Blitzed

by Lauren Landish

  But Lorenzo's a good guy. He's a little older than me at twenty-one, but I swear, that has nothing to do with it. It's just that, holding Laurie yesterday, the nurse going off in Italian, I realized something.

  I never told you this before, and Mom and I only discussed it once, but I was seriously considering giving Laurie up for adoption after she was born. I mean, I'm sure a couple of times you wondered why I didn't terminate, and well, that option went through my mind too. But I just don't believe in it. So I thought, at least back in October, that I'd give the baby up. Then, who knew? Maybe I could come back and go to State, and when Troy comes back for summer break . . .

  I've got to stop torturing myself like this. I saw Laurie's tiny little face yesterday, and the way she tugged on my finger and her tiny, tiny little blue eyes stared at me, like she knew that she didn't have a father and that it was just me and her in this world, and I knew I would’ve regretted that decision for the rest of my life if I did it.

  Because of that, I think my stay over here in Europe might take a little longer than I thought. Lorenzo's already said that he's willing to help out with the baby, and like I said, the Europeans have such a different system for university. Even as an American, I can go for super-cheap, and there are so many ways to make sure that I can go while Laurie gets what she needs. If Mom can do it, so can I, right?

  I don't know if you'll really understand me with this. I just know it's what I have to do. I have to make my heart go on—I can't stay on the sidelines wearing that number 12 jersey forever, you know? I . . . I just can't.

  I love you, Dani. For all that you've done, for all the support you've given me. I was never granted a sister, but if I had my choice, I'd pick you. Tell me about your summer vacation plans and how you're getting ready for life at State. I'm looking forward to it.

  Love Always,

  Whitney

  May 25 - Four years later

  Dear Dani,

  Wow, has it really been that long since I last wrote you an email? I know we chat on instant messenger, but sometimes a good old email is good to make sure you get out all your thoughts.

  I can't believe you and Pete got back together. That's awesome! I loved the pictures you sent of your engagement party. He certainly doesn’t look at all like the squat brickhouse he was back in high school! The Navy was good for him, but more importantly, you two look so happy together. It's going to be strange, though, thinking of you as Danielle Barkovich instead of Dani Vaughn.

  Strike that, I left some stuff out. Danielle Barkovich, MS, going for her PhD in psychology! How'd you turn into such a bookworm, huh? Personally, I think you took all those Harley Quinn jokes that we made for you back in high school too seriously. You didn't have to go into psychology because of that, you know. Now, if you tell me that you've started thinking about a guy named Mr. J, then I'm so going to freak out.

  I'm glad to hear that your little brother is also getting along well in college. Still, choosing to go to university in Alaska, of all places? What was he thinking? I saw your last family photo you sent along, and he has grown up handsome, especially since he dropped that eyeliner stuff that he was going through. He's got your hair, obviously, and kinda reminds me a little of that old English rocker, Sting. The music I get exposed to in Europe gives me different perspectives. But yeah, losing the eyeliner is a big step up for him.

  Yep, that was Laurie with me in the last photo I sent. Isn't it amazing how fast she's grown? Her Italian almost outstrips mine now, and I can keep up with the crap they put on TV without a problem! Give the Italians all the credit in the world for cuisine, music, culture . . . but damn, their TV sucks! Thank God for Netflix and YouTube!

  Yeah, you overheard Laurie right when we Skyped. Lorenzo and I, we're kind of broken up now. We tried, Dani, we really tried to make it work. I can't fault him for that. He’s a good man, but after all that time, even he could see that, despite our best efforts, there was a place in my heart that he was never going to get to. I don't need to be a psych expert like you to know why.

  Yes, I keep up with him on the Net. Second round draft pick to Seattle. I'm surprised he didn't try to get a trade, considering his bad feelings for Silver Lake Falls. Then when you told me he actually bought a house in town, that old one that he and his father used to live in . . . amazing. And he's a teetotaler, which I can totally understand. He had a really good rookie year, got some quality games in, and I'm looking forward to seeing what he can do this year.

  Well then, I guess I need to come out and say it. I need to know, Dani. For five years now, Troy Wood's been a ghost on my shoulder. He's been at every art gallery, every sale. Every time I closed a deal to send something to the States or bring it here from the States, I wondered if he'd have been proud of my hard work. When Laurie took her first steps, or said her first word, the first person I wanted to tell wasn't Lorenzo, or Mom, or even you . . . it was him.

  Lorenzo knows it, and he says he can live with it, if I have some closure. He's my business partner anyway, so it's not like it's that strange. So, we're going to do something totally crazy. I'm going to come back home, and bring Lorenzo and Laurie with me. Lorenzo is so in love with Laurie that I couldn't deny him the way I denied myself and Troy, and I need his support right now. We’re just friends and business partners, and he’s okay with that.

  Dani, I need to know. I need to see him, at least one more time. I don't know if I can talk to him, and who knows? After five years, maybe he won't even recognize me. But I need to know. I need to see him up close, and if I can, look him in the eye. I need to know if I can move on from him.

  I'll call you next week with our flight details. I'll probably stay at a hotel in Seattle, at least for a while, until I know how long I'm staying in town. Maybe Mom won't mind if we crash with her for a couple of days. We can get together then, for sure. I know I want you to meet Laurie.

  I love you, Sis.

  Whitney

  Part II

  Adulthood

  Chapter 12

  Troy

  "Foxes! To me!

  I don't care, I may not be a Silver Fox any more, and looking around at the assembled group, I don't recognize any faces, but there are a a few whose names I know, kids who are the little brothers and cousins of my Foxes. Still, it feels great to call out those words again, and as the fifty-odd players in junior high school and the high school gather around, I feel like I'm the one who should be paying for the experience, and not them. Not that I'm making any money off this. The camp fee is for their t-shirts, and any overage goes to the booster club.

  It's the feeling of being home again that helps, and yes, taking the two days out of my own training camp in order to do what the team thinks is a purely PR event for a little bit of rest and recovery physically as well. For someone on the line of being cut, something like this could be dangerous, since it’s the last weekend before the first pre-season game, but I'm sure of a slot on the fifty-three-man roster, so I'm happy with things.

  "All right, Foxes, good work these past two days. First, I'd like to thank Coach Jackson and the rest of the SLHS staff for letting me come in and work with you guys."

  There's a round of polite applause, but I don't expect much more. I run through the rest of my little wrap-up talk, then dismiss the camp, turning it over to Coach Jackson. Walking away, I feel a presence behind me, and I turn to see one of the campers, an intense kid who made an impression as much for his seriousness as he did for the fact that he's totally undersized for his position.

  "Excuse me, Mr. Wood?"

  I shake my head and smile, chuckling. "Nobody calls me Mr. Wood. Call me Troy—didn't I tell you guys that yesterday?"

  "Sorry," the kid says, and I remember the kid's name now. Charlie, Charlie Pride. "I just had a question. Do you have a minute?"

  "Sure. What's on your mind?"

  "Well," Charlie says, and I can read his mind as he's thinking. He knows the truth, that at five eleven and one ninety, even if he's bulking,
Charlie's football career is going to end at Silver Lake High unless he goes on a massive growth spurt sometime during his senior year. He's too short and too small to play offensive or defensive line like he camped for, and he's just a step too slow to play linebacker or defensive back. He might have an outside shot at making a minor school or maybe someone's scout team, but he knows the grim reality—the last ten to twelve games of his playing career are coming up fast.

  "Well, I was kind of wondering . . . what's it like with your teammates and such in the pros?"

  It's not a question I expect, and I nod my head, needing a moment to form my answer. "It's a lot different," I say, thinking. "First of all, the whole facility is a lot nicer than here, of course. I mean, we've got carpet and everything. But I don't think that's what you're talking about, is it?"

  "No," Charlie says, and I'm reminded of some of my former teammates, the ones that I overlooked for too long. Guys like Pete Barkovich, who I found out is getting married to Dani Vaughn when she called me up and invited me to the wedding. "But what's it like between the teammates?"

  "Each team's different, or so I've heard," I answer. "Sure, there's a bond, but it's not the same as what you've got here. Some of those guys, the long-term guys, have been with the team for ten years, and we've got one dude who's been with the team for twelve. He started with the team when you were in preschool, and that means he's formed deep bonds with some of those other long-term players. But also, it means that he's seen hundreds of young guys like me come and go. Players get cut, players get traded, players retire. It's strange that in the pros, you could be buddies with a guy one year, and then the very next season, you're lining up across the line from him at the Super Bowl. So there's that. And of course, the money."

  "It's a lot, isn't it?" Charlie asks, and I shrug. I haven't really thought about it that much. Contracts are contracts, and I make more than enough money to do what I want to do. It takes me a moment to recall some of the numbers and formulate an answer.

  "I guess. If you're worried just about the money, my best advice to you is to hit the books harder than you hit the weights, unlike what I did. I mean, look at it this way. My rookie contract, with signing bonus and before taxes and such, is going to be worth roughly six million dollars if I play it all out and don't re-up at some point. And yeah, that’s a lot of money, I won't play you. But there's a classmate of mine, Cory. He's got a job with an investment bank already, and I've kept up with him on the side. He's the same age I am, and he's already making a hundred twenty-five thousand a year."

  "Yeah, but you're making ten times as much," he says, confused.

  "For the next few years, sure. In ten years, I'll probably be out of the NFL, and having to make it on my savings, investments, stuff like that. Cory's still going to be growing, and with his brains, he might even retire with more money than me. But anyway, what you were saying about the locker room, that plays a part. It's a job, is what I'm saying. You’ve gotta love it, just to put yourself through the pounding and effort that the game demands at the professional level. But it's still a job. You won't have a tighter team bond than you get with these guys you'll play with this year. Even at Clement, I didn't have it. Anything else?"

  "No, thanks. And good luck next week. First pre-season game of the year, right?"

  "Right. Good luck to you too, Charlie. See you around."

  He jogs off, and Coach Jackson comes up, a little grayer than he was last year, but still the same guy. "You didn't blow smoke up his butt. I appreciate it."

  "You know how it is. I want them to be successful, not like . . .”

  "Like Russ?" Coach asks quietly. Russ died over the New Year's holidays in a car accident coming back from college. He'd been drunk and lost control of his car on an icy patch of road. I was in the playoffs at the time, so I couldn't come to the funeral, but I visited his grave right afterward. It hurt.

  "Yeah," I finally say, then force a smile. "But it's not all bad. Pete and Dani . . . that's pretty cool. Did you get an invitation?"

  "Sure did," Coach says, kind of embarrassed. "Seems strange though. I didn't think I made that big an impression on you guys."

  "You did," I reply. "But then again, since you're getting the checks as my official agent, I guess you know that, don't you?"

  He laughs and shakes his head again. "You know my wife is still just about ready to adopt you because of that? You're paying for my son's college, and a big chunk of my retirement fund.”

  “You were there when I needed it. It’s the least I could do. You saved my life, Coach."

  "It was my pleasure, Troy," Coach says, then looks at the backs of the retreating players, all of them seeming so young, and it wasn’t even that long ago that I was one of them. "So you're going back to practice tomorrow?"

  "Yeah. You know how it is. This first pre-season game is the chance for guys like me to prove we belong in the starting lineup. It's tough on the team. They've got four really good linebackers already, and that crew, they've been together for a few years. I'm not going to be given a spot. I'm going to have to take a spot."

  He laughs and pats me on the shoulder. "With an attitude like that, I don't doubt you will. In any case, I'll be watching. I think we all will be."

  "Thanks, Coach."

  I'm feeling the warmth on my shoulders, even through my jersey and pads, and I feel good as I stretch out before the game. There are butterflies in my stomach, but I know they'll go away as soon as the fans really start filing in and the game gets closer.

  "Hey, mister!" a kid calls behind me, and I ignore it, figuring that the kid is trying to get the attention of one of the stars on the team. With a team like ours, you've got a few to choose from. I'm still officially a second stringer, although if I do well this game, maybe I can move up a slot for the next game. Still, the first string defense is taking it easy, and today's my first official start as a pro, even if it is pre-season.

  "Hey mister! Number fifty-one!"

  I turn, surprised as I see a little blonde girl in the stands, waving to me. I've got time. It's still a half-hour until game time, so I take a moment and walk over. "Hey, what's up?"

  "Can I get your autograph?" she asks, thrusting a blue Hawks hat and Sharpie at me. "Mama says you're her favorite player."

  "Really?" I reply, touched. "How old are you?"

  "I'm five," the little girl says, and there's something about her face, the way she looks, that just seems familiar. It's like I'm looking at a Photoshop of two people that I know, one of those mashups you can see on the Net from time to time, just for some reason, I can't put a name to the faces. "I just turned five, but in a few months, I'm going to be five and a half."

  "Really? Congratulations," I say. "You want me to just sign this, or do you want this made out to your mom?"

  "Would you? Wow, that'd be great!" the little girl says, and I can start to pick out an accent in her voice, something faint and maybe European. "Mama would love that!"

  "Okay, then what's your mama's name?" I ask, switching to the way the little girl talks. "I'll sign it to her, then. And if you have anything else, maybe something for you too?"

  "Wow . . .” the little girl breathes, but before she can answer, a man calls out.

  "Laurie! Let the man prepare for his match in peace!" The man, who clearly has an Italian accent, says, coming up. He's about my age, maybe a little older, and the way he puts his hand on the girl's shoulder, I'm sure he's her father. Laurie starts to protest when I interrupt, smiling up at the man and waving.

  "Oh, it's no problem, it's still warmups," I reply quickly. The man doesn't look convinced, so I know I need to work fast. Seriously, it's a pre-season game. What's he all upset about? I'm the guy playing, and I'm not even this uptight about it. I uncap the Sharpie and get ready to sign for the girl, or her mama, I guess. I don't want to turn her away. She's just too cute. "Laurie here was just going to tell me who to make the hat out to. So, Laurie, what's your mama's name?"

  "Whitney,"
Laurie says, and my pen falters, pausing just before making contact. "Mama's name is Whitney, but I call her Mama."

  "I see," I say, forcing my pen to move again. "Well, here you are. 'To Whitney, who has the cutest little girl in the world. Thanks for the support, Troy Wood.' How's that?"

  "What's going on?" a voice behind the man says, and my heart stops. Looking up, I see her come down the stairs behind the girl and the man, and it's like I've been caught in a time warp. The face—it's the same beautiful heart shape, with the same gentle bow-like curve to the upper lip. She's got the same little scar on her chin, where she told me that she'd fallen off her bike when she was a little girl and took seven stitches. Her hair's shorter, but still shoulder length and that amazing, lustrous shade of auburn that haunts my dreams, and I can't stop staring.

  "Whitney . . .”

  Whitney stops and sees me, her own eyes going wide as she looks down on me. Five and a half years, and I feel like I'm back at Silver Lake again, back to the first time we met, except ironically, this time I'm the one on the grass and she's the one in the stands. "Troy. My God, it's good to see you. It's been a long time."

  "Very long," I choke out in reply as the man leads Laurie away. Whitney stays behind, and I look up at her, the rest of the stadium forgotten for a moment. "It's . . . it's good to see you."

  She's got something in her eyes, and I don't know what, but it's hard to think with so much emotion flowing through me. I feel like the past and the present are crashing together, and I'm having trouble containing myself. "It's good to see you too, Troy. I'm glad you made it . . . the Hawks even. Wow."