ve already been responsible for four castrations so one more won’t make any difference.”

  A silence fell over the group. The women smiled. The men looked everywhere but downwards. Old Man Lawson tried to laugh but it sounded more like a wheeze. Flori was speechless.

  “Okay,” I said. “Let’s get organized. We’re going to break up into groups of four. Everyone has to have a partner at all times. There’s no way that Flori and I are going to run all over the mall hunting for someone when it’s time to leave.”

  Flori took it from there.

  “We will all meet back here right after lunch at 1:30. Does everyone understand?”

  It was like letting the dogs out. I’m not sure if the ‘four to a group’ rule was followed or not. I did notice that none of them wandered off by themselves. Flori went out to check on Mr. Koots and to tell him where we would be waiting for him but Mr. Koots was gone.

  I followed Flori around the stores. She’s a much more enthusiastic shopper than I am. Mostly she looks for things for her kids or grandkids. Or, me. She gets so tired of seeing me in the same clothes all the time.

  “You’re getting to be just like Charlie Thompson,” she tells me constantly.

  “Well, Charlie and I like to be comfortable,” I always tell her.

  “Why don’t you try a variety of colors, Mabel?”

  “White and blue are colors,” I say.

  However, one store did get my attention.

  “Hey, Flori,” I said. “Let’s check this store out.”

  Flori looked up at the sign.

  “SpyTown – Protect Your Spyware. What kind of store is that?”

  “I think it must sell all those little devices that detectives use to solve crimes, Flori.”

  “And why, pray tell, would you need anything like that?”

  “I’m just curious, that’s all. Aren’t you?”

  Flori shook her head. I’m not sure if it meant ‘no’ or it was done in frustration and bewilderment.

  “I’ll go and sit on the bench here, Mabel. You go and check out your little spy store.”

  I went in with great expectations and came out deflated. There was nothing there but computers and I imagine everything that goes with a computer. I didn’t want to appear too dumb so when the vulgar young man behind the counter asked if I was having problems with spam, worms, or viruses, I politely told him that I’d never felt better in my life. Flori asked why I’d returned so quickly and I told her that everything was much too sophisticated for me. She smiled and said that she was glad I recognized my limitations.

  “It takes a humble person to admit they can’t be perfect in everything.” She said this with a very smug look on her face.

  Perhaps, it was time to advance to the next level and buy a computer. I mean, if I can handle a cordless phone with an attached answering machine, surely a computer can’t be that much harder to figure out.

  I knew Flori would be upset if I didn’t purchase anything so when I found a store that carried animal toys, I bought something for each cat. I knew they would stand and look at it for a brief moment or two and then walk away, never to look again. However, it made Flori happy.

  We had lunch in a cute little restaurant. Flori kept looking around for some of the old folks but it was as if they’d disappeared off the surface of the earth.

  “I’m getting a little anxious,” she said. “We haven’t run into any of them. I hope they didn’t get into any trouble. You know, maybe falling or something.”

  “Flori,” I said after setting my cup down. “Trust me; those people can look after themselves. I’d be more worried about the people here, especially the store owners. Dolly says she has to hide everything because there are so many thieves in the seniors’ home.”

  Flori looked out and watched the hoards of people aimlessly strolling from store to store. It was crowded because no one wanted to stay home on a miserable rainy day.

  “I don’t know. I still feel worried. If anyone gets into trouble we’re the ones who will get hauled up on the carpet, you know.”

  “No, I’m the one who will be hauled up on the carpet, Flori.”

  “I hope all the men don’t think you were serious about the castrating. Why, on earth, did you say you’d castrated four men? I couldn’t believe you’d say such a terrible thing.”

  “I didn’t say four men, I just said, ‘four’ and that I did - four of my cats.”

  “Oh, Mabel, that’s hysterical.” Flori giggled and the table shook. The man and woman in the next table looked over and started smiling too. In between her giggles, Flori told them, “Mabel castrated four.” Tears started rolling down her cheeks. I handed her a handful of napkins. The man and woman got up and left.

  I glanced at my watch. “Better dry up your tears and blow your nose, Flori, because it’s almost time to meet Calvin.” I stood up and grabbed the check. “This is my treat. You already spent your pension money for this month.”

  Flori grabbed up her five or six bags from under the table, I paid the bill, and off we went to find all the folks from the Retirement Home.

  “I think,” I said, “before we do anything else, we should check the food court. I’m sure that’s where they would all eat.”

  The court was packed and it was noisy. There was one spot at the far end, however, that was far noisier than any other area. That’s because almost everyone sitting there was deaf.

  “There they are, Flori. I knew we’d find them here. Before we get too close and they spot us, let’s count to see if we have them all.”

  I left that job up to Flori
because I had no idea how many we started out with. As we walked up to them the women’s faces lit up but for some reason the men didn’t appear all that thrilled to see us. Well, most of them greeted Flori and of course, she ran around and gave everyone a big hug.

  MJ got up and with the help of her cane, walked over to me. She leaned over and said into my ear, “Watch how Mr. Koots walks.”

  I nodded. I would’ve said more but the whole gang decided to rise up at the same time and suddenly we were propelling towards the front entrance of the mall. One good thing about leading a group of elderly, blind, deaf and drooling people is that everyone moves right out of your way. It didn’t take long and we were all waiting at the entrance for our bus.

  It was almost two before it pulled up in front of us. By this time everyone had to go to the washroom again so now Koots had to wait. I didn’t feel sorry for him one bit. When MJ returned, she came up close to me and said, “Make him get out and walk.”

  The rain had stopped but the sky was still heavy with dark clouds and any minute I knew there would be a cloudburst. I ran up to the door and waited for Calvin to open it.

  “Calvin, would you please come out and help these folks carry their parcels into the bus.”

  “Why should I? I’m the driver here, not the butler.”

  “Listen,” I said and put my hands on my hips. “Your job here is just hanging by a thread as it is. All I have to do is tell Jake that you were uncooperative and you won’t be driving into the city anymore.”

  If looks could kill…

  He pulled himself off the seat as if I was forcing him to change a Depends and slowly, like an old man himself, descended to the ground. I looked over at MJ and she was staring at him with a tiny smile on her lips.