Tortoise Tango

by Mary Wine

  Amber jumped to her feet and hastily rearranged the furniture to protect the walls. Flamingo could easily cut though the soft drywall with his shell. The giant, spurred thigh tortoise was banned from her garage because he was equally destructive to car paint.

  All right, maybe Mr. Grouchy was more manly than Amber cared to admit. Flamingo weighed over a hundred pounds and any man who could carry that up a slippery hillside did qualify as manly. It almost bordered on hunk, but a girl really needed to see a man without his shirt before she bestowed the title of hunk on him.

  Lord knew the man had the shoulders for it.

  Amber allowed her memory exactly ten seconds of recall time before she mentally slapped herself back into real life. Yes, the man was built. He must have at least one award plaque at home for shoulder-lifting or push-ups or whatever else men did to build up their chests.

  And his abs were tight. Really tight. And you, Miss Amber, need to find something else to do with your brain. Slobbering over Mr. Grouchy needed to go! Right now!

  That little curl of heat was back in her belly. The way the man looked at her made her shiver. Actually, it was the way he looked her over. Those dark eyes had slid down her body like laser beams and there was absolutely nothing professional about it. It was a primitive form of communication that a blind woman would have understood. Her nipples slowly twisted into little buttons as she felt a moment of feminine pride. Amber shook her head but couldn’t stop feeling delighted that a man like the sheriff had been interested in a second look at her.

  Heading for the room’s shower, Amber decided to indulge in a very long, very hot bath. Always look at the bright side! Yes, her car was stuck in a sand dune. Her house just might be a pile of splinters and the local sheriff was ticked off at her because he’d had to carry her beloved pet up a forty-foot embankment.

  Giving the faucet a turn, Amber watched as steam began to rise from the filling tub. Pulling her jeans off, she climbed into the water with a sigh. Okay, being forced to spend the night in a motel room was also another good thing. After all, if her house was still standing, there was bound to be a record amount of yard work waiting for her to do. Instead she was sitting in a hot, steaming bath.

  Now that was a bright side, if ever she’d seen one!

  Yes, her car was stuck with a capital “S”, but it wasn’t waiting in line at the local body shop. Her bank account would certainly declare this to be a bright side.

  And as for the local sheriff… She hoped he had sore muscles tomorrow morning! It wasn’t her fault the man’s pride was so thick he’d hauled Flamingo up that hill just to keep from admitting that she was right. Lord forbid any male on the planet agree with a woman. In fact, for all Amber knew that could be a felony in the state of Texas.

  Sinking lower into the water, Amber let a naughty little smile creep across her face. Maybe it was too bad she wouldn’t get to see Mr. Grouchy again. She needed the comic relief.

  Her amusement died quickly as she considered the facts again. Moving to Texas was supposed to dump her into boring, predictable normalcy. So far, life was as crazy as it had been in California. Stepping out of the water, Amber eyed the telephone sitting next to the bed.

  Just one little call and she’d be free. At least that was what her mother insisted. But exactly how was Amber to trust that? After all, most people would tell her that she was a crackpot to even believe there was such a thing as curses.

  Most people wouldn’t believe her if she told them her mother was a witch and proud of it. It wasn’t that Amber held any true opinion on her mother’s choices, but to cast a curse on her own daughter? What happened to family was family, and I love you despite your Christianity, my dear?

  Flamingo snorted as he tried again to dig up the room’s carpeting. He raised a harassed look at Amber before tunneling under one of the drapes. Half of his shell disappeared. Running a hand over his shell, Amber gave it a loving pat.

  Flamingo had the right idea. It was time for some sleep. Besides, Amber was going to spend at least an hour thanking God for keeping her in one piece today.

  And Lord, her mother would just spit if she knew her daughter was praying!

  * * * * *

  Amber awoke as a fist landed on her door with the force of thunder. She shrieked as she tried to roll out of the bed. The sheets tangled and caught her, leaving her kicking as another couple of knocks landed on the door.

  “Just a minute!” Giving the sheet a last kick for good measure, Amber stumbled towards the door. She yanked it open and gasped as the cold morning air hit her.

  “Good morning.” Another shriek escaped her mouth as Amber slammed the door shut. Oh, why hadn’t she checked to see who was at the door?

  The door bounced off a firmly planted boot and came swinging in a half second later. Amber raised her eyes to notice Mr. Grouchy was wearing an amused grin this morning. He propped an arm across the doorway and let his grin widen.

  “Do you always open the door to just anyone, Ms. Talisman?”

  “Maybe I was afraid you were going to put your fist straight through it.”

  “Maybe.” Joe let his eyes slide over what some generous soul might call a top before his eyes touched on a very tempting bare belly. Little Red had a delicious-looking body to go with the curves his mind had already noticed. “Maybe you should secure the chain before turning in for the night.”

  “Is there a reason you’re darkening my doorway?” Tossing her hair over a shoulder, Amber blinked her eyes to clear them. That grin was turning into a smirk as the man’s eyes surveyed her. Her skin tightened and Amber pressed her mouth into a firm line. Opening the door while she was half awake was stupid, she just didn’t need it pointed out to her.

  “The way I see it, you should be rejoicing that it’s me. Or were you expecting someone?”

  The man glared at her with male smugness. What could she say? His face changed expression momentarily before he extended his hand into the room.

  “Jesus! It’s hot as hell in there! No wonder you’re practically naked!”

  This time, Amber managed to get the door slammed shut. She heard the muffled curse that came out of Mr. Grouchy’s mouth as the wood hit his hand. She fumbled to turn the lock as her face exploded in color.

  Naked? Oh God! She was practically naked. It could get mighty hot in Southern California and her favorite summer pajamas were eight years old and very threadbare now. Chancing a look down, Amber was just grateful the thin cotton was a dark shade of purple or her nipples would be showing through.

  “Ms. Talisman, open the door!”

  “You can just get lost!”

  “If you want your car back, open the door.”

  The note of firm authority in his voice bothered her almost as much as her own stupidity. But she needed her car back.

  The door opened and Joe thrust his hand out to push it completely open. The chain gripped and held as Little Red peeked around from behind it. A small smile lifted her lips as she watched the chain keep the door from opening any further.

  “Thanks for the advice.”

  Joe ground his teeth together. The woman was a menace. Even if it was a misuse of county resources he was going to upgrade her tow call to urgent! Because if he didn’t get her out of his county immediately, he was going to strangle her!

  “I suggest you get dressed so I can get you back out to your car.” Joe didn’t wait for a reply. He turned on his heel and headed for his patrol unit.

  Amber watched him leave. She slapped a hand over her own cheek as she caught her eyes lingering over the man’s shoulders. Boy, he really was the very definition of “hunk”.

  Kicking the door shut, she frantically grabbed her overnight bag. She really did need that ride out to her car. Better with Mr. Grouchy than some unknown stranger. Yanking a sweater over her head, she ran a brush through her tangled hair.

  He was waiting for her. His large frame was propped against the side of his police car. Mr. Grouchy had his arms crossed ove
r his chest and a pair of mirrored sunglasses on. His face was set in pure granite as he watched her door. Stepping out of the room, Amber felt the cool air and sighed in relief.

  “If that heater is broken, you should have requested another room for the night.”

  “It’s not broken.”

  “You want it that hot?” Maybe the woman wasn’t a menace, it was possible she was just plain insane.

  “I told you that Flamingo is sensitive to the cold.”

  “You’re kidding, right?” Joe pulled his glasses off and walked close enough to see her eyes. “You’re telling me, you slept in that hot box so that your turtle would be happy?”

  “Flamingo is a tortoise, not a turtle and his heat lamp is in my car.”

  Joe just couldn’t help it. He practically doubled over with laughter. The woman was near naked and panting from heat because she loved her tortoise.

  Amber watched the sheriff with growing outrage. Why exactly was it that this man seemed to enjoy laughing at her so much? Sure, she found her own life infinitely amusing but it was her life! Mr. Grouchy was downright rude and her temper quickly bubbled over her limit.

  She kicked him.

  “He’s my pet! Not a thing!”

  Joe considered her sweater a moment while his memory recalled her ultrathin pajama top. The sweater was a sack. But his memory was far too good. She had a plump set of tits that made his mouth water.

  “Most women get a cat.”

  “I’m just a mold-breaker.”

  Slipping his glasses back into place Joe didn’t resist the urge to provoke his companion once more. “Well, I’ve heard that most redheads are different. But naming a male anything Flamingo is low, lady. Very low.”

  “It’s auburn! Did you say we were ready to go?” He sent her a smug grin before pushing away from his post against the police car. Amber shifted back as she noticed just how tall the man was. His heavyset shoulders emphasized the fact. Movement caught her eye and she glanced around to notice that Flamingo was taking his chance to escape the hotel room.

  “That thing can move rather fast when it wants to.”

  Amber narrowed her eyes as he once again called her pet a thing. Flamingo was as affectionate as any dog. Just as much trouble but blissfully silent. Living in the Southern California basin meant your neighbor was most likely only thirty feet away. Lawsuits erupted over excessive barking. Silly or not, her giant tortoise was an ideal pet.

  “What are you doing?”

  Amber glared at him in response. “I’d think you know an apple when you see one.” Dropping the piece of fruit onto the ground, Amber used her booted foot to crush it into several large chucks.

  “What I see is a mess. You need a ticket for littering?”

  “Well, if you’d rather carry Flamingo over here…fine. But he’ll walk himself over if there’s an apple involved.” Almost on cue her pet caught scent of the fruit and raised his head in Amber’s direction. The tortoise moved his body forward on lumbering steps.

  It was the damnedest thing he’d ever seen. Joe pulled his glasses off to stare as that turtle immediately beat a path to the broken apple. He stretched out his neck and caught a chunk between his jaws before crushing it. His head stretched out again for one of the remaining pieces. Little Red opened the back door of his car and tossed the two remaining pieces into the footwell of the passenger seat. The creature sniffed the air momentarily before placing two feet into the car as it stretched out its neck for the fruit.

  And then Little Red bent over and showed off her perfect bottom for him. Joe felt his mouth go dry as he watched her wrap her arms around her pet’s huge shell. Damn, she had one nice ass.

  Her boots slipped on the asphalt as she struggled with lifting the animal completely into the car.

  “Let me do that!”

  Dropping Flamingo with a huff, Amber turned around and bumped into the sheriff. Her body bounced away from him sending her backwards into Flamingo’s shell. Her pet gave a loud hiss of displease for being sat on.

  The sound must have startled the lawman because he sent Amber spinning away from the car in a split second. Her feet scuffled along the asphalt as she tried to keep her balance.

  “Did he bite you?”

  “Tortoises don’t have teeth.” Flipping her hair out of her face, Amber glared at him once more. The man’s body was rigid as he eyed her pet. Those eyes shifted back over her and inspected her from top to bottom before he gave a single nod of his head.

  “You should have let me pick him up, unless you want your back wrenched out.”

  “Could we go now?” Because she was really getting tired of dealing with a chauvinist. Flamingo was her pet and she’d take care of him, herself! She certainly didn’t need a man to help her out.

  “By all means!” Joe sent the passenger door closed with a slam behind the snapping sounds of the last piece of apple being eaten. Amber opened the front door and pulled it shut as she tossed her head. Joe couldn’t help but laugh. What a stubborn, foolhardy…redhead!

  * * * * *

  “Well, now, that car is stuck real good.” An oil-stained hand reached for the equally stained brim of a baseball cap and tugged on it for the tenth time. “This isn’t going to be covered by your auto club.”

  Amber curled her fingers into a fist before she forced her hand open. When it came to cars, there seemed to be some unspoken law of the universe that made it impossible for men to speak plain English to a woman.

  “Would you like a credit card or a check?”

  “I normally only take cash.”

  Of course! Amber considered the stretch of open highway in front of her. The next exit was two miles away and even then, there wasn’t any great chance there would be a bank anywhere to be found. They were still a good twenty miles out of town.

  Cocking her head back to the opposite direction, she considered the sheriff as he leaned against his car. His eyebrows were dipped over his eyes as he continued to stare at her. Noticing her attention, he raised one arm up form his chest and very deliberately looked at his wristwatch. Crossing his arm back across his chest he resumed his glaring.

  Snapping her head around, Amber fixed her sights on the driver. Well, of the two men, she’d take the tow truck driver any day. Her oil-fingered friend would break far faster than the lawman.

  “Hmm…I’m so sorry to hear that. The sheriff isn’t going to be very happy about his highway being cluttered. But if that’s your policy, I’ll just have to find someone who can take a credit card.” Amber fluttered her eyelids at him “There just isn’t a bank anywhere around and a girl just doesn’t carry large amounts of cash in her handbag these days. You understand.” Flipping around, Amber set her body towards the sheriff. The lawman’s frown deepened before he raised his huge frame away from the patrol car. He flexed his hands and moved to meet her as his eyes aimed a harsh look at the driver behind her.

  “Well now, I guess I can make an exception and take that check. No need to involve the law.” The sheriff was bearing down on him and the driver turned his frame away from the man as he jerked the pull chains free from the bed of his truck. Amber felt a smile tug at her face as she listened to the rattle of the chains.

  The soft crunch of gravel hit her ears as Joe stopped directly in front of her. One hand reached for the mirrored glasses and lowered them just an inch so that his eyes could inspect her once again. Amber felt her smile fade as she stood facing his hard face. She forced her head up and refused to shrink in front of him. The tow truck driver’s hurried steps were carried right over her head and straight to the sheriff’s ears. The lawman shifted his glittering eyes over her shoulder and considered the driver of the tow truck before returning to her face again.

  “Your hair is red.”

  * * * * *

  “Good evening, Joshia.”

  Joe’s back came away from its resting place against his office chair in a split second. He watched Terri Clark with a practiced eye as the woman sauntered into
his office without knocking. Her lipstick was shining from recent and abundant application. She had a single scrap of paper clutched between her long, fire-engine red fingernails as she wove her way to the surface of his desk.

  “This just came in, so I brought it right up.”

  Joe pulled the pink message slip from her hand before she got close enough to sit on the edge of his desk again. When Terri managed to find an excuse to get into his office, she wouldn’t give up the field ‘til he left it himself.

  “Thank you, Ms. Clark.”

  Her lips turned into a full pout before she swung around on a high heel and made her way to the door. Her hips swished with abundant motion before she turned her head and sent him a wink.

  Joe collapsed back into his chair and raised a hand to his temples. The Pullman County Sheriff’s office was a catastrophe. The previous sheriff died in office at the age of eighty-two. The old man hadn’t been able to master the civilian personnel that staffed the office.

  Terri Clark was just one of several problems. But she was the only one that Joe took personally. Hell, the woman would sit herself smack down on his lap if he didn’t stand up when she came through his office door. He’d learned that lesson the hard way, so to speak.

  Now if Little Red wanted to sit in his lap, maybe that wouldn’t be such a problem. Joe’s face turned into a frown. Exactly why was he considering Little Red’s company? The woman was hell on wheels.

  His office chair squeaked as he sat back down. On impulse, Joe reached for the keyboard and pulled up Little Red’s identification. The state-issued driver’s license picture popped up along with her basic information. His phone buzzed for attention, so he hit the print option before picking up the receiver.

  With his attention diverted to his conversation, Joe turned back to his desk and stared at his printer. The output tray was full of neat, freshly printed papers. An entire stack of them.

  Most people had a page or two of official information that was stored with the state or federal government. Traffic violations, maybe a car accident or two. But unless the person had a record, three pages was the max.