by Joey Bush
“I don’t know.”
“You do know. You know we would be. But now I guess you’ve replaced me. With your stepsister, who used to be an overweight cow, might I remind you.”
“That was a long time ago. Things change. People change. It happens.”
“I never thought it would change between us, though. I really thought you felt the same way.”
“You keep saying that. And I’ll keep saying that I had no idea that you felt like that. I wouldn’t try to lead you on, if I had known.”
“Lead me on? Did I just hear you correctly? Because to lead someone on, that would mean you didn’t have feelings for me to begin with. Is that what you’re trying to say? Because that is an outright lie if that’s case.”
She looked pissed now, and I knew I needed to tread carefully if I was going to be able to both truthfully explain this while not hurting her feelings any more than I already had.
“Of course I have feelings for you,” I said. “Of course I enjoyed every single time we were together. I more than enjoyed it. But I thought what we were doing was for fun. No strings attached. Friends with benefits.”
“I’m familiar with all the terms,” she snapped.
“That’s what I thought this was. We both just wanted to have a good time.” I held my hands up. “I’m sorry, Ella. I don’t know what else to say.”
She stared at me for several long seconds, her face going through a series of contortions that I hoped would end with a smile, even if it was a sad one. We could hug and say it had all been a big misunderstanding, and that there were no hard feelings. I’d go out and find Isla, explain the whole thing to her, and we could get on with our day. Everything could go back to the way it was just half an hour ago.
But Ella’s expression never even got close to a smile. It ended up something more of a sneer as she pushed past me. She stomped inside and grabbed her suitcase, but not before swiping her arm over the coffee table, knocking my coffee and plate to the floor, where both shattered.
“Fuck you, Levi,” she said. She slammed the door, and I just stood there, wishing I had never gotten out of bed in the first place.
30.
Isla
I thought he’d come after me.
I was certain of it, in fact.
I didn’t linger there by the front door or anything, but as I walked, I kept thinking I’d hear his footsteps behind me, that he’d run to catch up and tell me that it had all been a misunderstanding.
Then again, there was little to misunderstand when you walked in on someone and saw them making out with someone else.
But I was getting further and further away from his place and I was still by myself. I gave in and glanced over my shoulder, certain that I’d see him, but no. The villa was almost out of view, in fact, and the door was still shut. A terrible feeling started to overwhelm me. What had I been thinking? How could I have been so fucking stupid to think that anything would ever work out between Levi and me? Sophie had been right this whole time, and now we weren’t even speaking. Why hadn’t I listened to her? Why had I let myself get so caught up in . . . him again that I’d completely ignored what my best friend had been trying to protect me from?
I unzipped the back pocket on my running shorts and pulled out my phone. I was about to call Sophie, but I hesitated. We hadn’t talked since our fight, and now here I was, needing to talk to her because she had been right.
I pressed the call button and put the phone up to my ear. If she told me to fuck off, I wouldn’t exactly fault her, but I needed to talk to someone right now. The only other person I could call would be my mother, but I had a feeling she wasn’t going to be that sympathetic either.
The phone was ringing.
It rang exactly four and a half times and then her voicemail picked up. I hesitated again, not sure if I should leave a message, but then I started to talk.
“Hey,” I said. “It’s me. Isla. I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I feel really shitty about that. But I’m calling because—”
I was interrupted by the incoming call beep. I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the screen. Sophie.
I switched over. “Hello?” I said tentatively.
“Hi,” she said. Her tone was hard to read. “I just missed a call from you? Or was it a butt dial?”
“No, that was really me calling you,” I said. “How are you?”
“Good. Well, mostly good, but it’s been weird as hell not talking to you, Isla. It really has. I’m glad you called.”
A relieved smile spread across my face. “I’m so happy to hear you say that. I thought you were going to tell me to fuck off. If you were even going to answer your phone at all.”
“Girl, some of your decisions might be questionable, but you know I love you.”
“I love you, too, Soph. I am . . . I am calling for a reason though. About Levi.”
“What about Levi?” she asked, and I could hear the venom in her voice.
“He had Ella there! I went out for a run but I cut it short and went back and the front door was wide open and I walk in and he’s kissing Ella!”
“Ella? You mean the girl he was with that day at the restaurant?”
“Yeah, her. The tall, gorgeous one.”
“Holy fucking shit. What did you do?”
“I left! I just walked out of there, and I’m still walking. This literally just happened. And I thought that he’d come after me, but he didn’t. So now I’m walking and I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t know, I need to get back there to get my stuff, but then I’m coming back to Bel Air. You were right, Sophie. I should have listened to you.”
“What a fucking twat waffle!” she shouted.
I couldn’t help it—I burst out laughing. “Oh, I’m so glad you answered the phone,” I said.
“Well, he is. And you know what? You don’t even need to go back there and get your stuff. You can buy new stuff when you get here.”
“I need my passport. My whole purse and wallet is there, too.”
“Oh. Maybe sneak back in? Or, sneak back in, get your stuff, and then pour a gallon of milk on him.”
“Milk?”
“Yeah. Especially if it splashes and gets into the rug or on his bed, that shit will start to rot and smell worse than you could believe. Remember when I spilled that latte all over the front seat of my car? Yeah, that’s how I know.”
“I just might have to do that.”
“I’m really sorry, Isla. I’m not even going to say I told you so, because he’s such an asshole. If I didn’t have a full day of clients, I’d come out there and kick him in the balls, the way you should have in the very beginning.”
“I know, I know. You were right. Listen, thank you for picking up and talking to me. I’ve hated not being able to talk to you; it just hasn’t felt right. I’ll go back and get my stuff and I’ll give you a call when I get back to Bel Air, okay?”
“You better,” she said. “And if you go back there and he’s there, you should just do it. Give him a good, swift kick in the balls. Or at the very least, tell him he’s got a tiny dick and he sucks as a lover.”
Except he didn’t, on both counts, and I was pretty sure that he knew it. But still—it might feel good to say.
“I will. Thanks again for talking, Soph.”
But after I got off the phone, I didn’t feel like going back just yet. Mostly because I wanted to give Ella the chance to leave, though I knew it was certainly possible she’d still be there, no matter how long I waited. I walked for a while, until I came to a beach.
I stayed down at the beach for a while, just sitting there, looking out at the water. The water was so crystal clear, a deep, turquoise blue that stretched out toward the horizon, seemingly forever. I couldn’t say that my life had drastically improved since inheriting all this money. In fact, I still felt like the same person, struggling through the same insecurities, except worse now—if Alex hadn’t died and left me with this money
, Levi and I wouldn’t have reconnected, and this whole thing would not have happened.
I’d go back to Bel Air. Maybe I’d travel for a bit, see if Sophie wanted to go with me. I’d talk to Kelly about re-opening the gym, but in a different location, away from Fitness Universe. I’d open up other gyms in neighborhoods that didn’t have one, maybe make the membership fee based on a sliding scale. Maybe there’d be no membership fee at all.
I got up, brushed the sand off of me, and started to walk back. I’d walked a pretty far distance from Levi’s, and my muscles were aching and I didn’t have any water. My throat felt parched and I definitely had gotten a sunburn. Walking all the way back suddenly seemed impossible, but I didn’t have a choice because I didn’t have any money on me. I had to laugh at that; I had more money than probably everyone on this island, except for Levi, but I couldn’t take a taxi because I didn’t have any way to access the money.
So I walked. I could feel a blister forming on my right heel, making each step a little more excruciating than the last. I was walking by a café and I considered going in and asking for some water. There were people sitting at the outside tables, eating ceviche and salads and drinking colorful cocktails, all of them laughing and relaxing and looking like they were having a grand old time. I stood there for a moment, trying to decide what to do. Surely they wouldn’t deny someone a glass of water, would they? I was about to walk in when a car pulled up and then stopped next to me, a black Fiat convertible. I recognized the driver, though for a second, I couldn’t remember where I’d seen him.
“Hi, love,” he said in a British accent. “Isla, innit?”
“Yes,” I said. Then I remembered where I’d seen him; he was one of Levi’s friends.
“Alfie,” he said. “Fancy running into you like this. Need a lift?”
“Actually, yes,” I said. There was a water bottle in the center console; I didn’t care if he’d been drinking from it. “And could I have a sip of that water while I’m at it?”
He grinned. “’Course you can. Hop in.”
I limped over to the car and got in, guzzled about half the water. I instantly felt better.
“You headed back to Levi’s?” he asked as he started to drive again.
“Uh . . . yeah, I guess so.”
“Great. You mind if I just make a quick stop first?”
“No, that’s fine,” I said. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to going back to Levi’s. I glanced at Alfie as he drove. Would it be weird if I asked him to go in and get my stuff for me? Probably.
I leaned back against the seat and let my eyes close, enjoying the feeling of the air whipping through my hair. It felt good to be off my feet, and I’d have to make sure to get a Band Aid for that blister. I started to doze, but I woke up when the car stopped. We were parked in front of an apartment building.
“You want to come up with me?” he asked. “I’m just picking something up for a friend, but I might be a few minutes.”
“Sure,” I said. I was incredibly comfortable just sitting there in car, except that I had to pee. And I was still thirsty, which was a weird juxtaposition of sensations. “Would it be all right if I used the bathroom?”
“Absolutely. Follow me.”
I followed him into the lobby, which was cool and dark. He bypassed the out-of-service elevator and we climbed up three flights of stairs, my blister stinging with each step. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I waited next to him while he fumbled with his keys and then slid them into the lock, opened the door.
“Loo’s right over there,” he said as we stepped into the apartment. He nodded down the hallway, to the left as he shut the door behind him.
“Thanks,” I said.
I went into the bathroom and peed, then splashed cold water on my face and drank some from the tap. I could hear Alfie talking to someone, though I couldn’t make out what it was they were saying. I looked at myself in the mirror, the skin on my nose, cheeks, and forehead red and already starting to peel.
How could you be so stupid? I thought. How could you think that things would work out with Levi? Both Sophie and my mom had been right: They’d just been trying to protect me from what they knew would happen, and I had refused to listen. I kept seeing him standing there, kissing her, like it was the most natural thing in the world. They belonged together, though. They always had. I was an idiot to think that things would be any different.
I splashed a little more water on my face, patted it dry with a towel, and left the bathroom.
“I feel much better—” I started to say, but then suddenly felt someone grab me from behind, and I tried to scream but there was a damp, sweet-smelling cloth smashed up against my face, blocking my mouth, my nose. I tried to fling my arms out, grab onto something, anything, but there was only air. I could tell that whoever had grabbed me was considerably larger and considerably stronger. I kicked out, flinging my head from side to side, but nothing I seemed to do worked. And the smell from the cloth was so overpowering, and I began to feel like I was falling, like I’d lost control of my arms and legs, and there was nothing else I could do but tumble down into the darkness.
31.
Levi
After Ella had stormed out, I went out looking for Isla. For some reason, I had it in my head that I was going to round a corner and there she’d be, and there’d be a moment or two of silence and then I’d open my arms and she’d walk over and embrace me. I’d whisper how sorry I was and that the kiss she had walked in on meant nothing, and all would be forgiven. To make it up to her, I’d take her back to the villa and give her as many orgasms as I could.
I let this fantasy play out in my head as I walked, and it allowed me to lose track of time. How long had I been walking for? Where the hell was Isla? Had she gone back to the house?
I pulled my phone out of my pocket, realizing that I had turned the ringer off. But there were no calls from her, just a bunch of missed calls and texts from Alfie, who I wasn’t in the fucking mood to talk to right now. If I talked with him, it’d probably end up with me telling him to eat shit and die.
I called her, knowing that she wouldn’t pick up, but hoping I was wrong. Maybe I should just go back to the house and wait; all her stuff was still there, so she’d at least have to come back to get her passport before she could leave. All I needed to do was see her in person and I’d be able to explain it.
“Isla,” I said to her voicemail. “It’s me. I’m running around here looking for you, except you seem to have vanished. I know you’re pissed, and I don’t blame you; I didn’t mean for you to walk in and see that. I mean—shit. That came out wrong. I wasn’t kissing Ella. Well, I was, but I didn’t initiate and I had just told her that you and I were together. I swear. And then—” I was interrupted by the incoming call tone. I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the screen. “Fuck off!” I shouted, seeing Alfie’s name appear. The voicemail was still recording. “Shit,” I said. “That wasn’t directed to you, that last part. Isla, just call me back, okay?” I hung up.
“Yo, Levi!”
I turned and saw this guy Joel ambling over. Joel was a friend from New York, super into the party scene, had his own place here not too far from my own.
“Oh, hey,” I said. He held his hand out and we slapped fives. His eyes were hidden behind his aviator sunglasses.
“You cool?” he asked. “You look like you need a little something to mellow yourself out.” He slid a joint from behind his ear and tried to hand it to me. “Try a puff of this. You got a lighter? It’s Afghani Daydream and it’s fuckin—”
“No, I’m all set,” I said. “I’m actually looking for someone.”
“Oh, I just saw Ella over at Boho Bar. I was going to say what’s up, but she looked pissed. She should still be over there though.”
“No, not Ella. Isla, actually.”
“Isla? I don’t think I know her.”
“Sure you do. Remember how I had a stepsister in high school? That was Isla.”
>
Joel frowned. “Isla . . .” he said. He snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah! The fat chick? I remember her.”
“She’s not fat anymore.”
“Yeah, well, she used to be. That’s so funny that you mentioned her, because I actually saw her a little while ago.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. I was eating lunch at Gordina’s. I thought she looked familiar, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember where the fuck I had seen her. But that’s it! Hell yeah you’re right—she’s not fat anymore. She looked fuckin dope. Amazing transformation. She got in a car with someone.”
“What? A car? With who?”
Joel shrugged. “I don’t remember, man, sorry. I was too busy staring at her ass. It was a dark car, I think.”
“A dark car. Great. Thanks. That’s entirely helpful,” I said.
Joel grinned, not catching my sarcasm. “Any time, man.”
Who had she gotten into a car with? Whoever it was, they were probably giving her a ride back to my place this very second so she could get her stuff and leave.
“When was this?”
He glanced down at his wrist, even though he wasn’t wearing a watch. “I’m not sure . . . it was a little while ago, at least. No more than hour, I’d say.”
“And you don’t remember who she was with?”
“Sorry. It wasn’t a taxi, though. I know that for sure.”
“I gotta run,” I said to Joel.
“You do what you gotta do,” he said. “But we should chill soon. Bring Isla!”
“Yeah, sure,” I said. I turned and started walking back to the house, looking for a taxi. Of course the only ones that went by were already occupied. If Isla hadn’t gotten into a taxi, then who had picked her up? She wasn’t friendly with anyone out here, as far as I knew, though I supposed that didn’t mean she couldn’t have made friends without me knowing. People were like that around here, very friendly, just interested in having a good time.
I had to get back to the house before she did; I just needed to be able to explain everything to her in person, and let her know that what she just saw with Ella was not at all what she probably thought it was.
