by Joey Bush
“Let’s do it then,” Levi said. “I’ll let Cal know after we get there.”
It did feel a bit as though I was running away from my problems, getting back on the plane to go to Ibiza with Levi. I knew he kind of felt the same way too; there was stuff going on at work that he was supposed to be taking care of, but he’d put it off until we got back. I decided to keep it to myself that I didn’t actually want to come back.
We spent the first glorious day at the beach, surrounded by other happy people who were enjoying their vacation. Or “holiday,” as the Europeans put it. I sat on a lounge chair and drank a daiquiri out of a coconut shell cup; I went swimming in the clear, warm water with Levi; I grabbed onto his shoulders as he went past and he pulled me along in the water. When he stopped, he put his feet down and stood up, the water up around his shoulders. I kept my arms around his neck and wrapped my legs around his waist. His hands went gripped my hips lightly. The sun shone down on us, and for a moment, it really was as though I could forget everything else that was going on and just enjoy things right now, here with him.
“This was definitely the right choice,” he said. “Though I don’t think coming to Ibiza has ever been the wrong choice.”
“Clearly not.” I kissed his neck, tasting the saltwater.
He moved one hand from my hip lower, sliding his fingers underneath the top of my bikini bottom. I looked around as I felt him stroke my clit. We were the only people this far out, and we were far enough away from the beach that I didn’t think anyone would be able to tell what we were doing. I hoped, anyway. He slipped a finger inside of me and I gripped his neck tighter, my breath catching in my throat.
I rocked my hips against him a little bit, trying to get him in further. What I really wanted was to feel his cock inside of me, but having sex like that, in the middle of the day on a public beach was probably not okay. This was, though. He shifted his hand slightly, so he was able to slide a second finger into me, while at the same time running his thumb over my clit in a circular motion. My whole body was tingling, and he brought his other hand up and ran it lightly up and down the length of my spine.
The stronger the sensation got, the tighter I gripped him, so when I came, it felt as though I was going to snap him in half. I tried not to thrash around too much and make it obvious, and when he pulled his hand out, I let go of him and floated on my back, buoyed by the warm water, good feelings all around me.
We started the next day off by sleeping late and then having coffee and pastries in the backyard by the pool. Levi was asking me what I felt like doing for the rest of the day when I heard the doorbell ring, faintly, through the open slider door.
“I’ll go see who it is,” Levi said. “You want me to get you more coffee while I’m in there?”
“Sure,” I said, handing him my empty mug. “Thanks.”
He went inside and I stretched out on the lounge chair, hoping that the sunscreen I’d put on would keep me from burning but help me get a tan.
“Now’s not a great time,” I heard Levi say after a minute.
“It’s not going to take long.” The guy had a British accent. I glanced toward the sliding door, but they were both just out of view.
“Fine,” Levi said. “Let’s talk in here.”
I considered going for a swim while they were talking, but I just stayed where I was on the chaise lounge. They had moved further away from the door, but the windows were all open, and the light breeze was just right, so I was still able to catch snippets of what they were saying.
“ . . . not going to let you do this . . . Just doesn’t make sense . . .” the British guy was saying.
“It makes perfect sense . . .” Levi replied. “But even if it doesn’t, it’s not up to you to tell me what to do.”
I got up and moved a little closer to the house so I could hear them better. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do,” the British guy said.
Levi laughed. “Then what is this? What are you doing right now, Alfie? Trying to read my horoscope?”
“You’re just getting a little ahead of yourself,” Alfie said. “I can see that; everyone else can see that. I’m looking out for you, is what I’m doing.”
“I definitely don’t need looking out for.”
“Sure ya do, mate. You just don’t realize it yet.”
I inched closer. What on earth were they talking about?
“Listen, Alfie. I really don’t know how else to put it to you. You’re a smart guy—we both know that—and you’ll be fine. You just keep doing what you’re doing, and everything will be great. It’ll be just like it is now, minus one. And you know what that means, Alfie? That means that you’re in charge. You get to call the shots. All of them.”
“I already was, mate.”
“So then what’s the problem?” I could hear the exasperation in Levi’s voice. “Why are you just dropping by here unannounced when we’ve already been through this?”
“Sorry, mate, I didn’t realize that I had to book an appointment now. When did that start? It doesn’t matter. What does matter, Levi, is that you can’t just decide to pull out like this for no reason. We’re partners. You don’t just suddenly pull out of a partnership like that.”
“Partners? You’re acting like we’re boyfriends, Alfie. Is that what you’re saying? That we’re like boyfriends and you don’t want me breaking up with you?”
“Ha. Listen, mate, you’re a handsome fella but I’m not into that sort of shit.”
“It was an analogy. A bad one.”
“Well, regardless, you can’t just do something like this for no good reason. I would never do that sort of thing to you.”
“How is my father dying not a good enough reason for you?”
“Because it doesn’t make bloody sense! Why would your father dying mean you need to stop doing this? If anything, it gives you more freedom to get a better hold on the market. Really become the main source. Isn’t that what you want? Doesn’t that sound bloody fantastic?”
“See, that’s good, Alfie,” Levi said. “You have vision, you have goals. So do something with it. I’m just not going to be a part of it.”
I was about to go back to my chaise lounge—I didn’t want them to come out here and find me eavesdropping—but then Alfie said, “Then I need two million dollars.” I paused, curious what Levi would say.
“I’m not giving you two million dollars, Alfie. What the hell do you need that much money for anyway?”
“That much money?” Alfie scoffed. “That’s a drop in the bucket for you. You giving me that is like me giving one of my mates a tenner.”
“Giving you an amount like that probably would raise some suspicion.”
“What do you mean? You said we’d tell anyone who asked that I’m your personal assistant.”
“Right. But I don’t know anyone who’s just going to up and give their personal assistant two million dollars. For no reason.”
“But this is for a reason.”
“Not one that I’m a part of anymore. Listen, man, there’s no other way for me to put this, but I’m out. And I don’t want you coming around here anymore if your sole purpose is to try to get me to change my mind. Because it’s not going to happen. I’ve got different priorities now. I’m sorry.”
I hurried back over to the chaise lounge and stretched out on it. I heard Levi’s footsteps a few minutes later, and I opened my eyes and sat up.
“Hey,” I said. He was alone.
“Sorry about that.”
“Who was it?”
“That guy, Alfie. I think you met him briefly. He’s a friend. Just wanted to come by and talk to me about something.”
“Oh.” I paused, waiting to see if he’d elaborate, but he didn’t. I thought about asking him directly, but I decided not to. If he wanted to tell me, he could. If he didn’t, I was okay with that. Because I trusted him. That’s the thing my mom and Sophie didn’t understand about me and Levi: I trusted him, and I knew that he had change
d from who he was all those years ago, and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.
29.
Levi
Fuckin Alfie. He was persistent, I had to give him that much. He called me a day after he’d stopped by when Isla and I had been out at the pool, as though talking to me about it over the phone might have more impact than talking about it in person. It was surprising, actually, that he was making it this hard for me to extricate myself from the situation. I had truly thought he’d be psyched to get to take the whole operation over himself.
I thought about telling Isla about it, after he left that day, but I decided not to. I wasn’t sure how she’d react. It was one thing to take a Lush and have fun for a night; it was completely different to be dealing it.
I was also getting annoyed because this place was supposed to be a respite for Isla and me, a place to come to so we could get away from all the other bullshit, not have more bullshit to deal with.
I was still lounging around in bed while Isla got dressed. She was going to go out for a run, which meant, at the present anyway, she had far more motivation than I could ever hope of having.
“You’re so motivated,” I said. “Are you sure you don’t just want to stay here? We could go for a swim. Or have sex. Or both, at the same time. That’s cardio.”
Isla smiled. “That’s very tempting,” she said. “But not quite the same as running.”
“No, you’re right—my idea is way better. Better for your knees, too.”
“I won’t be gone all day. We can do something when I get back.”
I stayed in bed a little while longer after she was gone, but then I got up. I had to take a piss. After that, I went out to the kitchen to make some coffee and heat up a few of the leftover pastries. I burned my hand taking the cheese Danish out of toaster, but these things were damn good (even one-day old) so it was worth it. I was carrying the plate and my coffee mug out to the terrace when I heard the key turn in the lock, right as I was registering the fact that Isla didn’t have a key for the villa. Before the thought could go any further, though, the door swung open.
It was Ella.
“Ella!” I said. I stopped and put the coffee and pastry down on the coffee table. “Ella,” I said again. She had on an impossibly short pair of denim cutoffs and a tight white tank top. No bra. She was also pulling a little Louis Vuitton suitcase behind her. “What are you doing here?”
“You told me you were going to be out here,” she said, giving me a little pout. “What you didn’t do was invite me out with you, but I took the initiative, and here I am. Oh, I’ve missed this place!” She dropped her suitcase and took a deep breath and then walked out to the terrace, turning in a circle.
“Err . . .” I looked toward the door, which she’d left open. How long had Isla been gone for? A little while at least, so that meant she could be back at any time. “Now’s really not a good time . . .” I followed her out onto the terrace.
“What are you talking about? Now’s not a good time? We’re both here, aren’t we? When was the last time we slept together, anyway, Levi? I think this has been the longest we’ve ever gone.”
“I’m not sure how long it’s been,” I said. “But listen, maybe you should—”
“The only thing either one of us should do is this.” She stepped forward and pulled me toward her, pressing her lips against mine. Both familiar and exciting, of course, yet all I could think of was: If this were a movie, when we pull apart, Isla will be standing there. I didn’t want to hurt Ella’s feelings; we had history, and I’d consider her a friend even if we weren’t going to add the “with benefits” at the end of it anymore. I kissed her back, if only for old time’s sake.
“What the hell?”
And there it was. I jumped back from Ella, and there was Isla, standing there in the living room, looking out at us on the terrace. I had to laugh because hadn’t I just been thinking this exact thing might happen?
“Shit,” I said. “This isn’t what it looks like.”
They both looked at me, eyes piercing.
“It isn’t?” Isla said.
Ella raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?” she said to me.
I had wanted to be more diplomatic about things, had figured that I could have a talk with Ella at some point, though there had been a part of me that wondered if even having a talk was necessary—maybe we’d just both sort of go our own separate ways. It’s not like there would be any shortage of guys for her.
“Isla—” I started to say, but she turned and fumed out, slamming the door behind her.
Ella was looking at me. “You came out here with her?” she said. “With your stepsister? Are you fucking your stepsister?”
“She’s not my stepsister,” I said.
Ella snorted. “She was.”
“So what? She was my stepsister for like five years. Not even. And we were teenagers; it’s not like we grew up together or anything.”
“I can’t believe it. So she’s staying here with you? That’s why you didn’t invite me?”
“Yes,” I said. “That’s why I didn’t invite you. And . . . and I don’t think that you and I should sleep together anymore.”
Ella’s jaw dropped. “What?”
“I want to see where this goes,” I said, “with Isla, and it’s not going to go anywhere if we’re still doing this whole friends with benefits thing.”
“So you want her to be your girlfriend?” She stared at me incredulously.
“Yeah,” I said. “I do.”
Ella stood there, not saying anything for several seconds. She blinked a few times and then I realized she was trying not to cry.
“Oh, Ella,” I said. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m really not.”
“You never wanted me to be your girlfriend,” she said, wiping at her eyes. “I can’t believe this. I always assumed that we’d just end up . . . I don’t know, getting married eventually. You’re my soulmate, Levi. And now you’re telling me that you don’t want to see me anymore.”
“What?” I said, not knowing what she was telling me was the actual truth or just something she was saying to make me feel bad. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that you and I always end up back together. Yeah, we go out and sleep with other people, and we’re not all attached at the hip the way some couples are, but I always thought that meant that we’d end up together, because we always came back to each other. I thought you felt that way, too.”
I bit my lip and tried to think of the right thing to say, the thing that would be honest but not hurtful. Unfortunately, at least in this case anyway, the two appeared to be mutually exclusive.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “You know that you mean a lot to me and you always have. But I thought what we were doing—what we’ve been doing all these years—was for fun. I just assumed you felt the same way.”
“I see,” she said. And then she burst into tears.
I’d never seen Ella cry before, and I just stood there, feeling a little horrified. I had not, in a million years, expected a reaction like that.
“I feel like such an idiot,” she said between sobs. Her head was down, her hand covering her face. I went over and hugged her.
“You’re not an idiot,” I said. “Please don’t feel bad. I guess this was something we should have talked about. I thought you felt the way I did; you thought I felt the way you did.” I pulled back a little and tried to look at her, but she was still covering her face. “That’s kind of funny, isn’t it?”
“What, that I thought you felt the same way about me that I did for you? That I thought you loved me?”
“Ella—”
“You actually did tell me that, you know. You did.” She shrugged my arms off of her and finally looked at me, her face tear-streaked, her eyes red. “Right here in Ibiza, actually. Don’t you remember? We were lying in that hammock, and you were running your fingers up and down my arm, like this.” She grazed her fingertips lightly u
p my arm. “And you said, ‘There is no place I would rather be, and there is no other person I’d rather be with. I love you.’ You said those exact words.”
I had; it was true. Well, I couldn’t be sure if I’d said those exact words, but I knew I had told her I loved her. But I couldn’t tell her the other truth of it—we’d been on Lush and I loved everyone when I was on that stuff. And the thing was, I did love Ella, but I wasn’t in love with her—not that I was about to hit her with that cliché. That wouldn’t go over well at all.
“Ella . . .” I let my voice trail off. I didn’t know what to say.
“I can’t believe you’re out here with her. Really, Levi? You want to be out here with Isla instead of me? This really isn’t some sort of cruel joke you’ve thought up? Because that’s really what it seems like.”
“Yes,” I said. “I mean, no. This isn’t a cruel joke. This wasn’t something I planned, Ella. It wasn’t. I’m not trying to purposefully hurt you. I really thought that you’d be okay with it.”
She looked at me in disbelief. “You thought I would be fine with you being out here with some other girl like this? I don’t get why the fuck you would think I’d be okay with this.”
“Because me being with other people before never seemed to bother you!” I’d slept with dozens of girls that weren’t Ella, and it had never been an issue. I’d even told her about a few of them. She had never reacted like this.
“I really can’t believe you’re going to make me spell this out for you,” she said.
“I guess I am, because I don’t get what the hell the problem is!”
“I didn’t have a problem before because I always knew you liked me best. I always knew that whoever you ended up with, it was just a fling, it didn’t mean anything. It was just a good feeling. Same with all the guys that I’ve slept with. It was just sex, nothing else. I’d choose you over any of them in a heartbeat.” She wiped at her eyes. “You really don’t feel the same way about me? If Isla wasn’t here and I showed up, we’d probably be fucking right now.”
