Crush

by Vivienne Savage

  “I swear, nobody’s going to hurt you if I have anything to say about it.”

  A sense of helplessness overwhelmed her, and then the tears came without mercy. She cried while Nate held her with a hand on her lower back, the other cradling her head against his shoulder.

  “Astrid, there’s something I have to tell you. I don’t want to do it now while you’re hurting, but I’ve got to.”

  “Now?”

  “Yes.” Nate had thrown on his clothes again, but left his shirt unbuttoned and untucked around his jeans. He released her to pace nervously, wearing a track on the floor while Isis and Echo trailed behind him. “It’s not easy to say.”

  “Then don’t. It can wait.”

  “No. It can’t.”

  “Nate, you’re scaring me.”

  “When you asked me if I had magic, I wasn’t entirely honest with you.”

  “I know, but Nate, it’s not import—”

  “But not a witch’s magic,” he pressed on, giving her no chance to wave him off. “It’s something else, something older than witch’s sorcery and different.”

  She watched him through a haze of tears, his features blurry. “I don’t understand. Are you saying you’re something else?”

  “Yes.” He hesitated. “It’s dragonslayer’s magic.”

  No. All the blood and warmth drained from her body, leaving behind a frigid husk. She stared at him, repeating his words over in her head, but her mind rejected them.

  “Tell me you’re joking,” she whispered. “Tell me it’s a sick joke in poor taste. Please.”

  “It’s not a joke,” he said in a quiet voice. He reached for her, but she jerked her shoulder from beneath his hand.

  Her world had tilted on its axis. Everything she knew had warped, a twisted lie and a joke with a cruel punchline. Nausea rolled in her stomach.

  “Astrid—”

  “No. Don’t touch me.” She rose from the couch and moved away. Her condo seemed suddenly too small, as if the walls were closing in around her.

  “I’ve wanted to tell you for weeks because I can’t do it anymore. I’m sick of them and their bullshit, baby. Being with your family during Labor Day made me realize I have an actual choice. Maybe I was born this way, but I don’t have to be a dragonslayer.”

  “You’re with them,” she whispered.

  “I was.”

  “You’re. With. Them,” she repeated, her voice rising with each word. Echo whined and lowered to her belly beside Nate’s feet.

  Her eyes darted to Echo and understanding dawned. In Saul’s presence, she’d become Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, sweet one moment, trained attack beast the next. No wonder she hated Daddy. Was there something in Astrid’s blood Echo didn’t recognize? Something she’d inherited from her human mother?

  “Baby, not this time. I wasn’t involved in Watatsumi’s death. You have to—”

  “I don’t have to do anything! You’re a slayer! The enemy! Your people killed Watatsumi!”

  “I didn’t know, or I would have warned you last night. I would have had you warn your family and tip him off to what they were doing. I swear I had no idea.”

  “Why should I believe anything you say when you’ve lied to me from the start?” Her voice raised shrill and sharp, reaching a scream at the end.

  “Because I…” He had no reason, none that would suffice for a valid excuse in Astrid’s opinion at least. “Because I love you,” Nate concluded.

  “You don’t love me. You’re infatuated with me,” she said bitterly. Because of magic and instincts and everything that went together with being fated. But it wasn’t love. What her mom and dad had developed over the years was love. What her grandparents had together was love. They’d never lied to one another.

  Even from the start, Saul Drakenstone chose to tell his human lover the truth about his draconic identity, placing their future in her hands. And she’d accepted him for who and what he was.

  “Why? Were you spying on me? Spying on us?”

  Nate swallowed. “Yes,” he whispered. “I was assigned—”

  She held up a hand, cutting him off. “There’s nothing more to be said between us. A friend of my family is dead. A peaceful dragon and a good, generous man. Gone. We can never get him back. My father is beside himself with grief. My grandparents are mourning. And all you can bring to me are half-assed apologies? Go.”

  “If I’d known, I would have warned you. I didn’t know!”

  She leveled her eyes at him and stared. “I have no reason to believe you anymore, Nate.”

  Astrid turned away and opened the door.

  “I love you, Astrid. I love you so much I haven’t known what to do. I’ve debated telling you—”

  “Get the hell out of my house and never come back. If you do, I will take pleasure in tearing you to pieces myself. I’ll be whatever you murderers think we are.”

  He stilled, and the hope left his eyes. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

  Nate stepped into his shoes, leashed Echo, and walked out the door.

  For a while, Astrid huddled in the beanbag and sobbed. The catharsis of her tears helped to mend the immediate pain, but did nothing to soothe the sense of betrayal. All along, he’d been reporting information about her family. No matter how happy he’d made her during their short time together, she could never forget what he’d done. Or forgive.

  Chapter 12

  Nate brushed his damp palms against his jeans and approached the front door, traveling a stretch of driveway lined by perfect flowers. With any number of lethal, terrifying creatures beyond the estate’s doors, he imagined he was walking toward his death. Bear shifters with sharp claws, dragons able to bite him in half, and an angry woman who would allow it to happen.

  He took in a few breaths and calmed his nerves. Once he found the strength to continue, Nate rapped on the door.

  “Saul, no!”

  A woman’s shriek reached Nate through the heavy wood and metal, as well as panes of colored glass. He flinched as the door swung open to reveal Saul Drakenstone, the man appearing more beast than human, nostrils flared and eyes slit in fury.

  “You dare to approach my home.”

  Chloe grabbed her husband by the bicep and pulled ineffectively.

  “Mr. Drakenstone, I—”

  “Leave. You aren’t welcome here.” Saul took a menacing step forward. Nate gave ground and retreated two paces. “I should eat you where you stand.”

  “I didn’t come to challenge any of you. I came because… I want to make things right.”

  Saul’s face went purple, and every fiber of Nate’s being wanted him to turn tail and run from the dragon’s wrath. Chloe emerged from the home on her husband’s heels, wearing an impassive expression.

  “Astrid doesn’t want to see you,” she said. “And I’m not so sure I want to stop him from shredding you to bits, so I’m hoping you have a damned good reason for showing up here after what you did.”

  “I’m not here for Astrid. Not exactly,” Nate said, although his honest declaration sounded like the stupidest thing he’d ever said in all of his many lives.

  Others spilled outside to witness the spectacle. Nate recognized their faces from dossiers the knighthood maintained about every known dragon. Facing down Saul and his family was bad enough. The dragon who joined him, Tlaloc, had a fearsome reputation of his own and an aversion to humans in general. He’d already met his son, Teotihuacan, who followed with the President of the United States at his side. Max had no kindness in his eyes this time.

  Nate rubbed his sweaty palms against his jeans a second time.

  “Then what do you want?” Ēostre stepped out from the open doorway. According to their files, she was the even-tempered one and the wisest among their numbers next to Watatsumi. A dark-haired, unfamiliar woman accompanied her, a stranger to their immense archives.

  “To help.” He took a deep breath and prepared to verbally navigate a field of draconic testosterone. One wrong
word and one of them would end his life in a quick gulp. “I want to offer my condolences for the loss of Watatsumi. I had no part in it. I didn’t know he was an upcoming target. Apologies won’t bring him back, but I can tell you what you need to know so the people who murdered him will pay.”

  Saul’s scoff sounded like a growl. “Trying to barter for your pathetic life. Typical.”

  “No.” Nate shook his head. “I don’t care what happens to me anymore. You can hear me out and take whatever revenge you want if it’ll grant you one iota of peace. I won’t try to fight.”

  To Nate’s surprise, Saul grew quiet and allowed Chloe to drag him back. “Then speak.”

  From the porch, Tlaloc growled in disapproval. “You allow this creature to disrespect your cub and live? Let the human tell you what he knows and be done with him,” he said. “Or better yet, let me kill him if your heart has grown soft.”

  “My heart is not soft,” Saul disagreed, “but if he knows something of importance to us, we must discover it.”

  “I do,” Nate said.

  His heart hurt, and self-preservation cried out for him to change his mind. Even if they killed him, death was only temporary. In a decade or so, he’d have a new life with a new family.

  Or he could help the dragons end it all.

  “I know how you can kill every single one of us. For good. No reincarnation. No coming back. There won’t be any more slayers. You can go fight all of them and lose a couple of your people for a brief reprieve—people you can’t get back—or you can stop them now and know none of them will be back in thirty years ready to fight you again.”

  Teotihuacan’s brows raised. His father leaned forward, intrigued. Even Maximilian stared at Nate.

  “I knew that I recognized you, Galahad, but I doubted myself. I thought my memory of our meeting weak and that I would recognize the stench of dragonslayer on your skin with absolute certainty—but our Astrid masked you with her love.” Max’s features darkened.

  “I never meant to hurt her, sir. I swear it on my sword.”

  “You would tell us how to abolish them all? Participate in the genocide of your people?” Maximilian asked him.

  “Yes. There was a time when we worked toward a noble cause. Those days are over, and it pains my soul to see it continue. I won’t allow another person to needlessly die. Our time is finished.”

  “The days of Fafnir’s rage against humanity was an awful period in time,” Ēostre agreed. “His behavior, as well as the cruelty of many other dragons, led to the creation of your knighthood.”

  Nate nodded. “Yes.”

  “I loved him deeply, but even I knew he was wrong to terrorize the humans. I tried to stop him. I tried to use my influence over Fafnir to make him a better dragon, and when it worked, your people slew him anyway.”

  “I know,” Nate said. “I can’t recall those days in their entirety. I’ve been reborn, but my memories aren’t all here.”

  “How would you regain them?” Chloe asked.

  “By killing one of you. Much to Sir Kay’s displeasure, I’ve never taken a life. I refused.”

  The dragons quieted. A window blind shifted to reveal Astrid between the parted curtains of gauzy ivory. Her large eyes studied him in disbelief, and her painstricken expression told him she’d heard everything from his offer to die with his brethren to his admission of lacking recent blood on his hands.

  “Then tell us, how would we do this thing and kill the dragonslayers? What must we do?” the woman beside Ēostre asked.

  “You’ll have to destroy Merlin’s body.”

  As the silent group of dragons stared at him, their expressions transitioned to varying stages of awe and disbelief. Even the mighty Tlaloc, once believed as a god of righteous fury and anger, was shocked into silence.

  “Then he truly is immortal,” Ēostre breathed.

  “He is, and we’ve kept watch over him for centuries. He’s our true leader, asleep and resting in a state of stasis for years. He visits certain members of the knighthood in their dreams and guides the order.”

  Ēostre studied him. “Have you ever spoke with him?”

  Nate shook his head.

  “There may be truth in what the human says,” Saul muttered.

  The other dragons placed the interrogation in Ēostre’s hands. “And what about your famed Arthur? Where does he stand on all of this?” she asked.

  “He hasn’t been reborn in this age yet. No one has seen Arthur since before the American Civil War I believe.”

  “I see.”

  “But I’ve been told by a friend, a good man deserving of my trust, that Arthur wouldn’t stand for what’s happened since your emergence into the public.”

  “What man?” Maximilian asked.

  “Sir Percivale.”

  “We know the name.” Saul regarded him with shrewd eyes.

  “He slew Anansi of Ghana,” Tlaloc said. “A murderer much like the rest of you. I have no res—”

  “Good riddance,” said the dark-haired woman beside him. “You know as well as I do of Anansi’s temper and cruelty. He treated humans no better than ants and brought shame upon us all.”

  “Agreed,” Ēostre said.

  Tlaloc surrendered the conversation to the two women, but his expression remained aloof.

  A quiet sound escaped Nate borne of both relief and realizing he could breathe again.

  “Anansi lived in the past. Our council cautioned him many times. Even I warned him personally, though I can say he was no close friend of mine,” Maximilian said.

  “Then you understand why it had to be done. Anansi was top dog on our list of current threats, so Percivale did what had to be done. I don’t know why they chose Hermes or Watatsumi—it doesn’t make sense to me—but I know a meeting was never called to discuss it.”

  “Your leaders make the decisions, don’t they?” Chloe asked.

  “Technically, we don’t have leaders. We have rules. Arthur decided to make us equal a long time ago, but that’s not how Kay and Bedivere govern the table now. They call the shots.”

  Saul remained unconvinced. “And you expect us to believe you’re just giving us a way to destroy your kind.”

  Nate nodded. “With exception to Anansi, dragon’s live peaceful lives alongside humanity. The world doesn’t need slayers now. There’s only one way to sever our link to this world, and that means you gotta destroy Merlin. I think after his death, we’ll be allowed to move on to whatever comes after this life. Or maybe we’ll cease to exist altogether.”

  Ēostre surprised the other dragons by stepping forward first and taking Nate by both of his hands. While anger and a desire for retribution simmered among her companions, he saw only compassion in her silver eyes. “And you’re willing to risk disappearing forever?”

  “I’m ready for it.” Nate quieted a moment. Astrid hadn’t moved from the window. Her fingers gripped the curtains, blue eyes locked on him. “I may not remember my old lives, but I’m tired. I feel it sometimes, like the memories are present but difficult to access.”

  “Then you are a brave man.”

  “Mother, you can’t believe—”

  Ēostre cut her son off, barely glancing over her shoulder toward Saul when she spoke. “I feel we should trust him. If this is an elaborate plot to lower our guard, it is a clumsy one.”

  “And what he did to Astrid?”

  “Only she has the right to offer forgiveness or withhold it, son.”

  Nate blinked a few times to lessen the stinging behind his eyelids. “I don’t expect to receive forgiveness from Astrid. I don’t deserve it. But I can do this for all of you, so she’ll be safe in the future and nothing like this will ever happen again.”

  “Where is Merlin? I don’t imagine it is as simple as you make it seem, strolling in and putting an end to his life,” Tlaloc sneered.

  “Show a little trust, my warrior,” the dark-haired woman murmured, stepping up to his side.

  “I’ll show trust wh
en we destroy his kind.”

  “Patience, Tlaloc,” Ēostre chided. She turned her pale gaze on Nate and waited. “Well?”

  “Disneyland,” Nate replied. “His tomb has been beneath the King Arthur Carrousel since 1955.”

  ***

  Once the elder dragons and her mother convened inside the manor, Astrid crept down the stairs to eavesdrop on their determination. She’d overheard most of the conversation through the cracked window, divided between saving Nate from her father’s jaws and bitterly hoping he’d smash him flat.

  In the end, her relief won. Loathing Nate had been an exhaustive experience, overwhelmed by a pervasive sense of love creeping into her heart.

  “We cannot trust this human cretin to remain true to his word. He’s already irreparably damaged your cub’s heart,” Tlaloc said. “Why place further trust in him?”

  “Excuse me,” Chloe said between her teeth. “I’m human.”

  “My apologies, Chloe. I referred to this particular human cretin, not all human cretins. You and Marceline are a cut above the others.”

  The apology appeased her mother and made Teo snort with laughter.

  “My father is right, however. How can we be sure this isn’t a clever trap?”

  “Perhaps he means to convince us to let down our guard, and by nightfall, his fellow knights will arrive to annihilate us all,” Maximilian said.

  Saul shook his head. “Only us. You’ve got the White House and a legion of secret service members to protect you. Where’s Andrew by the way? You never leave without him.”

  “We ditched him and the others,” Ēostre replied. “These are dragons’ matters meant for our ears alone.”

  “We wanted to allow him plausible deniability,” Max explained. “Regardless, we cannot make this decision alone if we choose to go to war. We must gather the rest of the council.”

  “And risk this opportunity?” Tlaloc snapped. “When will we ever have this chance again to destroy all dragonslayers? It is simple, one or two of us must accompany him to this sorcerer’s lair—this Dinnyland—and see it is done. The remaining dragons will remain on guard.”