by Joey Bush
I began to have a panic attack. I called Sayler and went to search my mother’s cupboards for a container of frosting.
Chapter Five
I put my phone on speaker as I rifled through my mother’s pantry for some sugar-laden goo. The shelves were filled with processed food and a bevy of outdated items. I became distracted with the task of cleaning it out. I pulled the trashcan close to me and tossed tuna, kidney beans, envelopes of soup mix, crackers, and other sundries. Much of the stuff was close to ten-years old. It was too old for the food-drive and there was quite a bit of molded stuff that I was unable to identify. I finally came across a can of Betty Crocker’s finest – double chocolate supreme. My mom probably bought it to frost store bought cupcakes when I was a child. She had forgotten it, along with most everything else during those years. Finally, Sayler answered my call. I had to leave four messages before she picked up. I knew she would pick up when curiosity got the best of her.
“Okay. Clearly, you need to talk to your BFF. I’m surprised that you remembered my number,” Sayler said with a touch of bitterness.
“Speed dial,” I quipped.
“Good thing for that. So what’s up?”
“I know you think that I’m calling you now that I need some rescuing. And, it’s true. Will you come to my mom’s house? I’m a complete wreck as I sit here eating frosting from the tub with a spoon.”
“I guess. Get another spoon ready. I’ll bring along a couple of pints of ice cream for back-up and a box of wine if you need it.”
“Let yourself in,” I said as I dug into my frosting.
****
I sat in the kitchen waiting for Sayler. I tried to avoid peering out the window, but I could hear giggles and laughs emanating from Ryder’s yard. It was tortuous so I flipped on my mother’s sound system. It wasn’t my musical taste but it helped drown out the joyous sounds next-door. My mom preferred country music so I listened to Tim McGraw, Luke Bryan, Brad Paisley and others whom I wasn’t familiar with.
“Hey, Jenna. You don’t look so bad—although I don’t get the country music. Is that something Ryder has gotten you into?” Sayler arrived. She wasn’t up to date regarding Ryder and me, but she clearly knew something was amiss.
I pointed to the window in the kitchen.
“Look outside and you will see. It’s my Ryder, or at least I thought he was mine, and another woman and a kid. They are playing house for the weekend right under my nose,” I said.
“I have some catching up to do. I see Ryder and he’s…hot. He looks younger than thirty-three. I can see why you sucked his dick. He looks yummy.” She turned to face me. “Okay, so I need you to catch me up. I know that he’s your professor and that you had a planned to continue your relationship, plus it was to be kept a secret, and it was all hunky dory.”
“Yeah, Sayler, I thought it was great. The age factor is a non-issue and we were learning to deal with keeping everything on the down-low,” I said. I paused to open a pint of coffee ice cream and I squirted it with some fudge out of a squeeze bottle.
“Well, Jenna, what the hell happened to this nirvana that you guys created?”
“You’re looking at it, Sayler. Heaven has rapidly disintegrated into hell. Ryder surprised me with the fact that he was unable to see me this weekend and he gave no explanation. I come to my mom’s house and see him with some chick and a brat. He has probably been leading this double life since the beginning. He seems to be comfortable with the woman, and especially the kid with whom he’s very affectionate.”
“Have you had sex with the guy?”
“No, not really. Just oral sex. Outside of the bedroom, I thought we had really bonded since we expressed our feelings towards one another.”
“Has he used the “L” word?” Sayler asked.
“No, but it’s definitely implied. We haven’t had to say it. Now, I feel like a fool for even thinking it.”
“Hold on Jenna, Let me grab the wine. What time is it?” Sayler asked.
“Too early to drink, so pour me a big glass,” I said.
“Did he give any hint that he may be cheating or have an entire family?” Sayler pounded her glass of white wine and pulled the spout to pour another.
“He was secretive when we first started seeing each other. I found out what I thought was his big secret—he has cancer.”
Sayler was shocked. “He has fucking cancer? When did you find out about this tiny morsel of information?”
“It was about a week ago. I happened upon his stash of medications, which I knew from my father’s ordeal, that they were cancer drugs. I don’t know if he’s in the late stages of recovery or the early stages of death,” I said to a stupefied Sayler. She had been my friend for most of my life and I knew she did not shock easily.
“Jenna, I think he feels trapped and he’s fucking scared that his time is running out. You are young and the whole secretive thing is probably a distraction. He is trying to soak up as much sex and companionship as he can get. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I can hardly blame him,” Sayler said.
“Bitch. I’m looking for a shoulder to cry on. You are taking Ryder’s side?”
“Relax, Jenna. I’m not taking sides. I think you should be talking to Ryder and not me.”
“Okay Sayler,” I said sarcastically. “Why don’t I walk over to him and his sweetie and apologize for intruding but I just wanted to say hello. Why don’t I throw together some of my mom’s outdated food and make them a casserole?”
“There’s an idea, but why don’t we just have another drink instead? Your mom’s garden, if that’s what she calls the mess of weeds out back, needs attention. I say we hit the project and you can take out some of your aggressions.”
“You suggest I face my problems head on?” I asked.
“We will be in full view of Ryder. It’s not like you to hide. Let’s get dirty.”
It sounded like a plan. “I will pull on a pair of jeans. Pick out some killer tunes. We’ll get good and dirty.”
I went to my room to change. I was awash in the effects of the wine and void of my inhibitions, which meant I checked my common sense at the door. The sun was shining so I skipped the jeans for a pair of short-shorts. I thought back to my kayak adventure at the lake with Ryder. I had worn a similar outfit. I dug around in my drawer for a white tank top from junior high. It was the perfect fit—two sizes too small.
****
In the garden, I found Sayler already hard at work. It was difficult not to look over the fence into Ryder’s yard but I used restraint. Sayler was sitting among the dying vines and the rotting tomatoes.
“Grab a five gallon bucket from the shed,” she directed me. “We need a place to put these tomatoes, otherwise the seeds will make a forest of seedlings next year. It sounds great, but it’s a mess, and most of the plants won’t produce fruit,” Sayler said. She always enjoyed my mother’s garden and had developed quite a green thumb.
“It’s hot for this time of year. I think you could use some cooling off.”
I sprayed Sayler with the hose. She threw a decomposing tomato at my head and it turned into an all-out war. The zucchini came into play, all we needed was some pasta, and we would’ve made a great meal. We were both soaking wet. If Ryder noticed, he would’ve seen my white wet shirt. I was subconsciously recreating our afternoon in the rain.
Sayler giggled. “Truce. We are a mess, Jenna. Do you feel better?”
“I feel great.”
We didn’t get a lot of work done but we accomplished what we set out to do. I had forgotten about Ryder for a few minutes until we heard his voice from across the fence.
“Come on son, let’s go inside and grab some lunch,” Ryder said to the little boy.
A simple three-letter word sent me into a tailspin and immediately sobered me up. I had thought my fit was bad before. As I had emptied the golf clubs all over my dorm room, I did to my mother’s kitchen drawers as I stomped inside and Sayler followed. Cutlery went flying and
a whisk hit Sayler in the face. The silver, which was never used, lay on the floor. I wadded up cheap paper towels as I had in the high school bathroom and threw them to the ceiling.
“Well, I see you’re reverting back into a child. You have given new meaning to the tantrum.” Sayler concealed her laughter. She thought my antics were funny but she refused to give into my juvenile behavior.
I was wet and embarrassed, standing in my mother’s kitchen, which I had destroyed.
“I look pathetic huh?” I said.
“Yeah. Well, now we know for sure that Rydy-Pooh has been hiding a family. That is his kid and we probably saw his wife or baby-mama earlier. The truth hurts, especially when we can’t do anything about it.”
“I hate it when you’re right Sayler. It’s not often. I wish it was never because this one hurts.”
We started to pick up my mother’s kitchen, which was a mess. The yard wasn’t much better as it had been our battlefield for the tomato war.
“Sayler, I just didn’t think this would happen to me. I had my eyes wide open,” I said.
“Not wide enough. He took advantage of you. He played you like a cello.”
“What if it was his sister? I know she has a daughter and maybe she has a son too. That would make perfect sense,” I said. I was grasping at straws.
“Who calls their nephew son and why would he keep a date with his sister secretive?” Sayler answered.
“I guess I owe it to Ryder to tell him I know the truth.”
Sayler looked at me sternly. “No, Jenna. You owe it to yourself to tell him to go to fucking hell.”
“Thanks for being here when I needed you. I know Ryder’s schedule. He meets three other guys for golf every Sunday afternoon. I will be at the country club when he finishes his round and he’s in for a big surprise,” I said.
“Is it safe to leave you alone? I’m afraid of which room you will tear apart after I leave.”
“I will be fine. I will have my mother cook me up something for dinner.”
“Are you high? Your mom doesn’t cook.”
“I know, but she’s going through some sort of rejuvenation, renaissance, or she’s just crazy. She even has her eyes on Claude the neighbor. In general, she hasn’t changed much.”
“Right. Do you think we will get that way as we age?”
“God, I hope not.” I laughed and gave Sayler a hug goodbye.
It took a couple hours to clean up. It was therapeutic in a way. I didn’t linger in front of the kitchen window, but I stole the occasional glance. I could see the lights were still on, which indicated that Ryder and the boy were still home.
I tried waiting up for my mother. I thought she must have taken the scenic route with Claude. I was actually waiting up for my mother, which was weird. Before I fell off to sleep, I checked my phone. I had a text from Ryder.
Miss U nxt W/E?
Yeah right. I put my phone face down with the ringer and vibrator off and went to sleep.
Chapter Six
I woke up early on Sunday. I was still pissed at my mother for not telling me about Ryder sooner. My relationship with her couldn’t compare to what was going on with him. I decided to accept her the way she was and make nice.
I was going to the country club, so I dressed accordingly. I wore a pair of khakis and a pink, sleeveless polo. I lay in bed for fifteen minutes with cucumbers on my eyes to reduce any evidence that I had been crying. The 3-4 tumblers of cheap wine I’d had did not help me look refreshed.
I found my mother at the kitchen table.
“Good morning, Mom. You were out late last night,” I commented.
“Keeping tabs on me?”
“Just returning the favor, Mom. Hope you know everything about Claude Simmons. You never know. The man could be an ax murderer, or worse: he could be hiding a wife and kids,” I joked.
My mother ignored the comment and returned to her crossword puzzle.
“I’m going to run errands, stop at the country club on Pelican Island, and return to school. Have a great week. I’ll let you know my plans for next weekend.” I grabbed my things and headed out the door.
****
I had no errands to run, so I ended up driving around before hitting the country. I was nervous about seeming like some crazy stalker type woman. I had a life to lead and I had to fix the Ryder bullshit before moving on. Moving on wasn’t what I wanted, but it was the only choice given the circumstances. I thought dating my professor was scandalous. Hooking up with a married man took it to another level.
I parked my car next to Ryder’s Lexus. Of course, I peaked in the vehicle. Crumpled on the seat were a number of fast food wrappers. I told him a good diet was common sense, especially for a person with cancer, but he obviously wasn’t listening. The usual golf tees and spare golf gloves were scattered on the floor. Standing out like a sore thumb were two baseball mitts. One for Ryder and, presumably, one for the kid.
A leather case sat on the front seat. Embroidered on the thing were the initials SHC. A tingle coursed up my spine. The woman must have been the mysterious Samantha or Sammy. Shit. I slammed my hand on Ryder’s car. It couldn’t be more obvious. He mentioned Sammy on several occasions and other people in the club had mentioned her. I imagined the S was for Samantha and the C stood for Curran. Ryder couldn’t have been more obvious. Everyone else knew about Sammy, making me look like a fool.
Armed with this knowledge, Ryder had no option but to tell me the truth. I walked into the lounge, as I knew Ryder would enjoy a ceremonial draft after his round. He always sat by the large window so I would choose the bar. I did not want to embarrass him in front of his friends. I didn’t know why I gave a shit about his reputation.
“Riko, I will have a glass of chardonnay,” I stated as I took my seat.
Riko looked at me and smiled.
“Whoops, I forgot. I’m not twenty-one. I guess that matters in your line of work. Make it a sweet tea.”
“You got it, Jenna. I pay the mortgage with this gig so I have to make sure they don’t fire my ass for serving minors,” Riko said as he delivered my tea. “Should I throw it on Ryder’s account?”
“No Rikko—ah, on second thought, sure why not.” I glanced at my watch and I had some time before Ryder was finished. “I will look at a bar menu too.”
I decided to order a shrimp salad. I wasn’t hungry, but since Ryder was kind enough to foot the bill, I would indulge.
“Hey Riko, have you seen Ryder’s Sammy lately.”
“I haven’t. I wish Ryder would bring Sammy in. Gives a bit of fresh air to this place, if you know what I mean. Sammy has helped Ryder get through the past year. He is a lucky man.”
I smiled and nodded my head. I wanted to crawl beneath my bar stool and cry.
****
Ryder walked into the lounge. It had been days since I had seen him close up. I gulped hard. He looked fantastic. He was wearing washed out navy shorts and a white polo shirt. The light color emphasized his tan skin. His eyes were bright and happy. He must have had a good round, and whatever he did over the weekend had agreed with him. He was alone and Riko set him up with a beer. As Riko served him, he whispered in Ryder’s ear. Ryder looked in my direction. He shot me a huge smile as he hopped out of his seat.
Ryder came to the bar and threw his arms around me. I flushed and my hands began to sweat. He felt so powerful. He felt better than ever. For a moment, I forgot the last forty-eight hours.
“Jenna. This is the best surprise ever. I thought about you constantly. We left things kind of badly and you never returned my calls or texts,” Ryder said.
He did not speak like a guilty man and his eyes were not lying. Boy was he good.
“I stopped in to grab a bite to eat before I cruise back to school.”
“I wasn’t aware that you had spent the weekend in town.”
How could he not have noticed Sayler and me squealing? We were right next-door. Ryder was insulting my intelligence.
“I w
as at my mother’s house all weekend, Ryder,” I spoke slowly as if to say Duh – I saw everything.
“Oh.” Ryder was silent. He knew I had seen him with Samantha and his son.
“Cat got your tongue?”
Ryder still had his hand on my shoulder. He grew uncomfortable and put his hands in his pockets.
“Cat—no, more like a mountain lion. You have eyes and you were right next door. I was hardly hiding.”
“Yeah, Ryder, I saw you and Sammy and your son. I’m so confused. You owe it to me—come clean. I was fucking tortured watching you and your family frolicking. You must’ve seen and heard Sayler and me while we were hurling tomatoes at one another.”
Ryder started to chuckle, which was annoying. Soon he broke into obnoxious laughter, which really pissed me off. I was prepared to smack the smile off his face.
“Jenna, I understand the confusion but you’re far off base.”
“Don’t fucking patronize me…Professor Curran.”
I pulled my hand back. I was about to slap him across the face. Ryder caught my arm on its way towards his cheek. He used my arm to drag me away from the restaurant into the kitchen. The cook looked up and then went back to chopping, as if it was something he was used to seeing.
“Jenna, I can handle cancer and all that brings with it but I can’t handle being slapped in public. Okay, you can slap me now.” Ryder closed his eyes in preparation for my open-handed slap.
“I can’t do it Ryder. I haven’t slapped a person since kindergarten—and he really deserved it. Are you ready to tell me the truth—the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”
“Yes, your honor. Will you go outside with me where we can have some privacy at least?”
I extended my hand and Ryder pulled me along.
****
We chose a spot on the sand facing the ocean with the golf course behind us. On any other occasion, it would’ve been a magnificent spot. The waves were crashing far from shore and their sound was all we could hear. The dunes provided a blind from any golfers on the course. We were completely alone – good spot to have wild sex but the thought of sand up my ass made me uncomfortable. Ryder and I sat on the sand facing one another. He cupped my hands and looked at me directly with his stunning green eyes.
