Let Me Go

by Lily Foster

  The next day I was at my studio before the workmen even showed up—before the sun even showed up for “work”. I had so much to do today before Dylan arrived. This week wasn’t going to be very productive with all the holiday parties and then Dylan and I were leaving on the twenty-ninth for our trip to St. John.

  I looked up at the clock at six-forty-five when I heard a knock on the apartment door. “What time did you get here, Kasia?” Jake said as he let himself in and handed me my coffee.

  “Thanks, Jake. I was just starting to get a caffeine craving. I got here at around five-thirty. I’m so busy this week. I envy those people that prepare for Christmas like in October. I think they’re onto something.”

  “You didn’t finish your shopping yet?”

  “Almost. I can’t seem to think of what to get my boyfriend, though.” For some reason it didn’t feel right talking about this with Jake. “I’ll come up with something.”

  He said, “It’s hard to buy the most important person something because you want it to be special, meaningful.” I almost started to cry. Those feelings were pushing through again…that I didn’t have a clue as to what would be meaningful. “Are you ok, Kasia?”

  “Yeah,” I straightened and wiped at my eye. “Just a little overwhelmed, overtired, over-something.” I attempted a smile.

  “You work harder than anyone I know, Kasia. I admire you for that. Most girls your age aren’t so driven.”

  I wanted to change the subject. I hated to seem weak but weak—so damn weak—was how I was feeling right now. “Thanks, Jake. So, what are you doing for the holidays?”

  “Family, quiet, nothing crazy. You?”

  “Family, not quiet, very crazy.”

  “Sounds like fun.”

  “It is.”

  He smiled warmly at me. He looked like he wanted to say something else and then decided not to. “Alright, I hear the guys coming. Holler if you need anything, Kasia.” With that, he turned and left.

  I’d come to like my little morning chats over coffee with Jake. He was easy, relaxed. I found out more about him little by little. I now knew that he had been working under Luke for two years and that Luke was mentoring him on his way to becoming a licensed independent contractor. He clearly had a lot of respect for both Luke and Kate and was genuinely happy when I told him how highly they praised him. I also learned that he was going to NYU at night, studying engineering. I didn’t know how he could possibly have the time or energy to do both; he worked so hard during the day and the work he did was physical.

  I admit that I sometimes found myself watching him work. I might go down there thinking about how a fixture might look or how a display layout should be but then my eyes and thoughts would drift to the muscles rippling underneath Jake’s shirt or the sliver of skin on his torso that showed when he lifted something overhead, exposing him. The man was beautiful, there was no doubt about that. It was natural to look.

  I’d introduced Jake to Maureen, trying not to be obvious. She thought he was great but Jake didn’t pay her anything but a polite interest. When I asked him if he wanted to grab a drink with us one night when he was finishing up, he smiled and declined. Maureen sulked over her wine with me for all of about twenty minutes before a cute guy from her job walked into the bar. I figured that my suspicions were probably on target—Jake already had a girlfriend.

  Dylan arrived at the store earlier than I expected him that day. I was downstairs talking to Jake when I saw his expression change mid-conversation and his gaze drift behind me. “Hey, beautiful,” Dylan crooned in my ear as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and picked me up off the floor.

  “Hi,” I said, struggling to keep the confusion and irritation out of my voice. What was with the caveman act? I took a deep breath and composed myself after he put me down. “Dylan, this is my contractor, Jake. Jake, my boyfriend, Dylan.” They shook hands and I noticed Dylan was standing tall, a cocky grin on his face. Jake shook his hand and then turned to get back to work, giving some kind of inane order to one of the guys.

  “Come upstairs for a minute, Dylan.”

  “It looks great in here, babe. It’s really coming along.”

  “Yeah, I’ll give you the full tour later. Let’s get out of their way while they work.”

  When we closed the door to the apartment I couldn’t help but turn on him. “What was that? You practically felt me up in front of the workmen.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Don’t you think that was a little territorial, Dylan?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe it was. I’m sorry but it was just a natural reaction to the way that guy was looking at you.”

  “Who?”

  He looked at me as if to indicate that I was being either naïve or dishonest. “The way Jake was looking at you.” When I didn’t answer he came closer and hugged me. “I’m sorry, I just…I’m a guy. I know when a guy wants a girl and he wants you.”

  “I think you’re reading too much into it, Dylan. He has a girlfriend.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “I hear him talking to a girl on the phone all the time, Dylan. I’m sure.”

  “Good, because this girl,” he pressed me up against the wall and trapped my hands above me, “is taken.” Dylan kissed me deeply then and I melted into him, moaning into his mouth. I had missed him so much. I couldn’t contain the emotion as he ran his free hand over me. I began to cry. “Don’t cry, baby. What’s wrong?”

  “I’m so sad without you, Dylan. It’s too hard.”

  “No, no, Kasia, shhh. I’m trying so hard to keep myself together too. I need you, Kasia. I miss you so damn much.”

  He kissed me then and I needed him more than I’d ever needed him before. “Dylan,” I pleaded for him. With one hand he undid his pants and then had my skirt around my waist, never taking his rough grasp off the hands he held captive above me. He hitched one of my legs up around his waist and then thrust into me without stopping to get a condom. It was primal, forceful, and desperate. When he was sated, I wasn’t—I needed more. I was frustrated and pained but I said nothing.

  I was agitated during dinner with my parents. I wanted to go home with him that night, not wait until the morning. I wanted to be with him, live with him, prove to myself that I was still meant to be with him. He pulled me aside at one point. “Talk to me, Kasia. Are you ok?”

  “No, I’m not. I’m tired, I’m frustrated, and I need you. I don’t want to sleep alone tonight, Dylan.”

  He rested his forehead against mine. “Do you know how fucking happy it makes me to hear you say that, Kasia? What a relief it is?”

  “Dylan, I haven’t even been able to get your Christmas present! It’s like I’m so far away from you that I don’t even know what you want, what you need.”

  “You’re know what I need, Kasia. It’s not a fucking present, it’s you. Please don’t get me anything.” He laughed as he said, “I guarantee you’re going to hate what I got you.”

  “Tomorrow morning, Kasia, I’m going to be here at seven. You’ll be ready. I’m going to take you back to my apartment, we’re going to lock the door and we’re not coming out all day, understand? Just you and me—no phones, no business-related shit, just us. And when we’re away next week together, that’s our present to each other.”

  I sank into him, relieved by his words.

  He kept his promise. The next morning I felt like we were two kids running away, except that I said a proper goodbye as I grabbed some fresh babka and ran out the door. When I walked into his apartment I stripped down within the first minute and didn’t put a stitch back on until we were leaving to go back to Brooklyn at midnight. It was just what I’d needed. I’d needed him to prove to me that we were close, that we were still together, that he still loved me…that I still loved him.

  Chapter Nine

  Dylan

  By Christmas Day I felt like the pieces of my life had fallen back into place. Being with Kasia grounded me. I
knew this renewed state of happiness for both of us had a lot to do with the self-imposed rule we had on not discussing business for these few days we had together. It felt like we were back in college, without the weight of our responsibilities pressing on us and distracting us from one another.

  That’s not to say that I didn’t have to field calls from colleagues these past few days but I made calls while she showered, kept them brief, and didn’t discuss them with her afterwards. The first time I saw Gwen’s name flash on my screen I felt panicked even though she had never once sent me a message that was suggestive. There was no trail there. After relaying some information to me—the strike, it seemed, would not be averted after all—she did tell me, in detail, what she wanted me to do to her when I got back to Chicago. When I got back the only thing I was planning on doing to Gwen was telling her this was over. Now that I’d had a taste of Kasia again, the thought of being with Gwen sickened me.

  Kasia, as expected, did hate her gift. We both laughed when she held one of the obnoxiously large studs up to her ear. “I think this is bigger than my earlobe.”

  “I’m sorry, Kasia. I just—”

  “Don’t explain, Dylan. It’s ok.”

  “I’ll return them and get smaller ones.”

  “Just return them. I don’t think I’m a diamond girl.”

  We both had to stifle a laugh when Kasia opened her gift from my parents—diamond studs.

  A few minutes before we were sitting down for dinner, Kasia came over to me as I was talking to my father about business, specifically about what Gwen had relayed. I tried to ask her to give me a minute but she shook her head with a panicked look. “What’s wrong, Kasia?”

  “The store. I just got off the phone with Alex. He and Jake are there trying to repair a broken water pipe. It’s totally flooded.”

  I was trying to be as understanding as I could be but really, these problems were so small, so inconsequential. “Kasia, that’s what he’s there for. You can’t do anything about it so let them handle it.”

  “I feel terrible. It’s Christmas Day and they’re both there instead of—”

  “I get that you feel that way about Alex but as for Jake,” I made an exaggerated hand gesture moving my hand from high to low, “you are the employer, he’s the worker. That’s his job. It’s not your job to worry about stupid little details.”

  Poor choice of words. “Excuse me, Dylan, if my stupid little problems aren’t as big and important as yours.”

  “Kasia, I didn’t mean it that way.” She was on her phone, walking out of the room away from me then. A few minutes later she came back in as we were being called to the table. I grabbed her aside. “I’m sorry.”

  “They’re all there. My father and all of my brothers are there helping Jake. It’s Christmas Day, I’m here, and they’re all up to their knees in water.”

  I took a deep breath, trying to keep my annoyance at bay. “Do you want to go back?”

  She looked around and after a moment said, “No, I can’t be of any real help there. I just feel terrible about it, though. Like I should be there, you know?”

  “Kasia, one thing about running a business that you’ll learn is that you can’t be the one fixing, doing, and controlling everything. That’s why you hire good people and you trust them to handle their jobs.”

  “I know. I know you’re right.”

  Kasia

  The next morning I woke at five, crept into Dylan’s room and told him I was driving back down to the city. He had been planning on working with his father from home today and I had been planning on getting some work done and then meeting Caitlin in the city later on. I didn’t sleep much last night and was really restless now; I had to see the store.

  I knew Dylan was trying to be helpful last night but I wanted to scream when he made those references to employers and underlings when he was talking about Jake. That superior attitude was something I would never have, no matter what level of success I attained. I saw Jake as an equal, my assistant, Marta, as an equal, and Tucker, the guy who made my delicious coffee every morning as my equal. Dylan and his ilk did not.

  I made it to the store by quarter after six. It was still pitch black outside but floodlights were on inside. Jake was there in dirt-smattered jeans, boots, and a thermal shirt streaked with grease. He was mopping the floor. “Hey, Jake.”

  “Hi!” he smiled brightly. “Ah, coffee. I guess you got those telepathic messages I was sending you.”

  “Here, sit down. Stop working for a minute and drink,” I said as I handed him the cup. “I want to apologize. I feel so terrible about you being here yesterday instead of having Christmas Day with your family.”

  He laughed. “I guess you haven’t spoken to your mother.”

  “No, I haven’t.”

  “I wound up having Christmas at your house.”

  I winced. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Sorry? Kara said that was her best Christmas in years.”

  I’d often heard him talk to someone named Kara on the phone. I never knew exactly who it was but now, with an odd ache, I realized this must be the girlfriend. “Kara is your girlfriend?”

  He laughed, shaking his head. “No, my little sister. Although I think your mother may be looking to adopt her after yesterday.”

  “How did it all happen? I should have been here—I feel like I abandoned ship.”

  “Don’t be silly. No, I just had this feeling I should pop in yesterday morning. When I suggested it, Kara jumped at the chance to get a peek of the place.” I must have looked confused then because he explained, “She knows who you are, Kasia. You’re a bigger deal than I think you realize.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She’s into fashion; she knows Sweet Betty Threads. The day I mentioned the name of the store I was working on, just in passing, she practically flipped out. She started begging me to ask if you could make a dress for her.” He held up his hand. “I told her absolutely not, so don’t even go entertaining that. Anyway, she wanted to come along for the ride and when I walked in, I was ankle deep in muck. I called Alex just to let him know and before I knew it, you’re entire family was here helping out. Even your Uncle Victor.”

  “Are you kidding me?” I laughed uncontrollably envisioning my eighty year-old great uncle attempting to pitch in.

  “Yeah, he’s great. So, your mother took Kara home with her and then they all came back later with dinner plates for all of the men. Kara went back there and spent the night. She’s still there. I’m going to head over at around eight and grab her.”

  “I owe Kara that dress then. My nieces probably tortured her all day and night.”

  “I went there late-night to get her and she was curled up on the futon in the den with both of them. It was a pretty cute scene. She didn’t look like she’d been tortured.”

  “I feel so bad that you weren’t with all of your family.”

  “Don’t, Kasia,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s always just me and Kara. I know she loved every minute of yesterday. And when I went back at night I wound up sitting with your dad, brothers, and uncles. Some vodka was consumed,” he cracked a smile. “It was great, really. We haven’t been part of a big Polish family gathering in a long time. Just hearing your family speaking the language, it…”

  He was choking up a little.

  Wait…he was Polish?

  “I guess I should call you Jakub? How did I not know you were Polish?”

  He shrugged. “I knew you were from day-one but it was easy for me, Kasia is a dead giveaway. I would have guessed anyway from your eyes and your skin, though.” He cleared his throat then and got up, tossing his cup in the trash and grabbing the mop.

  “How can I help?”

  “There’s nothing for you to do, Kasia. The pipe was from next door, it’s been repaired. It’s all good now. And I don’t need you to help me clean. You don’t need to be getting your white cashmere sweater all dirty.”

  I looked down at my ense
mble. Yeah, not the best clothes to get down and dirty in. I teased, “That’s winter white cashmere, just so you know, and I always dress like this to clean.”

  He teased back, “Nooo, I’ve seen what you wear when you’re cleaning. Those are you’re fancy threads, Kasia.”

  “Maybe I’ll go back to my house then and meet Kara.”

  “She’d like that…and it’s Karolina.”

  Jake

  Damn. I could barely get a grip on my emotions this morning. I was tired; I’d been here most of the night but it was more than that. I knew I wanted her. Knew that since day-one. Seeing her this morning, being with her family yesterday, seeing Kara all wrapped up in the warmth of a family again—it was all just too much.

  I was glad when Kasia left to go home because if she’d said just one more sweet, endearing thing to me, I was in danger of crushing my mouth to hers and subsequently scaring her half to death.

  That first day I came to the site and saw Kasia fall on the stairs, I immediately looked at her ring finger as I helped her up and decided that I would ask her out. Don’t know why—a feeling just overcame me. It had been five years with no more than a passing interest in women, with no more than a desire to fulfill a very basic, physical need. When I saw her, though, I thought to myself…here she is. She’s the one.

  When she introduced herself as the person who’d hired me, I held back. Getting involved like that could be messy and I could wait. She would be worth the wait.

  Every day over those first few weeks, the desire to get closer to her grew stronger. Her looks hooked me immediately but I admit, when she said her name was Kasia, there was that deep longing also—that wanting what’s familiar.

  I found myself watching her when she couldn’t see me looking. As she measured windows inside the store, hauled supplies from her car to her studio, walked around checking things out—I was checking her out too. She was beautiful—beyond beautiful. And she was kind, which makes beauty that much more intensified.

  I’d experienced that superior attitude from clients; the assumption that you were a blue collar neophyte who wouldn’t know the difference between, say, a cabernet and a pinot noir. I’d actually had one client who would stop mid-sentence and define words like “proportional” to me. I let it roll off my back; I knew who I was. But Kasia, that first day she laughed when I asked if I should call her Ms. Mazur, she had me. I noticed that she spoke to the workmen with respect and she always looked out for everyone on site, getting coffees, bringing in home-made goodies from her mother, even giving one of the guys a ride to the emergency room and staying with him after a mishap.